An African Adventure - Anyone for Dennis Part 4

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This is the first time that the Knolly Estate has allowed the great man's memoirs to be published. What follows is the thirty third chapter of 'The African Adventure'.

Anyone for Dennis - Part 4

The warmth of the day struck us both as we opened the door. We began to stroll past a now clean and working fountain that was fortunately devoid of our combination-clad capering cavorting comedian.

'You know, Monty's going to be unhappy about Bertie and me not joining the regiment,' I said, 'especially after the time we have spent here. At least I can give him some hints as to what is really going on.'

'Do you think you should?' asked Elspeth.

I pondered this for a moment. 'But of course! He is the one I'm charging to look after you and he needs to have some idea of what is at stake. And be aware, Elspeth, I shall be bending the truth somewhat, so please play the empty-headed hostess just this once. Or better still, act like an officer.'

She smiled in a way which reminded me of a tiger I had once seen at close quarters in India. 'Oh my, sir! Rest assured that I shall be the soul of discretion. Pah! Where is one's fan when one needs to hide one's face behind one?'

I sighed and rolled my eyes. 'I'm glad to see you are enjoying this.'

She stopped and took my arm. 'Knolly! Please don't treat me as an empty-headed fool!'

Like a naughty schoolboy, I avoided eye contact, shuffled my feet and mumbled 'sorry'.

Elspeth could see that I was somewhat embarrassed and presented a verbal olive branch. 'You have actually given me an idea, though,' she said. 'I will just countermand the orders that Nix issued at Cecil's request!'

'Capital idea! Why didn’t I think of it?'

'Because, dear Knolly, you are a man and I am a woman. You ought to know that we women are renowned for changing our minds.'

I mulled over this statement for some time, for to have answered it could have ended in one of many ways, none of which would have been at all pleasant for me. I was rescued by espying the messenger whom Bertie had tracked down after the tennis match.

'Ah! Trooper Rose! All refreshed, I see. Is Captain Montague about?'

Rose pointed a finger. 'Inthemainofficesir, I'mfine, thankyouforaskingsir, horseisabitblownthoughsoI'llbe stayinghereforawhileIshouldsay.'

I was quite taken aback by the speed of his reply and his breathing control. Quite how Bertie had got anything out of him I don't know. We thanked him and continued on our way, past the many horses that were now being led out of the stables. The barracks, too, was a hive of activity and Elspeth nodded approvingly. Though she was not in uniform her men all snapped smartly to attention and saluted as she walked past. She led the way to a room that, by the sound of it, was adjacent to the stabling area.

'JONES!!!' bellowed a voice form the doorway. 'Where's my bleeding sword?!' It seemed that we had found our man.

Elspeth coughed from the doorway. 'Ah, captain! One would assume that a "bleeding sword" would be a different implement than, say, an "oozing sword" or indeed a "gushing sword'?' She tried desperately to stifle any hint of laughter and maintain a serious pose. 'Just how many swords does a captain of cavalry have to carry with him if a different one is required for all eventualities? I can see that I still have much to learn about warfare.'

I chuckled from behind Elspeth and waved at Monty over her shoulder. He stood, saluted and then tried in vain to come up with a witty riposte (which was never his forte). Instead, he chose me as his target. 'Ah… good… Knolly. Not in uniform, then? I'm sure the Quartermaster was supposed to issue kit to you and Bertie. We can't hang about, you know. Got to catch up with Stumpy's crew.'

'I'm glad you brought that up...' I said rather meekly.

'JONES!' he yelled once more. 'Where the devil is he? I am so sorry, Mrs Devries, but things are a bit fraught at the moment what with this exercise Colonel Nix has sprung upon us.'

'That is precisely one of the reasons I am here,' said Elspeth. 'Exactly where is the Colonel, Monty? I wish to speak with him as I am not aware of any manoeuvres and it is my regiment, after all!'

'Well, that's deuced odd I must say! I'm sure the written orders I saw were countersigned by your good self !' said Monty as he sat down slowly and looked rather bemused.

I sought to take advantage of Monty's distraction; I thought that this was a good time to tell him the two truths: that Bertie and I would not be joining him and — rather more significantly — that the whole of Europe was potentially on the verge of war.

'Monty,' I piped up, 'listen to what I have to say. There is good reason why I am not yet in uniform. Furthermore, you ought to know why Bertie and I are here in the first place. We...'

'You hollered for me, sir?' said Jones from the doorway.

'I did indeed, Corporal. Two things. One: where the blazes is my sword? Two: go and find the present whereabouts of the Colonel as Mrs DeVries wishes to discuss our current orders with him. Get to it!'

