Depression
Created | Updated Apr 9, 2009
......There is a stigma about admiting you have depression, this is the first time I have publically admitted I suffer from depression, actually, I have never told
anyone, although some may have guessed I am depressed.
.
Have I ever had it medically diagnosed?
No, and why not, because
I always thought that if you vist a doctor it
will go on your medical record, which may get back to a future employer, and at 50yrs of age is hardly going to encourage someone to give me a job! But I now believe that a future employer can not see your doctor's medical records. What is true though I have always thought if I tell a doctor it is kind of admiting everything and a big step to make.
.
Ok, so how do I know I am depressed then, well over the last 3 or 4 years it has been getting worse. Some of the symptoms are disrupted sleep pattern, waking up 2 or 3 times a night. A general apathy and losing interest in life in general. Going out less and less, sometimes even working out ways to avoid going out, like making do with the last food hidden in back of cupboard. Avoiding talking to people sometimes. If I am really honest bursting into tears at silly things on TV, sometimes deep sobs.
.
Over the last 6 months things have been getting worse, I have been taking less and less baths from my past one bath a day, down to one every 3/4 days . Changing clothes after 3 days if I haven't been out and shaving less. Letting my flat get untidy and having washing up unwashed for 4 days. Just a total "Why the hell am I bothering as it all seems such an unfulling waste of time sometimes" feeling.
.
Around 2 months ago I reached my lowest point ever,
I had been taking St John's Wort on and off, mainly on, for around 4 years, but foolishly I thought I would try to do without it around 6 months ago,
At one point a couple of months ago I just felt I could take all the remaining sleeping pills I had and just slip quietly away, maybe it was just a fleeting thought, but it was there.
I thought God, I must do something, and started the St John's wort again, thankfully this gave me a little kick up the bum!
.
I am starting to take better care of myself, and even started to go out a bit more, taking
a few photographs here and there.
.
I realise this could be used against me on here, but part of the reason I wanted to do this is I saw a programme yesterday where a young man committed suicide and no one even knew he was depressed. A Samaratan's volunteer said that men, particularly young men, are reluctant to show feelings and seek medical help.
So if you feel like me then talk to someone. The volunteer also said if a man says to you I feel so down or is in
tears, don't get embarrased and walk away, talk to them and encourage them to seek help, the Samaratans don't want to know your name, and will just listen to your problems.
.
....I don't know if what I have got is depression as haven't seen a doctor, but it sure sounds like what I have read about as being depressed!
.
If you do take St John's Wort for depression, you must tell your chemist/doctor if you take other madication as it can interact with other medication.
St John's Wort has been described as the "sunshine flower" and indeed I have sometimes wondered if I suffer from SAD, seasonally .affective disorder, as I brighten up in sunshine, and indeed am practically addicted to sunshine as literally spend days sitting in sunshine.
.
Just a little update and an example of how life changes suddenly and unexpectedly.
I am now 52 and it is June 2008.
I have been unwell for last week and went to doctor and as usual covered up that I have depression. Things took a turn for worse with illness and ended up telling doctors I have been taking St Johns Wort for 4 years and am depressed!!! Jesus, I can believe I have told them and am getting medication. What happened is I have been getting more and more jumpy over last few months, like literally jumping up from sofa if a small noise happens in room. The doctor gave me Sertraline 50mg daily.
.
From here on for next 8 months I have been sick off work with bad depression, sever chronic Generalised Anxiety Disorder, panic attacks, etc. It is now April 2009.
The Sertraline was increased in stages until at 150mg daily. I was started on Pregabaline at 100mg 3 times daily, then 200mg 3 times daily for anxiety.
The shaking and panic attacks seemed to be getting worse and head tics started too. I was having panic attacks so bad outside I was retching/vomiting and indoors running up and down my flat saying "I am a looney!" out loud.
.
Clearly it couldn't go on and eventually I went back to my GP and said I couldn't cope and could I see the Phychiatrist that was suggestd 6 months ago. I was rambling a bit and hyper. I was diagnosed with hypomania by Phychiatrist at a later date. We both thought the Sertraline anti-depressant might be causing the symptoms so it was stopped but the depression, panic attacks, shaking, etc still carried on. I even started having Paranoia and sound/vision mild hallucinations!
.
