h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you really want to fit in well in Hong Kong, there are so many opportunities. A good start can be made when it is raining; for example, if you are of average height, pop into 7-11 and purchase a gaudy golfing umbrella take it outside and wield it extravagantly in restricted areas such as under shelter or in the entrance to shops. Whereas if you're of a taller nature, walk around head-butting (or more precisely eye-butting) the ubiquitous pointy bits. Also in the rain, stand in the shelter of a shop doorway ready to run, jump and push your way into the first taxi stopped by that kind fellow who's been standing in the rain trying to flag one down for ages, not knowing how HK taxis all go for yum cha as soon as it rains. Of course don't forget to poke their eye with your 7-11 umbrella as a sign of gratitude.
Another must-have accessory for fitting in in HK, available cheaply in 7-11 is the BBQ (not Barbeque or Barbie, but Beebeekoo) fork. These are apparantly used as guide posts around the most popular country walks (left in an abundant Hansel and Gretel style trail) and for some type of jack-straws type game on beaches where they are charitably left for the next beach user to unearth with their flip-flop (thong, sand shoe, chinelas, slipper, sandal) clad feet.

All great examples that go towards proving a little hypothesis I have concerning native Hong Kongers. Unfortunately it takes its name from a phrase used by a certain Mr D Adams, but it's just the most appropriate name:

SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM

SEP is a national culture in Hong Kong. Some examples:

- When you barge the front of a taxi queue in the rain, that's SEP
- When you stuff chicken bones down the sink and block the drain for all the kitchens in the block above you, that's SEP
- When you can't be bothered to look where you're going because "everyone else will get out of my way", that's SEP
- When you sit in your taxi with the engine idling for an hour on adulterated illegal diesel just to keep the aircon running even though it's *cooler* outside in November, that's SEP
- When there's just too much at stake for a politician to do anything about blatant law-breaking, environmental abuse or sheer legal stupidity (because someone might associate your name with an ACTION), that's SEP
- When Mickey Mouse is reckoned to be the cure for years of economic problems, that's just plain stupid.

Thoughts?

I can't resist....
When walking, never walk in a straight line. Some people will take this to the extreme, and seem to "bounce" at 45 degree angles diagonal to the direction they are travelling along the sidewalk. Also, if the sidewalk is not crowded, be sure to pass people close enough to brush them. I tested this particular one once, on a lark. In a 15 foot-wide hallway (the one to the ferry in Sheung Wan), I leaned against one wall, on one shoulder, reading a book. Every few minutes someone would pass by. Every single one of them brushed the shoulder that was away from the wall as they passed by. I do love it here, by the way. Just a few things still strike me as rather odd...

...like for instance taking as many plastic bags as humanly possible for any qiven volume of shopping. Even if you're home is only 5 minutes away. Or absolutely insisting on getting on the train before people have gotten off (or at least blocking their path by standing in the centre bit with the arrows)... I love it here too by the way, but it is just a bit odd...

How long have you been here? What part of HK?
I'm in Dong Chong, work in Kwai Fong.

Some more:
Always walk amazingly slowly or even just stop for no reason.
Stick up two fingers whenever posing for a photo (Churchill not Johnny Rotten style).
Always stand two abreast on escalators particularly at Admiralty and Central MTR stations

always try to buy toilet rolls in packs of 24.
ignore all professional investment advice instead opt to ask the next taxi driver what his "tip of the day" is or for that matter the lady at the wet market.