Corporal Jones saluted smartly and responded confidently. 'Your sword is currently being sharpened, sir, as you yourself requested not ten minutes ago.'

Monty glared at Jones, whose smart military salute took on the air of a derisory two-fingered salute to his Captain. 'Madam, if you would care to follow me we will see if the Colonel is available.'

'Corporal Jones, the Colonel is always available to me. Lead the way!'

'Of course he is, ma'am — but I must warn you that he is in one of his — er, how can I put this? — less receptive moods.'

'Elspeth, please be careful...' I began. At this Monty gave me a quizzical look.

'Knolly, this is my regiment and I outrank everyone!' Elspeth exclaimed and off she went in a defiant huff.

'Is there something going on between the two of you?' asked Monty as soon as Elspeth was safely out of earshot. I admit, I was momentarily short-tempered in my reply.

'Monty, I must warn you that there are events in motion that will have significant and terrible consequences. Would you rather hear about this or shall we discuss affairs of the heart?'

Monty was taken aback. 'Please. Carry on.'

I proceeded to let Monty know some inkling of what had been going on. His eyes seemed to get wider and wider as I let him in on the secret world within which Bertie and I now worked and the fact that Africa was fast becoming a powder keg which could plunge Europe into war. Needless to say, I thought it best not to recount the matters concerning the Countess, as I did not think that he would be able to fully assimilate this information. In any case, I could not afford my attention to wander too much in the direction of that siren.

Once I'd finished, his eyes returned to their normal size. 'Knolly, would you like a drink?' he asked, proffering a hip flask. I shook my head.

'Well, I damn well do!' With that, he took a hefty swig of what smelt like brandy. 'So! Rhodes and Jameson intend to light the fuse and use us and some other poor souls as match and kindling?'

'Well, yes, you could put it like that.'

'And you believe the Boers already know about this?'

I nodded.

'And you won't let on how you and Bertie discovered this piece of information?'

I nodded. Correct again.

'But Knolly, where is the proof, man? I'm a soldier. I am a soldier and I follow orders... and here they are.' He waved a scrap of paper at me. 'Rhodes is our Prime Minister, for God's sake! I've seen the newspapers and he has more than enough justification for leading us into the Transvaal.'

'Monty, I appreciate that it is hard to believe, and I am afraid that I have no proof that I can lay before you. I'm too late to stop Stumpy and his men from getting caught. But you I can stop and if nothing else I want you to look after Elspeth during my absence. I want you to take her away on exercises. I most definitely do not want her in the house when Jameson and Rhodes return. It's bad enough that that poltroon Croton is still on the loose.'

'Knolly, I thank you for the warning and I take it that you and Bertie will not be joining us?'

I nodded and allowed myself a small sigh of relief.

'And as for our Colonel-in-Chief, I fully expect that she will issue me with new orders and I shall do my duty accordingly. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do. I look forward to seeing you again, Knolly. Ah! Here are Mrs Devries and Corporal Jones.'

'Captain, for your information I have spoken with Colonel Nix and I am not at all sure that he understood or even listened to what I had to say. So here are your new orders.' She handed him a folded piece of paper and then continued. 'Knolly and Bertie will be using one of your wagons and we will escort them as far as Bloemfontein. After that I will decide where and what we do next.'

Monty saluted. 'Bloemfontein it is, then,' and he winked at me.

'Come, Knolly! I need to get changed and you need to see how Bertie is getting on with your packing.'

I turned and shook Monty's hand. 'We'll be ready as soon as we can. I would not wish to hold you up any longer than necessary.'

Once outside and out of any troopers' earshot I questioned Elspeth about Hugh Nix. 'Well, how was he?'

'He was quite clearly in one of his 'states'. I think that he saw me as some giant butterfly and was therefore far too frightened to put up any sort of argument.'

'And your new orders?'

'Knolly, they do not concern you except to know that Monty, his men and I will be heading south away from the border region on a separate exercise. How were your discussions with Monty?'

'Well, he now knows more than he did, but he wants real proof. I am afraid that I cannot convince him in the same way as I managed with you.'

'Quite so!' she said with a girlish giggle. 'I think that would be more of a job for your friend Mr Wilde. However, you have warned Monty and with my new orders he can look after me and keep what remains of the regiment out of any trouble.'

I was lost for words until I saw Bertie waving from the doorway. He walked towards us, missed his footing and then promptly fell down the stairs.

'Oh dear!' said Elspeth, her voice loaded with genuine concern for my fallen colleague. 'He seems to have forgotten to remove his magnifying headwear! I do hope that he is unhurt.'

I confess (only somewhat ashamedly) that when I saw that Bertie was still wearing the odd optics, the first thought to spring into my mind was that God only knows what he might have packed!

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