Quotes that Disturb/Change Your Life
Created | Updated May 6, 2003
"Legally drunk. Well if it's legal what the hell is the problem?"
How to Leave The Planet
1. Phone NASA. There phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it is very important that you get away as soon as possable.
2. If they do not cooperate. Phone any frend you may have in the
White House-(202)456-1414-to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any frends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas opperator for 0107-095-595-9051). They don't seem to have any
frends over there either (at least not to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence so you might as well try.
4. If that fails, Phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-9982, and I gather his switchboad is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain its vitally important you get away before you phone bill arrives.
- Douglas Adams
Never play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic weapon. It never ends well.
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs...
"when in danger fear or doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
This is a signature of evil - the pure of heart cannot see this sentence.
Deep down I'm very superficial.
Thinking back on the good old days, I can't remember a damn thing. Damn dementia.
If im not poetry in motion....
then i must be gibberish in neutral...
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power -- my God, the power! IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIV
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If a thousand monkies at a thousand typewriters can write the next great literary masterpiece, then shouldn't a thousand programmers at a thousand computers write a program that works?
when i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me...
Ak47... when you absoultely need to kill every motherf**ker in the room
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
-Christian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
My life is an RPG, but I'm not the player character.
I say live and let live. At least until I can find a large blunt object to hit you with.
I swear, one of these days Microsoft will find their WinME offices surprisingly firebombed...
"Without this machin
"What machine?"
"Oh hell."
"Theres too much blood in my alcohol system!"
"Don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."
The mere existence of flame throwers says that someone, sometime, somewhere said to himself, 'You know, I'd like to set that guy over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Luke, I am your tedious, overused plot device.
Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him.
"If fire cannot burn in a vacuum ambassador, then I presume you'll be alright when I jettison your flaming body into space."
"Damn you! Just wait til
"Sorry, but this is it for me. Ahh, what a lame way to die! This is so not cool!"
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill
"is it heavy?"
"yes"
"then it's expensive"
"Why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
Damnit Harry, you're a walking combat zone. People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you.
"Good, Bad. I'm the one with the gun."
"Damn child-proof spy stuff."
"I'm not afraid of computers taking over the world. They're just sitting there. I can hit them with a two by four."
Somebody call guiness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in 20 dollars...
"I am an explosives technician, If you see me running, try to keep up"
Damn you, wasted youth. Damn you I say!
So he's one bounced check away from becoming a clocktower sniper, but in general..
Eagles may soar, but worms don't get sucked into jet engines.
Copyright? The copies I make are always right...
-I'll just drink the coffee for
-Thats so much Lysol we will be able to taste it in the air!
When you start working, every day just gets a little worse
"Our best shot at winning against some of the talent here is to get them so plastered they don't notice if you disconnect the mouse."
I recommend an alternate bathroom for those about to give birth to a small calf. Understand?
All it took to convince the studio was a one-page treatment and a picture of a clown holding a gun. It boggles the mind.
It's one of those cool duel type things, you know? And well, when they throw in giant robots beating the living crap out of each other, you just can't lose.
Anyway, I am getting off on a very long tangent and I'm not even sure what my point is anymore.
Me- angry? nah. Pissed? noooooo. Unbelievably depressed and stressing? Nope.
In denial
when life gives you lemons, chuck them straight back and scream while you do it.
Get a hobby, it helps you out... just don't make it swords or explosives, k?
"SHUT-UP!! I'm more schizophrenic than I'll ever be!!... Wait... Who are we talking to?"
"Barry also was quick to point out that the Titanium uses torque screws as opposed to Phillips screws. We're not sure why this matters even a little bit, but Barry sure seemed to think it was interesting. That's why Mac geeks scare us."
"I'm slowly teaching him [new tech support PFY] that if a luser calls with a
problem, he should continue asking detailed, technical question about what
is going wrong, untill the customer admits he touched something, or that it
might be someone on their end, so he can shout out "SEE! NOT OUR PROBLEM!"
"The neat thing about having a swiss-cheese memory like mine is that I can
"I'm going to get a new job. I'm going to mow lawns. And when somebody asks me what I do for a living, I will tell them "I mow lawns." And whatever question might follow, the answer will most likely be "Yes," "No," or "I mow lawns." And nobody will ever call me at 3:30am with a lawnmowing emergency. Ahh, happy place....."
"Get bent, you prole. If you understood even the smallest iota of my tremendous emotional investment in this game, you'd take a big glass of Shut the F**k Up and Sit the F**k Down and nurse it in the corner until I speak to you directly."
"The Christian Supremecists are at it again. I swear those guys would burn the bible if they read it without a title attached. Sad too, cause it's a heck of a story, all sorta sex, betrayal, magic
"I guess this means that I'm developing the sort of black bastard aura that will eventually make my kindest, gentlest utterances sound like the pronouncements of Satan."
"Yes, but then we get into questions. Does bamboo count as wood? It's technically from a grass, not a tree, but it's very hard. Can I stake a vampire with my chopsticks? Does the stake have to be more than a certain diameter, or just of a length sufficient to pierce the heart? Does it have to completely penetrate the heart, or just puncture a wall? If bamboo is acceptible, what about other vegetable matter, like a frozen parsnip or carrot?"
"think about it. would you work for a company that couldn't tell the difference in quality of its employees' normal work product and the work product of someone on drugs without performing a test?"
"Pardon me...what the h
"Give a man a computer program and you give him a headache, but teach him to program computers and you give him the power to create headaches for others for the rest of his life..."
"I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve."
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity."
"Hey, Vinnie and me are here to tell you why you should buy Microsoft. Because your data is important, and it'd be a real shame if something happened to it. You might say your data could use some protection. It'd be terrible if this here computer room caught fire, or if your sysadmin were to somehow fall i
"I am afraid that as death becomes less certain, taxes will get worse."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"How is it that I have root access when my weakness for abusing power is so apparent?"
It's always a sad day when you realize the Pod People have triumphed once again.
Once I manually unzipped it, I attempted to run setup again, and it began prompting me to "insert disk 1" or something along those lines. The immediate question that sprung to my mind was not "what is 'disk one'?" or "where can I find disk one?", but "what the hell has Romero and his band of merry men actually been doing for the past three and a half years?"
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
let's not touch that aga
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
Look boss..de plane! de plane!
T'was the best of times, t'was the worst of times"- last night at an all you can eat $6 buffet and the proceeding 3 am bathroom trips.
Damn you, hax0rs and script kiddiez! What is your fascination with my Forbidden Server of Mystery?
Bloody hell! The trailer is amazing.. I'm off to have a cold shower to calm down.
If this is what I'm like on caffeine, I do NOT want to know what I'll be like if I'm drunk
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way if you want to criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
On average 1 young person falls to corperate mind washing every 5.2 seconds, and starts to listen to bands, and wear clothes that they would, if left to their own devices, never wear. Please prevent such things. Don't let people you know listen to pop Radio or watch MTV. We thankyou, and you'll thank yourself later.
-This advertis
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog.
With that in mind I may need to stick to something less controversial for today's rant, something more tame, like abortion or nuclear war.
I was pleased with the original Homeworld to no end, it was unique, exciting, and let me command a nice fleet of ships which I could use to rain firey death on all that opposed me. Needless to say, I was sold.
"Piro, I've been thinking..."
"Aren't there laws against that?"
With my departure from that place I take with me one blue ink pen, property of SBC Internet Services. I will now always carry this pen with me just for the hope that someday I may run into my former employer and ram it through his vile black heart.
I've spent this week blowing up my fellow man in new and interesting ways.
t
That damn paperclip is still starring at me, if he so much as blinks I'm going to shoot himÉ
there's never a dull moment in my life. I could use a few, really.
Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in... wait, that's the decongestant kicking in.
The latter being the swords you'd use to cut off someone's vital limbs or at the very least they'd make kickass letter openers.
BWAHAHAHAHA... erm... yeah... uh... nevermind... gomen...
Finally...air cover for those Sunday drives in the park.
Dear santa, all I want is your list of naughty girls.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schulz
"Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable"
Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right, and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong
"Oh s**t, someone else is out of alcohol!"
"Luck is just one of my many skills!"
"Same old s**t, different day."
Doubt is the key to knowledge.
There is often wisdom under a shaggy coat.
People show their character by what they laugh at.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
BREAKFAST.SYS halted. Cereal port not responding.
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
I love squirrels, those things are so damn funny.
Depending on where I look, I can find related things on the net that can make me smile, laugh, feel good, think, sad, annoyed, angry, upset, depressed, ready to nuke the hell out of a few small towns in Iowa.
"And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!"
It takes only a child to raze a villiage...
Is that burning smell coming from my computer?
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently
"The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too."
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is, just to fire all the unhappy people.
Not all pain is gain.
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
Hard work may pay off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
It hurts to admit when you've made mistakes. But when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
If you find yourself struggling with lonliness, you're not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone.
There is an island of oppourtunity in the middle of every difficul
Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the true terror of being forever lost at sea.
It could be that the purpose of your life is to provide a warning to others.
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, Remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.
Mediocrity. It takes a lot less time, and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Wha,..? What! It's impossible to explain anything without arrows!"
Because of my knowledge I was able to convince the queen I was a mighty oracle, but no history book could have prepared me for what happened here.
The light at the end of tunnel, only slightly dimmed.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote."
Always make a good first impression. Aim for the forehead.
Lincoln: "
I'm a member of the young college entrepreneurs club, and I can smell money like sharks smell blood.
Scientist:I've got the answer!
Joel: It's Coco Puffs, Bob. I've got no idea why, but it fits the equation.
BZZT! God prevents you from winning!
I'm my own hero!
"I may be goin' to hell in a bucket, baby, but at least I'm enjoying the ride."
Remember kids, don't shoot each other. Aim for the fragile, expensive stuff.
"Peace through Superior Firepower"
You're a whining little brat, but you get the job done in the end
Sam: The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Max: But it makes a pretty good milkshake.
"Oh, damn, I thought he was like a piniata. You know. Beat him enough, and candy flies out."
HA! fool! it was a simile, not a metaphor! now I shall kill you so hard your ancestors will die!
Would having more hours in a day really make things better? How about more bullets in the clip?
Just because
watching spectacular train wrecks never ceases to enthrall!
With all these dollars, why do I need to make sense?
Don't question authority, they don't know either.
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
"There is too much evil loose in the world. I'm going to have to put a stop to it. All of it."
"You're going to stop the evil?"
"No. The world."
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Which is worse, Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
When people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called "the People's Stick."
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
hehe, what a suprise that all the Admins say: It wasnt me
"Life is pain. Anyone one who says differently is trying to sell something."
"You tried your best, and failed horribly. The moral is
laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and the world laughs at you, loser.
If anything on this ship is more important than my ego, I want it hunted down and shot!
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
"For every winner there are dozens of losers, odds are you're one of them."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"Don't make me threaten you...."
"You may have won the battle, but I'm... I'm out of ammunition.
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport"
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
umm..maybe fool Ragnarok by changing the filename of the mp3's to something like..oh say..
TheseAreNotTheFilesYouAreLookingFor_waveshandsmysteriously_.mp3
i hope christina aguilera gets mutilated by a farm combine. until then, i can only mock her music derisive
Now, if we're going to do "Lawyers At Dawn", I officially suggest that we carpet bomb Tokyo with attorneys from B-52's and B-1B's in HUGE WAVES
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b******d die for his." - General Patton (1885-1945)
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, what is the road to Heaven paved with?
Non-fragmented English? You mean all those folks out there who "74lk l1k3 7h1$" aren't speaking proper engligh? My god, my days of enlightment have been ruined... and here I was going to major in "Leet" in College...
Hey, MOO
-Kiel Marting
Nausea can make it difficult to watch a deathmatch over someone's shoulder. (Doom-induced motion sickness, or DIMS, is an accepted medical term.)
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Life is short
Respawn often
You really are a pessimist. If I had a penny for ever time I heard that I'd drown under their bitter, coppery weight.
There are three types of p
"Oops, sirens. You know what that means. Time for me to get eccentric."
...and that's why we need to find a store that sells rocket launchers.
"Inspiration is for those too weak to decide on something themselves"
I don't mind pissing a few people off for no good reason
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
Ohhh yes, this is going to be dreadfully fun.
Yo piedad el tonto! (I pity da foo!)
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles!
You can't just stick an RJ-45 in your ass and call it a server. That's not how it works.
Urgh! You all sound like chapters from a self-help manual
Feel the wrath of the minor roles!
Hell, if I bought half a dozen nukes I could get discount.
Sam (holding a ticking time bomb): Where should I throw this so I don't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max: Out the window. There's nothing but strangers out there.
One of the guys that took the SAT at my school came and took it after smoking a few bowls. He passed with a 1440, and claimed that a purple lizard was on his desk telling him the answers
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
To err is human, to forgive is not Company
Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Always remember to Pillage BEFORE you Burn.
Darwin was an optimist
The two most abundant resources in the universe are 1.Hydrogen, and 2.Stupidity. The order of this list is subject of hot debate.
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.
One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was to convince people that he didn't exist.
Death to all
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Gravity-- it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Boldly going nowhere
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The only substitute for good manners are fast reflexes.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Kill the messenger; it doesn't solve the problem, but you've got to admit it feels right.
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
They called me mad, and I ca
There are no problems that cannot be solved by the judicious use of high explosives.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
You can't buy back your youth, but you can pay for it later.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
Barrett's Laws of Driving: You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed.... Oh wait, he does.
Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
You will note the four center consoles from which the finalists will compete. Each of these seats is wired up to the 1000 watt auditorium speakers. Ordinarily these systems are used to provide audio for hundreds of people. However, tonight it will be under your butt. I suggest you wear earplugs. Earlier I had the cafeteria lady who serves the french fries sit down in the seat here and fire up the Austin Mini. The roar of the engine popped her bra an
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!
Follow. But! Follo
<Keiichi> My first computer wasn't even a 286...it loaded off a 5 1/4 disk...
<Keiichi> and I ended up frying it with the game 'The Oregon Trail', it started to run it and caught on fire...
<mustadio> God, Some day I'll be telling stories about how a CD only held 700MB XD
You only have one life to live...so play in traffic often
Last year, the government of aging dictator Fidel Castro declared access to the Internet a "fundamental right" of the Cuban people - and then made it impossible for ordinary Cubans to
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect Administrator."
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard.Ó
The easily amused will inherit the earth, the rest of you will just die
You scare me sometimes, well, all the time really.
Ever wonder what it would be like, if one day you woke up and could speak a different language, say Japanese or Latin, but forgot how to speak English? No? well... you should. It could happen. Really!
I've almost been as bad as Fred at times. Wait, no, I take that back, it didn't get that bad. There was always a game to keep my mind off of hurting people and on hurting little digital representations of people.
See, when I was younger and playing Civ, it was one of my ambitions to be a diplomat. But I wouldn't be a wussy diplomat that would always be captured and sold for 50 gold. No sir, I'd be a tech-stealing, production-sabotaging, water-poisoning ass-kicker of a diplomat, you know, like Colin Powell or something.
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
RBF! appendum: Anything that can go wrong, will, and will do so in the most spectacular manner possible, at the worst concieveable time.
Leon:Our fearless leader, afraid of a frog?
Viadus:DARN STRAIGHT I AM!
Speak for yourself, these chompers are here for one thing only. Devouring souls. You gotta bite real hard to get the soul out.
i hate being loved.
heart me and die, f**ker.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
This statment complies with part 15 of the FCC rules;
1. It can not cause harmful interference.
2. It must accept any interference from its surroundings.
... I love cookies ^_^
- What are you doing?...
- Stay away, this cookie's mine.
... Are you willing to DIE for it?
... /me draw 2 hand sword
Selling online accounts are profitable...
Just ask my Playstation 2....
Why do I have a biohazard sticker on my graphing calculator? Well it's not so much bio- as it is a hazard to modern programmers. You should see some of the s**t I did in BASIC. Hundreds of lines of code that verifies it's own e
"I'mprettysure thaaxeshavehigherpotential dammage butlower average. You should havestuck with your sword." - Cette Hamster La
"whoa buddy. try using the space bar next time^^" - Katana
Don't Run From Me, You'll Just Die Tired!
Hmm, interesting.. I seem to be missing a finger..
Smite thine evil Zombies with thy bigeth sticketh!
If life gives you lemons, burn them!
Okay..just gimme the sword. *SLICE* OWW DAMNIT WRONG SIDE!!
"Let's see ... 37% of the structural supports are missing, another 48% bent beyond the point of repair ... the main reactor has melted, fusing with the hull and the auxerily reactor is leaking deadly radiation ... the only working weapon is the one we thought up that one night we all got REALLY wasted ... the communications system is shot, and the computer just snapped, went homicidal, and tried to kill me ... OK, gentlemen, I think we can repair it!
ÕTime is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'
`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the "Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'
`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'
`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'
"Oh no, not again."
`Right,' said Ford, `I'm going to have a look.'
He glanced round at the others.
`Is no one going to say, "No you can't possibly, let me go instead
They all shook their heads.
`Oh well.'
`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...'
`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'
The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.
`Stick it up your nose,' he said.
`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?'
`... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.'
Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again.
`Where,' he said, `did you...?'
`Find a gin and tonic?' said Ford brightly. `I found a small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a gin and tonic.'
`I may,' he addded with a grin which would have sent sane men scampering into the trees, `have been imagining it.'
`My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'
`That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.'
"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mi
A good friend will bail you out of jail. But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was freaking awesome!"
The man that reads a thousand books is powerful. The man that memorizes a thousand books is insane.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard."
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect
Go away, and take your stupid with you!
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scr
Wow, red mage has a lot of blood.
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
Tye up the
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now donÕt worry because this isnÕt the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than Steph, who hasn't been trused with anything more important than his own life since 1986!
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talking my computer and reinstalling things. Now that it's back up and running, it's back to verbally abusing it on a regular basis of course.
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
You know you're annoying...
when you Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. In money they win.
when you Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
when you Call other people "Champ," "Sport" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."
when you Drum on every available surface.
when you Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
when you Glue the pages of your schoolbooks, that you are returning, together from the middle of the page.
when you Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
when you Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copy warnings.
when you Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
when you Hide daily used products in inaccessible places.
when you Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
when you Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times."
when you Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn save them any money.
when you Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
when you Set alarms to go off at random times.
when you Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
when you Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
when you Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume adjusted to the max.
when you Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
when you Honk and wave to strangers.
when you Change channels of your TV five minutes before the end of every show.
when you Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
when you Rouse your roommate/wife from sleep each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
when you Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
when you ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
when you Pay for your expensive dinner with small coins.
when you Tie jingl
when you Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
when you Write "X - Buried Pirat Treasure" in random spots on roadmaps.
when you Explain to everyone you meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
when you Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
when you Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
when you Demand that everyone address you as "The Conquistador."
when you Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
when you At the laundry room, use one dryer for each of your socks.
when you Sing Christmas carols like "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until you get physically exhausted.
when you Wear a T-shirt that says "Magnificent One" or "I Am The One And Only."
when you As much as possible, skip or jump forward rather than walk.
when you Look over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
when you Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
when you Pretend you
when you Always drive there with your car, if the way to somewhere was only half a block.
when you Name your dog "Dog."
when you Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
when you Ask people what gender they are and what does their first name mean.
when you Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
when you Lick the filling out from all the cookies, and place the cookie parts back in the box.
when you Cultivate a Norwegian accent and tell jokes about Swedish people to everyone.
when you Forget the ending of a joke you were telling by purpose.
when you Chain yourself to furniture, informing the curious, that you don't want to fall off "in case of an earthquake."
when you Follow a few steps behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Super Cleaner.
when you Deliberately sing songs that will remain playing in your friends brains, such as The Simpsons theme song.
when you Lie about normal things s
when you Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
when you Leave your Christmas lights around your house until September, and then put them back at October.
when you Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
when you Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
when you Chew pencils that you have borrowed.
when you Tell someone who doesn't know anything about computers, that a computer needs to be feeded hamburgers through the floppy drive five times a day.
when you Wear a lot of cologne and wave your hands for the odour to spread.
when you Ask girls if you may "Conn
when you Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "Superior fast mental processing."
when you Sing along loudly at the opera.
when you Mow your lawn with scissors.
when you Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance with the prophecy."
when you Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "Imaginary friend."
when you Go to a poetry classes and ask why some of the poems doesn't rhyme.
when you Ask your friends mysterious questions, and write their answers in a notebook. Mumble something about "Psychological profiles."
when you Stare the TV when it's not on and claim you can see the "Magic picture."
when you Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
when you Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing disturbing silences with the impression that you'll be
when you Never make an eye contact with anyone.
when you Never break an eye contact with people.
when you Signal that a conversation is over by putting your hands over your ears and mumbling repeatedly "I am not listening..."
when you Construct strange marks to your front lawn and claim that they are "UFO landing marks."
when you Construct your own fake "Stress Detector", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
when you Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
when you Make appointments for the 31st of September.
when you Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
when you When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (eg. "Hand, will you please open the door.")
when you Don't shave until at your job, keeping the bathroom busy for hours.
when you Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Why Did the chicken cross th
VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
BILL CLINTON
I did not see THAT chicken cross the road. What do you mean by "cross"? Did it traverse the road or express a religious ritual regarding the road or what?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. Of course, the chicken was white. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort o
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've never knowed!
JESSE JACKSON
No one agrees on this. Why don't we just ax (ask) it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of espionage by the Ugly Americans and we were not fooled by the camouflage.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. And we do not accept customer service calls regarding what it does all over your desktop.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS
To escape.
Go away,
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Cheesy lensflare -- GO!
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed.
Wow, red mage has a lot
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
***Pub:B>Souls of the innocent/helpless
FlyingFuton: hello
Gobi: Buying souls, eh
FlyingFuton: Would you like to volunteer yours?
Gobi: Depends on the offer.
FlyingFuton: Souls are at a premium today.
FlyingFuton: Well... 5z and a walnut
FlyingFuton: Have you ever seen a walnut in RO?
Gobi: Nope...
FlyingFuton: Would you give your soul for it?
Tye up the Santy Clause
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now I'll pretend I never read this post, and you'll pretend I never read this post...
Now donÕt worry because this isnÕt the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than St
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed.
Unfortunately, I was beginning to learn that Verio's advertised and promised 24/7 service was really only 8/5.
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talkin
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
You might be an IRC addict if: if you get a call from a telemarketer and you put the phone down and set their mode to -v.
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Power tools and Swimming Pools...Interesting combination.
I've told him not to exaggerate a billion times!
"The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain."
"Oh, I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon!"
"My dear fellow, I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people without the remotest knowledge of how to live. Nor the smallest instinct about when to die."
This
Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Woman: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
Woman: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech: "Went away?"
Woman: "They disappeared."
Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Woman: "Nothing."
Tech: "Nothing?"
Woman: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Woman: "How do I tell?"
Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Woman: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Woman: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Wom
Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Woman: "I don't know."
Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Woman: "Yes, I think so."
Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Woman: "Yes, it is."
Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Woman: "Okay, here it is."
Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your compu
Woman: "I can't reach."
Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Woman: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Tech: "Dark?"
Woman: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Woman: "I can't."
Tech: "No? Why not?"
Woman: "Because there's a power failure."
Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Woman: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like i
Woman: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Woman: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Tech: "Tell them you're too !@#$ing stupid to own a computer."
If at first you don't succeed....Redefine success.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
"If the chocolate is melting in your hands you are eating it too slow." -ANON
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls down.
If at first you don't suceed destroy all evidence that you tried.
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent candidates act like they're on drugs."
