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Digibox Friendly ~ Plain Skin

'If you don't wear your slippers when you get up in the morning, then you have only yourself to blame' ~ Anon¹

There are very few sounds that will cause a die-hard Eastenders fan to jump up dramatically from the sofa, almost spilling their coffee, or a couple entwined in a romantic clinch to suddenly pull apart - losing the 'moment'.

It is that panic-inducing, terrifying sound of... the cat being sick.

So What's the Big Deal?

Such a question could only be asked by a non-cat owner!

Over the history of time, throughout the known (and indeed the unknown) universe, many foul and vile things have been created. But few have been accepted by human beings as part of our daily lives.²

Don't misunderstand me, our furry four-legged companions are a welcome addition to our domestic bliss, but the vindictive nature of a cat's stomach is another thing entirely.

It's Always a Surprise

As the header suggests, no matter how prepared you think you are - you just never know what 'little present' your purring pet will donate. [Judging by the expression on the cat's face, it is often a shock to them too!]

The Sound

Probably the only way to describe it is a '60 a day' smokers morning cough. A big old 'yack', a 'hack', and a 'huey', and that isn't even close³.

Furballs

Probably the most common type of 'front end' emission. This is a perfectly natural bodily function for a cat. The tongue is a comb and licking the fur is the equivalent of having a wash. Unfortunately all the excess hair gets swallowed and forms 'furballs' - that is until the stomach, in its wisdom, decides it has had enough and expels the furball. This is probably the easiest to clean up as it is a sausage of hair, with very little fluid, perhaps just a little slime around the edges but often by the time you have found it then it has dried out anyway (see later). In dim light it can sometimes be mistaken for cat poo, due to the cigar shape of the furball, and conversely cat poo is sometimes mistaken for a furball!

But it is the way the cat will turn to you afterwards, with a total look of disgust in their eyes implying it is all your fault!

Plant Leaves

Why do they do it? They know they are going to be sick, I know they will be sick, even the plant knows it.

But they see those leaves and just wanna chew! The long spindly leaves are preferred and can 'reappear' almost intact, just a little softer and floppier.

NB many plants are poisonous to cats and if you are in any doubt then you must contact a vet for advice.

Nothing

Perhaps the hardest thing to 'bring up' is nothing. Minutes of gut renching, body jerking and gagging and all that appears is a tiny blob of froth. What's that all about?

Food

Dogs are clean, they vomit their dinner and then promptly clean up by eating it again. Cats? No chance, they have far too much self-respect to be caught doing that.
They will look at 'it', then look at you, then look back at the 'pile' and then look at the fridge. Afterall, they have just lost their dinner and want a replacement!
Even worse, the contents of a tin of cat food may not be the only 'protein' your hunting beast offers up!
And oh, the smell of it ...

Saving the Carpet

Naturally, the first thought after hearing that sound is 'Oh no, not on the carpet', closely followed by 'I hope the cat's alright'!

There is only one sure way to save the carpet from the evils of cat sick - the paper chase...

The Paper Chase

You are quite happily watching TV when you hear the 2 minute warning alarm - the big old yack.

You immediately leap out of the sofa to find the cat, who confirms by body positioning, that this is not going to be an empty cough. In desperation you look for an old newspaper, a piece of scrap paper or indeed anything to provide a safe place for pussy to barf. Of course, life being life, all you can find is your partner's current degree assignment, or your latest art project⁴.

You grab the paper and attempt to slide it under the cats head. Thrusting it under will frighten the cat into hiding (see later), so a slow and subtle approach is required. Success! You have managed to insert the paper and wait, bravely, pretending not to look. (Well would you want to be watched?)

But at the very last second the cat turns it's head away and the projected missile lands on the carpet. Everybody looks at 'it' and each other and pretends it never happened. But it is not over yet, you move only slightly, heading towards the loo/kitchen roll and then you hear it again - round 2. Again, the paper chase (trying not to kneel in the previous sick pile) and again a failure.

The cat then runs off to hide whilst you are left with the unenviable job of clearing up.⁵

Just When You Thought it was Safe

Should the 'paper chase' fail due to over zealous eagreness to thrust the paper under the cats head, then you are left with a dire situation. Your cat immediately runs off to some unknown secret hidden place and will continue the process of emptying it's stomach.

This results in either of the following scenarios:

• You spend two hours trying to find where the cat was sick
• You dont find it... yet!

Forever Haunting You

Of course, cats being cats, they are often awake and lurking at night while you are asleep warm and cosy in your bed.
You are woken by 'the sound' and in your half dream state decide (wrongly) to wait and clear it up in the morning, afterall, it is 3am. On waking you very carefully get up and start the 'hunt the sick' process. You know all the places the cat likes to do it, where they often do it and where they really didnt ought to do it - but do anyway.

However, despite intensive searching, (and that includes looking in shoes and behind the video recorder) nothing is to be found. And it never will be. This is the one that will haunt you forever, you know it's there... somewhere, but you will never find it and the thought of it festering away will irritate you for days or weeks to come!

Hassle the Vet

Just a note to say that you should always seek veterinary advice if your pet is sick more than normal or shows additional symptons. (And they don't charge you for a phone call.)

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