The Companion's Guide to travelling with the Doctor
Created | Updated Jun 6, 2006
The Companion’s guide to travelling with the Doctor
This is the: ‘Companion’s guide to travelling with the Doctor’ the writer of this entry thanks you for taking the time to read this then wonders why you read this, I mean unless you are planning on travelling with the Doctor… (a tumbleweed floats across the floor) anyway, in this guide you will learn the do’s and don’ts, the bad guys and the good guys, the blatantly obvious and the stuff you didn’t know about travelling with the Doctor.
THE BASICS:
• You must be able to accept that the Doctor is not from Earth and that he is not human, around many Doctors you may be constantly reminding yourself that he isn’t human.
• You must be able to scream (or yell if you’re a boy) this will prove in handy as an alarm to the Doctor that you’re in danger then he will leap into action, if he can be bothered.
• Having an IQ of over seventy usually helps the Doctor respect you, if you want the Doctor to respect you but you may be wasting your time with the first and sixth Doctors because they think everyone is a half-wit.
• Having a special ability helps, like knowing First Aid or being able to hack into computer systems or being extremely good at learning or even being able to hold your breath for over two minutes.
• Respecting your Doctor and trusting him with your life increases his trust and respect for you, and the speed he comes to your rescue.
• Loving the TARDIS and caring for it in the same way the Doctor does will gain you a respect from the Doctor that he has never shared with another companion because they have never taken the advice that is in The Companion’s guide to travelling with the Doctor, shame on them!!
• Common sense is a very useful skill that you should use all the time when travelling with the Doctor, it may get you out of tight situations.
• The ability to adapt to new climates, new people, new places, new temperatures, new experiences also helps as the Doctor may forget to warn you about things like that and being able to adapt to the problem before the problem appears helps.
THE DO’S AND DON’T’S:
• Do listen to the Doctor when he’s lecturing the enemy, because if he’s unconscious and you need to do a lecture you need to know what to say and not to (See Rose’s awful speech in The Christmas Invasion).
• Do watch carefully when the Doctor is operating the TARDIS because you may need to operate it if he is unconscious (See Tegan’s flying of the TARDIS in Castrovalva).
• Do thank him when he saves your life or he may decide not to the next time you’re in danger.
• Always say that he couldn’t have done anything if someone dies and he claims that he should have done something because if you don’t tell him that he will be miserable for the rest if the day. You don not want a miserable Doctor on your hands!!
• When he regenerates, be nice to him and tell him he looks OK and answer any questions he asks (See the Doctor’s question to whether he is ginger in The Christmas Invasion).
• Always take his advice because most of the time he’s right… most of the time.
• Do joke about the Doctor’s slightly off landings (Only do this with the tenth and ninth Doctors, the other ones might bite your head off), the tenth and ninth Doctors tend to only get off landings when they’re going back in time (The Unquiet Dead, Tooth and Claw, The Idiots Lantern etc).
• If you see a monster tell the Doctor in the most obvious way possible as this will make him react a lot faster.
• Compliment him every now and again, this will increase the likeliness of him coming to your rescue… usually.
• Always watch the Doctor during travels because this will increase your knowledge of what to put in your speech if you ever need to make one (See Rose’s ruddy awful speech in The Christmas Invasion).
• Do keep household objects on you for they may come in handy, after all the Doctor did save the Earth from the Sycorax using a Satsuma.
• Give him a cup of tea in a tight situation.
• Don’t insult him unless as a joke otherwise he may pretend to forget that you’re in deadly danger.
• Don’t kill the Doctor for that is just plain stupid!
• Don’t hit the Doctor over the head with the neutron ram (See Grace hitting the Doctor over the head with the neutron ram in Doctor Who the TV movie).
• Although no companion has ever been dumb enough to run around with a plastic bag over their head, don’t wear a plastic bag over your head as you will suffocate and die.
• Never insult the TARDIS or he may want to forget that you’re there and lock you in the TARDIS wardrobe until you say that you love the TARDIS and that it is the best machine in the universe.
• Never leave the Doctor when he’s vulnerable (unconscious, or undergoing post-regenerative trauma) because something bad will happen (See most Doctor Who episodes where he is vulnerable i.e. Castrovalva, The Christmas Invasion, Twin Dilemma etc).
• Never do a speech or lecture to a monster if you don’t know what to say because you WILL look like an idiot, no matter how posh or threatening your speech sounds.
• Never fiddle with the TARDIS if you don’t understand it as Rose learnt when she nearly got killed after taking in the Heart of the TARDIS.
• Always tell your mother where you’re going, send her a text saying you’re going to live with a friend for a bit or something like that or you’ll be on the Missing list (See Rose’s mother’s reaction in The Aliens of London and World War Three).
THE BAD GUYS & THE GOOD GUYS:
Bad guys, how to recognise them:
• Will usually give you ugly looks.
• May scream that it will kill you.
• Will try to kill you.
• Will try to kill the Doctor.
• Will try to take over the universe or Earth.
• Always give you a warning before shooting you (Daleks).