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"A lie told often enough becomes truth."
-Lenin
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
Every good communist should know that political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
-Mao Tse Tung‘
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."
"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your life.
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these years.
Aye, that's where as a toddler I
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, " if there is anyone who objects to this union?" and then I yelled " yah bitchezz! " and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remember kids, don't play with matches. But lighters are OK.
"Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilford in the dark of night."
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise a
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent candidates act like they're on drugs."
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behin
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
The history of man is simply the history of people hitting each other with ever bigger and more sophisticated sticks.
-Mark Hockley
"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if not, youÕll become a philosopher."
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
"That's why I beat my head against the wall so much at (w)ork. It feels good when I stop, and that's about the only pleasure I get here."
"Failure is not an opt
"You know, I've gone to a lot of psychics, and they've told me a lot of different things, but not one of them has ever told me 'You are an undercover policewoman here to arrest me.'" - Quotes by New York City Undercover Policewoman
...that sucked too, but it sucked a hell of a lot faster."
There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquistive idiots.
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, thereÕs no end
ItÕs difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be, especially when youÕre insane.
Arrogance, assumptions, demotivation, fear.
ItÕs business-as-usual for yet another year.
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesnÕt take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.
If we donÕt take care of the customer, maybe theyÕll stop bugging us.
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though and youÕre pretty much doomed.
The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to think youÕre pretentious.
When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results collective laziness.
When people are free to do what they please, they usually imitate each other.
Truly, "BitterSweets" are the perfect gift for you OR for someone you love, especially if th
More people are killed annually by donkeys than in plane crashes. It makes you think doesnÕt it.
and there thou hast conquered the evil bagel,
the bagel of death! Obnoxious bagel, thou
hast deserved to die! Disturbing our royal repose,
our last halcyon days, before we left
that placid land!
Ah, nobly lecherous goats! And Spam! Have I found
a means to Heaven? How wondrous indeed!
But there! Beyond the vagrant bagel! A light!
Is it tunnel or train? Egad! Aaaaaaiiieeee!
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
"His ignorance is encyclopedic"
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with your computers."
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is
"I begin by taking. I shall find others later to demonstrate my perfect right."
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
ÒOoh, let's see, uh, in total or just since I've been a brain in a jar?Ó
ÒTarget the Planet of Widows and Orphans!Ó
ÒI hear the maharajah's holding an open house.Ó
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
"God, please save me from your followers!"
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
"Egotist: a person more interested in himse
"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your email - I'll waste no time reading it."
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would ha
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain
"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
"Attention to health is life greatest hindrance."
- Plato
"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy
"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway
"Hemingw
- Harold Robbins
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!"
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
"My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate."
"Woman was God's second mistake."
"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong."
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run."
"He would make a lovely corpse."
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
"I worship the quicksand he walks in."
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
"We are not retreating - we are adva
"If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?"
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
We could just arm them with really, really bad stink bombs. You know, something that smells so bad that no one will be able to stay near them. The bats will survive and the enemy will have no choice but to come running out and surrender.
You shouldn't be receiving E-mail from a dead girl.
the Mafia are, uh, the good guys
poor controller technique will not be tolerated! it can lead to M4D B34TDOWNZ
I want YOU! to be an unwitting grunt in my unholy legions of evil.
I chill in deep space.
I randomly answered the questions [on an IQ test] and got a score of 128...Superior guessing ability
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness BURN THEM!!! MUAHAHAHA! Ph33r my 3vil!!!
"But the plans were on display..."
"On disp
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard."
A good friend will bail you out of jail. But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was freaking awesome!"
The man that reads a thousand books is powerful. The man that memorizes a thousand books is insane.
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Power tools and Swimming Pools...Interesting combination.
I've told him not to exaggerate a billion times!
"The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain."
"Oh, I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died
"My dear fellow, I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people without the remotest knowledge of how to live. Nor the smallest instinct about when to die."
This was evidence used in a case, where a woman sued a technical support representive. It's a transcription of the recording between the teech guy, and the woman (whose names have not been included to protect their privacy).
Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Woman: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
Woman: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech: "Went away?"
Woman: "They disappeared."
Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Woman: "Nothing."
Tech: "Nothing?"
Woman: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
W
Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Woman: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Woman: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Woman: "What's a monitor?"
Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Woman: "I don't know."
Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Woman: "Yes, I think so."
Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Woman: "Yes, it is."
Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Woman: "Okay, here it is."
Tech: "Follow i
Woman: "I can't reach."
Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Woman: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Tech: "Dark?"
Woman: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Woman: "I can't."
Tech: "No? Why not?"
Woman: "Because there's a power failure."
Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Woman: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Woman: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Woman: "We
Tech: "Tell them you're too !@#$ing stupid to own a computer."
If at first you don't succeed....Redefine success.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
"If the chocolate is melting in your hands you are eating it too slow." -ANON
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls down.
If at first you don't suceed destroy all evidence that you tried.
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles."
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent c
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"A lie told often enough becomes truth."
-Lenin
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree.'
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
Every good communist should know that political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
-Mao Tse Tung
The history of man is simply the history of people hitting each other with ever bigger and more sophisticated sticks.
-Mark Hockley
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."
"When you go into court you a
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if not, youÕll become a philosopher."
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your l
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these years.
Aye, that's where as a toddler I fired my first rocket launcher. And over there is where we interred the remains of Uncle Fredo, killed tragically just moments after I fired my first rocket launcher.
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, " if there is anyone who objects to this union?" and then I yelled " yah bitchezz! " and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remember kids, don't play with matches. But lighters are OK.
"Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilford in the dark of night."
Yeah, the lega
If you can't say something nice, say something vague.
Why would they make a child-saftey cap with pictographic instructions?
" If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people"
John while swimming in the ocean
Rubbed sharks' backs with suntan lotion
Now those sharks have skin of bronze
in their bellies---Namely, John's.
"I would never lie... I just willingly participated in a campaign of misinformation."
--Fox Mulder, THE X-FILES
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointd stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your life.
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these ye
Aye, that's where as a toddler I fired my first rocket launcher. And over there is where we interred the remains of Uncle Fredo, killed tragically just moments after I fired my first rocket launcher.
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, Òif there is anyone who objects to this unionÉÓ and then I yelled Òyah bitchezz!Ó and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remeber kids, don't play with matches.
But lighters are OK.
If you can't say something nice, say something vague.
Yeah, the legality was never in question. It's -never- legal.
...amusingly my partner still refuses to watch it - just shudders and mutters about 'too much crack' whenever it comes up in conversation
But think about it. If you exercise your b
The first three pages seem to consist of a handwritten script for a movie or play. It's difficult to tell which, exactly, because it's written in what I can only assume to be Hindi. Which is also known as Squiggly Fuggin' Lines I Can't Read.
I see they had a sale on exclamation points...
A GRIEVOUS TYPO ON OUR PROM LEAFLETS INVITED THE SENIORS TO 'BRING A DATE TO THE 2002 PR0N
YOU! Get the hell offa my geraniums! Move it -- don't you -- put the club of maiming down -- oh THAT'S it, That's the way it's gonna be? Come taste somma THIS, you little... Ow You f**king Dwarf! OWWHH Have some more OOhh. Bitch! Let's see your friends re surrect you from THAT!
See, here in the 'States we have what's known as "Daylight Saving Time," a device invented by Benjamin Franklin to torture and confuse people in the event that the Imperial system of measurement didn't do the trick.
Only the purest malice of will could bring such a scourge out of its hideous underworld fabrication labs and into our humbly naive world of simplistic online action and RPG games." I showed him the FedEx box that it came in. "Well, yes, either that or a shipping error." He removed my driver and installation CD. "See? It requires DirectX to run. Microsoft has the Devil by the balls."
"Would this improve my aim at Quake?" I asked. "This contract with the devil stuff is cool, but I'm all about the bottom line
Yah, but just this weekend I sat and watched you play Grand Theft Auto 3 for five hours straight screaming white-man's gangspeak as you uzied people out the side of your leopard-interi
hello, team member. would you like my grenade? I took out the pin for you.
You hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend? no? Think about it.
Wow I wake up and check my mail to see that once again I have managed to p**s off an entire community. ItÕs like I have some kind of goddmaned gift or something.
Remember that news about paul steed getting fired from Id? Well, apparently they fired him from a railgun....
"advance sneak preview"? the cops called it breaking and entering.
Avast ye scurvy wench! whar be my napster piracy ring?
I tell you, this "MistressLaura" person is using a hack to sell Unreal Tournament Sniper Rifles to the Dark Elves in EverQuest!
So....where exactly IS garret's body?
Those aren't leftovers behind the milk.
Smartasses will NOT be issued parachutes.
That was ether a VERY large speed bump, or we're gonna have to go through the car wash again.
Right...so like, let me get this stra
Strategy is the last refuge of those who can't click a mouse fast enough
THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY MANÕS LIFE WHEN HE ASKS HIMSELF: WHAT WOULD SOLID SNAKE DO?
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS
-Omoikane
Contains absolutely no hazardous fumes, eh? WeÕll have to see about that!
hmmm... the bottom of the page... again... How does it end up like this?
the great thing is, most people see a harmless coperate venture, But in reality, it's an attempt to take over the world!
is there really a difference?
Who knew interplanetary warfare could be so much fun?
If vegitarians
What do humanitarians eat?
Yes yes, I'm cynical in a malicious way. It's my lost faith in senient life.
it's hard to read subtitles when you are drunk.
Lydia and I finished up Cowboy Bebop the other night. If you don't feel like crawling into a little ball of hurt in a dark corner of the room and sobbing yourself to sleep after getting through the whole series, then you have no heart.
...Other than that, can you think of any other readily exploitable weaknesses?
Like our pathalogical inability to trust each other?
I wish I had spider man's powers... I could dispense death from the sky!
Remeber, with great power comes great ability to ABUSE power!
If Magical Girls really did their best, th
What'cha watchin'? ...mmm?...meh..it's hentai.
We agree with the common player feeling that "being weaker than a rabbit sucks"
You've gotta love DeWalt, though. Nice stuff. I love DeWalt. If you're gonna cut up a body, DeWalt table saws are the way to go.
If you go into the light when you die, does God get a frag?
What I liked was the fellow a few years back who made T-shirts saying "The Internet is Full, Go Away!"
Israeli Educational Reform: Giving every child the ability to lay down cover fire.
NRA Gun Control Policy: Take weapons off the dead bodies.
Irish Republican Army- You can't be a legit terrorist if you sound like a leprechaun.
God grant me distraction.
See, not nearly as dramatic as a Japanese Martial Arts Cult run by Koreans in Indiana.
Take a holiday from reality whenever you like, and come back without so much as a headache or a mythology.
Stand and unfold yourself!
Tirer comme des lapins. (“Shot like rabbits.”)
Bright as an A-bomb.
I don’t think I ever quite equaled the bald gnome Error who comes from his cave with featherless ankles to feast on the mighty dead.
"Mr. Gates, when did you realize you were creating a monopoly?"
"Monopoly's just a game, Senator, I'm trying to control the f**king world!"
I have no idea what this (windows v. Linux) means but I can hardly wait to find out. I seriously doubt that the TCO argument can be won without frequent recourse to outrageous lies and strident insistence that black is white and up is down. But then this is the sort of gravity-defying rhetoric at which the Redmond PR machine excels, so all bets are off.
A plan would be nice too, but not really necessary.
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive (the damn thing blew up)
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bulls**t before.
Creativity is the art of concealing your sources.
Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth.
-The point is people who don't know any better are using completely useless filters to "protect" their children. They are as effective as using a howitzer to remove an ant pile.
-Bad analogy. A howitzer would be a supremely effective way to remove an ant pile.
Someone needs to upload illegal MP3s to the RIAA's server so they can sue themselves under the DMCA!
what makes you think future generations will be smarter? it seems to me that stupid people are breeding far quicker then smart ones.
heck you don't even have to read the article, it says in the summary.
you're quite stupid, aren't you?
If you think you the right to say some material is offensive and not within the mission of a library then you better damn well expect ME to have the same right. I'd start with the Bible, it's filled with sex, violence, even incest!
Not to mention condoning terrorism... What else do you think the 10 Plagues were? What else would you call killing innocents (the Slaying of the First Born) in order to achieve a political objective (free the Hebrews)?
...not only did it convice me that the entire space program is a hoax, but that this so-called "Russia" place is too.
I went out and bought $3000 worth of networking hardware to create a DMZ with border gateways and traffic shapers. Every single packet has to be personally approved by me to get out of my house. Ain't no hacker gonna hack my computer!
Man's laughter is funny, Manslaughter is not, that's when enunciation is important
You can't turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood is that?
Last-minute panic.
I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.
It's the sequel to the most impressive waste of time in my recent life.
Ctrl-alt-del-del-del-del-del - Reboot with extreme prejudice
Pave the Rain Forests.
I may have to share this planet with animals, but I'm doing my damn best to eat every last one of them.
I'm just glad I'm wearing 40 pounds of nails under my clothes so that when my bladder explodes, I'll take you all with me.
Tara and Russell helped me carry the cumbersome bags into my car. They took up my entire hatchback, I had to move the shovels and the rifle just to make room!
Hollywood has trained us to expect the pockmarked, overweight kid to triumph over adversity by the end of the show...
Not this time.
We cut him to bits.
It was like my 8th birthday party, except with taller guests and no undercover cops.
I didn't think it was THAT flammable!
a Religious War is like two children fighting over who's imaginary friend is better
I was in luck when I found the slider labeled "Oppressometer".
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
There's strength in numbers - and the lawyers finally realized that geeks are the only people as universally unpopular as they are.
The first gift of condoms I can brush off. The second I can shrug at. But three times now? From girls who're taken? That's cold. That's like buying a membership in the Ham of the Month club for a Jewish friend.
Some people play tennis, I erode the human Soul.
I don't wanna lose, But I'm too lazy to fight right now.
In Noah's Ark, you play the part of Noah hunting down and subdueing unwilling animals, usually by smashing a vegetable over their head.
It doesn't take more than a couple minutes for the game to degenerate into me throwing Baby Moses into a river, watching him sink, then pretending it was an accident.
Anyone within earshot of the theme song to Night Trap is going to try to kill themselves. It's the musical equivalent of raking a car alarm down a chalkboard and jamming the entire thing into the asshole of a screaming cat.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Pimp Pope: "yo bitch, where's my money? you better get it or i'll have the lord burn your ass"
But think about it. If you exercise your body, you tend to inscrease muscle mass and decrease the amount of excess fat on the body. So if you exercise your thumbs, perhaps the same holds true. Obese thumbs, anyone? Hardly. But if my fingers don't have WASD imprinted upon the delicate and fleshy fingerpads within the next five years, well, I'll be surprised.
The first three pages seem to consist of a handwritten script for a movie or play. It's difficult to tell which, exactly, because it's written in what I can only assume to be Hindi. Which is also known as Squiggly Fuggin' Lines I Can't Read.
I see they had a sale on exclamation points...
A GRIEVOUS TYPO ON OUR PROM LEAFLETS INVITED THE SENIORS TO 'BRING A DATE TO THE 2002 PR0N
YOU! Get the hell offa my geraniums! Move it -- don't you -- put the club of maiming down -- oh THAT'S it, That's the way it's gonna be? Come taste somma THIS, you little... Ow You f**king Dwarf! OWWHH Have some more OOhh. Bitch! Let's see your friends resurrect you from THAT!
See, here in the 'States we have what's known as "Daylight Saving Time," a device invented by Benjamin Franklin to torture and confuse people in the event that the Imperial system of measurement didn't do the trick.
Only the purest malice of will could bring such a scourge out of its hideous underworld fabrication labs and into our humbly naive world of simplistic online action and RPG games." I showed him the FedEx box that it came in. "Well, yes, either that or a shipping error." He removed my driver and installation CD. "See? It requires DirectX to run. Microsoft has the Devil by the balls."
"Would this improve my aim at Quake?" I asked. "This contract with the devil stuff is cool, but I'm all about the bottom line
Yah, but just this weekend I sat and watched you play Grand Theft Auto 3 for five hours straight screaming white-man's gangspeak as you uzied people out the side of your leopard-interior low-rider. How do you explain that?
hello, team member. would you like my grenade? I took out the pin for you.
You hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend? no? Think about it.
Wow I wake up and check my mail to see that once again I have managed to piss off an entire community. It’s like I have some kind of goddmaned gift or something.
Remember that news about paul steed getting fired from Id? Well, apparently they fired him from a railgun....
"advance sneak preview"? the cops called it breaking and entering.
Avast ye scurvy wench! whar be my napster piracy ring?
I tell you, this "MistressLaura" person is using a hack to sell Unreal Tournament Sniper Rifles to the Dark Elves in EverQuest!
So....where exactly IS garret's body?
Those aren't leftovers behind the milk.
Smartasses will NOT be issued parachutes.
That was ether a VERY large speed bump, or we're gonna have to go through the car wash again.
Right...so like, let me get this straight.... the ominus cliche secret orginization we've been on the run from for like, almost a year.... is actually run by some bedwetting geek named "pee pee boy" ....wow. that is just so.....
Strategy is the last refuge of those who can't click a mouse fast enough
THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY MAN’S LIFE WHEN HE ASKS HIMSELF: WHAT WOULD SOLID SNAKE DO?
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS
-Omoikane
Contains absolutely no hazardous fumes, eh? We’ll have to see about that!
hmmm... the bottom of the page... again... How does it end up like this?
the great thing is, most people see a harmless coperate venture, But in reality, it's an attempt to take over the world!
is there really a difference?
Who knew interplanetary warfare could be so much fun?
If vegitarians eat vegitables,
What do humanitarians eat?
Yes yes, I'm cynical in a malicious way. It's my lost faith in senient life.
it's hard to read subtitles when you are drunk.
Lydia and I finished up Cowboy Bebop the other night.If you don't feel like crawling into a little ball of hurt in a dark corner of the room and sobbing yourself to sleep after getting through the whole series, then you have no heart.
...Other than that, can you think of any other readily exploitable weaknesses?
Like our pathalogical inability to trust each other?
I wish I had spider man's powers... I could dispense death from the sky!
Remeber, with great power comes great ability to A BUSE power!
If Magical Girls really did their best, then we wouldn't need giant Mecha and huge rocket launchers, would we?
What'cha watchin'? ...mmm?...meh..it's hentai.
We agree with the common player feeling that "being weaker than a rabbit sucks"
You've gotta love DeWalt, though. Nice stuff. I love DeWalt. If you're gonna cut up a body, DeWalt table saws are the way to go.
If you go into the light when you die, does God get a frag?
What I liked was the fellow a few years back who made T-shirts saying "The Internet is Full, Go Away!"
it could be described as a fairly well-known mecha series. It could also be described as the most screwed-up thing ever created
You shouldn't be receiving E-mail from a dead girl.
the Mafia are, uh, the good guys
poor controller technique will not be tolerated! it can lead to M4D B34TDOWNZ
I want YOU! to be an unwitting grunt in my unholy legions of evil.
I chill in deep space.
I randomly answered the questions [on an IQ test] and got a score of 128...Superior guessing ability
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness BURN THEM!!! MUAHAHAHA! Ph33r my 3vil!!!
And what planet do you come from, Mr. Rat-b*****d alien?
While most people avoid the homeless like the plague, Tucker likes to refer to them as “bonus points.” Don’t ask me what that means. It makes no sense if you ask me.
Seriously, do not pass this site up. Otherwise a ninja might totally flip out and kill you and/or your family. Which would be bad, unless you really don’t like yourself or your family.
You are Light!! I am Darkness!! AND IT'S NIGHTTIME, PUNK!!!!!
'eek!... the sun's up... shit.' *sleep*
Any thoughts, fighter?
Wait, that's one of those trick questions, isn't it!
No fair! I was distracted by random gunfire!
Hey, I gotta run, the angry mob's found us again.
The best thing about this story is that their is no good or evil, just conflict.
Well, I guess you could say I know him personally. That is, if attending a week-long LAN game with him and fragging the living s**t out of all parties preasent with him counts.
Really, he has only two emotions: sleeping and adrenaline overdrive.
No score is kept and there is no clear way to win. Play continues until you stop.
How America Was Saved from Communism: ELVIS SHOT JFK.
This Snow Crash thing -- is it a virus, a drug, or a religion?"
Juanita shrugs."What's the difference?"
I just wanted to cause destruction on a global scale. Is that so wrong?
If you strike a man on the top of his head with a katana and do not make the effort to stop the blade, it will divide his skull and probably get hung up in his collarbone or his pelvis, and then you will be out there in the middle of the medieval battlefield with a foot on your late opponent's face, trying to work the blade loose as his best friend comes running up to you with a certain vengeful gleam in his eye.
it's not really camping when you don't have a house to go back to.
Halibut grow very large and can thrash so violently that they can easily kill the people who hook them; hence it is prudent to fire a number of shells through their heads before taking them on board.
"It's, like, one of them drug dealer boats," Vic says, looking through his magic sight."Five guys on it.Headed our way."He fires another round."Correction.Four guys on it."Boom."Correction, they're not headed our way anymore."Boom.A fireball erupts from the ocean two hundred feet away."Correction.No boat."
The sky is burning! This is so f**king COOL!
We didn't quite know what was going on, but we knew we needed guns, Big guns, lots of guns.
I've got a bad feeling about-
NO! not that overused quote! finish that sentince and I'll shoot you.
In other words, NO LIVE STEEL. GETTING ARRESTED IS BAD.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong
I want good ol' fashioned British justice. Where a man is innocent until proven Irish.
It's all a money milking game, well at least it is most of the time.
I've gotten a considerable amount of mail with a tone of concern about when the hell I sleep. When I do, I'll make sure to tell you.
Rain? You're crazy. Those aren't clouds, it's debris!
Sniffing the glue that holds the Internet together...
Well, you know what they say: the corpse you find may be your own.
"they" do not say that.
Well, mind you, it IS hard to speak with six inches of knife sticking out of your face. Mostly they just gurgle, and bleed.
I am never going to say "I'll get this done on such a date" ever again. Except to a professor.
Also the taste it is being, the ginger, calling clearly, it is groovy, is.
-God I love literal translations.
You can move fast without exposing yourself, because you can usually find a "hare" who is pleased to demonstrate that his car is better than yours. Never attempt to dissuade him: instead, drop back to a safe distance and enjoy the radar shield.
Meanwhile, you, practicing Rule 2 and 3, will have slowed to a quasi-legal speed. This usually draws a perplexed and suspicious look from the officer, but no pull-over order, especially if you have removed your radar detector from the windshield or visor.
Meet Kei and Yuri, two junior level agents with a proclivity for being in the wrong place at the wrong time with just enough firepower to blow their way out of a bad situation into something worse.
Me, a FUD platform -- right. There's a definite pot/kettle equation in play here, as we'll see.
Perhaps "broke the story " isn't the right phrase - it was sitting around for a week before we noticed, and since we published the story, there's been a right righteous hullabaloo at Slashdot (which in an Intellectual Property landgrab of its own, claimed the scoop for itself after reading The Register - doh!) and at other fine sites. And that in itself is worrying - the free software community's early warning system is as poky as the CIA's Arabic intelligence department. That's a cause for concern in itself.
It's all fun and games till someone gets..... accidentally falls down a stairwell...
A bored admin is a very dangerous person...
"I clicked the FORMAT button instead of RECOVER - They're so close together!"
I like lame jokes, but they have to be very very lame.
