h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A Brief History of the Pima Nation - A1086950
Author: 0 - fkaNBY - U180337

The entry I thought I was going to write insisted that it needed to link to the entry on the Pima Nation. Since there was no entry on the Pima Nation, I felt the need to rectify that situation. Now, once I write the other entry that the entry I thought I was going to write is insisting that it needs to link to, I'll be able to write the entry that I thought I was going to write.

BTW, the story of the Pima Nation is a classic example of the paternalism shown by the United States government towards Native Americans.

Very interesting stuff. Some comments:

In the formatting of the letters, I would suggest removing the extra spaces/line breaks -- I know this is how letters are formatted in real life, but it makes reading on the screen much more difficult.

The title is somewhat misleading, as it stands, because you really only focus on very specific facets of Pima history -- namely, how they came to be overtaken by the white man. There's absolutely nothing in there about interactions and relations with other tribes, nothing about their sociological/anthropological history (what was their culture like then? what was it like now? family styles? tribal government? type of housing used?), nothing about their folk tales or legends.

Clearly, one entry can't deal with everything. But if you want the entry to be specifically about how the Pima interacted with the white settlers, then I would say that upfront (in both title and introduction), and focus squarely on that. If you want the entry to be more of a broad overview, then I think you need to take broader strokes than you have here.

Thank you for your comments, Mikey. As always, your critique is well thought out and on target.

Only one letter is presented in full, but your point about the extra line breaks is well taken.

I actually considered going into more cultural material, then decided that my reputation for *seriously* oversized entries was not in need of enhancement! Broad strokes have never been my strong point.

Changing the title and intro strikes me as more the way to go, although it could, now that I think about it, benefit from a mention of the fact that the Pima were long standing enemies of the Apache Nation, and were more than willing to give aid the forces of the US government campaiging against the Apaches.

I do want to keep the focus, overall, on the relationship between the Pima and the white settlers, and will incorporate your suggestions in the coming week.

0

I've changed the title to "United States Colonization and the Pima Nation," but I'm not really satisfied with that. The entry doesn't focus, and isn't intended to focus, the the colonization of the Uniated States.

At this point, I'm open to suggestions for a more appropriate title that isn't as long as, say "The effects of the colonization of the United States on the Pima Nation."

I've also gotten rid of the extra line breaks and inserted that sentence about the Pima actively assisting the United States government in its battles with the Apache Nation.

Any other comments or observations?

From anyone?

0

Much of what you talk about happened after the colonial period in US history, and after the US was actually its own country. So I don't think I would use the word "colonization" in the title, as it's not entirely accurate. If anything, I would go with something more like "The Pima Nation and the Western Expansion of the United States". It's a long title, though. You could just say "The Pima Nation vs the Western Expansion", but I have a feeling the average h2g2 reader wouldn't get it.

A couple of other possibilities have come to mind...

"The Pima Nation vs the United States" would pique interest, but lead to disappointment.

What do you think about "The 'Americanization' of the Pima Nation?"

I think that would be more or less accurate, but it's theoretically possible that some would find that title offensive.

It's now entitled "The 'Americanization'of the Pima Nation." Anyone who finds that title offensive is invited to suggest a better title.

Nice entry. Good detail. Amazing topic.

What whites have done in the name of 'progress' and 'destiny' to American Indians never ceases to amaze...


- Jimi X

Hi, 0!

It's great to see you back in Peer Review! I found the entry highly readable, and a very interesting introduction to a people I'd never heard of before.

The one point I found a bit hard to follow was that about the Hohokam people. You say that the Pima trace their ancestry back to the Hohokam, then that the Hohoken disappeared centuries ago. I think this could do with a bit of elaboration - when did the first recognsiably Pima traces appear in the archaeological record? Was there a gap between the disappearance of the Hohokam and the appearance of the Pima?

Otherwise, it's all very clear and should make an excellent Edited Entry.

Azara

"...when did the first recognsiably Pima traces appear in the archaeological record?"

I haven't been able to find any information on that.

"Was there a gap between the disappearance of the Hohokam and the appearance of the Pima?"

I've added a paragraph stating that the Hohokam seemed to abandon their civiliazation in about 1400 and that the first known contact with the Pima was in 1694.

Also, for additional clarity, I've added a sentence to the effect that the conection between the Hohokam and the Pima is based on Pima oral tradition only - archaelogists have been unable to prove or disprove this connection.

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Well done!

all around!

for 0!

Azara