So that is where I am now really, with a Phychiatrist at what I like to call the "Crazy House" where the Community Mental health team work, it is actually quite nice there, a bit like a normal GPs surgery but with a less hassled receptionist,lol!
anyone, although some may have guessed I am depressed.
.
Have I ever had it medically diagnosed?
No, and why not, because
I always thought that if you vist a doctor it
will go on your medical record, which may get back to a future employer, and at 50yrs of age is hardly going to encourage someone to give me a job! But I now believe that a future employer can not see your doctor's medical records. What is true though I have always thought if I tell a doctor it is kind of admiting everything and a big step to make.
.
Ok, so how do I know I am depressed then, well over the last 3 or 4 years it has been getting worse. Some of the symptoms are disrupted sleep pattern, waking up 2 or 3 times a night. A general apathy and losing interest in life in general. Going out less and less, sometimes even working out ways to avoid going out, like making do with the last food hidden in back of cupboard. Avoiding talking to people sometimes. If I am really honest bursting into tears at silly things on TV, sometimes deep sobs.
.
Over the last 6 months things have been getting worse, I have been taking less and less baths from my past one bath a day, down to one every 3/4 days . Changing clothes after 3 days if I haven't been out and shaving less. Letting my flat get untidy and having washing up unwashed for 4 days. Just a total "Why the hell am I bothering as it all seems such an unfulling waste of time sometimes" feeling.
.
Around 2 months ago I reached my lowest point ever,
I had been taking St John's Wort on and off, mainly on, for around 4 years, but foolishly I thought I would try to do without it around 6 months ago,
At one point a couple of months ago I just felt I could take all the remaining sleeping pills I had and just slip quietly away, maybe it was just a fleeting thought, but it was there.
I thought God, I must do something, and started the St John's wort again, thankfully this gave me a little kick up the bum!
.
I am starting to take better care of myself, and even started to go out a bit more, taking
a few photographs here and there.
.
I realise this could be used against me on here, but part of the reason I wanted to do this is I saw a programme yesterday where a young man committed suicide and no one even knew he was depressed. A Samaratan's volunteer said that men, particularly young men, are reluctant to show feelings and seek medical help.
So if you feel like me then talk to someone. The volunteer also said if a man says to you I feel so down or is in
tears, don't get embarrased and walk away, talk to them and encourage them to seek help, the Samaratans don't want to know your name, and will just listen to your problems.
.
....I don't know if what I have got is depression as haven't seen a doctor, but it sure sounds like what I have read about as being depressed!
.
If you do take St John's Wort for depression, you must tell your chemist/doctor if you take other madication as it can interact with other medication.
St John's Wort has been described as the "sunshine flower" and indeed I have sometimes wondered if I suffer from SAD, seasonally .affective disorder, as I brighten up in sunshine, and indeed am practically addicted to sunshine as literally spend days sitting in sunshine.
.
Just a little update and an example of how life changes suddenly and unexpectedly.
I am now 52 and it is June 2008.
I have been unwell for last week and went to doctor and as usual covered up that I have depression. Things took a turn for worse with illness and ended up telling doctors I have been taking St Johns Wort for 4 years and am depressed!!! Jesus, I can believe I have told them and am getting medication. What happened is I have been getting more and more jumpy over last few months, like literally jumping up from sofa if a small noise happens in room. The doctor gave me Sertraline 50mg daily.
.
From here on for next 8 months I have been sick off work with bad depression, sever chronic Generalised Anxiety Disorder, panic attacks, etc. It is now April 2009.
The Sertraline was increased in stages until at 150mg daily. I was started on Pregabaline at 100mg 3 times daily, then 200mg 3 times daily for anxiety.
The shaking and panic attacks seemed to be getting worse and head tics started too. I was having panic attacks so bad outside I was retching/vomiting and indoors running up and down my flat saying "I am a looney!" out loud.
.
Clearly it couldn't go on and eventually I went back to my GP and said I couldn't cope and could I see the Phychiatrist that was suggestd 6 months ago. I was rambling a bit and hyper. I was diagnosed with hypomania by Phychiatrist at a later date. We both thought the Sertraline anti-depressant might be causing the symptoms so it was stopped but the depression, panic attacks, shaking, etc still carried on. I even started having Paranoia and sound/vision mild hallucinations!
.
So that is where I am now really, with a Phychiatrist at what I like to call the "Crazy House" where the Community Mental health team work, it is actually quite nice there, a bit like a normal GPs surgery but with a less hassled receptionist,lol!