The proof that "cheap Mexican labour" is not the same as "capable Mexican labour"
We took both the red and blue pills
These same morons are to be put on a pedestal and hailed for all eternity. That is, hailed using large caliber weapons, rotten vegetables and all other kinds of unpleasantness
why not be honest, drop the pretense and hoist the Jolly Roger, already Matey? Aar!
What you see is what you get, and you ain't seen a damn thing yet.
Like the kid, I'm glad someone's brave enough to teach impressionable kids on the joys of rebelling against the system.
There's nothing sweeter than other's misery.
i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"
* dregan kicks Yamucha in the nuts
* dregan stamps on Yamucha's neck
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Yamucha
<dregan> Oh shit.
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
tetris is so unrealistic
<rob`> wai, self-pity.is there anything more pathetic? 
<nev> *nod* whining about it on irc 
<@Greg> how do i start apps automatically when i log into os x?
<@desnarf> hit it with a hammer
<@desnarf> but you need a robot arm for it to happen automatically
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
It's like 7-11. We are'nt always doing a buisness, but we're always open.
Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?
So Bilbo, who we are supposed to identify with as a protagonist, finds a piece of someone else's jewelry and just keeps it for himself? That's funny, because I would expect a good man to submit it to the local Lost and Found so it could be claimed by its owner. It makes me wonder if he bought that hillside house or if he was just squatting.
Mixing languages and l33tspeak has been known to cause brain seizures.
Are you paranoid? Have good reason?
You were never paranoid...until they started coming after you...
<HansonSis> oh, screw the japanese...they knew what they did the moment they did it, and they'll never do it again....bombing them would be a waste of a good bomb....drop it on people who don't know we mean business yet.
<MalkavsWisdom> Yeah.. those damn ethiopians.
<Wilstar> Oh, americans never lanned on the moon you know...! it was a conspiracy
<@maximus`> I thought the yanks LANDED on the moon?
Those of us looking for maximum performance from our PCs are known to add a few extra fans to keep cool air moving through the case. This is fine and dandy until you've got enough fans running that your case sounds like the Concorde approaching Mach 1.
Yeah. I'm waging a sort of "cold war" with my free hosting service. No packets seem to be going in or out.... they hate me. So I'm putting them here
So, as many of you have inquired about, here's the 4th generation of Net related quotes - with the first and second gens thrown in because I want to hit the post size limit. 3rd generation was lost for the most part and the remnants have been added to the 4th. Feel free to use these in your sigs, as cappy has already done.
BE ADVISED: THE FOLLOWING MAY INCLUDE, AND IS NOT LIMITED TO:
>PROFANITY
>SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE
>MATURE THEMES
>LLAMAS BEING LAMERS
May be unsuitable for anyone under 16, and/or without 2500+ hours logged online. Failure to meet both of these critera will cause confusion and result in an inability to understand the majority of this compillation. (In other words: It's your own damn fault if you don't like these)
<---------------FIRST GENERATION!---------------->
Smith and Wesson. The original point and click interface.
You really are a pessimist.
If I had a penny for ever time I heard that I'd drown under their bitter, coppery weight.
"Legally drunk. Well if it's legal what the hell is the problem?"
How to Leave The Planet
1. phone NASA. There phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it is very important that you get away as soon as possable
2. if they do not cooperate. Phone any frend you may have in the whitehouse-(202)456-1414-to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA
3. If you dont have any frends in the White House, Phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas opperator for 0107-095-595-9051). They don't seem to have any frend over there either (at least non to spak of), but they do seem to have a little infulence so you might as well try.
4. If that fails, Phone the Pope for guidence. his telephone number is 011-39-6-9982, and i gather his switchboad is infallible.
5. if all these attemts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain its vitally important you get away before you phone bill arives. - Douglas Adams
Never play Russian Roulette with a semi automatic weapon... It never ends well.
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs...
"when in danger fear or doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move
This is a signature of evil - the pure of heart cannot see this sentence.
I didn't think I could have so much fun and still be suitable for young viewers!
"Is it dead yet?"
"Throwing a warship at me is cheating! Here, take it back!"
Deep down I'm very superficial
I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!
Thinking back on the good old days, I can't remember a damn thing. Damn dementia.
If im not poetry in motion....
then i must be gibberish in neutral...
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
I don't have a one track mind... I like Doom AND Quake 3
Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power -- my God, the power! IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIVE!
If this doesn't make sense, blame my lack of sleep.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water...unless it's floating face down
Make love not war...unless you love to kill
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
If a thousand monkies at a thousand typewriters can write the next great literary masterpiece, then shouldn't a thousand programmers at a thousand computers write a program that works?
when i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me...
"Anime - It's not just cartoons dammit!"
Ak47... when you absoultely need to kill every motherf**ker in the room
Insane? Who? Me? Naah... you must mean her, over there.
-Will sell soul for giant robot. Contact if interested.
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
-Christian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
My life is an RPG, but I'm not the player character.
Otherwise... you should be dragged into the street and shot.
Do you know what my problem is with the door to door people? I'm too polite. No, really. I want to tell them to go f**k themselves, but instead I usually end up pretending to have some interest in what they are saying and looking for a chance to politely ask them to leave. Oh well...
I say live and let live. At least until I can find a large blunt object to hit you with.
I swear, one of these days Microsoft will find their WinME offices surprisingly firebombed...
"Without this machine here, I'd go insane."
"What machine?"
"Oh hell."
All your base are belong to...THAT GUY OVER THERE IN THE CORNER RUNNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE ENGULFED IN FLAMES!
"Theres too much blood in my alcohol system!"
"Don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."
"Gee, the IP ban list shure is getting long..." -Piro
...then yell extensively at your Vid and Sound cards for sleeping together at such a young age.
I tell you, cards these days...sharing IRQs....
The mere existence of flame throwers says that someone, sometime, somewhere said to himself, 'You know, I'd like to set that guy over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Luke, I am your tedious, overused plot device.
Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him.
I drink motor oil for fun and profit
"BUSINESS IS WAR"
But I don't wanna be a Fireman, I wanna be a Doctor!
-Silence!The machine has spoken!
"If fire cannot burn in a vacuum ambassador, then I presume you'll be alright when I jettison your flaming body into space."
"Damn you! Just wait till i come back to LIFE!!!"
"Sorry, but this is it for me. Ahh, what a lame way to die! This is so not cool!"
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill
"is it heavy?"
"yes"
"then it's expensive"
"Why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
No sig for you!
Damnit Harry, you're a walking combat zone. People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you.
"Good, Bad. I'm the one with the gun."
"Damn child-proof spy stuff."
"I'm not afraid of computers taking over the world. They're just sitting there. I can hit them with a two by four."
"Mental note: F**K!!"
Broken things are best fixed by people who know what the hell they're doing.
Think of it as evolution in action.
"I cry my soul to sleep"
Normality is defined by those who speak it.
But those Vipers ... they handle like bricks with rockets attached
Goofing off is evil. TV is the devil. IRC is a highly populated plane of hell. ICQ is the evil spawn of a thousand hells. Or something like that.
. . this is the shiznabidiziat, fool.
Somebody call guiness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in 20 dollars...
"Never use the machine gun when you can use the BFG".
Aestivalis loses a game of chicken with the ground
"I am an explosives technician, If you see me running, try to keep up"
Damn you, wasted youth. Damn you I say!
So he's one bounced check away from becoming a clocktower sniper, but in general..
We've got Mr. Tails here. He's got a B.A. in Nannas folks!
Copyright? The copies I make are always right...
-I'll just drink the coffee for sleep, and as for the shower, well, 6-7 cans of Lysol can handle that duty. NOTHING is going to keep me from 96 straight hours of Quakey goodness!
-Thats so much Lysol we will be able to taste it in the air!
The guy who sits next to me better be able to put up with a massive wind tunnel..........over 1000 cfm total air flow in my airplane case.
Geeze, you ever get anything accidentally sucked into that beast? Like a tree or something?
yea.....I have had screws sucked in before. So i now have screens on all my intake fans
When you start working, every day just gets a little worse
"Our best shot at winning against some of the talent here is to get them so plastered they don't notice if you disconnect the mouse."
I recommend an alternate bathroom for those about to give birth to a small calf. Understand?
"Professional BMW rider. Sanity optional."
Next episode, a shocking sci-fi spaghetti western epic for all ages. Wait, aren't we mixing up our genres a little?
All it took to convince the studio was a one-page treatment and a picture of a clown holding a gun. It boggles the mind.
It's one of those cool duel type things, you know? And well, when they throw in giant robots beating the living crap out of each other, you just can't lose.
Anyway, I am getting off on a very long tangent and I'm not even sure what my point is anymore.
"kinda like how people buy $50 celeron processors specifically so they can overclock them to rediculous speeds and not worry when the burn out"
Me- angry? nah. Pissed? noooooo. Unbelievably depressed and stressing? Nope. In denial? Gee, ya think?
Dum de dum dum...f**k
when life gives you lemons, chuck them straight back and scream while you do it.
Get a hobby, it helps you out... just don't make it swords or explosives, k?
"SHUT-UP!! I'm more schizophrenic than I'll ever be!!... Wait... Who are we talking to?"
"Barry also was quick to point out that the Titanium uses torque screws as opposed to Phillips screws. We're not sure why this matters even a little bit, but Barry sure seemed to think it was interesting. That's why Mac geeks scare us."
"I'm slowly teaching him [new tech support PFY] that if a luser calls with a problem, he should continue asking detailed, technical question about what is going wrong, untill the customer admits he touched something, or that it might be someone on their end, so he can shout out "SEE! NOT OUR PROBLEM!"
"The neat thing about having a swiss-cheese memory like mine is that I can read what I wrote a few months ago, and giggle at my own jokes. Granted I don't remember what I write, but the writer's sense of humour is very compatible with my own. [...]
"I'm going to get a new job. I'm going to mow lawns. And when somebody asks me what I do for a living, I will tell them "I mow lawns." And whatever question might follow, the answer will most likely be "Yes," "No," or "I mow lawns." And nobody will ever call me at 3:30am with a lawnmowing emergency. Ahh, happy place....."
"Get bent, you prole. If you understood even the smallest iota of my tremendous emotional investment in this game, you'd take a big glass of Shut the F**k Up and Sit the F**k Down and nurse it in the corner until I speak to you directly."
"The Christian Supremecists are at it again. I swear those guys would burn the bible if they read it without a title attached. Sad too, cause it's a heck of a story, all sorta sex, betrayal, magic, murder, superhuman guys, war, sacrifice, and a fella hanging with hookers and lawyers that beats the crap outta some chumps in a church."
"I guess this means that I'm developing the sort of black b*****d aura that will eventually make my kindest, gentlest utterances sound like the pronouncements of Satan."
"Yes, but then we get into questions. Does bamboo count as wood? It's technically from a grass, not a tree, but it's very hard. Can I stake a vampire with my chopsticks? Does the stake have to be more than a certain diameter, or just of a length sufficient to pierce the heart? Does it have to completely penetrate the heart, or just puncture a wall? If bamboo is acceptible, what about other vegetable matter, like a frozen parsnip or carrot?"
"think about it. would you work for a company that couldn't tell the difference in quality of its employees' normal work product and the work product of someone on drugs without performing a test?"
"So far, what we've seen is smart people making work for each other. Good software leads to more work. Bad software leads to more work. If there's any time left over from fiddling with software, people spend it on making the tax and legal systems more complicated. (Ok, maybe that last is just the US.)"
"Pardon me...what the hell kinda game IS Monopoly, anyway? I say my racecar can run down the doggie, and that if I buy Park Place, I can put a trap on the damned thing, too. But everyone else says I'm crazy, that that's not how the game is played. Morons."
"Give a man a computer program and you give him a headache, but teach him to program computers and you give him the power to create headaches for others for the rest of his life..."
"I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve."
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity."
"Hey, Vinnie and me are here to tell you why you should buy Microsoft. Because your data is important, and it'd be a real shame if something happened to it. You might say your data could use some protection. It'd be terrible if this here computer room caught fire, or if your sysadmin were to somehow fall into a cement mixer. See, if you were a Microsoft shop, the odds of such things happening would be significantly lower, if you get my drift. So how many copies can I put you down for?"
"I am afraid that as death becomes less certain, taxes will get worse."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"How is it that I have root access when my weakness for abusing power is so apparent?"
"Where...the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh just 1-1/2 tons." -Popular Mechanics, March 1949
It's always a sad day when you realize the Pod People have triumphed once again.
Once I manually unzipped it, I attempted to run setup again, and it began prompting me to "insert disk 1" or something along those lines. The immediate question that sprung to my mind was not "what is 'disk one'?" or "where can I find disk one?", but "what the hell has Romero and his band of merry men actually been doing for the past three and a half years?"
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
let's not touch that again....
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
Look boss..de plane! de plane!
T'was the best of times, t'was the worst of times"- last night at an all you can eat $6 buffet and the proceeding 3 am bathroom trips.
Damn you, hax0rs and script kiddiez! What is your fascination with my Forbidden Server of Mystery?
Bloody hell! The trailer is amazing.. I'm off to have a cold shower to calm down.
If this is what I'm like on caffeine, I do NOT want to know what I'll be like if I'm drunk
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way if you want to criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
On average 1 young person falls to corperate mind washing every 5.2 seconds, and starts to listen to bands, and wear clothes that they would, if left to their own devices, never wear. Please prevent such things. Don't let people you know listen to pop Radio or watch MTV. We thankyou, and you'll thank yourself later.
-This advertisment paid for by the coalition of bitter individuals that believe in personal expression.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog.
With that in mind I may need to stick to something less controversial for today's rant, something more tame, like abortion or nuclear war.
I was pleased with the original Homeworld to no end, it was unique, exciting, and let me command a nice fleet of ships which I could use to rain firey death on all that opposed me. Needless to say, I was sold.
"Piro, I've been thinking..."
"Aren't there laws against that?"
With my departure from that place I take with me one blue ink pen, property of SBC Internet Services. I will now always carry this pen with me just for the hope that someday I may run into my former employer and ram it through his vile black heart.
I've spent this week blowing up my fellow man in new and interesting ways.
there is just something graceful about a volley of 50 missiles firing at one target
That damn paperclip is still starring at me, if he so much as blinks I'm going to shoot him…
there's never a dull moment in my life. I could use a few, really.
Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in... wait, that's the decongestant kicking in.
The latter being the swords you'd use to cut off someone's vital limbs or at the very least they'd make kickass letter openers.
I didn't mean to take all of your sweet time, I'll give it back one of these days.
BWAHAHAHAHA... erm... yeah... uh... nevermind... gomen...
There's a new kid in town, and he’s sporting a dual heavy rocket launcher.
Finally...air cover for those Sunday drives in the park.
Dear santa, all I want is your list of naughty girls.
Sir,
You are a moron and completely misunderstood what I said.
Thank you.
Why cant they make linux more like windows?
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schulz
"Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable"
Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right, and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong
God's in his heaven, all's right with the world
"Oh shit, someone else is out of alcohol!"
"Luck is just one of my many skills!"
"Same old s**t, different day."
Doubt is the key to knowledge.
There is often wisdom under a shaggy coat.
People show their character by what they laugh at.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
BREAKFAST.SYS halted. Cereal port not responding.
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
I love squirrels, those things are so damn funny.
Depending on where I look, I can findrelated things on the net that can make me smile, laugh, feel good, think, sad, annoyed, angry, upset, depressed, ready to nuke the hell out of a few small towns in Iowa.
"And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!"
It takes only a child to raze a villiage...
Is that burning smell coming from my computer?
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too."
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is, just to fire all the unhappy people.
Not all pain is gain.
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
Hard work may pay off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
It hurts to admit when you've made mistakes. But when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
If you find yourself struggling with lonliness, you're not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone.
There is an island of oppourtunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though, and you're pretty much doomed.
Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the true terror of being forever lost at sea.
It could be that the purpose of your life is to provide a warning to others.
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, Remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.
Mediocrity. It takes a lot less time, and most people woln't notice the difference until it's too late.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Wha,..? What! It's impossible to explain anything without arrows!"
Because of my knowledge I was able to convince the queen I was a mighty oracle, but no history book could have prepared me for what happened here.
The light at the end of tunnel, only slightly dimmed.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote."
Always make a good first impression. Aim for the forehead.
Uh....w00t.
Lincoln: "A House divided against itself is an excellent opportunity for some CTF at a LAN Party."
I'm a member of the young college entrepreneurs club, and I can smell money like sharks smell blood
Scientist:I've got the answer!
Joel: It's Coco Puffs, Bob. I've got no idea why, but it fits the equation.
The "nice guy" who could take no more.
BZZT! God prevents you from winning!
Hey, I'M ripping off SOMEONE ELSE's catch phrase. That's different.
I'm my own hero!
"I may be goin' to hell in a bucket, baby, but at least I'm enjoying the ride."
"Yeah, Toonami may be its own little world but its f**king up my universe."
Remember kids, don't shoot each other. Aim for the fragile, expensive stuff.
Wrack: I watch "This Old Arena" religiously.
<quote> "Don't quote me on this" </quote>
"Peace through Superior Firepower"
You're a whining little brat, but you get the job done in the end
Sam: The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Max: But it makes a pretty good milkshake.
"Oh, damn, I thought he was like a piniata. You know. Beat him enough, and candy flies out."
HA! fool! it was a simle, not a metaphor! now I shall kill you so hard your ancestors will die!
Would having more hours in a day really make things better?How about more bullets in the clip?
Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character.
watching spectacular train wrecks never ceases to enthrall!
With all these dollars, why do I need to make sense?
Players expect problems on opening day, damnit.
The minimum resolution you should be playing at is 640x480. Of course the most important thing is that the gibs look nicer.
LAN parties are great places to meet people... and then kick their asses at Counter-Strike.
Don't question authority, they don't know either.
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
"There is too much evil loose in the world. I'm going to have to put a stop to it. All of it."
"You're going to stop the evil?"
"No. The world."
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Which is worse, Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
When people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called "the People's Stick."
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Talking to corners really helps! They always listen.
Caution: Cape does not allow user to fly.
hehe, what a suprise that all the Admins say: It wasnt me
"Life is pain. Anyone one who says differently is trying to sell something."
"You tried your best, and failed horribly. The moral is, never try."
laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and the world laughs at you, loser.
If anything on this ship is more important than my ego, I want it hunted down and shot!
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man of fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
"For every winner there are dozens of losers, odds are your one of them."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"Don't make me threten you...."
"You may have won the battle, but I'm... I'm out of ammunition.
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport"
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.
The best acceleration you can get on a mac is 9.8 m/s^2
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
umm..maybe fool Ragnarok by changing the filename of the mp3's to something like..oh say..TheseAreNotTheFilesYouAreLookingFor_waveshandsmysteriously_.mp3
i hope christina aguilera gets mutilated by a farm combine. until then, i can only mock her music derisively. ha! ha! ha! ha!
can it run smoothly if Bad Andy goes behind the rack and unplugs a few network connections, a few power cords to some nodes?
Now, if we're going to do "Lawyers At Dawn", I officially suggest that we carpet bomb Tokyo with attorneys from B-52's and B-1B's in HUGE WAVES
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b*****d die for his." - General Patton (1885-1945)
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, what is the road to Heaven paved with?
Non-fragmented English? You mean all those folks out there who "74lk l1k3 7h1$" aren't speaking proper engligh? My god, my days of enlightment have been ruined... and here I was going to major in "Leet" in College...
*** Aegis-Zhyroth was kicked by Aegis-Zhyroth (Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!)
There are three types of people in this world, those who are good at math, and those who are not.
Citanul: Oh yes, I'm glad you noticed! Citanul spelled backwards IS Lunatic! You are so clever you clever beaver you!
The lesson is... don't leave food in the fridge.
Spike: "You don't call a meatless beef with bell peppers 'beef with bell peppers. do you?"
Jet: "Yes you do."
Spike: "No, you don't!"
Jet: "You do when you're broke!"
"Oops, sirens. You know what that means. Time for me to get eccentric."
...and that's why we need to find a store that sells rocket launchers.
"Inspiration is for those too weak to decide on something themselves"
I don't mind pissing a few people off for no good reason
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
Ohhh yes, this is going to be dreadfully fun.
Yo piedad el tonto! (I pity da foo!)
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
You can't just stick an RJ-45 in your ass and call it a server. That's not how it works.
Urgh! You all sound like chapters from a self-help manual
Feel the wrath of the minor roles!
Hell, if I bought half a dozen nukes I could get discount.
(I don't know how to flame ppl, so I guess I'll just mind my own business and go back to eating lunch) La la la~
Sam (holding a ticking time bomb): Where should I throw this so I don't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max: Out the window. There's nothing but strangers out there.
One of the guys that took the SAT at my school came and took it after smoking a few bowls.He passed with a 1440, and claimed that a purple lizard was on his desk telling him the answers
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy
Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Always remember to Pillage BEFORE you Burn.
Darwin was an optimist
The two most abundant resources in the universe are 1.Hydrogen, and 2.Stupidity. The order of this list is subject of hot debate.
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.
One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was to convince people that he didn't exist.
Death to all fanatics!
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Gravity-- it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Boldly going nowhere
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The only substitute for good manners are fast reflexes.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Kill the messenger; it doesn't solve the problem, but you've got to admit it feels right.
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me.
There are no problems that cannot be solved by the judicious use of high explosives.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
You can't buy back your youth, but you can pay for it later.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
Barrett's Laws of Driving: You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed.... Oh wait, he does.
Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
You will note the four center consoles from which the finalists will compete. Each of these seats is wired up to the 1000 watt auditorium speakers. Ordinarily these systems are used to provide audio for hundreds of people. However, tonight it will be under your butt. I suggest you wear earplugs. Earlier I had the cafeteria lady who serves the french fries sit down in the seat here and fire up the Austin Mini. The roar of the engine popped her bra and shoes right off. She started speaking in Spanish, weeping and pleading for redemption as she crawled for the door, her legs suffering from temporary paralysis.
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid b*****d. You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!
Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
<Keiichi> My first computer wasn't even a 286...it loaded off a 5 1/4 disk...
<Keiichi> and I ended up frying it with the game 'The Oregon Trail', it started to run it and caught on fire...
<mustadio> God, Some day I'll be telling stories about how a CD only held 700MB XD
You only have one life to live...so play in traffic often
Last year, the government of aging dictator Fidel Castro declared access to the Internet a "fundamental right" of the Cuban people - and then made it impossible for ordinary Cubans to buy a computer.
Nausea can make it difficult to watch a deathmatch over someone's shoulder. (Doom-induced motion sickness, or DIMS, is an accepted medical term.)
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect Administrator."
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom ofa
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on thedoor
saying Beware of the Leopard."
The easily amused will inherit the earth, the rest of you will just die of boredom.
Ever wonder what it would be like, if one day you woke up and could speak a different language, say Japanese or Latin, but forgot how to speak English? No? well... you should. It could happen. Really!
I've almost been as bad as Fred at times.
Wait, no, I take that back, it didn't get that bad. There was always a game to keep my mind off of hurting people and on hurting little digital representations of people.
See, when I was younger and playing Civ, it was one of my ambitions to be a diplomat. But I wouldn't be a wussy diplomat that would always be captured and sold for 50 gold. No sir, I'd be a tech-stealing, production-sabotaging, water-poisoning ass-kicker of a diplomat, you know, like Colin Powell or something.
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
RBF! appendum: Anything that can go wrong, will, and will do so in the most spectacular manner possible, at the worst concieveable time.