• Can never seem to shoot straight (Most bad guys from before the ninth Doctor’s reign).
• May keep you hostage to lure the Doctor.
• Usually has an escape plan.
• Always manages to come back after you killed it.
• Will betray you if they aren’t tying to kill you.
• Are generally very arrogant.
• May try to get philosophical, in which case you close your ears very very quickly.
• They tend to piss everyone off.
Good guys, how to recognise them:
• Will always be happy to see you.
• May joke with you.
• Always end up getting killed by the bad guy.
• Trustworthy, unless they are disguised.
• Get along with other people well.
• Will offer you food and drink when you ask.
• Can make a decent cup of tea.
• Can usually shoot straight.
• When they die that’s the end of it.
• Always befriend the Doctor and you.
• Never raise a gun to your or the Doctor’s head (unless possessed).
• You can listen to them when they go philosophical unlike when bad guys do.
• Never keep you hostage, may even try to save you.
• Are very compassionate and empathic... usually.
THE DOCTOR:
What you didn’t know or chose not to know:
• He is a Time Lord.
• From Gallifrey.
• Whose constellation is Kasterborous.
• He travels around in a blue police box from the 1950’s.
• Because the chameleon circuit broke.
• He doesn’t want to fix it because he likes it.
• The blue box is called the TARDIS.
• Which stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.
• He ran away from his planet as he was bored.
• Later he was exiled (during a trial) to Earth by his own race.
• He then became President of Gallifrey or something like that.
• Then came his resignation because he preferred travelling around space and time, nearly getting blown up by Daleks on the way.
• Then this bloke called Omega wanted to take his place in the universe.
• Then he was put on trial.
• Then was the Time War which has been shrouded in mystery.
• He regenerates whenever his body is: mortally wounded or worn out.
• He suffers post-regenerative trauma after regenerating, which could be anything: memory loss, fits, trying to strangle the nearest companion.
• He likes tea.
• He has 12 regenerations which is 13 bodies.
• He hates bad guys and beats them like 99% of the time.
• He gets annoyed if you break his pocket watch (See Peri breaking his watch in Revelation of the Daleks).
• He can speak over five billion languages (or claims to in The Parting of Ways).
• He has a sonic screwdriver.
• He had a pet dog called K9.
• He usually has bad dress sense depending on which Doctor you travel with.
• He is The Doctor!
That is the end of the Companion’s guide, or this edition anyway. People are invited to write new more updated editions of the Companion’s guide because as with a dictionary new things are added onto each edition because nothing stays the same. One piece of advice is vital for your travels with the Doctor:
DON’T PANIC!
This is the: ‘Companion’s guide to travelling with the Doctor’ the writer of this entry thanks you for taking the time to read this then wonders why you read this, I mean unless you are planning on travelling with the Doctor… (a tumbleweed floats across the floor) anyway, in this guide you will learn the do’s and don’ts, the bad guys and the good guys, the blatantly obvious and the stuff you didn’t know about travelling with the Doctor.
THE BASICS:
• You must be able to accept that the Doctor is not from Earth and that he is not human, around many Doctors you may be constantly reminding yourself that he isn’t human.
• You must be able to scream (or yell if you’re a boy) this will prove in handy as an alarm to the Doctor that you’re in danger then he will leap into action, if he can be bothered.
• Having an IQ of over seventy usually helps the Doctor respect you, if you want the Doctor to respect you but you may be wasting your time with the first and sixth Doctors because they think everyone is a half-wit.
• Having a special ability helps, like knowing First Aid or being able to hack into computer systems or being extremely good at learning or even being able to hold your breath for over two minutes.
• Respecting your Doctor and trusting him with your life increases his trust and respect for you, and the speed he comes to your rescue.
• Loving the TARDIS and caring for it in the same way the Doctor does will gain you a respect from the Doctor that he has never shared with another companion because they have never taken the advice that is in The Companion’s guide to travelling with the Doctor, shame on them!!
• Common sense is a very useful skill that you should use all the time when travelling with the Doctor, it may get you out of tight situations.
• The ability to adapt to new climates, new people, new places, new temperatures, new experiences also helps as the Doctor may forget to warn you about things like that and being able to adapt to the problem before the problem appears helps.
THE DO’S AND DON’T’S:
• Do listen to the Doctor when he’s lecturing the enemy, because if he’s unconscious and you need to do a lecture you need to know what to say and not to (See Rose’s awful speech in The Christmas Invasion).
• Do watch carefully when the Doctor is operating the TARDIS because you may need to operate it if he is unconscious (See Tegan’s flying of the TARDIS in Castrovalva).
• Do thank him when he saves your life or he may decide not to the next time you’re in danger.
• Always say that he couldn’t have done anything if someone dies and he claims that he should have done something because if you don’t tell him that he will be miserable for the rest if the day. You don not want a miserable Doctor on your hands!!
• When he regenerates, be nice to him and tell him he looks OK and answer any questions he asks (See the Doctor’s question to whether he is ginger in The Christmas Invasion).
