H2G2 Storytime III: From Prussia with Love. Part IX
Created | Updated Jul 23, 2006
Slepp Tonnajob, pushed open the doors to Phffeingstohler Swiss International Bank and walked across the floor creating an echo to a staffed cubicle.
He had discarded his regulation light blue overalls and was wearign a smart suit with blue pinstripes. He smiled a shrewd smile and slammed the large metallic box in front of the cashier. She smiled back. A not-in-the-mood-for-your-krapp smile.
"Yes?"
"Hello, I'd like this package to be put away securely in a very safe place," requested Slepp, patting the container. "It is very expensive and any damage would... disturb it..."
X and Arthur hefted Sfret exactly between them up on to their individual right and left shoulders respectively.
"How is it possible?" asked X. "I mean seriously? The odds? How?"
"Stop moaning." said Arthur.
"It landed on its SIDE!"
"Quit it!"
"Three times!"
"Just drop it."
"Three."
Slepp, on Vandeveer's instructions, had travelled on ahead while Von Trapp and Sreka had dealt with the agents.
Slepp's own interior monologue kept him company as he followed the dainty young thing down several flights of stairs and layered security measures to the safety deposit room.
'198 steps, 199, 200, turn left, mounted security camera, 15 second sweep, 2 guards, lightly armed, two steps from the alarm trip.'
The bank clerk led Slepp to a door that reminded Sfret of his old prison cell - though the bars here were very clean and looked very solid. The woman indicated towards the length of the battery of compact box shelves - the sort with a pleasant red colour with two key slots.
"We're placing your lot towards the back. The bank has been in operation since the late 1800's - we have many prestigious holdings, we are a renowned financial institution Mr Tonnajob."
"Fascinating." grinned Slepp.
"And here we are lot 299,768."
With a glance over his shoulder Slepp, quick as a humming bird crossed with a kleptomaniac magpie with a prelidiction for office stationary, slapped a post-it note across the young woman’s eyes temporarily blinding her and finished her off with an ink stamp to the forehead "file & close". The young lady collapsed into a neat heap that Slepp tucked away out of sight from the grilled door. He knew the guards had seen them both on the way in. He couldn't stay down here forever. The others had better be on time.
"Sreka get back in the car!" yelled Von Trapp.
"I couldn't hold it in any longer." came the desperate whine from beyond the grass verge.
The Lada had its emergency lights flashing as it had pulled over into the lay-by while Andrei relieved himself in the bushes.
"We're only 15 more miles to the bank. We'll get there in plenty of time." said Von Trapp trying to gee up some confidence.
Sreka piled back into the rear seat that made the whole car judder due to his bulk of muscle.
"The Cult's will soon posses the Turquoise Moon" smirked Von Trapp.
"I still say we need longer" smouldered Vandeveer - "walking in the front door and asking nicely won't do."
"Who says were going in the front door?" said Von Trapp with a maniac smirk.
"Oh no." said Daltmooreby glancing in the wing mirror.
"What?" said Vandeveer.
"Shut up fool!" hissed Von Trapp?
"What? What is it?" said Vandeveer craning to look in the rear view mirror.
"It's the police." gulped Von Trapp. "Quick - everyone! Look...normal!"
"What do you mean" Arthur said, savouring the flavour of the word in his mouth, "locked?"
"It is most unconventional for me to be doing this." The Swiss premier said, thumping a large bunker-style door hatch which seemingly joined to another corridor leading along. "A bodyguard normally accompanies me."
"Shouldn't we nearly be at the surface by now," Arthur asked.
"The bunker is like a giant spiral of connecting ramps. Each section can be sealed off by an independent bulkhead at each end. We've been lucky so far but it looks like this one has shorted out and closed. We'll need to locate the tripswitch and reset it."
"In the dark?" Arthur asked disbelievingly.
"Do we have another option?" the Swiss Premier asked.
"Actually we do." Arthur said smiling, though no-one could see this, he looked up to sfret sitting on his shoulder.
Arthur. "Sfret?"
"I need to be taller." he said
Sfret pulled himself up so that he was standing on Arthur and X's shoulders and high enough to reach the door.