You scare me sometimes, well, all the time really.
Viadus:FROGFHFHFHFH!
Leon:Our fearless leader, afraid of a frog?
Viadus:DARN STRAIGHT I AM!
Speak for yourself, these chompers are here for one thing only. Devouring souls. You gotta bite real hard to get the soul out.
i hate being loved.
heart me and die, f**ker.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
This statment complies with part 15 of the FCC rules;
1. It can not cause harmful interference.
2. It must accept any interference from its surroundings.
... I love cookies 
- What are you doing?...
- Stay away, this cookie's mine.
... Are you willing to DIE for it?
... /me draw 2 hand sword
Selling online accounts are profitable...
Just ask my Playstation 2....
Why do I have a biohazard sticker on my graphing calculator? Well it's not so much bio- as it is a hazard to modern programmers. You should see some of the shit I did in BASIC. Hundreds of lines of code that verifies it's own existance before allowing anything else to process. It scares people.
"I'mprettysure thaaxeshavehigherpotential dammage butlower average. You should havestuck with your sword." - Cette Hamster La
"whoa buddy. try using the space bar next time^^" - Katana
Don't Run From Me, You'll Just Die Tired!
Hmm, interesting.. I seem to be missing a finger..
Smite thine evil Zombies with thy bigeth sticketh!
If life gives you lemons, burn them!
Okay..just gimme the sword. *SLICE* OWW DAMNIT WRONG SIDE!!
"Let's see ... 37% of the structural supports are missing, another 48% bent beyond the point of repair ... the main reactor has melted, fusing with the hull and the auxerily reactor is leaking deadly radiation ... the only working weapon is the one we thought up that one night we all got REALLY wasted ... the communications system is shot, and the computer just snapped, went homicidal, and tried to kill me ... OK, gentlemen, I think we can repair it!"
<Supressor> God Why???????????????????????????????????????????
*** Supressor was kicked by watashiwa[FFT] (Excessive punctuation.)
<|KS|SamuelLDurain> HAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAAA
*** |KS|SamuelLDurain was kicked by watashiwa[FFT] (Excessive capitalization.)
<-------SECOND GENERATION!------------>
Go away, and take your stupid with you!
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Cheesy lensflare -- GO!
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed.
Wow, red mage has a lot of blood.
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
It also contains what many consider to be inappropriate language. So crank it up!
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
***Pub:B>Souls of the innocent/helpless
FlyingFuton: hello
Gobi: Buying souls, eh?
FlyingFuton: Would you like to volunteer yours?
Gobi: Depends on the offer.
FlyingFuton: Souls are at a premium today.
FlyingFuton: Well... 5z and a walnut
FlyingFuton: Have you ever seen a walnut in RO?
Gobi: Nope...
FlyingFuton: Would you give your soul for it?
Tye up the Santy Clause
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now I'll pretend I never read this post, and you'll pretend I never read this post...
Now don’t worry because this isn’t the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than Steph, who hasn't been trused with anything more important than his own life since 1986!
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed.
Unfortunately, I was beginning to learn that Verio's advertised and promised 24/7 service was really only 8/5.
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talking my computer and reinstalling things. Now that it's back up and running, it's back to verbally abusing it on a regular basis of course.
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
You might be an IRC addict if: if you get a call from a telemarketer and you put the phone down and set their mode to -v.
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
Frankley, the feeling's f**kin' fantastic. I'm trippin' like Jesus in the desert when he fasted. It's like I'm in Epcot Center on acid.
Life's a bitch, and I'm her pimp.
Paramedic 1: "What now? she looks dead..."
Paramedic 2: "Well, s**t happens."
*singing* Extermina~te! Extermina~te! I don't really know why, but let's genocide!
I was looking at an Eco sensitive front loading washer with 1050 RPM spin cycle - he liked it too - because it was l33t - yes, a Kenmore Elite. Only Piro would need a l33t washer and dryer.
I live in the state of Denial. Well, sort of.
Ecchi nano wo ikenai to omoimasu!
Trust is a weakness.
WAREZ IS STEALING.
IT IS A CRIME.
DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS IN SMALLER WORDS?
C-8 H-10 N-4 O-2 Forever!
Man, that was close.
And to think, we were saved by an abominable snowman.
Sonds pretty unlinkley doesen't it?
Amd on top of that, abominable snowman fur sells for a pretty good price.
Sticks! Sharp, pointy sticks! WHY CAN I NEVER FIND ANY?!
It bleeds. We can kill it.
Oh sure, Microsoft will issue patches. Then the users will be blamed for not installing them in a timely fashion. What's WRONG with those damn users anyway?
...there had better be some real cream filling in that son of a bitch if they want me to put up with these rough edges.
JUST POINT ME TOWARD SOMEBODY I NEED TO HIT. THIS IS LIKE PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY, EXCEPT YOU'RE THE DONKEY, AND ... I WILL KILL YOU.
A good wizard is like Elvis, but with lightning that comes out of his hands.
Look, good evil killing machines aren't structured around a single point of failure like that. My killer robot would have redundantly arrayed backup rings housed within an impervious titanium core. Actually, screw the rings, he'd just strap a portable nuclear device on his back capable of reducing entire continents to smouldering piles of rubble and fused glass.
"Hee hee! Zese bullets, zey tick-le! Heeee!"
Apparently the head of the Children Protection Department described the game (grand theft auto 3) of being 'unfitting even for grown adults' and 'a crude crime against the society's norms of worth.' Sweet! This means war!
Next up, you have World War II --
Norway surrendered two months after the Nazis invaded. It was less of an invasion and more of a brisk walk.
That being said, Ed still gets on my nerves on occasion. Last week you'll recall that he Created a new type of puzzle game, based off of the Rubik's Cube. I spent hours trying to solve it before discovering that he put seven colors on a six-sided cube.
I realized the horrible potential of the device I had installed, and knew that it must never be powered up again on my machine.
So I sold it to Steve down the street for fifty bucks.
And where's your bombardier, mister? I'll tell you where he is, he's on the other side of this hillock puking his guts out after you dusted the bridge UPSIDE DOWN.
I'm like The Flash, except I carry a rocket launcher
I've overclocked my DSL modem to cram sacreligious amounts of data through my phone lines. They've become hot to the touch and my walls are smoking... Noo! NOOO!! Foiled again! I have to disconnect as my house has just erupted into flames.
Taking Names and Taking Heads.
Why would they make a child-saftey cap with pictographic instructions?
Your "careful analysis" looks a lot like spending all your time sticking plastic explosives to people.
They scream funny.
I would hope you people would realise the lack of spelling ability I have... that and grammer. I can't think of how many of you recieved mail from me with nothing more then "GAAAAAAH!" as the body...
Hey Kids! Do you know what goes on inside Dom's head? ... Niether do we! and let's hope we never find out!
With luck, i might actually survive the weekend.
"Hello, I work in waste management. Basically I waste people and then manage them."
You know you're in trouble when packet floods are competing to flood you.
There's some conditional good news, and then there's some rather bad news.
The shutdown trigger commands list above accept an optional exclamation point "!". For example: "reboot!" (pronounced "Reboot Damit!").
Who needs hackers when we've got Microsoft?
Unfortunately, Windows XP doesn't protect you from Microsoft.
Hollings, apparently, is an 'honest politician' according to Brendan Behan's formula: when he's bought, he stays bought.
Is the Pope there? I'm calling from California, and I need to confess!
Hey, if you can't shoot 'em, squish 'em.
Blessed are the children, for they cannot yet aim!
Ah, yes; the quality, the security. The e-mail worms, the malicious Javascript, the closed APIs, the product activation, the licensing extortion.
Why do you do that to yourself?
Well, I tried doing to others, but they didn't take to kindly to the idea.
AARGH!! Lensflare im my face! it burns!
Police Brutality, keeping your ass in check since 1919
One of our players (ColdAssBitch) was involved in a bad car accident. There is a get well card posted on Gunsmoke22 site for anyone to sign. Click on the following link to show your support.
We wish ColdAssBitch the best of luck and hope for a speedy recovery.
It was actually pretty fun to make, until Adobe Premiere waged war with me. Now that I have conquered Premiere, and the bloody war has come to a finale, you - the general population
wishful thinking will only make the truth more painful.
always be on your guard when there is a grassy knoll of any sort inside your building
We recommend that you wear this tshirt in 'solipsistic mode' in which you move around the world and perceive that the only reason anything outside your immediate neural network exists is because of your needs and your demands. You are the center of the known and unknown Universe, you are the prime singularity, you alone are the localhost. 127.0.0.1 baby. And don't forget it.
On the hints screen, it says "Give up."
I CAN HELP YOU OVERCLOCK THAT TURKEY! You ignorant fools, you're basting a default OEM turkey. Just give me half an hour with that thing and I can give you twice the white meat and an over 33% increase in juiciness. Also, I can rig up your carving knife to slice through human limbs as if through butter.
Uhh.. Ace? What are they doing?
Uuuhhh.. I duuno... uhh....
KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!
"Yes, 1200dpi!" I cry, using a geek joke that's so far over his head he can't even see its vapour trail.
"How many times do I have to say it? How was I supposed to know that Christmas tinsel was a conductor?!?
"You can't remember your password after the break?" The PFY cries happily into his headset "OK, I'll change that to 'tomorrow' for you, two 'm's, two 'r's... Oh, Don't mention it."
>clickety click<
"There you go, good as new!" I cry.
"So the hard disk is like before the holidays?!" the user cries happily.
"No, empty like when you bought it. When it was new..."
"B-b-but..."
"I know. Don't thank me, it's my job >click<"
"The financials server has gone offline," the user gasps, "and we've got to complete the end-of-month processing from December!!!"
"Don't you worry about a thing!" I cry "We'll soon have it sorted out - we have a backup."
"Oh thank goodness!" he gasps "Another server?"
"No, printouts and pocket calculators." I cry meglomaniacly. "Remember to write all your sums down as the auditors are due in two days. Oh, and remember to show your your working - there's no telling how pedantic they'll be!"
"So long as the machine room is safe and there are no accidents."
"You mean like that engineer who fell over the tripwire made out of cable exactly the same colour as the floor tiles?"
"The temporary Cat-5 cable with strain relief at both ends, yes."
Having something to keep my brain from switching into powersave mode is always good and battleships will do until someone ports Quake to CE
...and finally a mail service which responds to any email message with a virus.."
"That would be the one we use when we have to supply an email address to any service which claims it doesn't add your contact details to any list" the PFY adds.
How about a little UT? Just you, me, and some users who think they're playing opponents who can be killed?"
He who laughs last... Hasn't seen the cattleprod.
YOU handle that vast horde of monsters over there. I'LL handle these boxes filled with vast riches.
Spoofing, eavesdropping, sniffing, spamming, breaking passwords, harassment, fraud, forgery, "imposturing", electronic trespassing, tampering, hacking, nuking, system contamination including without limitation use of viruses, worms and Trojan horses causing unauthorized, damaging or harmful access and/or retrieval of information and data on your computer and other forms of activity that may even be considered unlawful.
My, the internet has come quite a way since ArcNet.
"You can't fight here! This is the war room!"
From the earliest days of Quake, the very first pioneers of this new generation of multiplayer gaming goodness fired up their computers, hopped onto a deathmatch, and immediately noticed that the game was missing a vital gameplay element: a gun that shoots out dogs.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Serves him right for not being professional enough to cheat.
"But revenge is an integral part of forgiving and forgetting! How can you forgive if you carry a grudge? That bean counter now has a clean slate with me - we've got a normal User/System Manager relationship now!"
"So why did you delete his file share yesterday?"
"Because we have a normal User/System Manager relationship!
>ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz...<
"Now what has he done wrong here?" I ask the fireworks spectators.
>ZzzzzzZZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ<
"That's right, he's forgotten to check for a UPS unit in this cardboard box marked 'Printer Paper'!"
>ZZZZZZZZZZEEERRRRT!<
"Woopsy," I cry, as my little helper plops to the ground in a daze. "Now, can anyone tell me the most important thing about Computing Safety?" I ask.
"Not to p**s you off?" someone murmurs from the back.
And who says you can't teach people things?
What engineer would ever say it was so buggered they sent it back? The thing could be ON FIRE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM and they'd say it was just performing self tests. Engineers LIE - that's the first thing they teach them!"
"The old 'Beyond 2000' ploy -- mention you MIGHT have seen something on 'Beyond 2000' and the credibility of the product goes up tenfold. Course, you might have seen it on the coffee table while you were watching -- so it's not strictly porkies, and would pass a polygraph if necessary."
I think I'm going to have a seizure. I've tried to calm down, I've counted to 10, I've even played a couple of games of sneaky-cheat Quake II against a couple of feebs from marketing who can't figure out why they kept exploding when I shot them with an ordinary looking pistol.
Normally - I have to admit - I'd only be reading a foreign tape once I'd run it through the Virus Scanning Bulk-Eraser (Never had a Virus that's survived a good, hard, scanning from that baby).
Is a "Shotgun Whore" the same as a "Pump-action Pimp"?
It turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes in my life (not the biggest mistake mind you, 'cause I've done some major f**k-ups in my day, but it was still pretty f**king big).
They get lost, left at the bottom of wells, lit on fire, shot, blown up, etc., and yet never seem to die. And all the while they make the most inane comments while running away from whatever horror is chasing them, waving their arms as they go. I honestly don't see why the Decepticons don't utilize these poor b******ds more. Nothing can kill them, so maybe they should just be strapped with as many explosives as their little legs can carry and marched into the Autobot's base.
Lady Astor- "Sir Churchill, you are drunk!"
Winston Churchill- "Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning!"
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative." -Oscar Wilde
Well, I just happen to be good friends with ol' Kim Jong Il, or, as we call him, Kim FAT Il, which honestly isn't witty at all. Still, ol' Kimmy gets all redfaced and calls for his death squads, but calms down when we promise to buy him some pork rinds next time we go to the 7-11.
Of course, with the power of red efficiency, they... Blow themselves up. Well... S**t. Kim Jong Il, I hardly knew thee.
Despite the fact that I've never been able to understand the appeal of sports games that don't involve actively smashing the f**k out of your opponent, I can concede that this is definitely an unusually awful football game.
"Why yes, I did shoot him. And him. And her. And the car. It seemed the appropriate response, considering the circumstances.
"It's got breasts. Of course we'll want a sequel."
It's not GOD I have a problem with, it's his f**king fanclub! / George Carlin
<Jugernaut> today is pop metal day
<kaleido> haha
<kaleido> i like to refer to it as 'aluminum music'
<kaleido> since its not as strong as metal
<kaleido> and it will eventually fold up and be thrown out
the shortest day of the year is the 8th of december, the longest day is xmas with your relatives
Geek used to be a 4-letter word; now it's a 6-figure one.
... I wonder if the really nerdy Klingons learn how to speak english
... you know your computer's screwed up when IE freezes and then displays an error message: "Error. Unable to access error.dll".
So many pipe dreams, so little attention span!
sadistic children are always good for creeping out the audience.
<x182ways> 4*7= 28, 28+2=20 dumbass
<Doc> ok... kitchens clean, bathrooms clean
<Doc> thats the two easiest to clean rooms of the house done...
<cactoid> is that because you always eat out and you never shower?
<yunicus> god has so many stalkers
<jor>NE SXE/F W/P N A/S/L PM ME PLZ IF U R D 1 2 C 4 A BJ KTHX
<FuseGirl> life is like a toilet roll, when it's near the end, you panic
I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore.
All is going well, very well, I couldn't ask for anything better-- So why do I hate my life?
"Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes."
Johnny is a less than well adjusted human being. He has the nasty habit of killing people. Usually quite brutally.
With its sickening depictions of torture and murder, I consider the Johnny The Homicidal Maniac comic book series to be one of the most shocking and disturbing perversions of illustrated literature I've ever gazed upon. Needless to say, I enjoyed it immensely
China has repeatedly attempted to crack into the Dalai Lama's computer network, according to its administrators.
Best pickup line ever: "Hey, does this smell like chloroform?"
i have no problem deciding what to do. if i'm hungry, i eat. if i'm tired, i sleep, if i need to user the bathroom, i use the bathroom, if none of the above, i sit in front of the computer
the way i figure it, if the hard drives go at 7200rpm on 12V, on 240V, they should go.... EVEN FASTER!!!!!
*** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood)
Communism is like Spandex. Good idea, but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly from there.
<rbeattie> If you were MEANT to understand it, we wouldn't have called it 'code'
<Uriel> crackhead is driving at 60 MPH and talking to the seats. A stoner is driving at 6 MPH and munching on the seats
<piman> How fast will they be going in 2 hours when they hit?
<pvx> 0 mph. Dammed elephant crossings..
<Chaos > Overclocking can screw everything up.
<Chaos > I've seen it break up marriages.
My first kid won't have a name, he'll have to pick his own at the name selection menu.
If you get collisions on a wireless LAN, do you see sparks in mid-air?
Tip of the day: Your daily fudgesicles intake should be less than 7
<noskill> I was banned from my junior high's network for having every printer in the school district print 5000 pages of "FEED ME PAPER!" simultaneously
‹doc-› H/P/V/A/C . 34o megs . FiDo
‹vect0r› hp vac?? HEWLETT PACKARD MAKES A VACUUM!?
‹vect0r› I MUST GET!
‹vect0r› does it suck as much as their computers do?
<vect0r› because that would be a kick ass vacuum
<SYch0> [
<blazemore> cellphones will give you cancer
<DanSTC> Delusion, will you have my baby?
<Delusion> Dan:Yes, if it's cooked well.
<Ear> ARSENIC IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY BECAUSE IT KILLS CHILDREN.
<Khross> YES
<Ear> DEAD BABIES EQUALS PROFIT.
<Khross> LESS MINORITY KIDS = LESS WELFARE
<Khross> MORE PROFIT
<Ear> IT ALSO PROVIDES FREE BACON.
<Khross> YES, OF COURSE
This forum is the home of the legendary spam monster. They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and its claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and Flashy was tellin' me that it's got magnets on its tail so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.
Sleeping is something I've never gotten the hang of. I don't know if I need classes, or what.
I gotta go.There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out.Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
Spin: arrrr, pirates of the south west
Spin: thar be large pipes o'bandwith near ye'ol univarsety.
Pirate: yearg, ye may be an ta somethan thar.
Spin: what say ye we pull yonder USB hard disk longside yonder NMSU puter and begin tha lutin and plunderin.
Pirate: yearg. The master done gaved me a testin machine with a grand ol CDR.
Pirate: Avast!
Pirate: MP3s off the starboard bow!
Spin: stere clear of ye porn pop ups rollin in from tha east.
Pirate: I have mah trusty Opera browsa to help me fend em off.
Spin: encrypt the data holds, batton down thar security patches, argh thar be spyware abound.
WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a concentration camp......!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck
I swear to god i must be the only true optimist left on the planet.
I don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers
This page was generated entirely by computer algorithms without human editors.
No humans were harmed or even used in the creation of this page.
<Adrennalyne> i want icecream but its like 4am :/
<viscera> you can't always get what you want, but if you run fast enough, can tiptoe effectively and carry a large, blunt instrument at all times, sometimes, possibly, maybe you can beat it into an amnesia hazed coma long enough to play make-believe
<viscera> life is grand, no?
i cant sleep till i know im using up half of the neighborhood bandwidth
<Rammie> how do I change my quit message
<EileenB> type /quit message
*** Rammie has quit IRC (message)
<EileenB> 
There's a difference between being grumpy and hating every little f**ker in existence.
<zathras> This game of rhymes is eating at my brain, I beg of thee, sir, for the love of god, refrain!
<Deliphos> I cannot! In my blood it doth runneth! Hush thee now, lest I cap with my gunneth!
After decades of careful research on the possible uses of the Internet, we were still unprepared for anything as pointless as IRC.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it
You have been successfully added to our records. Have the appropriate amount of fun.
But this ARPAnet is eminently hackable. Within a year, its usershack together a new way to ship text files around. They call their unauthorized, unplanned invention "email." ARPAnet has developed a life independent of its creators. It's a story that will later repeat itself in many forms. No one can control cyberspace. They can't even control it when it is just four computers big.
The FBI’s national Computer Crimes Squad estimates that between 85 and 97 percent of computer intrusions are not even detected.In a recent test sponsored by the Department of Defense, the statistics were startling.Attempts were made to attack a total of 8932 systems participating in the test. 7860 of those systems were successfully penetrated.The management of only 390 of those 7860 systems detected the attacks, and only 19 of the managers reported the attacks
You thought people buy it because of its superior taste? No, it’s because Count Chocula doesn’t like competition. Boo Berry and Frankenberry are scared as hell of that crazy fanged maniac. So is Toucan Sam. You should be too. I would change the locks if I were you.
Official Real Beer Loving Guys' Code of Conduct
1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bulls**t. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.
18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
21. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
22. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F**KOFF!" You are absolved of your responsibility.
23. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
That’s wrong on more levels than I can count, and they’re both really basic levels too.
So, as you can see, the true brilliance of the sword-chuck lies in neither the sword nor the chuck.
My advanced brain is far too meaty to be swayed. Plus, it’s practically dripping with genius sauce made from a recipe of five herbs and spices.
Isn’t it ironic to yell the word silence?
I could feel my brain contracting from your sheer stupidity.
I want to cry, but there aren’t enough tears.
Oh my GOD..... can there be yet more to come?
How to Leave The Planet
1. Phone NASA. There phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it is very important that you get away as soon as possable.
2. If they do not cooperate. Phone any frend you may have in the
White House-(202)456-1414-to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any frends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas opperator for 0107-095-595-9051). They don't seem to have any
frends over there either (at least not to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence so you might as well try.
4. If that fails, Phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-9982, and I gather his switchboad is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain its vitally important you get away before you phone bill arrives.
- Douglas Adams
Never play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic weapon. It never ends well.
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs...
"when in danger fear or doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
This is a signature of evil - the pure of heart cannot see this sentence.
Deep down I'm very superficial.
Thinking back on the good old days, I can't remember a damn thing. Damn dementia.
If im not poetry in motion....
then i must be gibberish in neutral...
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power -- my God, the power! IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIV
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If a thousand monkies at a thousand typewriters can write the next great literary masterpiece, then shouldn't a thousand programmers at a thousand computers write a program that works?
when i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me...
Ak47... when you absoultely need to kill every motherf**ker in the room
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
-Christian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
My life is an RPG, but I'm not the player character.
I say live and let live. At least until I can find a large blunt object to hit you with.
I swear, one of these days Microsoft will find their WinME offices surprisingly firebombed...
"Without this machin
"What machine?"
"Oh hell."
"Theres too much blood in my alcohol system!"
"Don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."
The mere existence of flame throwers says that someone, sometime, somewhere said to himself, 'You know, I'd like to set that guy over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Luke, I am your tedious, overused plot device.
Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him.
"If fire cannot burn in a vacuum ambassador, then I presume you'll be alright when I jettison your flaming body into space."
"Damn you! Just wait til
"Sorry, but this is it for me. Ahh, what a lame way to die! This is so not cool!"
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill
"is it heavy?"
"yes"
"then it's expensive"
"Why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
Damnit Harry, you're a walking combat zone. People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you.
"Good, Bad. I'm the one with the gun."
"Damn child-proof spy stuff."
"I'm not afraid of computers taking over the world. They're just sitting there. I can hit them with a two by four."
Somebody call guiness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in 20 dollars...
