revenge
Created | Updated Sep 4, 2003
I flew into New Jersey to meet my girlfriend. We met and drove out to her apartment to get settled in, and then she had to go to work. Her brother and a friend of his, Tilo, were there and wanted to go hang out on the town for a little while. So we did. We went to the downtown shopping district, and I bought a bunch of bricabrac, gifts for my girlfriend, gifts for me, you know the sort of thing I'm talking about... STUFF.
I was rockin' to some tunes on my minidisc player standing outside some shop Tilo wanted to go into. I didn't feel the need to go in due to the ridiculous crowd in there, so I was just standing outside the door in the gaggle of my shopping bags. Kim's brother had disappeared somewhere along the way, but Tilo didn't seem too bad of a guy, so I wasn't worried. Suddenly Tilo comes out in a little bit of a hurry, and drops something small, red and blue into his only bag and says,
"Go! Now!"
I grabbed my bags and started to leave expeditiously, but just as I turned around, there was security all over the place.
"Hold it right there!"
I held it, and they brought in a guy and a girl that looked like house detectives. They didn't give me too much grief, just verified that I hadn't even been in the store, and that there was no stolen merchandise in my bags. They questioned Tilo a little more vigorously, and then sat him against the planter out front and returned to me. The dude pulled out a small digital camera thing with a screen and inserted a memory stick. Ran through two dozen pictures of half naked women I'd never seen before, and then a bunch of group shots of mixed company obviously enjoying themselves at the beach.
He picks a guy out of one of the pictures, and starts morphing the picture.
"Tell me when you recognize this face."
The guy in the picture has kinda stringy dark hair like Tilo's, but doesn't really look much like him for a while. Soon enough, the detective guy thins out the face to look almost like Tilo, and then starts thickening it.
"Go back to the way it was before," I say.
Upon retracing his steps, I look over at Tilo, and it is the spitting image. I tell the guy this.
"Always the first try," he boasts to the chick.
He returns to the half-naked women, and tells the chick she can use a particular busty blonde. The detective-types pack up their gear, the security guys let us go after retrieving the stolen merchandise, and we are on our way...
Epilogue:
The female detective enters the no-tell motel room where the busty blonde prostitute is staying. Busty blonde in panties and high-heels, showing off that bust for the paying customers. Other woman in drag with Tilo's face. Detective-type brandishes a razor and shaves off busty blonde's nipples. As the blond screams in pain and rage, she says,
"You know who you f****n' with!?"
The end.
