h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I too have long held the belief that pigeons were vistors from another dimension
It is my theory that, in fact, they are warriors ready to do battle in order to take over our galaxy, However in pasing through the Gate they experience a change and emerge as rather unpleasant small birds. As the gate is unidirectional, they have no way of reporting home that all is futile-so more and more battalions are sent through by way of reinforcements.
Once here, the only course of action they can persue is to crap on us as much as possible, as a form of revenge.
Thus it is essential that you or another intrepid explorer find the Gate and either close it or find some way of getting a message back to the pigeonoid universe requesting that they halt this pointless attack.
Thinking about it, actually, there is a real danger that they might win as we all drown into a sea made of their only weapon !!!!!