"I am an explosives technician, If you see me running, try to keep up"
Damn you, wasted youth. Damn you I say!
So he's one bounced check away from becoming a clocktower sniper, but in general..
Eagles may soar, but worms don't get sucked into jet engines.
Copyright? The copies I make are always right...
-I'll just drink the coffee for
-Thats so much Lysol we will be able to taste it in the air!
When you start working, every day just gets a little worse
"Our best shot at winning against some of the talent here is to get them so plastered they don't notice if you disconnect the mouse."
I recommend an alternate bathroom for those about to give birth to a small calf. Understand?
All it took to convince the studio was a one-page treatment and a picture of a clown holding a gun. It boggles the mind.
It's one of those cool duel type things, you know? And well, when they throw in giant robots beating the living crap out of each other, you just can't lose.
Anyway, I am getting off on a very long tangent and I'm not even sure what my point is anymore.
Me- angry? nah. Pissed? noooooo. Unbelievably depressed and stressing? Nope.
In denial
when life gives you lemons, chuck them straight back and scream while you do it.
Get a hobby, it helps you out... just don't make it swords or explosives, k?
"SHUT-UP!! I'm more schizophrenic than I'll ever be!!... Wait... Who are we talking to?"
"Barry also was quick to point out that the Titanium uses torque screws as opposed to Phillips screws. We're not sure why this matters even a little bit, but Barry sure seemed to think it was interesting. That's why Mac geeks scare us."
"I'm slowly teaching him [new tech support PFY] that if a luser calls with a
problem, he should continue asking detailed, technical question about what
is going wrong, untill the customer admits he touched something, or that it
might be someone on their end, so he can shout out "SEE! NOT OUR PROBLEM!"
"The neat thing about having a swiss-cheese memory like mine is that I can
"I'm going to get a new job. I'm going to mow lawns. And when somebody asks me what I do for a living, I will tell them "I mow lawns." And whatever question might follow, the answer will most likely be "Yes," "No," or "I mow lawns." And nobody will ever call me at 3:30am with a lawnmowing emergency. Ahh, happy place....."
"Get bent, you prole. If you understood even the smallest iota of my tremendous emotional investment in this game, you'd take a big glass of Shut the F**k Up and Sit the F**k Down and nurse it in the corner until I speak to you directly."
"The Christian Supremecists are at it again. I swear those guys would burn the bible if they read it without a title attached. Sad too, cause it's a heck of a story, all sorta sex, betrayal, magic
"I guess this means that I'm developing the sort of black bastard aura that will eventually make my kindest, gentlest utterances sound like the pronouncements of Satan."
"Yes, but then we get into questions. Does bamboo count as wood? It's technically from a grass, not a tree, but it's very hard. Can I stake a vampire with my chopsticks? Does the stake have to be more than a certain diameter, or just of a length sufficient to pierce the heart? Does it have to completely penetrate the heart, or just puncture a wall? If bamboo is acceptible, what about other vegetable matter, like a frozen parsnip or carrot?"
"think about it. would you work for a company that couldn't tell the difference in quality of its employees' normal work product and the work product of someone on drugs without performing a test?"
"Pardon me...what the h
"Give a man a computer program and you give him a headache, but teach him to program computers and you give him the power to create headaches for others for the rest of his life..."
"I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve."
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity."
"Hey, Vinnie and me are here to tell you why you should buy Microsoft. Because your data is important, and it'd be a real shame if something happened to it. You might say your data could use some protection. It'd be terrible if this here computer room caught fire, or if your sysadmin were to somehow fall i
"I am afraid that as death becomes less certain, taxes will get worse."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"How is it that I have root access when my weakness for abusing power is so apparent?"
It's always a sad day when you realize the Pod People have triumphed once again.
Once I manually unzipped it, I attempted to run setup again, and it began prompting me to "insert disk 1" or something along those lines. The immediate question that sprung to my mind was not "what is 'disk one'?" or "where can I find disk one?", but "what the hell has Romero and his band of merry men actually been doing for the past three and a half years?"
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
let's not touch that aga
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
Look boss..de plane! de plane!
T'was the best of times, t'was the worst of times"- last night at an all you can eat $6 buffet and the proceeding 3 am bathroom trips.
Damn you, hax0rs and script kiddiez! What is your fascination with my Forbidden Server of Mystery?
Bloody hell! The trailer is amazing.. I'm off to have a cold shower to calm down.
If this is what I'm like on caffeine, I do NOT want to know what I'll be like if I'm drunk
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way if you want to criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
On average 1 young person falls to corperate mind washing every 5.2 seconds, and starts to listen to bands, and wear clothes that they would, if left to their own devices, never wear. Please prevent such things. Don't let people you know listen to pop Radio or watch MTV. We thankyou, and you'll thank yourself later.
-This advertis
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog.
With that in mind I may need to stick to something less controversial for today's rant, something more tame, like abortion or nuclear war.
I was pleased with the original Homeworld to no end, it was unique, exciting, and let me command a nice fleet of ships which I could use to rain firey death on all that opposed me. Needless to say, I was sold.
"Piro, I've been thinking..."
"Aren't there laws against that?"
With my departure from that place I take with me one blue ink pen, property of SBC Internet Services. I will now always carry this pen with me just for the hope that someday I may run into my former employer and ram it through his vile black heart.
I've spent this week blowing up my fellow man in new and interesting ways.
t
That damn paperclip is still starring at me, if he so much as blinks I'm going to shoot himÉ
there's never a dull moment in my life. I could use a few, really.
Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in... wait, that's the decongestant kicking in.
The latter being the swords you'd use to cut off someone's vital limbs or at the very least they'd make kickass letter openers.
BWAHAHAHAHA... erm... yeah... uh... nevermind... gomen...
Finally...air cover for those Sunday drives in the park.
Dear santa, all I want is your list of naughty girls.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schulz
"Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable"
Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right, and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong
"Oh s**t, someone else is out of alcohol!"
"Luck is just one of my many skills!"
"Same old s**t, different day."
Doubt is the key to knowledge.
There is often wisdom under a shaggy coat.
People show their character by what they laugh at.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
BREAKFAST.SYS halted. Cereal port not responding.
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
I love squirrels, those things are so damn funny.
Depending on where I look, I can find related things on the net that can make me smile, laugh, feel good, think, sad, annoyed, angry, upset, depressed, ready to nuke the hell out of a few small towns in Iowa.
"And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!"
It takes only a child to raze a villiage...
Is that burning smell coming from my computer?
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently
"The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too."
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is, just to fire all the unhappy people.
Not all pain is gain.
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
Hard work may pay off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
It hurts to admit when you've made mistakes. But when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
If you find yourself struggling with lonliness, you're not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone.
There is an island of oppourtunity in the middle of every difficul
Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the true terror of being forever lost at sea.
It could be that the purpose of your life is to provide a warning to others.
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, Remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.
Mediocrity. It takes a lot less time, and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Wha,..? What! It's impossible to explain anything without arrows!"
Because of my knowledge I was able to convince the queen I was a mighty oracle, but no history book could have prepared me for what happened here.
The light at the end of tunnel, only slightly dimmed.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote."
Always make a good first impression. Aim for the forehead.
Lincoln: "
I'm a member of the young college entrepreneurs club, and I can smell money like sharks smell blood.
Scientist:I've got the answer!
Joel: It's Coco Puffs, Bob. I've got no idea why, but it fits the equation.
BZZT! God prevents you from winning!
I'm my own hero!
"I may be goin' to hell in a bucket, baby, but at least I'm enjoying the ride."
Remember kids, don't shoot each other. Aim for the fragile, expensive stuff.
"Peace through Superior Firepower"
You're a whining little brat, but you get the job done in the end
Sam: The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Max: But it makes a pretty good milkshake.
"Oh, damn, I thought he was like a piniata. You know. Beat him enough, and candy flies out."
HA! fool! it was a simile, not a metaphor! now I shall kill you so hard your ancestors will die!
Would having more hours in a day really make things better? How about more bullets in the clip?
Just because
watching spectacular train wrecks never ceases to enthrall!
With all these dollars, why do I need to make sense?
Don't question authority, they don't know either.
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
"There is too much evil loose in the world. I'm going to have to put a stop to it. All of it."
"You're going to stop the evil?"
"No. The world."
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Which is worse, Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
When people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called "the People's Stick."
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
hehe, what a suprise that all the Admins say: It wasnt me
"Life is pain. Anyone one who says differently is trying to sell something."
"You tried your best, and failed horribly. The moral is
laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and the world laughs at you, loser.
If anything on this ship is more important than my ego, I want it hunted down and shot!
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
"For every winner there are dozens of losers, odds are you're one of them."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"Don't make me threaten you...."
"You may have won the battle, but I'm... I'm out of ammunition.
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport"
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
umm..maybe fool Ragnarok by changing the filename of the mp3's to something like..oh say..
TheseAreNotTheFilesYouAreLookingFor_waveshandsmysteriously_.mp3
i hope christina aguilera gets mutilated by a farm combine. until then, i can only mock her music derisive
Now, if we're going to do "Lawyers At Dawn", I officially suggest that we carpet bomb Tokyo with attorneys from B-52's and B-1B's in HUGE WAVES
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b******d die for his." - General Patton (1885-1945)
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, what is the road to Heaven paved with?
Non-fragmented English? You mean all those folks out there who "74lk l1k3 7h1$" aren't speaking proper engligh? My god, my days of enlightment have been ruined... and here I was going to major in "Leet" in College...
Hey, MOO
-Kiel Marting
Nausea can make it difficult to watch a deathmatch over someone's shoulder. (Doom-induced motion sickness, or DIMS, is an accepted medical term.)
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Life is short
Respawn often
You really are a pessimist. If I had a penny for ever time I heard that I'd drown under their bitter, coppery weight.
There are three types of p
"Oops, sirens. You know what that means. Time for me to get eccentric."
...and that's why we need to find a store that sells rocket launchers.
"Inspiration is for those too weak to decide on something themselves"
I don't mind pissing a few people off for no good reason
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
Ohhh yes, this is going to be dreadfully fun.
Yo piedad el tonto! (I pity da foo!)
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles!
You can't just stick an RJ-45 in your ass and call it a server. That's not how it works.
Urgh! You all sound like chapters from a self-help manual
Feel the wrath of the minor roles!
Hell, if I bought half a dozen nukes I could get discount.
Sam (holding a ticking time bomb): Where should I throw this so I don't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max: Out the window. There's nothing but strangers out there.
One of the guys that took the SAT at my school came and took it after smoking a few bowls. He passed with a 1440, and claimed that a purple lizard was on his desk telling him the answers
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
To err is human, to forgive is not Company
Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Always remember to Pillage BEFORE you Burn.
Darwin was an optimist
The two most abundant resources in the universe are 1.Hydrogen, and 2.Stupidity. The order of this list is subject of hot debate.
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.
One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was to convince people that he didn't exist.
Death to all
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Gravity-- it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Boldly going nowhere
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The only substitute for good manners are fast reflexes.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Kill the messenger; it doesn't solve the problem, but you've got to admit it feels right.
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
They called me mad, and I ca
There are no problems that cannot be solved by the judicious use of high explosives.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
You can't buy back your youth, but you can pay for it later.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
Barrett's Laws of Driving: You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed.... Oh wait, he does.
Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
You will note the four center consoles from which the finalists will compete. Each of these seats is wired up to the 1000 watt auditorium speakers. Ordinarily these systems are used to provide audio for hundreds of people. However, tonight it will be under your butt. I suggest you wear earplugs. Earlier I had the cafeteria lady who serves the french fries sit down in the seat here and fire up the Austin Mini. The roar of the engine popped her bra an
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!
Follow. But! Follo
<Keiichi> My first computer wasn't even a 286...it loaded off a 5 1/4 disk...
<Keiichi> and I ended up frying it with the game 'The Oregon Trail', it started to run it and caught on fire...
<mustadio> God, Some day I'll be telling stories about how a CD only held 700MB XD
You only have one life to live...so play in traffic often
Last year, the government of aging dictator Fidel Castro declared access to the Internet a "fundamental right" of the Cuban people - and then made it impossible for ordinary Cubans to
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect Administrator."
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard.Ó
The easily amused will inherit the earth, the rest of you will just die
You scare me sometimes, well, all the time really.
Ever wonder what it would be like, if one day you woke up and could speak a different language, say Japanese or Latin, but forgot how to speak English? No? well... you should. It could happen. Really!
I've almost been as bad as Fred at times. Wait, no, I take that back, it didn't get that bad. There was always a game to keep my mind off of hurting people and on hurting little digital representations of people.
See, when I was younger and playing Civ, it was one of my ambitions to be a diplomat. But I wouldn't be a wussy diplomat that would always be captured and sold for 50 gold. No sir, I'd be a tech-stealing, production-sabotaging, water-poisoning ass-kicker of a diplomat, you know, like Colin Powell or something.
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
RBF! appendum: Anything that can go wrong, will, and will do so in the most spectacular manner possible, at the worst concieveable time.
Leon:Our fearless leader, afraid of a frog?
Viadus:DARN STRAIGHT I AM!
Speak for yourself, these chompers are here for one thing only. Devouring souls. You gotta bite real hard to get the soul out.
i hate being loved.
heart me and die, f**ker.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
This statment complies with part 15 of the FCC rules;
1. It can not cause harmful interference.
2. It must accept any interference from its surroundings.
... I love cookies ^_^
- What are you doing?...
- Stay away, this cookie's mine.
... Are you willing to DIE for it?
... /me draw 2 hand sword
Selling online accounts are profitable...
Just ask my Playstation 2....
Why do I have a biohazard sticker on my graphing calculator? Well it's not so much bio- as it is a hazard to modern programmers. You should see some of the s**t I did in BASIC. Hundreds of lines of code that verifies it's own e
"I'mprettysure thaaxeshavehigherpotential dammage butlower average. You should havestuck with your sword." - Cette Hamster La
"whoa buddy. try using the space bar next time^^" - Katana
Don't Run From Me, You'll Just Die Tired!
Hmm, interesting.. I seem to be missing a finger..
Smite thine evil Zombies with thy bigeth sticketh!
If life gives you lemons, burn them!
Okay..just gimme the sword. *SLICE* OWW DAMNIT WRONG SIDE!!
"Let's see ... 37% of the structural supports are missing, another 48% bent beyond the point of repair ... the main reactor has melted, fusing with the hull and the auxerily reactor is leaking deadly radiation ... the only working weapon is the one we thought up that one night we all got REALLY wasted ... the communications system is shot, and the computer just snapped, went homicidal, and tried to kill me ... OK, gentlemen, I think we can repair it!
ÕTime is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'
`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the "Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'
`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'
`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'
"Oh no, not again."
`Right,' said Ford, `I'm going to have a look.'
He glanced round at the others.
`Is no one going to say, "No you can't possibly, let me go instead
They all shook their heads.
`Oh well.'
`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...'
`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'
The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.
`Stick it up your nose,' he said.
`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?'
`... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.'
Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again.
`Where,' he said, `did you...?'
`Find a gin and tonic?' said Ford brightly. `I found a small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a gin and tonic.'
`I may,' he addded with a grin which would have sent sane men scampering into the trees, `have been imagining it.'
`My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'
`That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.'
"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mi
A good friend will bail you out of jail. But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was freaking awesome!"
The man that reads a thousand books is powerful. The man that memorizes a thousand books is insane.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard."
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect
Go away, and take your stupid with you!
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scr
Wow, red mage has a lot of blood.
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
Tye up the
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now donÕt worry because this isnÕt the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than Steph, who hasn't been trused with anything more important than his own life since 1986!
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talking my computer and reinstalling things. Now that it's back up and running, it's back to verbally abusing it on a regular basis of course.
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
You know you're annoying...
when you Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. In money they win.
when you Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
when you Call other people "Champ," "Sport" or "Tiger." Refer to yourself as "Coach."
when you Drum on every available surface.
when you Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
when you Glue the pages of your schoolbooks, that you are returning, together from the middle of the page.
when you Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
when you Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copy warnings.
when you Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
when you Hide daily used products in inaccessible places.
when you Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
when you Surprise old friend's by visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times."
when you Insist on buying airplane tickets for friends to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that you didn save them any money.
when you Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
when you Set alarms to go off at random times.
when you Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
when you Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
when you Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume adjusted to the max.
when you Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
when you Honk and wave to strangers.
when you Change channels of your TV five minutes before the end of every show.
when you Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
when you Rouse your roommate/wife from sleep each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
when you Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
when you ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
when you Pay for your expensive dinner with small coins.
when you Tie jingl
when you Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
when you Write "X - Buried Pirat Treasure" in random spots on roadmaps.
when you Explain to everyone you meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
when you Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
when you Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
when you Demand that everyone address you as "The Conquistador."
when you Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
when you At the laundry room, use one dryer for each of your socks.
when you Sing Christmas carols like "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until you get physically exhausted.
when you Wear a T-shirt that says "Magnificent One" or "I Am The One And Only."
when you As much as possible, skip or jump forward rather than walk.
when you Look over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
when you Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
when you Pretend you
when you Always drive there with your car, if the way to somewhere was only half a block.
when you Name your dog "Dog."
when you Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
when you Ask people what gender they are and what does their first name mean.
when you Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
when you Lick the filling out from all the cookies, and place the cookie parts back in the box.
when you Cultivate a Norwegian accent and tell jokes about Swedish people to everyone.
when you Forget the ending of a joke you were telling by purpose.
when you Chain yourself to furniture, informing the curious, that you don't want to fall off "in case of an earthquake."
when you Follow a few steps behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Super Cleaner.
when you Deliberately sing songs that will remain playing in your friends brains, such as The Simpsons theme song.
when you Lie about normal things s
when you Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
when you Leave your Christmas lights around your house until September, and then put them back at October.
when you Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
when you Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
when you Chew pencils that you have borrowed.
when you Tell someone who doesn't know anything about computers, that a computer needs to be feeded hamburgers through the floppy drive five times a day.
when you Wear a lot of cologne and wave your hands for the odour to spread.
when you Ask girls if you may "Conn
when you Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "Superior fast mental processing."
when you Sing along loudly at the opera.
when you Mow your lawn with scissors.
when you Finish all your sentences with the words "In accordance with the prophecy."
when you Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "Imaginary friend."
when you Go to a poetry classes and ask why some of the poems doesn't rhyme.
when you Ask your friends mysterious questions, and write their answers in a notebook. Mumble something about "Psychological profiles."
when you Stare the TV when it's not on and claim you can see the "Magic picture."
when you Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
when you Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing disturbing silences with the impression that you'll be
when you Never make an eye contact with anyone.
when you Never break an eye contact with people.
when you Signal that a conversation is over by putting your hands over your ears and mumbling repeatedly "I am not listening..."
when you Construct strange marks to your front lawn and claim that they are "UFO landing marks."
when you Construct your own fake "Stress Detector", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
when you Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
when you Make appointments for the 31st of September.
when you Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
when you When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (eg. "Hand, will you please open the door.")
when you Don't shave until at your job, keeping the bathroom busy for hours.
when you Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
Why Did the chicken cross th
VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
BILL CLINTON
I did not see THAT chicken cross the road. What do you mean by "cross"? Did it traverse the road or express a religious ritual regarding the road or what?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. Of course, the chicken was white. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort o
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've never knowed!
JESSE JACKSON
No one agrees on this. Why don't we just ax (ask) it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of espionage by the Ugly Americans and we were not fooled by the camouflage.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. And we do not accept customer service calls regarding what it does all over your desktop.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS
To escape.
Go away,
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Cheesy lensflare -- GO!
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed.
Wow, red mage has a lot
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
***Pub:B>Souls of the innocent/helpless
FlyingFuton: hello
Gobi: Buying souls, eh
FlyingFuton: Would you like to volunteer yours?
Gobi: Depends on the offer.
FlyingFuton: Souls are at a premium today.
FlyingFuton: Well... 5z and a walnut
FlyingFuton: Have you ever seen a walnut in RO?
Gobi: Nope...
FlyingFuton: Would you give your soul for it?
Tye up the Santy Clause
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now I'll pretend I never read this post, and you'll pretend I never read this post...
Now donÕt worry because this isnÕt the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than St
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed.
Unfortunately, I was beginning to learn that Verio's advertised and promised 24/7 service was really only 8/5.
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talkin
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
You might be an IRC addict if: if you get a call from a telemarketer and you put the phone down and set their mode to -v.
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Power tools and Swimming Pools...Interesting combination.
I've told him not to exaggerate a billion times!
"The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain."
"Oh, I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon!"
"My dear fellow, I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people without the remotest knowledge of how to live. Nor the smallest instinct about when to die."
This
Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Woman: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
Woman: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech: "Went away?"
Woman: "They disappeared."
Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Woman: "Nothing."
Tech: "Nothing?"
Woman: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Woman: "How do I tell?"
Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Woman: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Woman: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Wom
Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Woman: "I don't know."
Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Woman: "Yes, I think so."
Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Woman: "Yes, it is."
Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Woman: "Okay, here it is."
Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your compu
Woman: "I can't reach."
Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Woman: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Tech: "Dark?"
Woman: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Woman: "I can't."
Tech: "No? Why not?"
Woman: "Because there's a power failure."
Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Woman: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like i
Woman: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Woman: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Tech: "Tell them you're too !@#$ing stupid to own a computer."
If at first you don't succeed....Redefine success.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
"If the chocolate is melting in your hands you are eating it too slow." -ANON
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls down.
If at first you don't suceed destroy all evidence that you tried.
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent candidates act like they're on drugs."
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"A lie told often enough becomes truth."
-Lenin
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
Every good communist should know that political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
-Mao Tse Tung‘
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."
"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your life.
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these years.
Aye, that's where as a toddler I
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, " if there is anyone who objects to this union?" and then I yelled " yah bitchezz! " and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remember kids, don't play with matches. But lighters are OK.
"Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilford in the dark of night."
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise a
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent candidates act like they're on drugs."
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behin
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
The history of man is simply the history of people hitting each other with ever bigger and more sophisticated sticks.
-Mark Hockley
"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if not, youÕll become a philosopher."
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
"That's why I beat my head against the wall so much at (w)ork. It feels good when I stop, and that's about the only pleasure I get here."
"Failure is not an opt
"You know, I've gone to a lot of psychics, and they've told me a lot of different things, but not one of them has ever told me 'You are an undercover policewoman here to arrest me.'" - Quotes by New York City Undercover Policewoman
...that sucked too, but it sucked a hell of a lot faster."
There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquistive idiots.
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, thereÕs no end
ItÕs difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be, especially when youÕre insane.
Arrogance, assumptions, demotivation, fear.
ItÕs business-as-usual for yet another year.
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesnÕt take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.
If we donÕt take care of the customer, maybe theyÕll stop bugging us.
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though and youÕre pretty much doomed.
The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to think youÕre pretentious.
When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results collective laziness.
When people are free to do what they please, they usually imitate each other.
Truly, "BitterSweets" are the perfect gift for you OR for someone you love, especially if th
More people are killed annually by donkeys than in plane crashes. It makes you think doesnÕt it.
and there thou hast conquered the evil bagel,
the bagel of death! Obnoxious bagel, thou
hast deserved to die! Disturbing our royal repose,
our last halcyon days, before we left
that placid land!
Ah, nobly lecherous goats! And Spam! Have I found
a means to Heaven? How wondrous indeed!
But there! Beyond the vagrant bagel! A light!
Is it tunnel or train? Egad! Aaaaaaiiieeee!
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
"His ignorance is encyclopedic"
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with your computers."
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is
"I begin by taking. I shall find others later to demonstrate my perfect right."
