How to go Camping for the Night

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Camping, one step closer to the wild, eight steps further from home. If you are ever going camping for the night here is a list of what may happen.

  1. Pack suitcase including washing kit, clothes, blanket, sleeping bag, pillow, plate's, food and cutlery, tent, pegs, stool, lantern, newspaper, roll-mat, stove, matches, lots of water etc.
  2. Try to catch the cat to take to a home for the weekend.
  3. Fail miserably.
  4. Lock all doors and cat-flap.
  5. Corner cat in the bathroom.
  6. Lunge at the cat.
  7. Get severely scratched and call the cat many names you shouldn't.
  8. Eventually get cat in it's basket and make your way to the car.
  9. Lock house up.
  10. Get onto motorway only to realise you forgot the tent and have to go back home.
  11. Unlock house.
  12. Get back and fetch tent.
  13. Lock up house.
  14. Get back in the car and head for the motorway.
  15. Take the cat to its home and give it to its new carer.
  16. Get back in car and search map for nearest doctors.
  17. Make your way to the doctors and get your main wounds cleaned and dressed.
  18. Drive to your camping destination.
  19. Stop for fuel at 3 different motorway services.
  20. Eventually get to your destination and unpack car.
  21. Put up tent.
  22. Use rock to hit in pegs because you forgot the mallet.
  23. Unpack all your kit and set about lighting the stove.
  24. Break every match in the box and have to resort to using crude flint tools.
  25. Wait an hour or so for stove to heat up.
  26. Cook your meal and eat slowly.
  27. Go into tent and curl up to read the paper.
  28. Forget to close insect door.
  29. Get badly bitten by a swarm of midges.
  30. Hit as many midges as you can with the paper and close the insect door.
  31. Hang up and turn on lantern.
  32. Continue reading paper.
  33. Listen as rain starts to fall.
  34. It gets harder.
  35. And harder.
  36. And harder.
  37. Remember all the stuff you left outside and run to retrieve it.
  38. Put it all in the porch.
  39. Get in sleeping bag and it begins to get colder.
  40. Spend the night very much awake for you seemed to have pitched your tent on the lumpiest bit of ground you can find.
  41. Get up in morning.
  42. Get dressed and leave to try and get the stove going.
  43. Give up.
  44. Pack tent up hastily and cram as much as you can into the car.
  45. Make your very grumpy way home and stop at the motorway services for a very much appreciated breakfast.
  46. Grudgingly go and retrieve cat.
  47. Get scratched again but get the cat.
  48. Make it home eventually and vow never to go camping again.
  49. Take one heck of a bath.
  50. Apologise to the cat and unpack car.

So now you see a possible list of the things that can happen when you go camping. Don't let this put you off though, I still very much enjoy camping. The great outdoors is a wonderful thing. If you get it right you'll have the time of your life.

Enjoy camping.

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