h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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Farmer Giles to Farmer Green



THE BROWN COWS' HEAD



ONE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A FARMER,
TO BE
ABLE TO TELL,
THAT THIS BROWN COW,
LOOKS
FIT
AND WELL

IT HAS PROBABLY BEEN EATING,
GREEN GRASS
AND
CLOVER,
DOWN,
IN
DINGLY
DELL

ITS' EYES ARE BRIGHT,
ITS' NOSE IS CLEAN,
ITS' COAT IS
SHINY
SILK

AND EVERY DAY,
IT GIVES THE FARMER,
AN UDDER FULL
OF
FRESH HEALTHY MILK

FROM MILK WE GET OUR BUTTER,
TO SPREAD UPON
OUR BREAD,
SO WE HAVE A DOUBLE INTEREST,
IN THE HEALTH AND WELFARE OF


THE
BROWN
COWS'
HEAD

The Brown Cow to Farmer Brown



BOVINE SPONGIFORM BRAIN MUTATIONS,
ARE ONE OF MANKINDS'
GREATEST CREATIONS,
AND MAN MUST NOW STRIVE,
TO FIND A GENETIC LINK,
BETWEEN THE WAY MEN BEHAVE
AND THE WAY PARASITES THINK

CHARLES DARWIN SAID,
THAT YOU WERE ONCE APES,
BUT SOMEHOW
THEN BECAME MEN

BUT IN THAT CASE,
NATURE DID IT ALL IN VAIN,
FOR MEN HAVE APPARENTLY,
BECOME APES AGAIN

YOU MAY NOT THINK THAT I AM RIGHT,
WHEN I SAY THAT MAN IS A
PARASITE,
YOU PREFER TO BE
A GLORIFIED APE,
VAIN AND PROUD
IN YOUR HUMAN SHAPE

THE PARASITE,
AS ALL APES KNOW,
DESTROYS ITS' HOST
AS IT LIVES AND GROWS,
AND THIS KIND OF DARWINIAN SIMILARITY,
IS SELF EVIDENT IN THE DEEDS
OF ALL
HUMANITY

SO LOGIC AND SIMILARITY APPARENTLY DICTATE,
THAT MAN IS ASCENDED AND DESCENDED,
FROM THE APE,
AND AGAIN, THAT MAN IS A PARASITE TOO,
BUT CATTLE ARE DIFFERENT,
WE ARE CLEAN,
NOT DIRTY PARASITES
LIKE
YOU

PARASITES ONE
PARASITES ALL,
THE SHORT AND THE FAT,
THE THICK AND THE TALL,
DIRTY AND FILTHY,
CORRUPT GREEDY AND VAIN,
PARASITES, WHO MAKE APES OUT OF MONKEYS,
AND MONKEYS OUT OF MEN,
WHO THEN BECOME APES LIKE MONKIES,
CALLING THEMSELVES MEN
ONCE
AGAIN

SO REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU ARE OUT AT NIGHT,
THAT THE HUMAN FORM,
CONCEALS A PARASITE,
EVEN IF IT LOOKS LIKE A FRIENDLY APE,
THAT IS ONLY THE PARASITES'
PHYSICAL SHAPE

YOU CANNOT TRUST ANYONE,
FATHER MOTHER SISTER OR BROTHER,
'COS PARASITES ALSO FEED
OFF
EACH
OTHER

PADDY WANTS TO HELP



THERE IS A MORE RECENT EXAMPLE
OF
IRISH
FOLK
LORE,
JUST, BY WAY OF TITTLE TATTLE

WHICH SAYS THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE,
FOR PUTTING MANNERS
ONTO
CATTLE

GENETICALLY MODIFIED NON SLIP BANANA SKINS,
ARE THINGS THAT NO POLITICIAN CAN DO WITHOUT,
ALL THE EUROS
CARRY A PACKET OF THREE,
WHEN OUT ON THE HUSTINGS,
OR OUT AND ABOUT



THE EURO MONSTER STATE PARLIAMENT,
IS VERY SOON TO MEET,
AND RUBBER STAMP THEIR EURO PLAN,
TO HAVE GENETICALLY MODIFIED NON SLIP BANANA SKINS,
PUT OUT ON EVERY ENGLISH STREET



LOGIC DICTATES,
IN THE EURO MONSTER STATE,
THAT THERE WILL BE A CUT,
IN THE ENGLISH PEDESTRIAN ACCIDENT
RATE



WON'T THOSE COCKNEYS LOVE IT,
OUT THERE ON THE LITTERY STREET,
WITH ALL THOSE NON SLIP EURO SKINS,
STICKING TO THEIR PLATES OF MEAT



AND GENETICALLY MODIFIED NON SLIP BANANA BEANS,
AS POLITICIANS ALL AGREE,
PREVENT YOU FROM FARTING TOO MUCH
AFTER BREAKFAST LUNCH AND TEA,
AND GREEDY POLITICIANS,
WHO HAVE GM BEANS FOR DINNER TOO,
CAN SPEND THE REST OF THE NIGHT TROTTING,
FROM THE POT IN THE CHAMBER TO,
THE MEMBERS' PRIVATE
WATER
LOO



FOR THE PREVENTION OF FARTING
IN PUBLIC PLACES,
PUTS A LOT OF PRESSURE
ON POLITICIANS' FACES

AND GM BANANA BEANS
CAN HELP A LOT,
IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE,
A RIGHT HONOURABLE
PARLIAMENTARY


CLOT

TAKE A BEAK BY THE SEA

TRY THIS BROWN COW SUBPLOTLINK

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/place-devon/A1099767

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A260272
Old Salt Plotlink

M8*