How can you have a graphic image in both film and print?
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
In which our heroine discovers the joys of Origami with the Tax notice.
In the middle distance, a small title card is driven toward you on the front basket of damaged Raleigh three speed velocipede.
A small man comforts a clay chicken.
We have no time like the present and it isn't even my birthday.
Title card comes closer.
Small man eats chicken, believing it is chocolate.
Rinse Cycle played by Tangerine Dream through an Oberheim mono synthesizer.
Small crew of dancing girls in rehearsal gear do the Ladysmith Black Mambazo shuffle across the road, throwing small Christmas crackers at the cyclist, who is hungry but too proud to mention it.
Title card is almost visible.
Cyclist is the lead actor from the road show of the "Goodbye, Mr. Chips" musical.
His mustache seems to be borrowed.
"Thank Heaven For Little Girls" played by the Tom Robinson Band, with a guest solo from the guitarist from Accept.
Finally, the title card is in view. It reads (but it can't write):
No Cell Phones In The Loo!
It messes with the thermostatic controls on the bogs!
Run opening credits.
A small field marshal leads a troop of defrocked girl scouts to a nunnery for Vespers and graham crackers and milk.
The Akron Symphonic Orchestra and Inside Straight Club play lacrosse with the Police Athletic League office staff on a sinking garbage scow in the St. Lawrence seaway during an encore performance of the musical version of "A Perfect Storm" by the Northwest Mounted Food Inspectors, a capella...on the farther shore.
A squadron of feminists on stilts dance the macarena to the tune of "Evita".
A small man in a mustache-waxed tuxedo and goatee steps into the middle ground and speaks:
Ladies and Gentleman,
Please extinguish all legal potables and illegal potatoes.
The time has come, as all times do,
for the Avril Lavigne Look-A-Like contest survivors to be burned at the stake in the car park.
Those interested should respond by leaving and picking up the complimentary faggots at the door.
The rest of you are in for a
rare treat.
Fresh from her Christmas Pantomime Tour of the East Wessex Cattle Camps,
Mrs. Irving Statenson and her Magick LLama!
To small boy playing a tin drum.
Another small boy with an aluminum baseball bat knocks the tin drum down and smashes it.
The first boy begins to cry.
The second boy gives him a back rub and a copy of Ranma 1/2.
The Bishop dances in frustration.
Cut:
To: A small table saw singing in Greek is wheeled out onto a small portable stage in a Leprosarium in Bollywood's interpretation of Ancient Pompeii.
Hellenized Edwardians roast marshmallows over Byron's funeral pyre, considering it to be a pyric victory for the publishers of his verse.
Mary Shelley and Ally Sheedy dance the Tarantella to a bad rendition of an Ozzy Osbourne tune by an East LA Polka Salsa band, who think they are playing a meringue.
Is there a doctor in the house?
How many patients have died while you were farting around in here?
Eat your beeper and don't call me in the morning.