• Always take his advice because most of the time he’s right… most of the time.
• Do joke about the Doctor’s slightly off landings (Only do this with the tenth and ninth Doctors, the other ones might bite your head off), the tenth and ninth Doctors tend to only get off landings when they’re going back in time (The Unquiet Dead, Tooth and Claw, The Idiots Lantern etc).
• If you see a monster tell the Doctor in the most obvious way possible as this will make him react a lot faster.
• Compliment him every now and again, this will increase the likeliness of him coming to your rescue… usually.
• Always watch the Doctor during travels because this will increase your knowledge of what to put in your speech if you ever need to make one (See Rose’s ruddy awful speech in The Christmas Invasion).
• Do keep household objects on you for they may come in handy, after all the Doctor did save the Earth from the Sycorax using a Satsuma.
• Give him a cup of tea in a tight situation.
• Don’t insult him unless as a joke otherwise he may pretend to forget that you’re in deadly danger.
• Don’t kill the Doctor for that is just plain stupid!
• Don’t hit the Doctor over the head with the neutron ram (See Grace hitting the Doctor over the head with the neutron ram in Doctor Who the TV movie).
• Although no companion has ever been dumb enough to run around with a plastic bag over their head, don’t wear a plastic bag over your head as you will suffocate and die.
• Never insult the TARDIS or he may want to forget that you’re there and lock you in the TARDIS wardrobe until you say that you love the TARDIS and that it is the best machine in the universe.
• Never leave the Doctor when he’s vulnerable (unconscious, or undergoing post-regenerative trauma) because something bad will happen (See most Doctor Who episodes where he is vulnerable i.e. Castrovalva, The Christmas Invasion, Twin Dilemma etc).
• Never do a speech or lecture to a monster if you don’t know what to say because you WILL look like an idiot, no matter how posh or threatening your speech sounds.
• Never fiddle with the TARDIS if you don’t understand it as Rose learnt when she nearly got killed after taking in the Heart of the TARDIS.
• Always tell your mother where you’re going, send her a text saying you’re going to live with a friend for a bit or something like that or you’ll be on the Missing list (See Rose’s mother’s reaction in The Aliens of London and World War Three).
THE BAD GUYS & THE GOOD GUYS:
Bad guys, how to recognise them:
• Will usually give you ugly looks.
• May scream that it will kill you.
• Will try to kill you.
• Will try to kill the Doctor.
• Will try to take over the universe or Earth.
• Always give you a warning before shooting you (Daleks).
• Can never seem to shoot straight (Most bad guys from before the ninth Doctor’s reign).
• May keep you hostage to lure the Doctor.
• Usually has an escape plan.
• Always manages to come back after you killed it.
• Will betray you if they aren’t tying to kill you.
• Are generally very arrogant.
• May try to get philosophical, in which case you close your ears very very quickly.
• They tend to piss everyone off.
Good guys, how to recognise them:
• Will always be happy to see you.
• May joke with you.
• Always end up getting killed by the bad guy.
• Trustworthy, unless they are disguised.
• Get along with other people well.
• Will offer you food and drink when you ask.
• Can make a decent cup of tea.
• Can usually shoot straight.
• When they die that’s the end of it.
• Always befriend the Doctor and you.
• Never raise a gun to your or the Doctor’s head (unless possessed).
• You can listen to them when they go philosophical unlike when bad guys do.
• Never keep you hostage, may even try to save you.
• Are very compassionate and empathic... usually.
THE DOCTOR:
What you didn’t know or chose not to know:
• He is a Time Lord.
• From Gallifrey.
• Whose constellation is Kasterborous.
• He travels around in a blue police box from the 1950’s.
• Because the chameleon circuit broke.
• He doesn’t want to fix it because he likes it.
• The blue box is called the TARDIS.
• Which stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.
• He ran away from his planet as he was bored.
• Later he was exiled (during a trial) to Earth by his own race.
• He then became President of Gallifrey or something like that.
• Then came his resignation because he preferred travelling around space and time, nearly getting blown up by Daleks on the way.
• Then this bloke called Omega wanted to take his place in the universe.
• Then he was put on trial.
• Then was the Time War which has been shrouded in mystery.
• He regenerates whenever his body is: mortally wounded or worn out.
• He suffers post-regenerative trauma after regenerating, which could be anything: memory loss, fits, trying to strangle the nearest companion.
• He likes tea.
• He has 12 regenerations which is 13 bodies.
• He hates bad guys and beats them like 99% of the time.
• He gets annoyed if you break his pocket watch (See Peri breaking his watch in Revelation of the Daleks).
• He can speak over five billion languages (or claims to in The Parting of Ways).
• He has a sonic screwdriver.
• He had a pet dog called K9.
• He usually has bad dress sense depending on which Doctor you travel with.
• He is The Doctor!
That is the end of the Companion’s guide, or this edition anyway. People are invited to write new more updated editions of the Companion’s guide because as with a dictionary new things are added onto each edition because nothing stays the same. One piece of advice is vital for your travels with the Doctor:
DON’T PANIC!
