This is a collaborative log due to the fact that I was working until 20:00 hours on the day in question 10 May 2003. So any errors or ommisions attendees only have themselves to blame.

• 12:00 Zagreb arrives¹. Nobody here.
• 12:05 EV arrives and is accosted by Zagreb. Breakfast is ordered.
• 12:30 List of Turkish statesmen inaugurated.
• 12:45 Food consumed. Still no other attendees. Concerned.
• 12:50 VRHG and Jamie arrive.
• 12:55 Sir Mort arrives.
• 12:57 Table hunt is begun!
• 12:59 Table hunts ends. No table bagged.
• 13:14 Larger table vacated by elderly ladies.
• 13:15 Above table pounced on by hootoo researchers.
• 13:21 'h2g2 towel joke' inserted into potrait of Walter Scott. 'Panic ye not, sir' etc
• 13:35 The 80s are tragically discussed.
• 13:45 Meet takes a 'political turn' as the buffoonishness of Donald Rumsfeld is discussed.
• 13:54 Swedish Comedy is discussed.
• 14:01 Robert Louis Stevenson's 'good' name dragged through the muck of sexual innuendo.
• 14:05 Jamis alludes to 'arch neo-feminist' plot regarding kilts.
• 14:09 Fashion Cat and 'Fashion Cat's Brother' Alex show up.
• 14:18 FC tells EV to get on his hands and knees.
• 14:27 FC's towel comes to life and attacks Zagreb.
• 14:35 FC claims that German comedy is good. This is met with disbelief.
• 15:03 FC's bro eats ice cube. Not impressed.
• 15:20 Nizzy arrives.
• 15:27 Nizzy drag the conversation down with 'cheese toastie' comment about ageing prostitutes.
• 15:40 Mort has her suspicions confirmed - the Scottish Researchers' Group are all mad.
• 15:53 Nizzy insults whole nation by claiming that Haggis is 'French'.
• 15:54 Bagpipes come from India.
• 15:58 EV wets his pants due to FC.
• 16:32 FC claims that men are not needed in the world.
• 16:41 Researchers discuss jobs they do.
• 17:07 Near accident involving Taxi.
• 17:11 Researchers do a hostile take over of tables at Logie Baird's.
• 17:16 Logie Baird's declares EV can't get no Stella.
• 17:33 Zagreb claims ketchup is a good lubricant².
• 17:45 Nizzy sprays beer over table as Zagreb tells tale of English Batman.
• 18:00 Nizzy call Scotland bleep³.
• 18:05 Alex finds warning on cigarette packet that smoking can cause impotence.
• 18:12 Jamie sneds text message to unsuspecting Ford's wee sister thinking he's texting Fords.
• 18:28 VRHG confused.
• 18:34 Names explained. VRHG reckons he struck gold with H2G2. Well...
• 18:45 VRHG finishes explanation!
• 18:47 fords wants *bleep*ing beer.
• 18:58 fords calls the Greeks 'slimy stavros bastards'⁴.
• 18:59 FC prodded in the side by researchers going 'Ni!'
• 19:10 FC loses hair band. Seaching ensues. Search is unsuccessful.
• 19:20 Paper plane throwing breaks out.
• 19:30 Everyone one agrees that they should wait 20 minutes before going to Pizza Hut.
• 19:32 Pictures taken of fords touching nose with tongue.
• 19:51 FC's bro chooses h2g2 over cinema. TIME FOR FOOD!!!
• Time unknown at sometime while crossing the bridge lost carries FC's bro for ages in a firemans lift.
• 20:25 DD decides to lose bit on the side and turn up.
• 20:40 fords spills creamy white stuff on herslef and claims it's for her mouth!
• 20:45 FC's bro and VRHG get 16 inch Pizza (Grovy!).
• 21:24 VRHG finds out he has bigger breasts than fords.
• 21:37 fords shows picture of an arse on her phone.
• 22:30 Possie moves to Henry Beans where drinking continues.
• 22:50 VRHG gets ice cube down FC's bro's boxers.
• 22:51 FC's bro beats VRHG in keeping hand in ice copmpetition.
• 23:00 Mort chats to doorman about sad anniversary of DNA's death.
• 23:15 Mort goes home doorman had remembered.
• 23:40 FC's bro Strips.
• 23:41 Mort (eventually) goes home.
• 23:42 Last order? ALREADY?! This is Scotland for Bleeps sake!!!
• 23:47 EV, DD and FC engage in a threesome. fords looks on enviously.
• 00:01 EV's birthday officially starts with rousing chorus of Happy Birhtday
• 00:02 Toast to DNA - long may he continue to inspire.
• 00:05 FC's bro and fords play ';fingers' (like footsie) with the Prez of Zanzibar (FC's towel).
• 00:06 Women at the bar looks at FC's bro and Zagreb as they play with the Prez. Comments and pointing.
• 00:10 VRHG is upset when La Ketchup's song is played by the DJ.
• 00:11 Whigfield 'Saturday Night' starts DD points out it is now Sunday morning. Ignored by DJ.
• 00:13 VRHG screams and covers ears as Sweden's greatest export start singing Dancing Queen.
• 00:15 VRHG, FC, EV and DD start miming.
• 00:15:30 VRHG and EV tranmute into Laurel and Hardy.
• 00:16 Jamie tries to do an 'Eggy'⁵ but no nosebleed. Told to try harder.
• 00:20 DD starts reciting. Any guesses what? (Clue: This is Towel day after all).
• 00:22 Log become's um, water logged, it loses its, erm, virginal, new look.
• 00:30 The Elvios Tribute band hits the town. Is anymore info needed? Let's be honest it's worse than the YMCA song earlier.
• 00:35 Tom Jones causes mass spillage.
• 00:40 Ice fight as the guys try to cool down from Tom then Lady Marmalade...
• 00:45 Fords requests Steps Tragedy and the DJ complies.
• 00:47 FC's bor States he is in totally pissed out of his skull!!
• 01:00 Log is saturated. DD hopes he can read it on Monday as Frank Sinatra brings the DJ's evening to a close.

After this nothing was added to the log however the evening was not over.

• Researchers are shipped in DD's car to fords' flat.
• Researchers try to post to Mort on hootoo.
• Crate of Miller is ordered.
• Video of BBC VT outtakes and funnies is watcehd.
• At some point after 03:00 DD, EV, FC and Fc's bro leave for home.