The Hootoo Home of Today

1 Conversation

The Hootoo Home of Today by Asteroid Lil


'As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset I am in paradise.'

The Kinks

Water is the theme of this week's HOT (we shall visit the loo later). I am writing this on a TGV high speed train heading across France. Looking
out of the window, the effects of the drought currently plaguing Europe
become obvious.

Parched brown fields, acres of dead drooping sunflowers, and scrawny
desperate animals.

We live on a planet whose surface is two thirds covered in water. Funnily enough, this is the same proportion of water that makes up the human body, and the brain is even soggier - 85% water. The National Mineral Water Information Service reckons that only 10% of us drink as much water as health experts recommend. They couldn't possibly have a vested interest in that could they? No, I'm obviously dehydrated; even a 2% loss in bodily fluids can cause a 20% reduction in mental and physical performance1.

Phew, I need a drink. At the moment I'm still in France so I could possibly acquire Eau de Vie2, an incredibly potent spirit, often home produced and sold by the rural roadside. But I shall resist and turn to our good friend Mr Boothby3.

Remsen Cooler

The late Wm. Remsen of the The Union Club, New York, introduced a beverage to that swell organisation which has since taken his name to become known as the Remsen Cooler.

'Pare a lemon (a lime will not answer the purpose) as you would an apple, so that the peel will resemble a corkscrew, place the rind in a long thin glass and pour over it a jigger of Old Tom cordial gin; with a bar-spoon now press the peel and stir it thoroughly, so the liquor will be well flavoured with the essence of the skin and fill the glass with plain soda off the ice. English club soda is highly recommended for this drink. Be sure the soda is cold.'

Cold, what a wonderful word. I travelled with a thermos of ice cubes and was thus able to provide myself with a satisfying cold drink en-route. The chink of ice into a real glass caused a couple of heads to turn. This is far superior to over priced, under dispensed rubbish in a plastic cup. And I can get a refill whenever I want. [This is the way to travel. I usually take to the railways with my own bathtub gin, but I have to retire to the guard's van to get at the bathtub and drink it alas. - spim]

The Home of Today4 addresses the issue of water, cold or otherwise, thus:

Types of Gas Operated Refrigerator

'The smallest model is air cooled; the other sizes are water cooled. In some districts an extra charge is made for water and this charge varies
throughout the country. The Metropolitan Water Board in London has reduced this rate for the smallest water cooled model to 10 shillings a year. It is probably that this lead will be followed by other water boards and companies.'

I wonder what London charges for its water these days. [I doubt Thames Water in North London has reduced their charge despite the fact that they've run out of the stuff. I used to live in North London but don't blame me as I have as little to do with water as possible. - spim] In view of this maybe the Home of Today has the right advice yet again:

'A waterless cooker has been devised which makes it possible to cook meat, one or two vegetables and a pudding at one time, entirely without water. Not only is considerable economy effected by this method of cooking but the food is much more palatable and digestible. It is an ideal cooker for the woman who has little time to spend preparing meals.'

[Well it would be more palatable and digestible without being drowned in half a gallon of water.

'Where's my dinner?!'

'Coming dearest, I'm just hosing down the roast beef and wringing out the spotted dick.' - spim]

Talking of Dick brings us nicely to Enid Blyton5.

Hidden Berries

Find them and underline those you must not eat.

  1. If the snowdrifts thaw, surely we shall have floods?
  2. Play your drum with a rumpti-tum!
  3. Here comes a wicked knight! Sh! A demand for money is on his lips!
  4. Let Philip rivet that broken jug for you.
  5. You may drink from this fountain all ye who come this way.
  6. I will row and you can steer.
  7. With one hand on your hip, stand at ease.
  8. There are two thrushes - the song thrush and the mistle. To each is given a beautiful song.

Here's another Enid treat, just because you've been good. A little poem, and you can supply the last word. Special prize awarded.

The Herald

He stood beside the little pond

His golden trumpet showing

Spring was dancing just beyond

Where primroses were growing

She tiptoed near; the herald blew

A fanfare, gay and shrill;

Spring knew the herald - so do you

The golden - - - - - - - -

The Hootoo Home of Today Archive

Terri & Yoda

and spimcoot

21.08.03 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1No wonder all w**k and no play made Jack so dull.2Literally, Water of Life.3The World's Drinks and how to mix them: The Hon Wm (Cocktail) Boothby.4Daily Express publications.5Enid Blyton's Book of the Year.

Bookmark on your Personal Space

Conversations About This Entry



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


h2g2 Entries

External Links

Not Panicking Ltd is not responsible for the content of external internet sites


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more