h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Rise and Fall of the 'King-Size' Chocolate Bar - A13983834
Author: Chocoholic's Delight Club - a hootoo club with a difference - U4288864

It was the whole concept of "keeping chocolate for later" that puzzled me.

"Gnomon (and Alex) I'm puzzled as to why you're puzzled by"

I'm not puzzled at all. Gnomon was puzzled, and I asked why.

I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you Alex, so you were included in the

CD/Em

*prod*

How close are you to finishing those changes? I can still see some problems in the Entry, but I'm not sure which have already been mentioned.

*ouch* please be careful where you prod, Alex, I might enjoy it

I think it's just finding out about Nestle's king size, and what happened there, but not seen the person I want to ask yet.

What are the problems?

CD/Em

oh, and I found very little on the rise of the king-size, so the Entry is mostly about the fall.

I've Googled and You Tube'd for king-size adverts, I can't find any.

CD/Em

... I mean - yes, that's what I meant...

I didn't want to list them since the Entry still says "(still updating suggestions from the PR thread)", but here we go:

"It is common for confectionery companies, to have a stereotypical 'target market' in mind when developing new confectionary, or redesigning existing products; they then use this stereotype for their advertising campaign."
-->
"It is common for confectionery companies to have a stereotypical 'target market' in mind when developing new confectionary or redesigning existing products, and they will make use of this stereotype in their advertising campaign."

The third and fourth paragraphs in the 'size' section could be combined into a single paragraph.

"Included in the FDF Manifesto were seven pledges for action in the food industry to, among other actions, cut salt and fat and rethink portions."
-->
"Included in the FDF Manifesto were seven pledges for action, encouraging the food industry to, among other things, cut salt and fat and rethink portions."

"They then launched their '8 Chunk' variety; three different varieties of eight-chunk 'Dairy Milk' bars, which weigh almost 50% more than their standard Dairy Milk bars."
-->
"They then launched their '8 Chunk' variety, including three different varieties of eight-chunk 'Dairy Milk' bars which weigh almost 50% more than standard Dairy Milk bars. "

’Maltesers’ are now called ‘Big Bag’. --> Curly commas!

Alex

Alex, all sorted, including the curly commas that escaped being straightened.

CD/Em

Still trying to find out whether or not Nestle are still producing their king-size bars.

CD/Em

I finally got the Nestle info, they are still producing their king-size Lion bar, that messes things up a bit.

Have updated the Entry with the new info, not sure if there's anything better I can do with the title, any suggestions?

CD/Em

My only gripe with the title is its length... but the only thing I came up with is 'Candy for a King, or Just You /and/ Me?' which really isn't much shorter. Sorry!

Sorry, Milos, I wouldn't use the word 'candy' for chocolate.

I think it was ok, before I had to add '(most)' to it. I'll give it some thought. I quite like the 'Rise and Fall' bit.

Emmily

I've changed the title a little, and a couple of other minor changes.


CD/Em

I'm still not quite happy with this Entry, but can't quite figure out why. I'll go through it tomorrow (Wednesday) night, see what I can do with it.

Emmily

I've made a few changes, I think that's a bit better.

CD/Em

Hi Em, this is a bit surprising:

cut salt and fat and rethink portions.

Didn't sugar get any mention ? I'd expect sugar and fat in chocolate bars, not necessarily salt, or where you only referring to smaller portions?

Are you happy with it as it stands now ?

Good point Bel

The Food and Drink Federation don't just represent the confectionery companies, I hope the re-write of that paragraph makes that clear.

>>Are you happy with it as it stands now ?<<

yeah, but, I've only just updated it within the last 24 hrs, not many people have had a chance to read, and possibly comment on it.

CD/Em

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!