About the NES

The Never Ending Story (NES) is an on-going collaboratively written story based at Mental Meanderings which is written a line or two at a time.

Introduction

In a distant corner of the room lay a small, green flannel. It appeared to be alone, but if you looked closely into the shadows, you could see that a small furry creature with large amber eyes was guarding it. Its green sharp teeth were chewing through the cables. Such behaviour had already caused the lights to black out, which was soon followed by the small furry creature with large amber eyes. Consequently nobody noticed the green flannel again until the electrician arrived two hours and twenty-six minutes later. Not that this is of any importance, but it is sometimes useful to state facts. After all, during that time there wasn't much else to say in the matter, as there is little to see or describe in a completely dark room. Except for that smell, that is.

Oh Christ, the smell: fetid, rank, obnoxious, violent; the compilers of the Oxford English Dictionary had already popped round with their smell-o-metre to register the exact density of this vile whiff in order to put the address of the house - 42 Albrecht Lane, Haversham - against many of the words synonymous with the word "Ordure", the problem was that Raymond Heigh was the only person with a strong enough stomach to actually enter the premises, and his sense of smell had deserted him long ago. The even bigger problem was that Raymond Heigh doesn't exist, and, in fact, has never existed. (Incidentally, there was once a school called 'Raymond High', but that's beside the point.)'Raymond Heigh' was a false identity, created by him when he passed the school one Thursday afternoon. He had a very limited imagination. Well, when compared to a human at least, because, you see, Raymond was a by-product of an alien genetic engineering project.

Well, perhaps 'alien' is the wrong word; 'Essex-based' would be more accurate. It just seemed alien to most people, as it was situated in a part of Essex you would not find on a map. But as luck would have it, the map, too, happened to be non-existent, although only in a strictly literal sense.

Raymond Heigh entered in the room exactly two hours and twenty-six minutes after the lights went out. His right hand held the handle of his electrician’s toolkit, while the rest of him was engaged with trying to find the small furry creature. The fact that Raymond wasn't an electrician didn't seem to bother the toolkit. For indeed, it what it contained were not electrician's tools, but a tiny chimp. With a hat on.

The chimp was another escapee from the Essex genetic engineering project. It was very fond of its hat, which was made of straw, had a daffodil glued to the front of it, and was named David, the hat that is. The chimp itself was called X2, a name the scientists had given it in Essex, as, like Raymond, they lacked imagination. 'X2' was just a nickname though, his full name was 'Fiesta XR2i'... it was Essex, after all. But somewhere along the way it got shortened, no doubt by somebody in a rush. Not that the chimp cared, anyway, it was asleep. Wandering into regions unknown to any living creature. X2 stirred from his dark, dark dream.

"Raymond", whispered a soft, well-spoken voice. "I need a wee wee".

"Bloody hell" snapped Raymond, "couldn't you have gone before we left?"

"I didn't need to then,” boomed X2, his voice shooting around the inside of the toolkit in a rich resonance.

"Oh all right" grumbled Raymond as he opened the toolkit. "Find someplace," Raymond literally howled, "and step on it!" A brief silence was followed by the pattering of liquid on metal, "Not in the toolbox!" cried Raymond, defeated.

All the commotion awoke the once unconscious small furry creature, which resumed with ferocity its guard on the flannel...

"Finished? Good." said Raymond, "Now, where did you leave it?"

"Umm..." pondered X2, "over there, by the cables."

Raymond examined the region X2 was pointing at, and in confusion inquired, "By the WHAT!??"

"By the cables" repeated X2. "Oh right, sorry" mumbled Raymond, "I thought you said something else."

"Like what?" X2 pressed, "What else does 'by the cables' sound like?"

"Fry the labels," Raymond pathetically said, half embarrassed.

X2 shot a quick look at him and said, "Are you stupid, or does your face betray you?"

"Ummm..." Raymond pondered for a while, and snapped, "I don't need to be answering to a monkey!" And with that, Raymond strode toward the cables, red faced. In the dark of the room, a wry smile cracked over X2's tiny, chimp face.

As he inspected the scene, one of the distinctly red cables snapped. Raymond paused, and in that moment of speculation, was confronted with a terrible explosion!