In Other Words
Created | Updated Oct 10, 2003
Gimme an E! (E!) Gimme an N! (N!) Gimme a G! (G!) Gimme an L! (L!) Gimme an AND! (AND!) What's that spell? FRANCE!!
Could I by chance borrow a gun or length of rope from anyone? I have some people to KILL. Because according to a certain brainless oaf in my Psychology class, French toast comes from England. Yes! ENGLAND! And waffles are Czech. My only question here is: 'WHY?!?!' Why must you be so STUPID?! Americans have little to no knowledge of what goes on around them, and quite frankly I'm sick of dealing with it. So here's my ingenious plan. I'll introduce it to you using a portion of the script I've written for a new movied called 'You So Stoopid.' *Ahem*:
TEACHER: Gooooood morning fatheads! Welcome to Stop Being Brainless High School, where we'll teach you how to maaaaaybe come close to normal brainwave activity!
STUDENT: Hey, teach - can I go pee?
TEACHER: I don't know, can you?
STUDENT:Probably not.
TEACHER: I didn't think so! That's because last time I let a student go to the bathroom, Mrs Fennelmeyer the band teacher found her tuba later filled with URINE! Why? Because you're too stupid to find the bathrooms! NOW! Moronic git #1: What is the capital of Argentina?
STUDENT: Um... brown?
TEACHER: Close enough! In my last class a student answered by grunting and banging his head on his desk... I can see we're improving! So, now it's time for the trust course - You'll answer the questions, and I trust you'll miss them all!! YOU! (Dumbfounded student wakes from his puddle of drool) 5 x 3!
STUDENT: Adolf Hitler?
TEACHER: Wrong! Time for your FLOGGING! (Class carries on to a background of howls and screams) Now YOU! Longest bone in the leg!
STUDENT: Rooster?
TEACHER: Ah! To the lion pit! (Grrrrrr) YOU! Number of countries in North America!
STUDENT: Uh... three?
TEACHER: Congratulations. You graduate. Here's your diploma and a helmet; I assume you'll need it for walking. OUT! Do I have a volunteer for The Chair? YOU! The one with his finger in his nose. Over here! Now... I'll be asking you some questions, and each time you answer wrong, a small shock of 250,000 volts will surge through your body. Hopefully we can stimulate some synapses of yours. Prime Minister of the UK!
STUDENT: John Travolta *BZZZZT* OW!
TEACHER: Longest river in the world!
STUDENT: MILK! *BZZZZZZT* OOOW!
TEACHER: 2 x 9!
STUDENT: Five! *BZZZZT* Sev - *BZZZZZZT* OW! *BZZZT* Quit it - *BZZZZZZT* *BZZZZZT* * BZZZZZZT* AAH!
TEACHER: Class dismissed! Paper due tomorrow! Anyone who can spell less than fifty words wrong will get a candy bar!
I can honestly say that I truly believe this method of teaching would work splendidly to wipe out stupidity as we know it. Maybe I just think that because I'm sick of morons. I personally know a few people I'd like to send to this particular High School... not that I'm planning on NAMING them or anything.1 If you agree, please write to any of the American senators about this problem. You can subject your letter: 'Why Many People Should Be Shot.' Thank you.
Your Little h2g2'er,
