9th October 2003
As you may know the NASA team in London were able to launch a new communications satellite with the last shuttle mission from Houston. Gimmick 1 achieved a synchronous orbit at thirteen hundred hours BST on Friday 3rd October 2003, to much applause on both sides of the Atlantic.
Unfortunately, due to a manufacturing fault, the Gimmick 1 is now altering orbit and beginning to plunge out of control towards Earth. Please do not panic.
We have been able to triangulate its direction and can now write, with some certainty, that the Gimmick 1 will land approximately half a metre from your present abode of address on the 31st October 2003.
As this will no doubt be part of your property and, if not, by reading this letter you have made it your responsibility, we are now asking you to help us with recapturing, in one piece, this expensive communications equipment. Failure to comply will result in your immediate arrest and imprisonment for an indeterminate amount of years.
All we ask you to do is find three other people and one 'REALLY' strong blanket. Proceed to the co-ordinates to be supplied closer to the date, and each person hold on very tight to a corner of the blanket and pull away from each other. This should make a firm platform for the Gimmick 1 to land on. You must at all times keep a firm grip on the blanket as the satellite weighs in at just over forty tonnes and, if you should drop it, any damage caused will be frowned upon and monetary compensation will be sought. After you have saved the Gimmick 1, we will be around to collect it; it would be helpful if you could store it safely until we arrive.
This is, of course, highly sensitive material, and is being placed under the Official Secrets Act, so you may not speak to anyone about this matter. If a leak does occur, we shall of course know whom to blame, and reparations will be swift and deadly.
Thank you for you time.
NASAUK Recovery Division