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
ÒOoh, let's see, uh, in total or just since I've been a brain in a jar?Ó
ÒTarget the Planet of Widows and Orphans!Ó
ÒI hear the maharajah's holding an open house.Ó
"Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
"God, please save me from your followers!"
"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
"Egotist: a person more interested in himse
"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?"
"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your email - I'll waste no time reading it."
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would ha
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain
"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
"Attention to health is life greatest hindrance."
- Plato
"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy
"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway
"Hemingw
- Harold Robbins
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!"
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
"My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate."
"Woman was God's second mistake."
"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong."
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies."
- Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.
"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run."
"He would make a lovely corpse."
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
"I worship the quicksand he walks in."
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
"We are not retreating - we are adva
"If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?"
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
We could just arm them with really, really bad stink bombs. You know, something that smells so bad that no one will be able to stay near them. The bats will survive and the enemy will have no choice but to come running out and surrender.
You shouldn't be receiving E-mail from a dead girl.
the Mafia are, uh, the good guys
poor controller technique will not be tolerated! it can lead to M4D B34TDOWNZ
I want YOU! to be an unwitting grunt in my unholy legions of evil.
I chill in deep space.
I randomly answered the questions [on an IQ test] and got a score of 128...Superior guessing ability
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness BURN THEM!!! MUAHAHAHA! Ph33r my 3vil!!!
"But the plans were on display..."
"On disp
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the doorsaying Beware of the Leopard."
A good friend will bail you out of jail. But your best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was freaking awesome!"
The man that reads a thousand books is powerful. The man that memorizes a thousand books is insane.
"I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem."
Power tools and Swimming Pools...Interesting combination.
I've told him not to exaggerate a billion times!
"The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain."
"Oh, I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died
"My dear fellow, I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people without the remotest knowledge of how to live. Nor the smallest instinct about when to die."
This was evidence used in a case, where a woman sued a technical support representive. It's a transcription of the recording between the teech guy, and the woman (whose names have not been included to protect their privacy).
Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Woman: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech: "What sort of trouble?"
Woman: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech: "Went away?"
Woman: "They disappeared."
Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Woman: "Nothing."
Tech: "Nothing?"
Woman: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
W
Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Woman: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Woman: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Woman: "What's a monitor?"
Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Woman: "I don't know."
Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Woman: "Yes, I think so."
Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Woman: "Yes, it is."
Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Woman: "Okay, here it is."
Tech: "Follow i
Woman: "I can't reach."
Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Woman: "No."
Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Woman: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Tech: "Dark?"
Woman: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Woman: "I can't."
Tech: "No? Why not?"
Woman: "Because there's a power failure."
Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Woman: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Woman: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Woman: "We
Tech: "Tell them you're too !@#$ing stupid to own a computer."
If at first you don't succeed....Redefine success.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
"If the chocolate is melting in your hands you are eating it too slow." -ANON
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls down.
If at first you don't suceed destroy all evidence that you tried.
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
"I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me."
"To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles."
"Bush Sr. was a jerk, Quayle an idiot, Clinton was atrocious and disgusting, most of those who persecuted him were hypocritical, Gore is shallow and weak, Bradley is an idealist, Bush Jr. a fool, and all of the independent c
"My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"A lie told often enough becomes truth."
-Lenin
"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!"
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul.
"The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax."
-Albert Einstein
'Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree.'
"There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job."
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education."
"I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string."
Beam me up, Scotty. Ain't no intelligent life down here.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
Every good communist should know that political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
-Mao Tse Tung
The history of man is simply the history of people hitting each other with ever bigger and more sophisticated sticks.
-Mark Hockley
"I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world."
"When you go into court you a
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
"Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently."
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife youÕll be happy; if not, youÕll become a philosopher."
-Socrates
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointed stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your l
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these years.
Aye, that's where as a toddler I fired my first rocket launcher. And over there is where we interred the remains of Uncle Fredo, killed tragically just moments after I fired my first rocket launcher.
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, " if there is anyone who objects to this union?" and then I yelled " yah bitchezz! " and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remember kids, don't play with matches. But lighters are OK.
"Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilford in the dark of night."
Yeah, the lega
If you can't say something nice, say something vague.
Why would they make a child-saftey cap with pictographic instructions?
" If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people"
John while swimming in the ocean
Rubbed sharks' backs with suntan lotion
Now those sharks have skin of bronze
in their bellies---Namely, John's.
"I would never lie... I just willingly participated in a campaign of misinformation."
--Fox Mulder, THE X-FILES
Well, At least I'll die like I lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons.
We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us, and my first act as self-appointd stabmaster is to slay my comrades.
Imagination - It's the only way you'll escape the hell hole that is your life.
Oh sweet zombie jesus on a pogo-stick! we're SCREWED!
FAQ 1.21 - Why Texas in the middle of Summer?
Because the surface of the Sun was already booked. We'll get it one of these ye
Aye, that's where as a toddler I fired my first rocket launcher. And over there is where we interred the remains of Uncle Fredo, killed tragically just moments after I fired my first rocket launcher.
See this? This is the family flag. T'aint been captured since Aunt Mary keeled over while guarding the water entrance and they got away. That was a sad day for my family. Oh, we were upset about Aunt Mary, too.
That one was great, because, you know, I waited until the little priest avatar typed, Òif there is anyone who objects to this unionÉÓ and then I yelled Òyah bitchezz!Ó and cut loose with a murderous hail of horror.
Remeber kids, don't play with matches.
But lighters are OK.
If you can't say something nice, say something vague.
Yeah, the legality was never in question. It's -never- legal.
...amusingly my partner still refuses to watch it - just shudders and mutters about 'too much crack' whenever it comes up in conversation
But think about it. If you exercise your b
The first three pages seem to consist of a handwritten script for a movie or play. It's difficult to tell which, exactly, because it's written in what I can only assume to be Hindi. Which is also known as Squiggly Fuggin' Lines I Can't Read.
I see they had a sale on exclamation points...
A GRIEVOUS TYPO ON OUR PROM LEAFLETS INVITED THE SENIORS TO 'BRING A DATE TO THE 2002 PR0N
YOU! Get the hell offa my geraniums! Move it -- don't you -- put the club of maiming down -- oh THAT'S it, That's the way it's gonna be? Come taste somma THIS, you little... Ow You f**king Dwarf! OWWHH Have some more OOhh. Bitch! Let's see your friends re surrect you from THAT!
See, here in the 'States we have what's known as "Daylight Saving Time," a device invented by Benjamin Franklin to torture and confuse people in the event that the Imperial system of measurement didn't do the trick.
Only the purest malice of will could bring such a scourge out of its hideous underworld fabrication labs and into our humbly naive world of simplistic online action and RPG games." I showed him the FedEx box that it came in. "Well, yes, either that or a shipping error." He removed my driver and installation CD. "See? It requires DirectX to run. Microsoft has the Devil by the balls."
"Would this improve my aim at Quake?" I asked. "This contract with the devil stuff is cool, but I'm all about the bottom line
Yah, but just this weekend I sat and watched you play Grand Theft Auto 3 for five hours straight screaming white-man's gangspeak as you uzied people out the side of your leopard-interi
hello, team member. would you like my grenade? I took out the pin for you.
You hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend? no? Think about it.
Wow I wake up and check my mail to see that once again I have managed to p**s off an entire community. ItÕs like I have some kind of goddmaned gift or something.
Remember that news about paul steed getting fired from Id? Well, apparently they fired him from a railgun....
"advance sneak preview"? the cops called it breaking and entering.
Avast ye scurvy wench! whar be my napster piracy ring?
I tell you, this "MistressLaura" person is using a hack to sell Unreal Tournament Sniper Rifles to the Dark Elves in EverQuest!
So....where exactly IS garret's body?
Those aren't leftovers behind the milk.
Smartasses will NOT be issued parachutes.
That was ether a VERY large speed bump, or we're gonna have to go through the car wash again.
Right...so like, let me get this stra
Strategy is the last refuge of those who can't click a mouse fast enough
THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY MANÕS LIFE WHEN HE ASKS HIMSELF: WHAT WOULD SOLID SNAKE DO?
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS
-Omoikane
Contains absolutely no hazardous fumes, eh? WeÕll have to see about that!
hmmm... the bottom of the page... again... How does it end up like this?
the great thing is, most people see a harmless coperate venture, But in reality, it's an attempt to take over the world!
is there really a difference?
Who knew interplanetary warfare could be so much fun?
If vegitarians
What do humanitarians eat?
Yes yes, I'm cynical in a malicious way. It's my lost faith in senient life.
it's hard to read subtitles when you are drunk.
Lydia and I finished up Cowboy Bebop the other night. If you don't feel like crawling into a little ball of hurt in a dark corner of the room and sobbing yourself to sleep after getting through the whole series, then you have no heart.
...Other than that, can you think of any other readily exploitable weaknesses?
Like our pathalogical inability to trust each other?
I wish I had spider man's powers... I could dispense death from the sky!
Remeber, with great power comes great ability to ABUSE power!
If Magical Girls really did their best, th
What'cha watchin'? ...mmm?...meh..it's hentai.
We agree with the common player feeling that "being weaker than a rabbit sucks"
You've gotta love DeWalt, though. Nice stuff. I love DeWalt. If you're gonna cut up a body, DeWalt table saws are the way to go.
If you go into the light when you die, does God get a frag?
What I liked was the fellow a few years back who made T-shirts saying "The Internet is Full, Go Away!"
Israeli Educational Reform: Giving every child the ability to lay down cover fire.
NRA Gun Control Policy: Take weapons off the dead bodies.
Irish Republican Army- You can't be a legit terrorist if you sound like a leprechaun.
God grant me distraction.
See, not nearly as dramatic as a Japanese Martial Arts Cult run by Koreans in Indiana.
Take a holiday from reality whenever you like, and come back without so much as a headache or a mythology.
Stand and unfold yourself!
Tirer comme des lapins. (“Shot like rabbits.”)
Bright as an A-bomb.
I don’t think I ever quite equaled the bald gnome Error who comes from his cave with featherless ankles to feast on the mighty dead.
"Mr. Gates, when did you realize you were creating a monopoly?"
"Monopoly's just a game, Senator, I'm trying to control the f**king world!"
I have no idea what this (windows v. Linux) means but I can hardly wait to find out. I seriously doubt that the TCO argument can be won without frequent recourse to outrageous lies and strident insistence that black is white and up is down. But then this is the sort of gravity-defying rhetoric at which the Redmond PR machine excels, so all bets are off.
A plan would be nice too, but not really necessary.
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive (the damn thing blew up)
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bulls**t before.
Creativity is the art of concealing your sources.
Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth.
-The point is people who don't know any better are using completely useless filters to "protect" their children. They are as effective as using a howitzer to remove an ant pile.
-Bad analogy. A howitzer would be a supremely effective way to remove an ant pile.
Someone needs to upload illegal MP3s to the RIAA's server so they can sue themselves under the DMCA!
what makes you think future generations will be smarter? it seems to me that stupid people are breeding far quicker then smart ones.
heck you don't even have to read the article, it says in the summary.
you're quite stupid, aren't you?
If you think you the right to say some material is offensive and not within the mission of a library then you better damn well expect ME to have the same right. I'd start with the Bible, it's filled with sex, violence, even incest!
Not to mention condoning terrorism... What else do you think the 10 Plagues were? What else would you call killing innocents (the Slaying of the First Born) in order to achieve a political objective (free the Hebrews)?
...not only did it convice me that the entire space program is a hoax, but that this so-called "Russia" place is too.
I went out and bought $3000 worth of networking hardware to create a DMZ with border gateways and traffic shapers. Every single packet has to be personally approved by me to get out of my house. Ain't no hacker gonna hack my computer!
Man's laughter is funny, Manslaughter is not, that's when enunciation is important
You can't turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood is that?
Last-minute panic.
I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.
It's the sequel to the most impressive waste of time in my recent life.
Ctrl-alt-del-del-del-del-del - Reboot with extreme prejudice
Pave the Rain Forests.
I may have to share this planet with animals, but I'm doing my damn best to eat every last one of them.
I'm just glad I'm wearing 40 pounds of nails under my clothes so that when my bladder explodes, I'll take you all with me.
Tara and Russell helped me carry the cumbersome bags into my car. They took up my entire hatchback, I had to move the shovels and the rifle just to make room!
Hollywood has trained us to expect the pockmarked, overweight kid to triumph over adversity by the end of the show...
Not this time.
We cut him to bits.
It was like my 8th birthday party, except with taller guests and no undercover cops.
I didn't think it was THAT flammable!
a Religious War is like two children fighting over who's imaginary friend is better
I was in luck when I found the slider labeled "Oppressometer".
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
There's strength in numbers - and the lawyers finally realized that geeks are the only people as universally unpopular as they are.
The first gift of condoms I can brush off. The second I can shrug at. But three times now? From girls who're taken? That's cold. That's like buying a membership in the Ham of the Month club for a Jewish friend.
Some people play tennis, I erode the human Soul.
I don't wanna lose, But I'm too lazy to fight right now.
In Noah's Ark, you play the part of Noah hunting down and subdueing unwilling animals, usually by smashing a vegetable over their head.
It doesn't take more than a couple minutes for the game to degenerate into me throwing Baby Moses into a river, watching him sink, then pretending it was an accident.
Anyone within earshot of the theme song to Night Trap is going to try to kill themselves. It's the musical equivalent of raking a car alarm down a chalkboard and jamming the entire thing into the asshole of a screaming cat.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Pimp Pope: "yo bitch, where's my money? you better get it or i'll have the lord burn your ass"
But think about it. If you exercise your body, you tend to inscrease muscle mass and decrease the amount of excess fat on the body. So if you exercise your thumbs, perhaps the same holds true. Obese thumbs, anyone? Hardly. But if my fingers don't have WASD imprinted upon the delicate and fleshy fingerpads within the next five years, well, I'll be surprised.
The first three pages seem to consist of a handwritten script for a movie or play. It's difficult to tell which, exactly, because it's written in what I can only assume to be Hindi. Which is also known as Squiggly Fuggin' Lines I Can't Read.
I see they had a sale on exclamation points...
A GRIEVOUS TYPO ON OUR PROM LEAFLETS INVITED THE SENIORS TO 'BRING A DATE TO THE 2002 PR0N
YOU! Get the hell offa my geraniums! Move it -- don't you -- put the club of maiming down -- oh THAT'S it, That's the way it's gonna be? Come taste somma THIS, you little... Ow You f**king Dwarf! OWWHH Have some more OOhh. Bitch! Let's see your friends resurrect you from THAT!
See, here in the 'States we have what's known as "Daylight Saving Time," a device invented by Benjamin Franklin to torture and confuse people in the event that the Imperial system of measurement didn't do the trick.
Only the purest malice of will could bring such a scourge out of its hideous underworld fabrication labs and into our humbly naive world of simplistic online action and RPG games." I showed him the FedEx box that it came in. "Well, yes, either that or a shipping error." He removed my driver and installation CD. "See? It requires DirectX to run. Microsoft has the Devil by the balls."
"Would this improve my aim at Quake?" I asked. "This contract with the devil stuff is cool, but I'm all about the bottom line
Yah, but just this weekend I sat and watched you play Grand Theft Auto 3 for five hours straight screaming white-man's gangspeak as you uzied people out the side of your leopard-interior low-rider. How do you explain that?
hello, team member. would you like my grenade? I took out the pin for you.
You hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend? no? Think about it.
Wow I wake up and check my mail to see that once again I have managed to piss off an entire community. It’s like I have some kind of goddmaned gift or something.
Remember that news about paul steed getting fired from Id? Well, apparently they fired him from a railgun....
"advance sneak preview"? the cops called it breaking and entering.
Avast ye scurvy wench! whar be my napster piracy ring?
I tell you, this "MistressLaura" person is using a hack to sell Unreal Tournament Sniper Rifles to the Dark Elves in EverQuest!
So....where exactly IS garret's body?
Those aren't leftovers behind the milk.
Smartasses will NOT be issued parachutes.
That was ether a VERY large speed bump, or we're gonna have to go through the car wash again.
Right...so like, let me get this straight.... the ominus cliche secret orginization we've been on the run from for like, almost a year.... is actually run by some bedwetting geek named "pee pee boy" ....wow. that is just so.....
Strategy is the last refuge of those who can't click a mouse fast enough
THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY MAN’S LIFE WHEN HE ASKS HIMSELF: WHAT WOULD SOLID SNAKE DO?
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS
-Omoikane
Contains absolutely no hazardous fumes, eh? We’ll have to see about that!
hmmm... the bottom of the page... again... How does it end up like this?
the great thing is, most people see a harmless coperate venture, But in reality, it's an attempt to take over the world!
is there really a difference?
Who knew interplanetary warfare could be so much fun?
If vegitarians eat vegitables,
What do humanitarians eat?
Yes yes, I'm cynical in a malicious way. It's my lost faith in senient life.
it's hard to read subtitles when you are drunk.
Lydia and I finished up Cowboy Bebop the other night.If you don't feel like crawling into a little ball of hurt in a dark corner of the room and sobbing yourself to sleep after getting through the whole series, then you have no heart.
...Other than that, can you think of any other readily exploitable weaknesses?
Like our pathalogical inability to trust each other?
I wish I had spider man's powers... I could dispense death from the sky!
Remeber, with great power comes great ability to A BUSE power!
If Magical Girls really did their best, then we wouldn't need giant Mecha and huge rocket launchers, would we?
What'cha watchin'? ...mmm?...meh..it's hentai.
We agree with the common player feeling that "being weaker than a rabbit sucks"
You've gotta love DeWalt, though. Nice stuff. I love DeWalt. If you're gonna cut up a body, DeWalt table saws are the way to go.
If you go into the light when you die, does God get a frag?
What I liked was the fellow a few years back who made T-shirts saying "The Internet is Full, Go Away!"
it could be described as a fairly well-known mecha series. It could also be described as the most screwed-up thing ever created
You shouldn't be receiving E-mail from a dead girl.
the Mafia are, uh, the good guys
poor controller technique will not be tolerated! it can lead to M4D B34TDOWNZ
I want YOU! to be an unwitting grunt in my unholy legions of evil.
I chill in deep space.
I randomly answered the questions [on an IQ test] and got a score of 128...Superior guessing ability
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness BURN THEM!!! MUAHAHAHA! Ph33r my 3vil!!!
And what planet do you come from, Mr. Rat-b*****d alien?
While most people avoid the homeless like the plague, Tucker likes to refer to them as “bonus points.” Don’t ask me what that means. It makes no sense if you ask me.
Seriously, do not pass this site up. Otherwise a ninja might totally flip out and kill you and/or your family. Which would be bad, unless you really don’t like yourself or your family.
You are Light!! I am Darkness!! AND IT'S NIGHTTIME, PUNK!!!!!
'eek!... the sun's up... shit.' *sleep*
Any thoughts, fighter?
Wait, that's one of those trick questions, isn't it!
No fair! I was distracted by random gunfire!
Hey, I gotta run, the angry mob's found us again.
The best thing about this story is that their is no good or evil, just conflict.
Well, I guess you could say I know him personally. That is, if attending a week-long LAN game with him and fragging the living s**t out of all parties preasent with him counts.
Really, he has only two emotions: sleeping and adrenaline overdrive.
No score is kept and there is no clear way to win. Play continues until you stop.
How America Was Saved from Communism: ELVIS SHOT JFK.
This Snow Crash thing -- is it a virus, a drug, or a religion?"
Juanita shrugs."What's the difference?"
I just wanted to cause destruction on a global scale. Is that so wrong?
If you strike a man on the top of his head with a katana and do not make the effort to stop the blade, it will divide his skull and probably get hung up in his collarbone or his pelvis, and then you will be out there in the middle of the medieval battlefield with a foot on your late opponent's face, trying to work the blade loose as his best friend comes running up to you with a certain vengeful gleam in his eye.
it's not really camping when you don't have a house to go back to.
Halibut grow very large and can thrash so violently that they can easily kill the people who hook them; hence it is prudent to fire a number of shells through their heads before taking them on board.
"It's, like, one of them drug dealer boats," Vic says, looking through his magic sight."Five guys on it.Headed our way."He fires another round."Correction.Four guys on it."Boom."Correction, they're not headed our way anymore."Boom.A fireball erupts from the ocean two hundred feet away."Correction.No boat."
The sky is burning! This is so f**king COOL!
We didn't quite know what was going on, but we knew we needed guns, Big guns, lots of guns.
I've got a bad feeling about-
NO! not that overused quote! finish that sentince and I'll shoot you.
In other words, NO LIVE STEEL. GETTING ARRESTED IS BAD.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong
I want good ol' fashioned British justice. Where a man is innocent until proven Irish.
It's all a money milking game, well at least it is most of the time.
I've gotten a considerable amount of mail with a tone of concern about when the hell I sleep. When I do, I'll make sure to tell you.
Rain? You're crazy. Those aren't clouds, it's debris!
Sniffing the glue that holds the Internet together...
Well, you know what they say: the corpse you find may be your own.
"they" do not say that.
Well, mind you, it IS hard to speak with six inches of knife sticking out of your face. Mostly they just gurgle, and bleed.
I am never going to say "I'll get this done on such a date" ever again. Except to a professor.
Also the taste it is being, the ginger, calling clearly, it is groovy, is.
-God I love literal translations.
You can move fast without exposing yourself, because you can usually find a "hare" who is pleased to demonstrate that his car is better than yours. Never attempt to dissuade him: instead, drop back to a safe distance and enjoy the radar shield.
Meanwhile, you, practicing Rule 2 and 3, will have slowed to a quasi-legal speed. This usually draws a perplexed and suspicious look from the officer, but no pull-over order, especially if you have removed your radar detector from the windshield or visor.
Meet Kei and Yuri, two junior level agents with a proclivity for being in the wrong place at the wrong time with just enough firepower to blow their way out of a bad situation into something worse.
Me, a FUD platform -- right. There's a definite pot/kettle equation in play here, as we'll see.
Perhaps "broke the story " isn't the right phrase - it was sitting around for a week before we noticed, and since we published the story, there's been a right righteous hullabaloo at Slashdot (which in an Intellectual Property landgrab of its own, claimed the scoop for itself after reading The Register - doh!) and at other fine sites. And that in itself is worrying - the free software community's early warning system is as poky as the CIA's Arabic intelligence department. That's a cause for concern in itself.
It's all fun and games till someone gets..... accidentally falls down a stairwell...
A bored admin is a very dangerous person...
"I clicked the FORMAT button instead of RECOVER - They're so close together!"
I like lame jokes, but they have to be very very lame.
The proof that "cheap Mexican labour" is not the same as "capable Mexican labour"
We took both the red and blue pills
These same morons are to be put on a pedestal and hailed for all eternity. That is, hailed using large caliber weapons, rotten vegetables and all other kinds of unpleasantness
why not be honest, drop the pretense and hoist the Jolly Roger, already Matey? Aar!
What you see is what you get, and you ain't seen a damn thing yet.
Like the kid, I'm glad someone's brave enough to teach impressionable kids on the joys of rebelling against the system.
There's nothing sweeter than other's misery.
i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"
* dregan kicks Yamucha in the nuts
* dregan stamps on Yamucha's neck
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Yamucha
<dregan> Oh shit.
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file
tetris is so unrealistic
<rob`> wai, self-pity.is there anything more pathetic? 
<nev> *nod* whining about it on irc 
<@Greg> how do i start apps automatically when i log into os x?
