H2G2 Storytime III: From Prussia with Love. Part VIII
Created | Updated Jul 23, 2006
Sfret suddenly found himself pinned to the wall by a mop to the throat. The Janitor had produced a Walther PPK and was demanding to know what he was doing here.
Sfret looked around for the Agents. Disspiritingly He saw the unconscious form of X lying in plain sight in the middle of the corridor.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The Janitor demanded.
"..." said Sfret.
Just then, Arthur appeared behind the Janitor and applied a nerve grip and the janitor folded up with a sigh.
The mop clattered to the floor.
"That was close" Sfret addressed Arthur as he rubbed his neck.
On the other side of the corridor, X stirred.
"What happened?" He asked gaining back his sensibilities.
"You were knocked unconscious." Arthur said examining the quietly unconsicous body of the janitor.
"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked not looking up.
"Better. I'll go on ahead."
Arthur patted down the janitors boiler suit and appeared not to hear his partner
X snuck off down the corridor, sticking close to the walls.
He darted out from the shelter of the shadows and was confronted by a solid looking door was a short, dark passage. Distant voiced carried through the walls - sounds of argument and anger, it seemed. X fumbled for a release mechanism - something clicked - and the entrance slid open.
The room on the other side was decorated in the opulent, high-ceilinged manner designed to inspire envy in any lowly jobsworth who has ever had to duck to enter his office. Inspiring paintings hung on the walls, and a pair of tall windows poured light onto the rug, which was thick enough to lose a Persian in.
And behind a blindingly-varnished mahogany desk the size of a tennis court there sat a short, bald man in an immaculately-tailored suit, with a red phone pressed to his ear.
X had, as an Agent, developed an acute class consciousness. It wasn't that there was anything inherently noble about being poor, and he would gladly crack heads in the lowest of shabby underworld hangouts. But with money, there came the certain satisfaction that whatever crime is being foiled is probably large and, to use the trade term, 'nefarious'. And then, there was the issue with jacuzzis: the that wealthy criminals had jacuzzis while he, a bona fide Hero, had to go without.
It was, then, with a certain satisfaction that he slid around behind the scowling figure and, with surgical precision, wrapped his arms around his neck. The man squeaked.
"Good evening. With one swift movement," whispered X, "I could sever your spinal cord, and you would never play tennis again. Would you like to play ball?"
Squeak. Shudder.
"Luckily I'm not likely to do that, as I am an accredited Agent of the British government. However I *do* have a license to kill. I try to use it sparingly, but..."
Arthur made a terrfying discovery. A Secret Service badge.
"X I think we....Where is X?"
"He went exploring." Sfret said, indicating the direction the agent had run off in.
"Oh dear." Arthur said looking aghast. "Sfret follow me - and stay low."
X let a few pregnant seconds tick by. The figure seemed to be trying to say something, and X released his grip a little. The little man gasped.
"...you have...no idea...what you are...doing..."
X re-asserted his grip.
"Oh, we know all about your Cult, and your plans...we *know* you know where the Turquoise Moon is. If you cooperate, we can..."
The red-faced figure let out a shrill whistle of desperation, and there was a rumbling from the walls. X rolled his eyes.
Arthur, and Sfret burst out of the secret door which was, X now noticed, concealed behind a large red-and-white flag. Arthur yelped.
"What are you doing, man?"
X looked at him blankly. "Subduing the prisoner," he said in a puzzled tone. He jerked his arms a little to demonstrate, and his captive squirmed. "Standard procedure."
Arthur bit his fist, and subjected his partner to a long, disbelieving glare.
"What's the matter?" X asked sensing that something was up.
"X," said Arthur, quietly, "let that man go. You're strangling the Prime Minister of Switzerland."
The Agent unwrapped his arms and leaped back as if stung. Then he grinned nervously, and patted the PM on the back.
"Well, no harm done, eh? Haha..."
In the corridor outside were voices, tramping feet and the unpleasant sound of guns beng cocked.
"Apart from the 'ahem' ...Janitor - do you have a secuirty presence in this bunker mr president?" said Arthur.
"They've all been sent home for the holidays."
"Everbody down!" Arthur shouted leaping over the desk pinning the premier to the ground reaching up grabbing X by his tie and yanking him sharply to the floor as the hail of bullets steadily began to take the room apart.
Arthur pushed the Swiss president under the solid wooden desk - shouting above the noise of at least dozen fully loaded magazines being emptied over their heads:
"what is all of this?" the Premier demanded.
"A hit." - "Where are we?" shouted Arthur.
"We are in thee security bunker - we were told you were terrorist spies!"
"Who told you?"
