h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mornin Novo,

Trust me you don't want to go there. They have a lousy diet, deep fried mars bars and rowies, they all smoke 60 a day that rersults in the worst health stats in Europe. They have a bloated public sector funded by the Barnett formula and crooked politicians who fiddle their expenses. Even the TV presenters arrange for their husband's production companies to get lucrative deals.

The wonderful arrangements for the care of the elderly and higher education everybody knows is unsustainable. That's why they all move to England and their politicians prefer Westminster to Holyrood, Donald Dewar excepted and he died.

Then there's the dreaded highland midge that makes the mosquito look like a castrated housefly.

The locals all believe Braveheart, even the educated ones with degrees in Scottish history, they actually cheer in the cinema so there is a constant anti English niggle. Would you credit it they burnt an effigy of Wayne Rooney on Saturday night.

Trust me mate you're better off in England.

Nothing like a bit of stunning exaggeration, is there?

Mornin W A

Thanks for that.......... a jolly good laugh, and in the spirit of the thread I was hoping for!

Can't get over a mental picture of Mel Gibson withh half a blue face, and a dreadful accent...

And you're right about the dreaded midge, absolutely spot on... perhaps that's what makes the Scots a wee bit dour - and resident in England?

Novo

It's not a midge, it's a midgie, in Scotland

Afternoon Deakie

Whatever the bloody things are called, - you can keep them!

But thanks for the correction.

Sympathies,
Novo

Oh, I don't want them either, that's why I moved from Scotland to Portugal!!

Gimme the mozzies any day!

Hi Deakie,

Another sensible Scot then?

Novo

In the sprit of the thread then,

I am proud that Scotland has been standing in the way of English Independence since 1707.

In fact, England is owned by the Scots. It was our King James VI who unified the crowns in 1605 (ish), subjourning the English to Scots rule. That tradition is continuing into the present day with the current PM a Scot, the next one a Scot and probably the one after that too. It was a Scot who set up your banking system (William Paterson) in 1694. Without John Logie Baird, there would be no BBC and without Alexander Graham Bell, there would be no phone lines. So there would be no HooToo for Englishmen to get their facts hopelessly incorrect on.

I think England has done rather well under Scots rule and you should jolly well think twice about getting uppity about it now.

ps, for the sake of any USAians lurking hereabouts - Scots provided the template for your Bill of Rights, we heavily influenced your Declaration of Independence and we financed the railways that won the West.

Scots eh? Wha's like us? Damn few an' they're a' deid

Strange isn't it that all the future novels of the last century that didn;t deal with post nuclear cyberpunk 21st century instead imagined a greater merging of the nations on earth. Yet what we see at the moment does not seem to be going that way. Scotland, Wales, NI and England and their devolution is perhaps not indicative of these though. Dunno whether it is because I am older and pay more attention to news and global events, or whether there really is an increase in desire to go it alone.

Just a musing, (not amusing!).

Before I forget, we invented footie as well

Nice one SWL



Who is up for the next swing at the ball then?

Novo

SWL

As a Scot, brought up in an honourable culture where mutual respect is the norm, I will steadfastly refrain from replying to WA's tirade with a detailed list of exactly why my previous home in Scotland is a squillion times better than the miserable, unfriendly, uncivilised, soulless, humourless, polluted, overcrowded and crime-ridden middle-class hell-pit of a town in the south of England where I now live .

However, the comment about taking Braveheart seriously was clearly meant in jest, so I'll regard the whole post in the same light.

And of course, it is a Scot (Zefram Cochrane) who invents Warp Drive in 2063.

And didn't Captain James T Kirk depend on a Scot in extremis?

What surprises me is that you haven't mentioned the Whisky or the Pipes, or the daft skirt the brawny men wear, - but then perhaps that's because all three were 'invented' by the Irish?

Novo

Dear oh Dear Dave B,

If your present home is truly as bad as your post implies, would you consider repatriation?

Especially perhaps , if an English Govt. provided assisted passage?

If I start an 'English Parliament Party ', one of my objectives , apart from those outlined in earlier posts, would be to repatriate all the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish (who wish to go)- with assisted flights of course, with the aim of reducing the pollution and overcrowding to which you refer. ( NB I do not attribute all the soulessness, misery and crime to the barbarians in our midst )

Novo

Bagpipes? Wasn't that the Georgians?

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Aye, without a moment's hesitation. Unfortunately all the jobs for us highly trained Scottish engineers and scientists seem to be down here

I'll let others ponder the reasons for that.

So if we do get the split of the union, who's next?

Obviously one of the first will The People's Republic of Yorkshire.
Then Lancashire cos they can;t be doing with Yorkshire having anything they ain;t got.

Cornwall will become it's own Kingdom toot suite and any non cornish people there at the time will be declared to be French and forcibly repatriated.

The Scottish Highlands will the declare independance from the lowlands (or vice versa, it's never that clear) and declare allegiance to Norway.

Someone will inevitably claim independance for Rockall.

Hampshire will send a very nice letter to everyone asking if it would be OK for them to have some independance, but not too much, if it's alright that is. With a pink bow. And an RSVP at the end. And they'll promise to keep the Queen as their head of state.

London won't notice anything has happed.

London won't notice anything has happened.



So True.

Mind you, Hampshire will have one helluva disproportionately large navy.

Actually Novo the modern kilt was invented/redesigned by......an englishman!

I wear a kilt and despite this Im very English, I know this because I organised a small footabll tournament in Mexico. After a few games of "musclar challenges" and hoofing the ball out of defence one French guy came up and said "You dont appear English but you play very English"

We already have an English Parliament and through several wars we "encouraged" other countries to be part of it in much the same way that my tackles "encourage" other players to give me the ball. I think its a bit rich now for us to say we want a seperate English Parliament simply because the lunatics have taken over the assylum.