Death is one of the biggest taboos in our society, although it lurches at every corner. Each time we encounter machines, electricity, heat, gravity, water, even time itself, we are always aware of the posibility of an end. But what we so commonly ignore in life are the improbable events which cannot be explained, that just happen. These can happen at any time and they do. The ironic part of it is this, that if you don't think it will happen to you, then it just might. Awareness is the key. This article has been made as an attempt to document this unpredictable aspect by the compilation of a list of a hundred and one improbable deaths to be avoided. Suicide can not be included here because it is in opposition to our goal: to avoid these subtle forms of death. These are the 101 deaths to avoid, divided into nine main categories as follows:

Coincidences and Cliches

All the most common cliches, although well publicised in movies, novels, and television, are in fact, quite improbable to die in. This is what makes them all the more tricky to avoid.

• Getting killed while trying to fake your own death.
• Bad hospital food. - Several hospitals have had cases of salmonella poisoning.
• Malfunctioning parachute.
• Going back in time and erasing yourself. eg. by accidentally killing your own grandfather.
• Getting hit on the head with a rock. -Always watch out when someone picks up a rock.
• Getting hit on the head by a grand piano.
• Falling out of a window.
• Do not join Starfleet, get a red uniform, join the crew of the original Enterprise, and go on an away mission with Kirk. Because without fail, you will die in some bizarre manner.
• Knowing too much. -Don't listen in on mafia conversations, etc.
• Avoid picking up the invaluable items left sitting in plain sight on a table by the enemy.
• If alone during a killing spree, DO NOT investigate every strange noise, take time out to have sex, fall asleep, turn back around, close the medicine cabinet, take a shower, trip on nothing, go up the stairs, or to open any doors that could be harboring anything from a knife-wielding maniac to a gelatinous amoebae from another world.
• Getting your planet blown up¹ by Darth Vader in the death-star, The Vogons, etc.
• When you get pulled over for a minor traffic violation, get out of your car and run screaming and flapping your arms at the police car. Don't do this.

The Embarrassing

These are to be avoided on the principle of dignity.

• Naked.
• Dying after cracking a joke which nobody laughs at.
• The third most embarrassing way to die, that is with your arm stuck down a wombat hole. As described in the wildlife section of this article about Australia.
• Dying on the toilet.
• Drowning in a toilet.
• Fall through the hole in an outhouse.
• Not getting to the bathroom on time: In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Tycho Brahe² known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.
• A jet empties it's waste tanks, as the waste plummets to earth it freezes solid, and crashes through the roof of your house, killing you instantly.
• crashing your car while picking your nose, thus peircing your brain.
• Being loved to death: Death during the sexual act³.
• Tripping down a flight of stairs at the shopping-centre while trying to hit on a girl.

The Tragic

Try not to let anything like this happen, ever.

• Having a heart attack after discovering that you've just won the lottery⁴.
• Taking the bullet for the wrong person.
• Till death do us part: Dying on, or straight after your wedding day.
• After being rescued from the Jungle/Dessert/Shipwreck/Disaster etc., the rescue plane crashes and explodes⁵.
• Diving into the shallow end of a swimming pool.
• Trampled by a herd of rampaging elephants.
• Of a heart attack while excercising on mothers day.
• As a pedestrian, being impaled by a reversing car with a bike rack. It happens. They're tricky, those bike racks.
• Survive alone in the wilderness, through animal attacks, and on the fourth day, perish from eating a poisonous seed.
• Stuffing snow into a chicken: One afternoon in 1625, Francis Bacon⁶ was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did. Don't be like Bacon, use a fridge.

The Ironic

To dodge these, try not to either be a hypocrite or "test fate".

• Stepping in front of a bus when you're the leading advocate of pedestrian safety.
• Cutting the branch supporting yourself.
• Winning the week-old potato salad eating contest at the county fair.
• Dying from a frankly pathetic quantity of drugs. -Drug use is bad.
• Accidently setting yourself on fire while demonstrating fire safety.
• Getting run over by a hearse.
• Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge - killing him.
• George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him.
• Being crushed to death by a drinks machine while trying to tip it over to get a free drink. It's only a buck, it's not worth your life.
• Trapped in a collapsed copy machine when copying your butt.

Obscure Ways

You just never know sometimes.