<@desnarf> hit it with a hammer
<@desnarf> but you need a robot arm for it to happen automatically
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
It's like 7-11. We are'nt always doing a buisness, but we're always open.
Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?
So Bilbo, who we are supposed to identify with as a protagonist, finds a piece of someone else's jewelry and just keeps it for himself? That's funny, because I would expect a good man to submit it to the local Lost and Found so it could be claimed by its owner. It makes me wonder if he bought that hillside house or if he was just squatting.
Mixing languages and l33tspeak has been known to cause brain seizures.
Are you paranoid? Have good reason?
You were never paranoid...until they started coming after you...
<HansonSis> oh, screw the japanese...they knew what they did the moment they did it, and they'll never do it again....bombing them would be a waste of a good bomb....drop it on people who don't know we mean business yet.
<MalkavsWisdom> Yeah.. those damn ethiopians.
<Wilstar> Oh, americans never lanned on the moon you know...! it was a conspiracy
<@maximus`> I thought the yanks LANDED on the moon?
Those of us looking for maximum performance from our PCs are known to add a few extra fans to keep cool air moving through the case. This is fine and dandy until you've got enough fans running that your case sounds like the Concorde approaching Mach 1.
Yeah. I'm waging a sort of "cold war" with my free hosting service. No packets seem to be going in or out.... they hate me. So I'm putting them here
So, as many of you have inquired about, here's the 4th generation of Net related quotes - with the first and second gens thrown in because I want to hit the post size limit. 3rd generation was lost for the most part and the remnants have been added to the 4th. Feel free to use these in your sigs, as cappy has already done.
BE ADVISED: THE FOLLOWING MAY INCLUDE, AND IS NOT LIMITED TO:
>PROFANITY
>SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE
>MATURE THEMES
>LLAMAS BEING LAMERS
May be unsuitable for anyone under 16, and/or without 2500+ hours logged online. Failure to meet both of these critera will cause confusion and result in an inability to understand the majority of this compillation. (In other words: It's your own damn fault if you don't like these)
<---------------FIRST GENERATION!---------------->
Smith and Wesson. The original point and click interface.
You really are a pessimist.
If I had a penny for ever time I heard that I'd drown under their bitter, coppery weight.
"Legally drunk. Well if it's legal what the hell is the problem?"
How to Leave The Planet
1. phone NASA. There phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that it is very important that you get away as soon as possable
2. if they do not cooperate. Phone any frend you may have in the whitehouse-(202)456-1414-to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA
3. If you dont have any frends in the White House, Phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas opperator for 0107-095-595-9051). They don't seem to have any frend over there either (at least non to spak of), but they do seem to have a little infulence so you might as well try.
4. If that fails, Phone the Pope for guidence. his telephone number is 011-39-6-9982, and i gather his switchboad is infallible.
5. if all these attemts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain its vitally important you get away before you phone bill arives. - Douglas Adams
Never play Russian Roulette with a semi automatic weapon... It never ends well.
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs...
"when in danger fear or doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout"
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move
This is a signature of evil - the pure of heart cannot see this sentence.
I didn't think I could have so much fun and still be suitable for young viewers!
"Is it dead yet?"
"Throwing a warship at me is cheating! Here, take it back!"
Deep down I'm very superficial
I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!
Thinking back on the good old days, I can't remember a damn thing. Damn dementia.
If im not poetry in motion....
then i must be gibberish in neutral...
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
I don't have a one track mind... I like Doom AND Quake 3
Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power -- my God, the power! IT'S THE ONLY TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIVE!
If this doesn't make sense, blame my lack of sleep.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water...unless it's floating face down
Make love not war...unless you love to kill
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
If a thousand monkies at a thousand typewriters can write the next great literary masterpiece, then shouldn't a thousand programmers at a thousand computers write a program that works?
when i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me...
"Anime - It's not just cartoons dammit!"
Ak47... when you absoultely need to kill every motherf**ker in the room
Insane? Who? Me? Naah... you must mean her, over there.
-Will sell soul for giant robot. Contact if interested.
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
-Christian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
My life is an RPG, but I'm not the player character.
Otherwise... you should be dragged into the street and shot.
Do you know what my problem is with the door to door people? I'm too polite. No, really. I want to tell them to go f**k themselves, but instead I usually end up pretending to have some interest in what they are saying and looking for a chance to politely ask them to leave. Oh well...
I say live and let live. At least until I can find a large blunt object to hit you with.
I swear, one of these days Microsoft will find their WinME offices surprisingly firebombed...
"Without this machine here, I'd go insane."
"What machine?"
"Oh hell."
All your base are belong to...THAT GUY OVER THERE IN THE CORNER RUNNING AROUND IN A CIRCLE WHILE ENGULFED IN FLAMES!
"Theres too much blood in my alcohol system!"
"Don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."
"Gee, the IP ban list shure is getting long..." -Piro
...then yell extensively at your Vid and Sound cards for sleeping together at such a young age.
I tell you, cards these days...sharing IRQs....
The mere existence of flame throwers says that someone, sometime, somewhere said to himself, 'You know, I'd like to set that guy over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'
I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Luke, I am your tedious, overused plot device.
Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him.
I drink motor oil for fun and profit
"BUSINESS IS WAR"
But I don't wanna be a Fireman, I wanna be a Doctor!
-Silence!The machine has spoken!
"If fire cannot burn in a vacuum ambassador, then I presume you'll be alright when I jettison your flaming body into space."
"Damn you! Just wait till i come back to LIFE!!!"
"Sorry, but this is it for me. Ahh, what a lame way to die! This is so not cool!"
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill
"is it heavy?"
"yes"
"then it's expensive"
"Why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
No sig for you!
Damnit Harry, you're a walking combat zone. People have a nasty habit of getting dead around you.
"Good, Bad. I'm the one with the gun."
"Damn child-proof spy stuff."
"I'm not afraid of computers taking over the world. They're just sitting there. I can hit them with a two by four."
"Mental note: F**K!!"
Broken things are best fixed by people who know what the hell they're doing.
Think of it as evolution in action.
"I cry my soul to sleep"
Normality is defined by those who speak it.
But those Vipers ... they handle like bricks with rockets attached
Goofing off is evil. TV is the devil. IRC is a highly populated plane of hell. ICQ is the evil spawn of a thousand hells. Or something like that.
. . this is the shiznabidiziat, fool.
Somebody call guiness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in 20 dollars...
"Never use the machine gun when you can use the BFG".
Aestivalis loses a game of chicken with the ground
"I am an explosives technician, If you see me running, try to keep up"
Damn you, wasted youth. Damn you I say!
So he's one bounced check away from becoming a clocktower sniper, but in general..
We've got Mr. Tails here. He's got a B.A. in Nannas folks!
Copyright? The copies I make are always right...
-I'll just drink the coffee for sleep, and as for the shower, well, 6-7 cans of Lysol can handle that duty. NOTHING is going to keep me from 96 straight hours of Quakey goodness!
-Thats so much Lysol we will be able to taste it in the air!
The guy who sits next to me better be able to put up with a massive wind tunnel..........over 1000 cfm total air flow in my airplane case.
Geeze, you ever get anything accidentally sucked into that beast? Like a tree or something?
yea.....I have had screws sucked in before. So i now have screens on all my intake fans
When you start working, every day just gets a little worse
"Our best shot at winning against some of the talent here is to get them so plastered they don't notice if you disconnect the mouse."
I recommend an alternate bathroom for those about to give birth to a small calf. Understand?
"Professional BMW rider. Sanity optional."
Next episode, a shocking sci-fi spaghetti western epic for all ages. Wait, aren't we mixing up our genres a little?
All it took to convince the studio was a one-page treatment and a picture of a clown holding a gun. It boggles the mind.
It's one of those cool duel type things, you know? And well, when they throw in giant robots beating the living crap out of each other, you just can't lose.
Anyway, I am getting off on a very long tangent and I'm not even sure what my point is anymore.
"kinda like how people buy $50 celeron processors specifically so they can overclock them to rediculous speeds and not worry when the burn out"
Me- angry? nah. Pissed? noooooo. Unbelievably depressed and stressing? Nope. In denial? Gee, ya think?
Dum de dum dum...f**k
when life gives you lemons, chuck them straight back and scream while you do it.
Get a hobby, it helps you out... just don't make it swords or explosives, k?
"SHUT-UP!! I'm more schizophrenic than I'll ever be!!... Wait... Who are we talking to?"
"Barry also was quick to point out that the Titanium uses torque screws as opposed to Phillips screws. We're not sure why this matters even a little bit, but Barry sure seemed to think it was interesting. That's why Mac geeks scare us."
"I'm slowly teaching him [new tech support PFY] that if a luser calls with a problem, he should continue asking detailed, technical question about what is going wrong, untill the customer admits he touched something, or that it might be someone on their end, so he can shout out "SEE! NOT OUR PROBLEM!"
"The neat thing about having a swiss-cheese memory like mine is that I can read what I wrote a few months ago, and giggle at my own jokes. Granted I don't remember what I write, but the writer's sense of humour is very compatible with my own. [...]
"I'm going to get a new job. I'm going to mow lawns. And when somebody asks me what I do for a living, I will tell them "I mow lawns." And whatever question might follow, the answer will most likely be "Yes," "No," or "I mow lawns." And nobody will ever call me at 3:30am with a lawnmowing emergency. Ahh, happy place....."
"Get bent, you prole. If you understood even the smallest iota of my tremendous emotional investment in this game, you'd take a big glass of Shut the F**k Up and Sit the F**k Down and nurse it in the corner until I speak to you directly."
"The Christian Supremecists are at it again. I swear those guys would burn the bible if they read it without a title attached. Sad too, cause it's a heck of a story, all sorta sex, betrayal, magic, murder, superhuman guys, war, sacrifice, and a fella hanging with hookers and lawyers that beats the crap outta some chumps in a church."
"I guess this means that I'm developing the sort of black b*****d aura that will eventually make my kindest, gentlest utterances sound like the pronouncements of Satan."
"Yes, but then we get into questions. Does bamboo count as wood? It's technically from a grass, not a tree, but it's very hard. Can I stake a vampire with my chopsticks? Does the stake have to be more than a certain diameter, or just of a length sufficient to pierce the heart? Does it have to completely penetrate the heart, or just puncture a wall? If bamboo is acceptible, what about other vegetable matter, like a frozen parsnip or carrot?"
"think about it. would you work for a company that couldn't tell the difference in quality of its employees' normal work product and the work product of someone on drugs without performing a test?"
"So far, what we've seen is smart people making work for each other. Good software leads to more work. Bad software leads to more work. If there's any time left over from fiddling with software, people spend it on making the tax and legal systems more complicated. (Ok, maybe that last is just the US.)"
"Pardon me...what the hell kinda game IS Monopoly, anyway? I say my racecar can run down the doggie, and that if I buy Park Place, I can put a trap on the damned thing, too. But everyone else says I'm crazy, that that's not how the game is played. Morons."
"Give a man a computer program and you give him a headache, but teach him to program computers and you give him the power to create headaches for others for the rest of his life..."
"I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve."
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity."
"Hey, Vinnie and me are here to tell you why you should buy Microsoft. Because your data is important, and it'd be a real shame if something happened to it. You might say your data could use some protection. It'd be terrible if this here computer room caught fire, or if your sysadmin were to somehow fall into a cement mixer. See, if you were a Microsoft shop, the odds of such things happening would be significantly lower, if you get my drift. So how many copies can I put you down for?"
"I am afraid that as death becomes less certain, taxes will get worse."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"How is it that I have root access when my weakness for abusing power is so apparent?"
"Where...the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh just 1-1/2 tons." -Popular Mechanics, March 1949
It's always a sad day when you realize the Pod People have triumphed once again.
Once I manually unzipped it, I attempted to run setup again, and it began prompting me to "insert disk 1" or something along those lines. The immediate question that sprung to my mind was not "what is 'disk one'?" or "where can I find disk one?", but "what the hell has Romero and his band of merry men actually been doing for the past three and a half years?"
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
let's not touch that again....
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
Look boss..de plane! de plane!
T'was the best of times, t'was the worst of times"- last night at an all you can eat $6 buffet and the proceeding 3 am bathroom trips.
Damn you, hax0rs and script kiddiez! What is your fascination with my Forbidden Server of Mystery?
Bloody hell! The trailer is amazing.. I'm off to have a cold shower to calm down.
If this is what I'm like on caffeine, I do NOT want to know what I'll be like if I'm drunk
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way if you want to criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
On average 1 young person falls to corperate mind washing every 5.2 seconds, and starts to listen to bands, and wear clothes that they would, if left to their own devices, never wear. Please prevent such things. Don't let people you know listen to pop Radio or watch MTV. We thankyou, and you'll thank yourself later.
-This advertisment paid for by the coalition of bitter individuals that believe in personal expression.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog.
With that in mind I may need to stick to something less controversial for today's rant, something more tame, like abortion or nuclear war.
I was pleased with the original Homeworld to no end, it was unique, exciting, and let me command a nice fleet of ships which I could use to rain firey death on all that opposed me. Needless to say, I was sold.
"Piro, I've been thinking..."
"Aren't there laws against that?"
With my departure from that place I take with me one blue ink pen, property of SBC Internet Services. I will now always carry this pen with me just for the hope that someday I may run into my former employer and ram it through his vile black heart.
I've spent this week blowing up my fellow man in new and interesting ways.
there is just something graceful about a volley of 50 missiles firing at one target
That damn paperclip is still starring at me, if he so much as blinks I'm going to shoot him…
there's never a dull moment in my life. I could use a few, really.
Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in... wait, that's the decongestant kicking in.
The latter being the swords you'd use to cut off someone's vital limbs or at the very least they'd make kickass letter openers.
I didn't mean to take all of your sweet time, I'll give it back one of these days.
BWAHAHAHAHA... erm... yeah... uh... nevermind... gomen...
There's a new kid in town, and he’s sporting a dual heavy rocket launcher.
Finally...air cover for those Sunday drives in the park.
Dear santa, all I want is your list of naughty girls.
Sir,
You are a moron and completely misunderstood what I said.
Thank you.
Why cant they make linux more like windows?
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-- Charles Schulz
"Those who make peaceful change impossible, make violent change inevitable"
Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right, and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong
God's in his heaven, all's right with the world
"Oh shit, someone else is out of alcohol!"
"Luck is just one of my many skills!"
"Same old s**t, different day."
Doubt is the key to knowledge.
There is often wisdom under a shaggy coat.
People show their character by what they laugh at.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
BREAKFAST.SYS halted. Cereal port not responding.
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
I love squirrels, those things are so damn funny.
Depending on where I look, I can findrelated things on the net that can make me smile, laugh, feel good, think, sad, annoyed, angry, upset, depressed, ready to nuke the hell out of a few small towns in Iowa.
"And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!"
It takes only a child to raze a villiage...
Is that burning smell coming from my computer?
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too."
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is, just to fire all the unhappy people.
Not all pain is gain.
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.
No single raindrop believes it is responsible for the flood.
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
Hard work may pay off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
It hurts to admit when you've made mistakes. But when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
If you find yourself struggling with lonliness, you're not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone.
There is an island of oppourtunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though, and you're pretty much doomed.
Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the true terror of being forever lost at sea.
It could be that the purpose of your life is to provide a warning to others.
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, Remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.
Mediocrity. It takes a lot less time, and most people woln't notice the difference until it's too late.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Wha,..? What! It's impossible to explain anything without arrows!"
Because of my knowledge I was able to convince the queen I was a mighty oracle, but no history book could have prepared me for what happened here.
The light at the end of tunnel, only slightly dimmed.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote."
Always make a good first impression. Aim for the forehead.
Uh....w00t.
Lincoln: "A House divided against itself is an excellent opportunity for some CTF at a LAN Party."
I'm a member of the young college entrepreneurs club, and I can smell money like sharks smell blood
Scientist:I've got the answer!
Joel: It's Coco Puffs, Bob. I've got no idea why, but it fits the equation.
The "nice guy" who could take no more.
BZZT! God prevents you from winning!
Hey, I'M ripping off SOMEONE ELSE's catch phrase. That's different.
I'm my own hero!
"I may be goin' to hell in a bucket, baby, but at least I'm enjoying the ride."
"Yeah, Toonami may be its own little world but its f**king up my universe."
Remember kids, don't shoot each other. Aim for the fragile, expensive stuff.
Wrack: I watch "This Old Arena" religiously.
<quote> "Don't quote me on this" </quote>
"Peace through Superior Firepower"
You're a whining little brat, but you get the job done in the end
Sam: The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
Max: But it makes a pretty good milkshake.
"Oh, damn, I thought he was like a piniata. You know. Beat him enough, and candy flies out."
HA! fool! it was a simle, not a metaphor! now I shall kill you so hard your ancestors will die!
Would having more hours in a day really make things better?How about more bullets in the clip?
Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character.
watching spectacular train wrecks never ceases to enthrall!
With all these dollars, why do I need to make sense?
Players expect problems on opening day, damnit.
The minimum resolution you should be playing at is 640x480. Of course the most important thing is that the gibs look nicer.
LAN parties are great places to meet people... and then kick their asses at Counter-Strike.
Don't question authority, they don't know either.
I plan to live forever, or die trying.
"There is too much evil loose in the world. I'm going to have to put a stop to it. All of it."
"You're going to stop the evil?"
"No. The world."
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.
Which is worse, Ignorance or Apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
When people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is called "the People's Stick."
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
Talking to corners really helps! They always listen.
Caution: Cape does not allow user to fly.
hehe, what a suprise that all the Admins say: It wasnt me
"Life is pain. Anyone one who says differently is trying to sell something."
"You tried your best, and failed horribly. The moral is, never try."
laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and the world laughs at you, loser.
If anything on this ship is more important than my ego, I want it hunted down and shot!
Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man of fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
"For every winner there are dozens of losers, odds are your one of them."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"Don't make me threten you...."
"You may have won the battle, but I'm... I'm out of ammunition.
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport"
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.
The best acceleration you can get on a mac is 9.8 m/s^2
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
umm..maybe fool Ragnarok by changing the filename of the mp3's to something like..oh say..TheseAreNotTheFilesYouAreLookingFor_waveshandsmysteriously_.mp3
i hope christina aguilera gets mutilated by a farm combine. until then, i can only mock her music derisively. ha! ha! ha! ha!
can it run smoothly if Bad Andy goes behind the rack and unplugs a few network connections, a few power cords to some nodes?
Now, if we're going to do "Lawyers At Dawn", I officially suggest that we carpet bomb Tokyo with attorneys from B-52's and B-1B's in HUGE WAVES
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b*****d die for his." - General Patton (1885-1945)
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, what is the road to Heaven paved with?
Non-fragmented English? You mean all those folks out there who "74lk l1k3 7h1$" aren't speaking proper engligh? My god, my days of enlightment have been ruined... and here I was going to major in "Leet" in College...
*** Aegis-Zhyroth was kicked by Aegis-Zhyroth (Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!)
There are three types of people in this world, those who are good at math, and those who are not.
Citanul: Oh yes, I'm glad you noticed! Citanul spelled backwards IS Lunatic! You are so clever you clever beaver you!
The lesson is... don't leave food in the fridge.
Spike: "You don't call a meatless beef with bell peppers 'beef with bell peppers. do you?"
Jet: "Yes you do."
Spike: "No, you don't!"
Jet: "You do when you're broke!"
"Oops, sirens. You know what that means. Time for me to get eccentric."
...and that's why we need to find a store that sells rocket launchers.
"Inspiration is for those too weak to decide on something themselves"
I don't mind pissing a few people off for no good reason
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
Ohhh yes, this is going to be dreadfully fun.
Yo piedad el tonto! (I pity da foo!)
One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
You can't just stick an RJ-45 in your ass and call it a server. That's not how it works.
Urgh! You all sound like chapters from a self-help manual
Feel the wrath of the minor roles!
Hell, if I bought half a dozen nukes I could get discount.
(I don't know how to flame ppl, so I guess I'll just mind my own business and go back to eating lunch) La la la~
Sam (holding a ticking time bomb): Where should I throw this so I don't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max: Out the window. There's nothing but strangers out there.
One of the guys that took the SAT at my school came and took it after smoking a few bowls.He passed with a 1440, and claimed that a purple lizard was on his desk telling him the answers
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
hAS aNYONE sEEN mY cAPSLOCK kEY?
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy
Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Always remember to Pillage BEFORE you Burn.
Darwin was an optimist
The two most abundant resources in the universe are 1.Hydrogen, and 2.Stupidity. The order of this list is subject of hot debate.
The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.
One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was to convince people that he didn't exist.
Death to all fanatics!
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Gravity-- it's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
Boldly going nowhere
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The only substitute for good manners are fast reflexes.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Kill the messenger; it doesn't solve the problem, but you've got to admit it feels right.
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me.
There are no problems that cannot be solved by the judicious use of high explosives.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
You can't buy back your youth, but you can pay for it later.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
Barrett's Laws of Driving: You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed.... Oh wait, he does.
Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.
You will note the four center consoles from which the finalists will compete. Each of these seats is wired up to the 1000 watt auditorium speakers. Ordinarily these systems are used to provide audio for hundreds of people. However, tonight it will be under your butt. I suggest you wear earplugs. Earlier I had the cafeteria lady who serves the french fries sit down in the seat here and fire up the Austin Mini. The roar of the engine popped her bra and shoes right off. She started speaking in Spanish, weeping and pleading for redemption as she crawled for the door, her legs suffering from temporary paralysis.
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well she turned me into a newt!
Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: I got better.
Crowd: BURN HER ANYWAY!
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid b*****d. You've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!
Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
<Keiichi> My first computer wasn't even a 286...it loaded off a 5 1/4 disk...
<Keiichi> and I ended up frying it with the game 'The Oregon Trail', it started to run it and caught on fire...
<mustadio> God, Some day I'll be telling stories about how a CD only held 700MB XD
You only have one life to live...so play in traffic often
Last year, the government of aging dictator Fidel Castro declared access to the Internet a "fundamental right" of the Cuban people - and then made it impossible for ordinary Cubans to buy a computer.
Nausea can make it difficult to watch a deathmatch over someone's shoulder. (Doom-induced motion sickness, or DIMS, is an accepted medical term.)
Romero: There's nothing you can do about latency, it's inherant in the system.
Carmack: Yeah, the speed of light sucks.
I'm not a mage. I prefer the term "Paranormal Effect Administrator."
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Note: Time of day will greatly effect quality of posts, you have been warned.
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom ofa
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on thedoor
saying Beware of the Leopard."
The easily amused will inherit the earth, the rest of you will just die of boredom.
Ever wonder what it would be like, if one day you woke up and could speak a different language, say Japanese or Latin, but forgot how to speak English? No? well... you should. It could happen. Really!
I've almost been as bad as Fred at times.
Wait, no, I take that back, it didn't get that bad. There was always a game to keep my mind off of hurting people and on hurting little digital representations of people.
See, when I was younger and playing Civ, it was one of my ambitions to be a diplomat. But I wouldn't be a wussy diplomat that would always be captured and sold for 50 gold. No sir, I'd be a tech-stealing, production-sabotaging, water-poisoning ass-kicker of a diplomat, you know, like Colin Powell or something.
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
RBF! appendum: Anything that can go wrong, will, and will do so in the most spectacular manner possible, at the worst concieveable time.
You scare me sometimes, well, all the time really.
Viadus:FROGFHFHFHFH!
Leon:Our fearless leader, afraid of a frog?
