Dating
Created | Updated Mar 21, 2002
The worst thing that can happen to a calm, happy, mentally stable person is for someone to ask him or her out. This is devastating to character and induces unnecessary stress, self-examination and often a good bit of running around in circles trying to find something to wear (or, in a guy's case, finding the appropriate potted plant).
While dating is viewed as positive, beneficial, fun and extremely desirable by those not involved in the activity at the time, it is known by all who actually participate that it is a fairly useless procedure that accomplishes equally well what a simple thing like the death of a family pet might. What exactly dating accomplishes is this: it forces one to re-examine the relationships in his or her life and decide whether or not it's worth it to go out and, metaphorically, get a new goldfish.
However, dating does have it's positive side-effects as well. Often after doing so for several years (or, for the impulsive, months), it can lead to the stable and rather blandly acceptable state of marriage (which will ultimately lead to the new and exciting state of divorce). Also, it garuantees the jealousy of all but close friends, and can sometimes even drive these people away, forcing you to expand into new circles of peers in an attempt to re-establish your once so secure place in the Universe.
In conclusion, dating is an activity only truly appreciated by those who are NOT participating. Therefore, one finds him- or her-self constantly in a struggle to either become involved in the activity of dating, or to remove him or her-self from it, a vicious cycle which must be stopped.
While dating is viewed as positive, beneficial, fun and extremely desirable by those not involved in the activity at the time, it is known by all who actually participate that it is a fairly useless procedure that accomplishes equally well what a simple thing like the death of a family pet might. What exactly dating accomplishes is this: it forces one to re-examine the relationships in his or her life and decide whether or not it's worth it to go out and, metaphorically, get a new goldfish.
However, dating does have it's positive side-effects as well. Often after doing so for several years (or, for the impulsive, months), it can lead to the stable and rather blandly acceptable state of marriage (which will ultimately lead to the new and exciting state of divorce). Also, it garuantees the jealousy of all but close friends, and can sometimes even drive these people away, forcing you to expand into new circles of peers in an attempt to re-establish your once so secure place in the Universe.
In conclusion, dating is an activity only truly appreciated by those who are NOT participating. Therefore, one finds him- or her-self constantly in a struggle to either become involved in the activity of dating, or to remove him or her-self from it, a vicious cycle which must be stopped.
