Your Computer

You

1. 
   Power On
   
   
   The big button is pressed
   

1. 
   You are woken up
   
   
   This could be by an alarm clock, a child poking your eye out or a cockerel going "cock-a-doodle-do".
   

1. 
   Checking it's all there
   
   
   If there's something wrong here, there's not a lot you can do yourself except take it somewhere to get fixed. It could be that the power system or some other vital component has been destroyed. Or you might not have turned it on at the power socket
   

1. 
   You slowly gain consciousness and make sure you're not dead
   
   

1. 
   Some messages are displayed
   
   
   Like who made your computer and how to fill in your self-assessment tax return.
   

1. 
   You are told your name
   
   

1. 
   Your BIOS starts
   
   
   BIOS controls the critical hardware for your computer and kicks your operating system into life.
   

1. 
   You are kicked repeatedly until you get out of bed
   
   
   This probably has more than a little to do with the children and/or cockerel in point 1.
   

1. 
   The computer performs a memory test
   
   
   You may be able to press spacebar to skip the memory test
   

1. 
   You remember vaguely what you did yesterday evening
   
   
   Which may explain why you feel so bad this morning
   

1. 
   Some hardware performs self-tests
   
   
   During this stage, you may be warned about serious hardware problems. Details will be displayed on-screen.
   
   One type of error you could find here is a Battery Low or CheckSum error (if you upgraded your system, the CheckSum may also appear then). This means you should replace your computer's battery.
   

1. 
   You cautiously stretch out a leg
   
   
   To check it still works, and hasn't been gnawed off by a rampaging mob of Aardvarks, like it was in that dream.
   

1. 
   Your computer will go beep
   
   
   Beep
   

1. 
   You yawn.
   
   
   Yawn
   

1. 
   Your computer will load your Operating System
   
   
   This is normally Windows, but could also be MS-DOS, Mac OS or UNIX.
   
   
   Your computer may look to the Floppy Drive (A:) first for your operating system. If it does:
   
   • If you have nothing in your floppy drive, it will churn
   • If you have a boot disk in your floppy drive, your computer will start using that disk. This is normally so that errors with your Operating System can be fixed.
   • If you have a normal floppy disk in your drive, the computer may display an error message, eg: Non-System Disk or Disk Error. You should remove the disk and press any key.
   
   You may be able to set your computer to check the Floppy Drive first by editing your BIOS settings.
   

1. 
   You decide against that ad in the paper for a brain personality transplant
   
   
   Despite the fact that it is half price, 99% of people said they liked it and it gave them a wonderful new positive attitude to life.
   

1. 
   Windows/MS-DOS computers display the message "Starting (version)....."
   
   
   You can normally bring up a menu here (or at the "Verifying DMI Pool data...." bit just before) if you press the F8 key (this is disabled on some computers). This will give you startup options, including Safe Mode, MS-DOS Mode and Step-By-Step confirmation.
   

1. 
   At this stage you can search for your inner self
   
   
   asking those questions like, "Who am I", "What are we doing here" and "What is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything"
   

1. 
   Windows Loads with that nice Clouds background
   
   
   To rid yourself of the clouds, you can press the Esc. key. This will display the horrid text caused by your computer starting up instead.
   
   If you have a DOS computer, you will only get the option of the text.
   

1. 
   You go to Yoga
   
   
   Presenting a mental picture of calmness.
   

1. 
   Windows and MS-DOS computers run the config.sys file
   
   
   This loads some of the device drivers for your computer. Device drivers tell your computer how to communicate with the peripherals of your computer: items such as your mouse and printer. It also provides advanced options for your system, such as memory usage instructions.
   

1. 
   You have breakfast, and a cup of tea
   
   and do all those vital things you do in the morning
   

1. 
   MS-DOS and Windows computers run the autoexec.bat file
   
   
   This loads settings for MS-DOS (and Windows) and starts some programs. Your screen will probably flicker to a black background for this.
   

1. 
   You brush your teeth
   
   
   This is less important but makes your day a little nicer.
   

1. 
   With Windows computers, your system registry will load
   
   
   The registry contains information about which files do what, where to look for things and how Windows should look and act.
   

1. 
   You get dressed and decide to be a nicer person today.
   
   

1. 
   All those nagging little programs start in Windows
   
   
   Things that go in the taskbar next to the clock, the Office startup screen, miscellaneous dingbats, etc.
   

1. 
   You read the mail
   
   
   Most of this is useless and goes in the bin
   

1. 
   You will now be able to use the computer
   
   
   To fix problems with starting your computer in Windows, run System File Checker, SFC.EXE.
   

1. 
   You are now ready to start work
   
   
   To fix problems with starting your day, visit a doctor or see a psychiatrist.