h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As part of a major peace treaty between the Asgard and the Klingons, the former are giving the latter a shipment of 10,000 tonnes of high-density dragonite. This is worth a large planet on the open market; if you play your cards right on the black one, you could have enough money to buy a whole solar system! It is not advisable to try this, however; the potential seller will likely be suspicious, and if they agree to sell it to you, they will then use the dragonite to make a huge space fleet to recapture it. And now the adventure begins.

*Crouches behind a crate and waits for assistance.*

*A tap is felt on Hussassan's shoulder, HDS has arrived*

so, what's dragonite anyway?

An incredibly rare mineral, seen in the animé series Outlaw Star, rarer even than gundanium. It is used to make the most powerful ships of space pirates, who manage to get enough of it through plundering, raping, and pillaging. Each kilogram of it is worth over $100 Altairian.

Hi boys any room for a temporarily unemployed mercenary

sure. So, how we gonna get it out? dock and steal; transport it out; or take over the ship, ransom the crew, sell the dragonite, and either sell or keep the ship?

Have you guy's got any ladies in the crews, 'cos if these guys are your usual space labourers a little female charm goes a long way, all they'll need is a short skirt and drugged beer

Damn wrong button

Anyway what I was saying was then we can load the dragonite onto our own ships and be off

so, should we use transporters, or dock with this ship?

Hey Reef. I as thinking of hacking into the robotic part of the crew to make them carry out our wishes, and then we steal the ship. A transport that big should fetch a good price on the black market...

Sounds good to me, when do we start and have we got any buyers

sounds good to me, the more money the better

It's up to you to find the buyers. Each of us gets a percentage of the dragonite to do as we wish, I was thinking 40% for me and 30 % for each of you, with the robots going 40% to HDS and 30% to myself and Reef, who also gets the ship. That's fair, isn't it?

Sounds good to me, tho I don't really want part of the ship but am willing to sell my stake, will have a word with our friends at the Vong about buying

sounds good to me too

OK, it's settled then. I'll go into the control tower and hack the robots. You two distract the organic guards, but be warned most of them are Klingons and Asgard, so sex appeal may not work. Just do your best. *Heads to the control tower.*

Ok I'll go to the Asgard Guard see if he's interested in discussing Life, the universe and everything maybe you can challenge the Klingon to a game of pool

*grabs hold of his shock stick, shocks one Klingon into unconciousness, duels another, and gets a third into a game of sabaac with the weapons of each as the colateral*

Hi there Mr Asgard Guard I was wondering where you stood on the one supreme being theory

Oh really I don't believe that

*Punches the guard and steals his keys and pass card*

All clear this end Hussassin

*there is a Klingon battle cry from HDS's end of the hold, the sounds of chairs being overturned, a table breaking, weapons clattering about on the ground, a sharp electric buzzing, and finaly the sound of a large Klingon hitting the ground. HDS walks out from behind the crate pallets with several lethal looking Klingon weapons*

alls quite on my front, imagine, he though he could out cheat me!

Nice work people. Thanks for the keycard. *Uses it to sneak into the control tower and starts hacking.* This'll take a few minutes, so stand guard.