h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey am a little bored here and i seriosly need someone to entertain me.

I'm sure I've got a one trick or perhaps a dancing monkey around here somewhere... Let's have a look.

Won't 2legs be asleep now Robyn?

Me alleep? Which was I?; the dancing monkey?

Congratulations princemattysc on making your first post to h2g2

Have you had a look around? There is sooo much to do here that you should be able to entertain yourself

To make the best of this place you need to get out and meet people - it's just like real life - get out and get involved and people will visit you and you can visit them (or not - as you like )

I think the dancing monkey 2legs The lives in your closet or hall or something?

So, what's the one trick then? You must have seen it a few times. Or maybe Robyn knows...

If I do, I'm not telling.

As there's only one it would be mean to reveal it!

What, as mean as not telling us?

even meaner, although only just!

Justice is in the eye of the beholder


Where is 2legs anyway? I'm not sure if you and I can continue entertaining ourselves. Seems like a lot of effort

Good afternoon Children
Are we sitting uncomfetably?; then we'll be gin.

Once apon a time, in a village far far away from any remotely hospitable town-sized urban development, and on the 'back-of-beyond' side of useable public transport, was a country pub.
Not just 'any' country pub; but a country pub in a small remote village with no useful public transport links.
One day, I think it was a Tuesday, in this village, and more specifically, in the beer garden of the village pub, did occur an event the likes of which was hitherto unknown in this, and potentially any, small remote village in the middle of the 'back-of-beyond'.
Yes, it was a Tuesday, or maybe a friday, its a small village in the middle of nowhere, the day hardly matters anyhow.
Yes, so we'll say it was a Tuesday, just to avoid any confusion.
Not, of course, that there is, anything, specifically, or particularly, or even remotely, that, particularly unerving about the idea of confusion, per sai.
So, a Tuesday, or for want of a more accurate recorded and notated description of events, what we shall for the sake of St. Blunderhouse call a 'Tuesday'.
And, then on this ~Tuesday, a summer afternoon, probably may or june.
May, definately may, we can but be clear on very few things but 'may' is probably one of those things with a slightly less uncertain degree of certainty than some other thigns one might care or not care to mention, such as, for example, the day concerned.
So, on this sunny May afternoon, a Tuesday sunny may afternoon, in a small remote village, in the beer garden of its only pub, we find ourselves.
Let the storey continue.... maybe....

In this pub, on a Monday, or a Tuesday, it matters not really now which it was unless of course you do think it's important in which case you probably are just going to have to sit with the dilemma of not knowing ... on this certain day a man walks up to the bar with this friend (who strangely enough, or not depending on your neighbourhood, is wearing a dressing gown) and asks for some beer and some peanuts....

er, no, sorry, wrong story... where were we????

'Where were we?'
Exactly.
If I remember correctly, it was a tuesday, in May, in the afternoon, probably around 2 PM,
Sitting in the beer garden, just me and this friend,
So here we are, sitting outside a pub, on a tuesday afternoon in may, time around 2 PM....

So here we are, sitting outside a pub, on a tuesday afternoon in may, time around 2 PM....

And a few minutes later it was 2.04pm! What a fine, fine day for sitting outside the pub with a friend, not really doing anything, just sitting there enjoying the fine, fine day, and a few of course.

Shortly after that it was 2.09pm and the was gone and my friend was starting to get morose.

What can I do to cheer him up? I thought...

Suddenly, I leapt to my feet, slightly disturbing a passing gazelle and announced to my friend, and of course the passing gazelle, something of, well, an epiphany.
It had come, to me, all of a sudden, a startling, even bacon-worthy, revalation, an answer, a solution and a course of action not only destined to lift the morose air of my friend, but potentially to startle more than the passing flock of gazelles, and even, potentially, to raise a glib turning of the corner of the lips on the face of the stone-faced bar-maid.

"I have a plan"
I pronounced to my friend, the passing gazelles, and anyone else, of which there were none, in the immediat vacinity.

"I have a plan, a plan, that, one day, indeed this day, and indeed this hour and minute, we can, and will, hencewidth and forthwidth, and potentially fifthwidth also, remain in this place; in this garden of the beer, this vista of the pub, this place of holy reverence and of beer."

I drew a pencil sketch of the gazelles, and also drew breth, which is a neat drick to pull of with a set of crayons.

"We shall, at this precise moment, go from this place, albeit to thence return, from this place, into that of which this garden doest provide such an eliquent vista, and from that place, once in, we shall by whatever means at our disposal, wantonly and fixidily and with foresight of planning and pre-meditation, purchase, for ourselves, that liquid to which we whilst yet have both already suppeth, shall, continue to suppith again, in a quantity that exceades that already consumed!"

I turned to my friend and requested, ney, demanded of him a response to my epithany.

"what say thee, my fellow conspirator?"

The friend in question, having heard my plan, or what might have been called a plan by some, as it did vaguely contain an objective and a way of getting to it, and so at least marginally resembled the sort of idea and/or activity that in the english language has come to be known as a "plan," I say, this friend of mine, who has handsome brown locks of hair, of which I am truly envious, and a perpetually enigmatic glint in his eye, he looked at me and he said to me and to the herd of gazelles, who by this point had sauntered some ways away and were in the process of grazing in a nearby field, with a tone of utmost mischief that the best thing to do would be not to appear in the pub and taketh of that liquid, but to appear at the pub and find a way to make that liquid fall from the sky....