• Auto-erotic immolation/asphyxiation.
• Being a Rider on the Storm, and falling off your horse.
• Suffocation by duct tape.
• Struck by Chinese satellite.
• Run down by a mo-ped.
• Being kicked by a horse.
• Being electrocuted by a street light.
• Spontaneous human combustion.
• Being defibrilated with an iron.
• Of a really, really, really big paper cut.
• Being hit by lightning during an electricity shortage.
• Drown in a large vat of your own sperm/urine/bodily fluid.
• Death by Cat scratch. No really, it does happen.
• Laughing your head off. -may involve laughing gas or a guilotine.
• Suffocation with face buried in a large pair of breasts. This actually happened. It might happen to you, so remember: Go for the breats, by all means, but remember to breathe!
• Death by jellyfish.
• Being clubbed to death by a vibrator.
• An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head: According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head⁷ for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead. If you are bald and you see an eagle carrying a tortise, just don't stop and stare.

Most Annoying

Past the Pain Barrier, there is the Annoying Barrier.

• Two weeks after getting the Flu shot, you die of the flu.
• Getting accidentally killed by your future grandson upon his arrival from the future.
• Survive plane going down at sea, only to find out that the cushions CAN'T be used as flotation devices.
• Being beaten to death with a chair by a hillbilly on "Jerry Springer."
• Electric carving knife gets away on you while carving Thanksgiving turkey.
• While taking your temperature, sneezing and eating your thermometer.
• To be hit in the head by a falling disco ball.
• To be run over by a slow-moving electric milk wagon.
• Death by computer.
• Dying while trying to get the child-proof lid off of your prescription medication.
• After your death, come back to life again during a party over your death.
• Food poisoning after eating the 'mystery kebab' at the local kebab store.
• Slipping on the banana peel of the banana you have just eaten.

Stupidity

With stupidity you've got almost no hope.

• Getting executed with a big smile on your face, Under the impression that it is all just a practical joke.
• Running with scissors.
• Watch way too many cartoons, and decide that if Sylvester can walk on power lines, so can you! (this actually happened)
• Playing catch with a rattle-snake.
• Juggling hand grenades, knives, chainsaws, etc.
• Speeding onto the runway of an airport to be treated to the blast of a 737 preparing for take-off.
• Driving off a cliff by not double-checking if a road actually exists.
• Arc welding in the bathtub.
• Shooting a cactus in the middle of the dessert as target practice, whereupon, the cactus falls on you. This has happened too.
• Breathing in sewer gas... intentionally. Just leave the sewer gas alone!

Obstinacy

With this one, you have less hope than with Stupidity.

• Getting struck by lightning⁸ immediately after stating: "Nothing can stop me now!"
• Getting killed while doing a death-defying stunt.
• Falling into your own booby trap.
• Dying during or after telling your mother-in-law what you really think of her.
• Trying to beat a train at the crossing gates only to be struck by an oncoming vehicle whose driver had the same mad plan.
• In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide⁹. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.
• Going insane enough to want to destroy the world and then actually succeeding.
• William Henry Harrison was elected President of the United States of America. On the 4th of March 1841, at his inaguration, he refused to wear a hat and overcoat. He died of pneumonia on the 4th of April as a direct result.

Hardest

These are the very difficult ways to die which should still be avoided if possible, but can have beneficial implications in a cool or stylish way as you can see.

• Making your murderer look, sound and feel like a complete fool moments before you die. The point with this one is not to get killed. But if you do, try this as a consolation prize.
• killing the person who has just killed you. -A cliche, like the previous point, as a total last resort.
• Forgiving the person who has just killed you. -Difficult to do.
• Killing and forgiving the person who has just killed you. eg. hamlet.
• On your death-bed, tell a really amazing shocking secret to those around you. If you don't have one, make one up.
• Being blinded, deafened, muted, crippled, and tortured without giving up.
• Embalmed and buried in a giant, 540 foot tall pyramid.
• Die while farting. -Always extremely funny no matter what the circumstances, position or last words are, with many variations possible. It's hard because you have only the one last chance.
• Of Old Age. -Of course it has never been avoided yet, but that's why it's absolutely the hardest way to die.

You will notice that many of the categories overlap. This is unavoidable however surely understandable. Also for those who counted and found it to be a little over 101, well, good for you.