Sfret used his innate sense of technology to locate the activation switch and flipped it.
"Got it!" he exclaimed followed by a boding "oh no."
Sfret's weight shifted. X felt his left foot slip. Then his right
"This is Going to hurt." - he reflected.
Sfret wobbled, he landed on Arthur right shoulder forcing him down on one knee.
X wished in vain for some purchase on the tiles.
Arthur fell as the pyramid collapsed, Sfret ended up performing perhaps the worlds most un-dainty forward flip as he continued to tumble.
He found purchase astride both of X's shoulders, driving him downward into a painful attempt at the splits.
Arthur shook himself upright.
"Everyone okay?"
"M
m m m m m m m m m m m ! " whined X is a high pitch."Is your partner okay said Sfret dusting himself down."
"He'll survive." Arthur winced "most of him at least. Where's the Swiss Premier?"
"I'm here." said The Prime Minister emerging from the shadows. "I had an awful feeling that was about to go hideously wrong so I hid out of harm's way."
Stepping over his fallen comrade Arthur looked up and surveyed the hinge on the stubornly immobile bunker. Suddenly there was a clunk and a small rush of air whirled around Arthurs sensible shoes.
It was followed by a pop not unlike opening a stay-fresh tuppa-ware box as the pre-war systems lurched into life and huge cogs hidden behind the walls dragged the doorway open.
X clambered delicately to his feet.
Suddenly from without in the darkness there errupted a hideous low roar:
raaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Arthur pressed a hand firmly on the Swis premier's chest: "We'll hadle this."
"W-we will? Yes we will" stumbled X fighting off a nasty case numbness in the lower extremities.
"On three." said Arthur
"Do you mean 1, 2 and go on 3 or 1, 2 AND 3 and *then* we go?"
"Just get in there!" said Arthur giving his partner a shove.
"123!!" shouted X very quickly as he melted into the inky blackness.
Arthur leapt in behind him.
The Swiss premier and Sfret listened with faces of fascination.
"ow!"
"Your standing on my hand."
"sorry"
raaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
"what was that?"
"Mummy."
raaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! raaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
"is that? ...."
"I think I found the light switch!"
click
X was stood alone at the far side of at the far side of a small room with a spiral staircase whihc lead up to a square of white light. They were nearer the surface that they had thought.
"Where is your partner?" asked the wiss president.
"I'm over here! cam Arthurs voice from behind the stair case.
He emerged dragging something behind him that was contesting his every move but was loosing.
"It's" said Sfret
"It's a.." said the Premier his mouth dropping open.
"A sheep." said Arthur.
baaaaaaaah! baaaaaaah!!
Behind them the echo began and boomed down the corridor
Then behind them they head the sound of footsteps coing down the stair well.
Arthur spun round as a small figure in dugarees appeared into view and stopped completly surprised to find two gentleman in finely tailored suits at the bottom of this long-forgotten spiral stair.
He pointed: "Sheep." he mumbled in fractured English.
"Hmm? said Arthur looking surpirised." "oh this? yours? take it take it." and dragged the sheep bleating furiously to hand to the farmer.
"My name ist Hurtzel" he stuttered in rural Swiss.
"What did he say?" inquired Arthur.
"Dunno" shurgged X
He said his name is Hertzel - I think he can show us the way out of here."
The farmer looked aghast: "Mister Prime-Minister!" he said affecting a sort of fold-cum-bow.
"He'll lead us back to the surface. " said The Swiss president confindently.
The sheep began tucking ito Arthur left trouser leg.
"Hey! arg gerritioff! gerroff! shoo! look.. sod it - stop biting the - arg!"
Sfret wandered into the fray - "perhaps this gentleman could lend us use of a mo-hooter vee-hickle." he mis-spoke the unusal phrase.
"Good idea said X" tugging on the sheeps wooly mane
"So where do we go now?" said Sfret with a quiet innocence.
"Up there." said Arthur indicating the light small sqaure of blue cky studded with whispy couds.
"....Up?" said Sfret his voice breaking only slightly.
