Stupefying Domesticity

7 Conversations

Another WorldFirst™ Service from h2g2

You're too busy being successful to worry about pets, babies, cooking,
furniture, babysitters, neighbours, comfy little cafés where you can sit and
watch the world go by, picking daisies down by the riverbank, relationship break-ups,
unexpected carnal encounters which make you feel young again, unexpected carnal
encounters which make you feel suddenly very old, the deep, deep sadness brought
on by the sight of a dead badger at the roadside, irritating people in the flat
below, what a gnarled and down-to-earth Greek taxi-driver said the other day,
what a bigoted, disintegrating London taxi-driver said the other day, the inability
of getting dry-cleaning done really well these days, the pleasures of
the simple life, the indigenous culture of Provence, how the people of Provence
take incomers to their hearts, how the people of Provence are cold and stand-offish
and won't even speak to incomers until they've lived there for 11 generations,
headaches, the witty things students say, the way the bus companies are only
interested in profit, funny pains in the knee, the strange sense of cosmic foreboding
brought on by the eclipse, the way the children are talking about Christmas,
or indeed any of the other things columnists bang on about endlessly.

And why should you be?

So we have boiled down the personal/domestic columns which so infect our lives
into a simple choice. Just click on the one you like, go straight to the nub,
then get on with your busy, thrusting, successful life.

Generic column #1: I am miserable.

Generic column #2: My partner left me.

Generic column #3: The doctor said it might well be fatal.

Generic column #4: I want everyone to like me.

Generic column #5: I have a much more interesting
life than you.

Generic column #6: A drummer moved in opposite.

There. Now what are you going to do with the time you've saved?


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