Volvos
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
There are two car makers in safety-conscious Sweden, Saab and Volvo. One also makes aeroplanes, the other tanks. Study the products of these two companies carefully and see if you can guess which is which.
Sadly an unusually high proportion of Volvo owners appear to be old farts wearing hats. Opinion is divided on the reasons for this. Some believe that it is a process of attrition: all the Allegros rusted away long ago, leaving only the Volvo drivers in possesion of a current MoT. Others think that if you drive a Volvo for long enough you will automatically end up doing 68mph in the middle lane while smoking a pipe. I subscribe to the former view, and if you'll just wait a moment while I light my pipe I'll tell you why.
As a serial Volvo-owner, I appreciate their many virtues. Solid, reliable, almost impervious to corrosion, and just the teensiest bit dull. Dull? A virtue? When was the last time you saw a Volvo on Police, Camera, Action! being driven by joyriders? Now you get the point.
Volvo Cars is now owned by Ford. The man from Ford said that Volvo shared the same core values as Ford: reliability and longevity. Which presumably explains why Escort odometers never did get that sixth digit (or is that because all Escorts are clocked long before they get to 100,000 miles?). Happily, the trucks, buses, marine diesel engines and earth movers are still owned by Volvo.
The best thing about being a Volvo owner is the sense of superiority. After all, as Wowbagger noted, there is fun to be had in outlasting your detractors. The worst thing is the fuel consumption, and the fact that every dickhead in the world will try to get in front of you so that you don't "hold them up" by driving considerably faster than they intend to. After all, how could a car with a 2.5 litre twin-cam engine possibly be faster than an Escort?
No discussion of Volvos would be complete without a mention of that heady moment when, surrounded by BMWs, Alfas and other exotic metal, a Volvo Estate ploughed its lonely way around the track in the British Touring Car Championships. Oh how they laughed. Oh how they cried when it won. Oh how they changed the rules when it won the entire series. Nobody likes a smart-ass.
Sadly an unusually high proportion of Volvo owners appear to be old farts wearing hats. Opinion is divided on the reasons for this. Some believe that it is a process of attrition: all the Allegros rusted away long ago, leaving only the Volvo drivers in possesion of a current MoT. Others think that if you drive a Volvo for long enough you will automatically end up doing 68mph in the middle lane while smoking a pipe. I subscribe to the former view, and if you'll just wait a moment while I light my pipe I'll tell you why.
As a serial Volvo-owner, I appreciate their many virtues. Solid, reliable, almost impervious to corrosion, and just the teensiest bit dull. Dull? A virtue? When was the last time you saw a Volvo on Police, Camera, Action! being driven by joyriders? Now you get the point.
Volvo Cars is now owned by Ford. The man from Ford said that Volvo shared the same core values as Ford: reliability and longevity. Which presumably explains why Escort odometers never did get that sixth digit (or is that because all Escorts are clocked long before they get to 100,000 miles?). Happily, the trucks, buses, marine diesel engines and earth movers are still owned by Volvo.
The best thing about being a Volvo owner is the sense of superiority. After all, as Wowbagger noted, there is fun to be had in outlasting your detractors. The worst thing is the fuel consumption, and the fact that every dickhead in the world will try to get in front of you so that you don't "hold them up" by driving considerably faster than they intend to. After all, how could a car with a 2.5 litre twin-cam engine possibly be faster than an Escort?
No discussion of Volvos would be complete without a mention of that heady moment when, surrounded by BMWs, Alfas and other exotic metal, a Volvo Estate ploughed its lonely way around the track in the British Touring Car Championships. Oh how they laughed. Oh how they cried when it won. Oh how they changed the rules when it won the entire series. Nobody likes a smart-ass.
