Hull, Hell & Misrepresentation

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“Oh Lord Save us…” so the ancient proverb goes, “ …from Hull, Hell and Halifax”
…And Hull has had a bad press ever since. I would like to change that view. It is a gross misrepresentation. I have lived all my life near Hull (or at least, the bit of it I have had up until now) and I can state categorically that it is “a nice place”.

First of all, Hull is not called “Hull”. It is called Kingston. Kingston upon Hull. As far as I know, noone refers to Newcastle upon Tyne as “Tyne” or Kingston upon Thames as “Thames”, Why this peculiar habit has developed is unknown, but henceforth Hull should be referred to by its correct name. Kingston.

Some interesting(ish) facts about Kingston.
1) Kingston is so called because it was granted its first royal charter by King William of Orange. Otherwise famous for being a Dutchman invited to be King of England (to prevent the Catholics taking power) and for bashing a lot of Irish (hence the Orange Order in Ireland).
2) Kingston played a major role in the development of modern British democracy. In 1642, the elders of the town decided (in a meeting in a room in a building which is now “The Olde White Hart” pub- an excellent hostelry in the old part of Hull and definitely worth a visit) to bar King Charles from the city. Charles wanted to enter Hull to take control of the major garrison and weaponry. This act of defiance was the first major blow against the Royalists and sparked the Civil War that resulted in the removal of much of the power of the monarchy and the foundation of the British parliamentary system.
3) Kingston has what is widely recognised to be the smallest window in Britain (if not the world). It is sited next to the Georgian Inn, in a bizarrely named street called “The Land of Green Ginger” (honest). It was used by the stable boy to see when the coach arrived in the days when the Georgian was a coaching inn.
4) Until recently Kingston boasted the longest single span suspension bridge in the world. The Humber Bridge has a total span of 2,220M and a tower height of 155M. The length of cable supporting the bridge is 71,000 Km.

Some good things about Kingston
1) Traffic problems. Unlike most places in Britain we have very few. If you are stuck in traffic for more than 10 minutes or so in Kingston you are very unlucky. So at 5.45pm on a Friday, whilst Londoners and Mancunians are sat in their slow moving cars, Kingston folk are enjoying a glass of wine in the garden.
2) Prices. Food and beer are relatively cheap compared to many places in Britain. Many pubs offer two meals for £5.00… all day… every day.
3) Countryside. Within 10 – 15 minutes drive of the centre of Kingston you can be in The Wolds. An area of unique natural beauty and one of the great undiscovered countryside areas of Britain.
4) Housing. Even in the upmarket areas it is still quite possible to buy a four-bedroom house for well under £200,000.
5) The Deep, the Museum Quarter and the KC Stadium. The Deep is probably the UK’s best deep aquarium, the museum are suprisingly good, and the KC stadium is home of Hull City, a football (soccer of you’re American) team currently languishing in Division Three but undoubtedly a major Premiership club-in-waiting. Hull City is the team for which the phrase “sleeping giant” was coined.
6) The Marina. The centre of Kingston features a marina that is picturesque and pleasant. Unfortunately it is adversely affected by (1) and (3) below.
7) Shopping. The centre of Kingston features two major shopping centres and wide variety of shops… if you like that sort of thing.
8) North Sea Ferries. Anyone living North of, say, Nottingham who travels by car to continental Europe, Forget Diver and the Channel ferries. Try the Hull ferry. You’ll like it.
9) Kingston Communications. Kingston has it’s own, unique telephone system. Cheaper calls than BT.
10) The people. Kingston people are Yorkshiremen. They are open, friendly and down-to-earth.

Some bad things about Kingston
1) The people. Unfortunately, some aren’t
2) The accent. The Kingston Accent is unique. What is more, at best a mild Kingston accent is grating. At worst, it sounds bloody awful.
To give you a flavour, examples are: -
“At the other end of the Street” would be “daan rerd”
“I will telephone him” would be “al fern im”
3) The Yob Mentality. Unfortunately there is a sizable contingent of Kingstonians who have a dreadful yob mentality (see 1 above). In some places you would delight in taking your family for a stroll around the marina for on a summer’s eve followed by a drink and perhaps a meal. Not in Kingston… unless you wish your children to experience a rude awakening to the worst drunken activities of those of “The Yob Mentality”

So, on balance, the good things about Kingston win by 10 to 3. The old rhyme is an unfair representation of Kingston upon Hull. It is definitely a nice place.

Incidentally, I’ve also been to Halifax. It is also a quite “a nice place”. I haven’t been to Hell, but I understand it is not to good unless you’re into high temperatures and torture… though that may be an unfair misrepresentation…

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