Viadus:DARN STRAIGHT I AM!
Speak for yourself, these chompers are here for one thing only. Devouring souls. You gotta bite real hard to get the soul out.
i hate being loved.
heart me and die, f**ker.
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
This statment complies with part 15 of the FCC rules;
1. It can not cause harmful interference.
2. It must accept any interference from its surroundings.
... I love cookies 
- What are you doing?...
- Stay away, this cookie's mine.
... Are you willing to DIE for it?
... /me draw 2 hand sword
Selling online accounts are profitable...
Just ask my Playstation 2....
Why do I have a biohazard sticker on my graphing calculator? Well it's not so much bio- as it is a hazard to modern programmers. You should see some of the shit I did in BASIC. Hundreds of lines of code that verifies it's own existance before allowing anything else to process. It scares people.
"I'mprettysure thaaxeshavehigherpotential dammage butlower average. You should havestuck with your sword." - Cette Hamster La
"whoa buddy. try using the space bar next time^^" - Katana
Don't Run From Me, You'll Just Die Tired!
Hmm, interesting.. I seem to be missing a finger..
Smite thine evil Zombies with thy bigeth sticketh!
If life gives you lemons, burn them!
Okay..just gimme the sword. *SLICE* OWW DAMNIT WRONG SIDE!!
"Let's see ... 37% of the structural supports are missing, another 48% bent beyond the point of repair ... the main reactor has melted, fusing with the hull and the auxerily reactor is leaking deadly radiation ... the only working weapon is the one we thought up that one night we all got REALLY wasted ... the communications system is shot, and the computer just snapped, went homicidal, and tried to kill me ... OK, gentlemen, I think we can repair it!"
<Supressor> God Why???????????????????????????????????????????
*** Supressor was kicked by watashiwa[FFT] (Excessive punctuation.)
<|KS|SamuelLDurain> HAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAAA
*** |KS|SamuelLDurain was kicked by watashiwa[FFT] (Excessive capitalization.)
<-------SECOND GENERATION!------------>
Go away, and take your stupid with you!
You're actually TRYING to get arrested, aren't you?
Do you have to look at everything in a negitive light?
Would that be the harsh light of reality?
Cheesy lensflare -- GO!
Luckily, I'm very skilled at running the hell away.
You know, I've been kidnapped about half a dozen times, and this is by far the most inept job I've seen.
I'm going to kill you until you're dead!
Why do I allow you to breathe? WHY?
Theif: Well. I'll be at the local ye olde pawne shoppe selling this kingdom's riches back to itself.
Why, If I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash!
Don't get me wrong, I mean, I'm all about random violence perpetrated against hapless victims...
Well, that was fun, but I still feel homicidal, damnit.
I have what doctors call a short attention sp--- ooh! something shiny!
Who needs wits when you've got SWORDS!
Standard tactics?
Yeah, put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed.
Wow, red mage has a lot of blood.
But not as much blood as he had five minutes ago...
I'm not dead yet...
Don't tempt me.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
I've come back to kill each and every one of you individually and I plan on being more thorough this time...
It's a new time, it's a new reign of terror. Hide your children and waffles ...
We'd invite a bunch of people over, give three players controllers, and hand Gabe the keyboard to keep a steady level of trash-talk maintained throughout.
I have the mind of a criminal genious!
...he keeps it in the freezer.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
There are too many stupid people in this world...unfortunately, there isn't enough ammo to go around.
It also contains what many consider to be inappropriate language. So crank it up!
Mines? I wanna step on one! Me me! Make one for me! I wanna die!
Alpha testers: Seeing the world through glitch colored shades.
***Pub:B>Souls of the innocent/helpless
FlyingFuton: hello
Gobi: Buying souls, eh?
FlyingFuton: Would you like to volunteer yours?
Gobi: Depends on the offer.
FlyingFuton: Souls are at a premium today.
FlyingFuton: Well... 5z and a walnut
FlyingFuton: Have you ever seen a walnut in RO?
Gobi: Nope...
FlyingFuton: Would you give your soul for it?
Tye up the Santy Clause
BEAT HIM WITH A STICK;
Lock him up for 90 years and
SEE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK;
Man, I love Nightmare Before Christmas. Hey, what was this thread about?
Now I'll pretend I never read this post, and you'll pretend I never read this post...
Now don’t worry because this isn’t the Syndicate[tm] with the cyborg implants, chain guns and trench coats. This is the friendly kind, that can publish you and sometimes even pay for your work.
Now who better to explain avoidance of responsibility than Steph, who hasn't been trused with anything more important than his own life since 1986!
Look! Look at the distraction!
"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"
* If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title
14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
Don't worry, I hit you with the back of the sword.... oops. This sword's double bladed.
Unfortunately, I was beginning to learn that Verio's advertised and promised 24/7 service was really only 8/5.
...From that point on I ran only "Attack-Neutered Mutant Zombies"
If you live in the United States, please contact your local congressman and state senator. If you're outside the U.S., first put down your Anti-USA picket sign and then contact your elected official or tribal warlord.
F**keth!
I spent a good portion of my evening sweet talking my computer and reinstalling things. Now that it's back up and running, it's back to verbally abusing it on a regular basis of course.
Quit: In the back of my mind, maybe I really DID expect the Spanish Inquisition...
You might be an IRC addict if: if you get a call from a telemarketer and you put the phone down and set their mode to -v.
If you're fighting to live, It's ok to die!
Frankley, the feeling's f**kin' fantastic. I'm trippin' like Jesus in the desert when he fasted. It's like I'm in Epcot Center on acid.
Life's a bitch, and I'm her pimp.
Paramedic 1: "What now? she looks dead..."
Paramedic 2: "Well, s**t happens."
*singing* Extermina~te! Extermina~te! I don't really know why, but let's genocide!
I was looking at an Eco sensitive front loading washer with 1050 RPM spin cycle - he liked it too - because it was l33t - yes, a Kenmore Elite. Only Piro would need a l33t washer and dryer.
I live in the state of Denial. Well, sort of.
Ecchi nano wo ikenai to omoimasu!
Trust is a weakness.
WAREZ IS STEALING.
IT IS A CRIME.
DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS IN SMALLER WORDS?
C-8 H-10 N-4 O-2 Forever!
Man, that was close.
And to think, we were saved by an abominable snowman.
Sonds pretty unlinkley doesen't it?
Amd on top of that, abominable snowman fur sells for a pretty good price.
Sticks! Sharp, pointy sticks! WHY CAN I NEVER FIND ANY?!
It bleeds. We can kill it.
Oh sure, Microsoft will issue patches. Then the users will be blamed for not installing them in a timely fashion. What's WRONG with those damn users anyway?
...there had better be some real cream filling in that son of a bitch if they want me to put up with these rough edges.
JUST POINT ME TOWARD SOMEBODY I NEED TO HIT. THIS IS LIKE PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY, EXCEPT YOU'RE THE DONKEY, AND ... I WILL KILL YOU.
A good wizard is like Elvis, but with lightning that comes out of his hands.
Look, good evil killing machines aren't structured around a single point of failure like that. My killer robot would have redundantly arrayed backup rings housed within an impervious titanium core. Actually, screw the rings, he'd just strap a portable nuclear device on his back capable of reducing entire continents to smouldering piles of rubble and fused glass.
"Hee hee! Zese bullets, zey tick-le! Heeee!"
Apparently the head of the Children Protection Department described the game (grand theft auto 3) of being 'unfitting even for grown adults' and 'a crude crime against the society's norms of worth.' Sweet! This means war!
Next up, you have World War II --
Norway surrendered two months after the Nazis invaded. It was less of an invasion and more of a brisk walk.
That being said, Ed still gets on my nerves on occasion. Last week you'll recall that he Created a new type of puzzle game, based off of the Rubik's Cube. I spent hours trying to solve it before discovering that he put seven colors on a six-sided cube.
I realized the horrible potential of the device I had installed, and knew that it must never be powered up again on my machine.
So I sold it to Steve down the street for fifty bucks.
And where's your bombardier, mister? I'll tell you where he is, he's on the other side of this hillock puking his guts out after you dusted the bridge UPSIDE DOWN.
I'm like The Flash, except I carry a rocket launcher
I've overclocked my DSL modem to cram sacreligious amounts of data through my phone lines. They've become hot to the touch and my walls are smoking... Noo! NOOO!! Foiled again! I have to disconnect as my house has just erupted into flames.
Taking Names and Taking Heads.
Why would they make a child-saftey cap with pictographic instructions?
Your "careful analysis" looks a lot like spending all your time sticking plastic explosives to people.
They scream funny.
I would hope you people would realise the lack of spelling ability I have... that and grammer. I can't think of how many of you recieved mail from me with nothing more then "GAAAAAAH!" as the body...
Hey Kids! Do you know what goes on inside Dom's head? ... Niether do we! and let's hope we never find out!
With luck, i might actually survive the weekend.
"Hello, I work in waste management. Basically I waste people and then manage them."
You know you're in trouble when packet floods are competing to flood you.
There's some conditional good news, and then there's some rather bad news.
The shutdown trigger commands list above accept an optional exclamation point "!". For example: "reboot!" (pronounced "Reboot Damit!").
Who needs hackers when we've got Microsoft?
Unfortunately, Windows XP doesn't protect you from Microsoft.
Hollings, apparently, is an 'honest politician' according to Brendan Behan's formula: when he's bought, he stays bought.
Is the Pope there? I'm calling from California, and I need to confess!
Hey, if you can't shoot 'em, squish 'em.
Blessed are the children, for they cannot yet aim!
Ah, yes; the quality, the security. The e-mail worms, the malicious Javascript, the closed APIs, the product activation, the licensing extortion.
Why do you do that to yourself?
Well, I tried doing to others, but they didn't take to kindly to the idea.
AARGH!! Lensflare im my face! it burns!
Police Brutality, keeping your ass in check since 1919
One of our players (ColdAssBitch) was involved in a bad car accident. There is a get well card posted on Gunsmoke22 site for anyone to sign. Click on the following link to show your support.
We wish ColdAssBitch the best of luck and hope for a speedy recovery.
It was actually pretty fun to make, until Adobe Premiere waged war with me. Now that I have conquered Premiere, and the bloody war has come to a finale, you - the general population
wishful thinking will only make the truth more painful.
always be on your guard when there is a grassy knoll of any sort inside your building
We recommend that you wear this tshirt in 'solipsistic mode' in which you move around the world and perceive that the only reason anything outside your immediate neural network exists is because of your needs and your demands. You are the center of the known and unknown Universe, you are the prime singularity, you alone are the localhost. 127.0.0.1 baby. And don't forget it.
On the hints screen, it says "Give up."
I CAN HELP YOU OVERCLOCK THAT TURKEY! You ignorant fools, you're basting a default OEM turkey. Just give me half an hour with that thing and I can give you twice the white meat and an over 33% increase in juiciness. Also, I can rig up your carving knife to slice through human limbs as if through butter.
Uhh.. Ace? What are they doing?
Uuuhhh.. I duuno... uhh....
KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!
"Yes, 1200dpi!" I cry, using a geek joke that's so far over his head he can't even see its vapour trail.
"How many times do I have to say it? How was I supposed to know that Christmas tinsel was a conductor?!?
"You can't remember your password after the break?" The PFY cries happily into his headset "OK, I'll change that to 'tomorrow' for you, two 'm's, two 'r's... Oh, Don't mention it."
>clickety click<
"There you go, good as new!" I cry.
"So the hard disk is like before the holidays?!" the user cries happily.
"No, empty like when you bought it. When it was new..."
"B-b-but..."
"I know. Don't thank me, it's my job >click<"
"The financials server has gone offline," the user gasps, "and we've got to complete the end-of-month processing from December!!!"
"Don't you worry about a thing!" I cry "We'll soon have it sorted out - we have a backup."
"Oh thank goodness!" he gasps "Another server?"
"No, printouts and pocket calculators." I cry meglomaniacly. "Remember to write all your sums down as the auditors are due in two days. Oh, and remember to show your your working - there's no telling how pedantic they'll be!"
"So long as the machine room is safe and there are no accidents."
"You mean like that engineer who fell over the tripwire made out of cable exactly the same colour as the floor tiles?"
"The temporary Cat-5 cable with strain relief at both ends, yes."
Having something to keep my brain from switching into powersave mode is always good and battleships will do until someone ports Quake to CE
...and finally a mail service which responds to any email message with a virus.."
"That would be the one we use when we have to supply an email address to any service which claims it doesn't add your contact details to any list" the PFY adds.
How about a little UT? Just you, me, and some users who think they're playing opponents who can be killed?"
He who laughs last... Hasn't seen the cattleprod.
YOU handle that vast horde of monsters over there. I'LL handle these boxes filled with vast riches.
Spoofing, eavesdropping, sniffing, spamming, breaking passwords, harassment, fraud, forgery, "imposturing", electronic trespassing, tampering, hacking, nuking, system contamination including without limitation use of viruses, worms and Trojan horses causing unauthorized, damaging or harmful access and/or retrieval of information and data on your computer and other forms of activity that may even be considered unlawful.
My, the internet has come quite a way since ArcNet.
"You can't fight here! This is the war room!"
From the earliest days of Quake, the very first pioneers of this new generation of multiplayer gaming goodness fired up their computers, hopped onto a deathmatch, and immediately noticed that the game was missing a vital gameplay element: a gun that shoots out dogs.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Serves him right for not being professional enough to cheat.
"But revenge is an integral part of forgiving and forgetting! How can you forgive if you carry a grudge? That bean counter now has a clean slate with me - we've got a normal User/System Manager relationship now!"
"So why did you delete his file share yesterday?"
"Because we have a normal User/System Manager relationship!
>ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz...<
"Now what has he done wrong here?" I ask the fireworks spectators.
>ZzzzzzZZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ<
"That's right, he's forgotten to check for a UPS unit in this cardboard box marked 'Printer Paper'!"
>ZZZZZZZZZZEEERRRRT!<
"Woopsy," I cry, as my little helper plops to the ground in a daze. "Now, can anyone tell me the most important thing about Computing Safety?" I ask.
"Not to p**s you off?" someone murmurs from the back.
And who says you can't teach people things?
What engineer would ever say it was so buggered they sent it back? The thing could be ON FIRE IN THE COMPUTER ROOM and they'd say it was just performing self tests. Engineers LIE - that's the first thing they teach them!"
"The old 'Beyond 2000' ploy -- mention you MIGHT have seen something on 'Beyond 2000' and the credibility of the product goes up tenfold. Course, you might have seen it on the coffee table while you were watching -- so it's not strictly porkies, and would pass a polygraph if necessary."
I think I'm going to have a seizure. I've tried to calm down, I've counted to 10, I've even played a couple of games of sneaky-cheat Quake II against a couple of feebs from marketing who can't figure out why they kept exploding when I shot them with an ordinary looking pistol.
Normally - I have to admit - I'd only be reading a foreign tape once I'd run it through the Virus Scanning Bulk-Eraser (Never had a Virus that's survived a good, hard, scanning from that baby).
Is a "Shotgun Whore" the same as a "Pump-action Pimp"?
It turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes in my life (not the biggest mistake mind you, 'cause I've done some major f**k-ups in my day, but it was still pretty f**king big).
They get lost, left at the bottom of wells, lit on fire, shot, blown up, etc., and yet never seem to die. And all the while they make the most inane comments while running away from whatever horror is chasing them, waving their arms as they go. I honestly don't see why the Decepticons don't utilize these poor b******ds more. Nothing can kill them, so maybe they should just be strapped with as many explosives as their little legs can carry and marched into the Autobot's base.
Lady Astor- "Sir Churchill, you are drunk!"
Winston Churchill- "Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning!"
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative." -Oscar Wilde
Well, I just happen to be good friends with ol' Kim Jong Il, or, as we call him, Kim FAT Il, which honestly isn't witty at all. Still, ol' Kimmy gets all redfaced and calls for his death squads, but calms down when we promise to buy him some pork rinds next time we go to the 7-11.
Of course, with the power of red efficiency, they... Blow themselves up. Well... S**t. Kim Jong Il, I hardly knew thee.
Despite the fact that I've never been able to understand the appeal of sports games that don't involve actively smashing the f**k out of your opponent, I can concede that this is definitely an unusually awful football game.
"Why yes, I did shoot him. And him. And her. And the car. It seemed the appropriate response, considering the circumstances.
"It's got breasts. Of course we'll want a sequel."
It's not GOD I have a problem with, it's his f**king fanclub! / George Carlin
<Jugernaut> today is pop metal day
<kaleido> haha
<kaleido> i like to refer to it as 'aluminum music'
<kaleido> since its not as strong as metal
<kaleido> and it will eventually fold up and be thrown out
the shortest day of the year is the 8th of december, the longest day is xmas with your relatives
Geek used to be a 4-letter word; now it's a 6-figure one.
... I wonder if the really nerdy Klingons learn how to speak english
... you know your computer's screwed up when IE freezes and then displays an error message: "Error. Unable to access error.dll".
So many pipe dreams, so little attention span!
sadistic children are always good for creeping out the audience.
<x182ways> 4*7= 28, 28+2=20 dumbass
<Doc> ok... kitchens clean, bathrooms clean
<Doc> thats the two easiest to clean rooms of the house done...
<cactoid> is that because you always eat out and you never shower?
<yunicus> god has so many stalkers
<jor>NE SXE/F W/P N A/S/L PM ME PLZ IF U R D 1 2 C 4 A BJ KTHX
<FuseGirl> life is like a toilet roll, when it's near the end, you panic
I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore.
All is going well, very well, I couldn't ask for anything better-- So why do I hate my life?
"Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes."
Johnny is a less than well adjusted human being. He has the nasty habit of killing people. Usually quite brutally.
With its sickening depictions of torture and murder, I consider the Johnny The Homicidal Maniac comic book series to be one of the most shocking and disturbing perversions of illustrated literature I've ever gazed upon. Needless to say, I enjoyed it immensely
China has repeatedly attempted to crack into the Dalai Lama's computer network, according to its administrators.
Best pickup line ever: "Hey, does this smell like chloroform?"
i have no problem deciding what to do. if i'm hungry, i eat. if i'm tired, i sleep, if i need to user the bathroom, i use the bathroom, if none of the above, i sit in front of the computer
the way i figure it, if the hard drives go at 7200rpm on 12V, on 240V, they should go.... EVEN FASTER!!!!!
*** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood)
Communism is like Spandex. Good idea, but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly from there.
<rbeattie> If you were MEANT to understand it, we wouldn't have called it 'code'
<Uriel> crackhead is driving at 60 MPH and talking to the seats. A stoner is driving at 6 MPH and munching on the seats
<piman> How fast will they be going in 2 hours when they hit?
<pvx> 0 mph. Dammed elephant crossings..
<Chaos > Overclocking can screw everything up.
<Chaos > I've seen it break up marriages.
My first kid won't have a name, he'll have to pick his own at the name selection menu.
If you get collisions on a wireless LAN, do you see sparks in mid-air?
Tip of the day: Your daily fudgesicles intake should be less than 7
<noskill> I was banned from my junior high's network for having every printer in the school district print 5000 pages of "FEED ME PAPER!" simultaneously
‹doc-› H/P/V/A/C . 34o megs . FiDo
‹vect0r› hp vac?? HEWLETT PACKARD MAKES A VACUUM!?
‹vect0r› I MUST GET!
‹vect0r› does it suck as much as their computers do?
<vect0r› because that would be a kick ass vacuum
<SYch0> [
<blazemore> cellphones will give you cancer
<DanSTC> Delusion, will you have my baby?
<Delusion> Dan:Yes, if it's cooked well.
<Ear> ARSENIC IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY BECAUSE IT KILLS CHILDREN.
<Khross> YES
<Ear> DEAD BABIES EQUALS PROFIT.
<Khross> LESS MINORITY KIDS = LESS WELFARE
<Khross> MORE PROFIT
<Ear> IT ALSO PROVIDES FREE BACON.
<Khross> YES, OF COURSE
This forum is the home of the legendary spam monster. They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and its claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and Flashy was tellin' me that it's got magnets on its tail so if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.
Sleeping is something I've never gotten the hang of. I don't know if I need classes, or what.
I gotta go.There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out.Yes dude next to me, I mean you.
Spin: arrrr, pirates of the south west
Spin: thar be large pipes o'bandwith near ye'ol univarsety.
Pirate: yearg, ye may be an ta somethan thar.
Spin: what say ye we pull yonder USB hard disk longside yonder NMSU puter and begin tha lutin and plunderin.
Pirate: yearg. The master done gaved me a testin machine with a grand ol CDR.
Pirate: Avast!
Pirate: MP3s off the starboard bow!
Spin: stere clear of ye porn pop ups rollin in from tha east.
Pirate: I have mah trusty Opera browsa to help me fend em off.
Spin: encrypt the data holds, batton down thar security patches, argh thar be spyware abound.
WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a concentration camp......!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck
I swear to god i must be the only true optimist left on the planet.
I don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers
This page was generated entirely by computer algorithms without human editors.
No humans were harmed or even used in the creation of this page.
<Adrennalyne> i want icecream but its like 4am :/
<viscera> you can't always get what you want, but if you run fast enough, can tiptoe effectively and carry a large, blunt instrument at all times, sometimes, possibly, maybe you can beat it into an amnesia hazed coma long enough to play make-believe
<viscera> life is grand, no?
i cant sleep till i know im using up half of the neighborhood bandwidth
<Rammie> how do I change my quit message
<EileenB> type /quit message
*** Rammie has quit IRC (message)
<EileenB> 
There's a difference between being grumpy and hating every little f**ker in existence.
<zathras> This game of rhymes is eating at my brain, I beg of thee, sir, for the love of god, refrain!
<Deliphos> I cannot! In my blood it doth runneth! Hush thee now, lest I cap with my gunneth!
After decades of careful research on the possible uses of the Internet, we were still unprepared for anything as pointless as IRC.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it
You have been successfully added to our records. Have the appropriate amount of fun.
But this ARPAnet is eminently hackable. Within a year, its usershack together a new way to ship text files around. They call their unauthorized, unplanned invention "email." ARPAnet has developed a life independent of its creators. It's a story that will later repeat itself in many forms. No one can control cyberspace. They can't even control it when it is just four computers big.
The FBI’s national Computer Crimes Squad estimates that between 85 and 97 percent of computer intrusions are not even detected.In a recent test sponsored by the Department of Defense, the statistics were startling.Attempts were made to attack a total of 8932 systems participating in the test. 7860 of those systems were successfully penetrated.The management of only 390 of those 7860 systems detected the attacks, and only 19 of the managers reported the attacks
You thought people buy it because of its superior taste? No, it’s because Count Chocula doesn’t like competition. Boo Berry and Frankenberry are scared as hell of that crazy fanged maniac. So is Toucan Sam. You should be too. I would change the locks if I were you.
Official Real Beer Loving Guys' Code of Conduct
1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bulls**t. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.
18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
21. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
22. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F**KOFF!" You are absolved of your responsibility.
23. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
That’s wrong on more levels than I can count, and they’re both really basic levels too.
So, as you can see, the true brilliance of the sword-chuck lies in neither the sword nor the chuck.
My advanced brain is far too meaty to be swayed. Plus, it’s practically dripping with genius sauce made from a recipe of five herbs and spices.
Isn’t it ironic to yell the word silence?
I could feel my brain contracting from your sheer stupidity.
I want to cry, but there aren’t enough tears.
Oh my GOD..... can there be yet more to come?
