Western leaders!

Do you want to fight back against the menace of young
people with unlimited access to distorted versions of truth, decency
and the
Insert name of society hereAmericanVaticanEnglishLatvianFrenchCornishProvencalBlerontianOtherThirdKinder, gentlerImperialMercenaryScandinavianMy
way?

Good. We knew we could count on you. Now you too <world_leader_name>
can join the distinguished ranks of such other world leaders
as:

• Bill Clinton
  (United States of America)
• Tony Blair
  (United States of America, British Divn. Inc.)
• Enver Hoxha
  (Albania) (Dec'd)
• Llewellyn "Llew" Llwybyrrysilliogogogoch
  (Welsh "Give
  Fresh Meat To Your Corgis Twice A Day" Party)

Just fill in this simple form and we will tell you what you do with
it.

Name:

Leader of the
community;

Yes! I want to be a world leader in the fight against the Internet Menace! I want to (check your objectives from the list below):

Restore order, decency and a respect for their elders to the pallid, etiolated
youth of today.

Improve the P/E ratio of our mighty telecommunications companies.

Feed my inherent paranoia about the leakage of very important potentially
military technology by slapping ludicrous rules on the exportation of encryption
systems and other communications devices, including (but not limited to):

• Pencil sharpeners;

• Lined writing pads (legal and letter-size);

• Briefcases which could be used to put secret stuff in, to the detriment of
  CivilisationMy election chancesChristian valuesMuslim valuesOther values (unspecified)Me;
  

• Tape recorders;

• Chewing gum (used by spies to stick secret messages to the inside of the third hollow
  tree on the right as you go into the park and past the public lavatories, etc.);

• Amorous and sexually-incontinent people who might get overexcited and say
  Secret Things to their lovers, the dirty evil beasts, God will get them in
  the end but we need to be on the safe side or the
  CommunistAtheistCapitalistCorporatistCentralistMonopolistOpportunistHorrible creepy evil
  menace will sweep over us like an evil tide leaving no stone unturned in the
  whirlwind of its choking weed-like growth.

Get publicity and do down my enemies.

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