"Te Vonn Trapp family are very vell connected. The heir brought you in here himzelf - said you were snooping about his golf course und stealing his golf buggies!
I was just about to ring your government when your friend ,he grabbed me from behind."
A bullet ricoched of a gilded picture frame and passed throuh the desk almost removing the lobe of Arthur left ear.
"We are spies but we're the good guys - We need to get you out of here Mr President - Von Trapp he's going to steal The Turqoise Moon."
"The what?"
"Is there another way out of here?" Arthur implored.
"Er..."
The automatic gunfire stopped and the silence was suddenlyy deafening.
A gravelly voice from outside - cried "RELOAD!"
Arthur picked up the Swiss president by the arm and pressed his face into the Premier's - "Now!"
Sfret peered around Arthur and addressed the swiss Premier, "I would urge your co-operation my child, these are astute men."
"Father Sfretelanimousopocatepetl, what brings you here?", said the premier respectfully.
"There is no need for your respect now, sir.", replied Sfret "I'm no longer a monk I have been removed from my order."
X and Arthur had moved back surprised at the sudden coming together of former associates.
"It is best if I don't discuss it here. There is much trouble ahead."
X, slightly frustrated being a spy that had no idea of what was going on interrupted. "Do you two know each other?", said X, stating the obvious.
"Yes", replied the President. "Father Sfretelanimousopocatepetl, was a spiritual consellor to me and a close advisor for years, but I was lead to believe that he had retired and gone in to private meditation and prayer."
"I'm sorry to interrup - is there a secret passage out of this office?"
"Yes, this way". The premier tilted a vase, whereupon a bookcase swivelled around just enough for them to get out of. The group walked in, with the bookcase turning back around moments later, just as another heavy hail of bullets hit the spot which they had been crouching moments earlier.
"So where does this exactly take us?", enquired Arthur, wiping off some cobwebs from his shoulder.
"This entire complex is an old bunker from the Second World War - it was extended during the 1960's. There should be a path some where down here that'll take us in to the village." The Swiss Premier informed them.
However, as they inched their way along, Arthur found to his surprised , his mind was preoccupied with the fate of the woman Von Trapp and Daltmooreby had kidnapped. Anna.
"Hmll kffng hmmfplk fu bd bu wknr!!!!!" complained Anna through the gag.
"Put her in the trunk, Sreka" commanded Von Trapp, pulling the collar up on his coat and pointing to the open trunk of Swiss registered vehicle.
"I'll drive" said Daltmooreby, swining the keys round his index finger.
"Good" said Von trapp sidling into the passenger seat.
Sreka cut off another round of muffled expletives with a decisive thud of the boot.
Von Trapp leaned back to urge the big Russian to hurry it up.
"Due to those meddlesome agents we are already significantly delayed."
"It is a good job I sent Slepp ahead then to pave the way fr our arrival then, Vandeveer grinned."
Von Trapp appeared momentarily subdued.
Vandeveer occupied the back seat in silent celebration but had to shuffle over when the over-sized Sreka attempted to clamber in next to him.
"Heh - pretty funny that hit squad going into finish of those agents," Sreka said, closing the door with some difficulty.
"Oh they won't have killed them." said Daltmooreby matter-of-factly, finally succeeding in getting the engine to splutter into asthmatic life.
Von Trap arched an eyebrow and gave an ill-tempered squint with a friscon of resigned frustration; quite a feat of facial gymnastics which was either vaguely threatening or oddly humerous depending on your angle.
"Arthur Robinson and I have.... unfinished business neither of us will suffer death lightly until one of us kills the other." Daltmooreby concluded applying pressure to the acelerator and initiating locomotion, which had more to do with gravity, inertia and geography than anything else.
"Yes well let's focus on the task at hand shall we?" said Von Trapp , sharply. "By tomorrow evening the Turqoise Moon shall be ours!"
The agents suddenly reached a section of tunnel that was incrediably dark.
Well it was all dark but this bit was especially dark. The Swiss President motion to the others to stay still while he went on ahead. A moments later there was a thud some mild cursing. Then a clank, another thud and then somewhere off in the distance the sound of a generator coming on-line. A dim emergency light that was bolted to ceiling flickered and glowed it's way into life highlighting the rusty and faded sign "Ascend ladder to survive."
A slightly smaller sign beneath it said in even more faded lettering "In Case of Nuclear Armageddon: count to 788,923,150 - and give it a go."
The Premier managed a proud smile and gestured to the agents to start climbing.
Sfret looked worried.
"What is is?" quizzed Arthur.
"It's my knees - arthritus - one of you shall have to carry me."
Arthur and X snapped to stare at the other."
"Toss you for it." Said Arthur.
"You're on" said X.
