Generally~~ Do not ask how about our health every time we meet, unless of course you are prepared for an honest answer.

A better start might be:

(A). It is good to see you

(B). I have been thinking about you, that time we.....

(C). May I bring you dinner? May I ____ do X.

Instead of a general offer of can I do something, offer to do something specific. It is not always easy to think of needs even if you have them. Most folks are not used to others doing practical things for us.

Occasionally say to them or their family: I have 2 hours is there anything I could do for you right now. I am going to the grocery now; can I do the same for you?

Do treat us as an individual first, with an illness second.

Please do not offer unsolicited advice. Unless you are prepared for unsolicited answers.

Do not pay a visit and expect to be entertained!

Do not stay too long!

Bring refreshments, and a treat if possible. Do not expect any. Movies or books, magazines, tapes whatever they are always welcome. Anything we are able to participate in is great to bring. Read to us. Reminisce.

Ask if you may answer the phone or door if we are busy or unable.

Do not EXPECT a return phone call or visit. Leave messages instead
saying you are thinking of them or that you are available from X number of minutes or hours. Let us know "they can call if they like but please, NO Need To Return Calls" and Mean it!

Meals and rides are often very welcomed, if not for the patient sometimes the family. Doing for the ill ones family can be a tremendous relief! Especially when the family has taken such care of them.

Don't assume that just because we look well, we feel well. Looks can be very deceiving. Many days we look great but we feel terrible.

Don't tell us you know how we feel. No one knows how anyone else feels. Two people with the same disease may feel totally different.

Don't tell me about your Aunt Mary, her MS and how well she managed in spite of it. We are not Aunt Mary, and doing our best.

Don't tell us, "It could be worse" Yes it could we know this and don't need to be reminded.

Don't decide what we are capable of doing. Let us decide what activities we can participate in. There may be times we might make the wrong decision, and if we do, we will know it soon enough.

Don't be upset that you cannot ease our problems. Just be there for us. That's the most you can do. That's the most we expect or need.

Don't ask us how we feel unless you really want to know. You may hear a lot more than you are prepared to listen to.

Don't assume because we did a certain activity yesterday that we could do it again today. Multiple Sclerosis changes from day to day.

Don't tell me about the latest fad "cure". We want to be cured more than anything, and if there is a legitimate cure out there our doctor will let us know.

Do not patronize us. It is humiliating and helps neither of us.

Do learn everything you can about the disease. The more you know, the better you will understand what to expect.

Do realize we are angry and frustrated with the disease and the limitations it puts on us, not with you.

Do let us know you are available to help us when we ask. We will be grateful. Offer lots of encouragement.

Do understand why we cancel plans at the last minute. We never know from one day to the next how we will feel. That again is the way Multiple Sclerosis is. ¹

Do continue too invite us to all the activities. Just because we are not able to bike along with the gang does not mean we can't meet you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let us decide.

You may want to offer (if you're able) to take children off their hands for a few hours/a day/overnight, or feed and/or walk animals for a set period of time (every day for a month/6 months, etc).

Though it may seem trivial, you may also want to offer to do things like a manicure/pedicure, foot massage, neck and shoulder massage, facial, makeover or some other "treat". They're little things, but they do help people to feel better about themselves.

Offer to do the gardening once a fortnight (and bring in some flowers to put in a vase).

If the person you know is some distance away, make a video message including people/animals/children they know and send it to them. Or send them photos with messages on the back (you may want to take photos of their friends, and ask each person to write what they most like/admire about the person and why on the back of the photo).

Most importantly, be our friend!! We feel very lonely at times, and friends make the difference!!