h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Whilst the Doctor and his friends have been visiting Earth and celebrating Christmas, the Daleks have been busy on Kembel preparing the time destructor for its first full-scale test. All circuits are now operational and the taranium core - which they still believe to be real - has been fitted.

In an observation room, Galactic Alliance Representatives Celation, Trantis, and Chen await the start of the test. Celation takes great delight in needling Chen about the theft of the core and the relief he must feel now that the Daleks have recovered it. Trantis still blames Chen for the rumour that one of his citizens stole the core in the first place and reiterates that the fugitives were from Earth. But Chen takes this all in his egotistical stride. The Daleks would not have recovered the core without his help and the main instigator of the theft was an old enemy of the Daleks, an alien time traveller who only looks human. The others wish to debate this point further, but Chen is unconcerned. He is more interested in witnessing the first test of the mighty time destructor.

In the control room, the Daleks prepare the last detail of the test - a subject. But the Dalek Supreme has already chosen the subject. The first victim of the time destructor is to be Trantis!

On board the TARDIS, the Doctor and his companions are clustered around one bank of instruments on the console. There is a time ship following them. Steven is certain it is the Daleks, but the Doctor cannot believe they've had enough time to test the time destructor, discover the fake core, and follow the TARDIS. Sara is in favour of returning immediately to Kembel and trying to destroy the Daleks' invasion fleet, but the Doctor will not consider this just yet.

Celation wonders as Trantis is led to the testing room why he was chosen. Chen knows that this is the only true "contribution" Trantis could make to the time destructor and his ego forced him to want to contribute in some way, to befit his high place in the alliance. Chen does not seem sympathetic to his colleague's impending death at all.

The Daleks prepare to begin, making sure that Chen and Celation are watching losely. They must watch and see the power of Dalek technology to temper their ambition. But they are actually unaware of the initial intended effect of the time destructor. Isolated and unheard in the testing room, Trantis sinks to his knees in abject horror. To those observing, he appears to be going insane. Perhaps that is part of the effect of the time destructor. The Daleks, however, know better and when the machine does no damage to Trantis at all, they quickly trace the fault to the taranium core. They confront Chen, accusing him of deceiving them. Managing to stay calm despite the gunsticks aimed at him, he refutes the charge. He insists that he brought them true taranium and that he can only gain by the success of their plan. He has no reason to deceive them or to sabotage the plan. This makes sense to the Daleks and his life is spared.

Chen realizes that the Doctor has deceived them somehow - damaging or switching the core. He had no time to check the core once it was retrieved, so quickly did the Daleks want to begin their tests. They must find the Doctor to find the answers. The Daleks send an urgent request to Skaro for a time machine to be sent to Kembel. In response to his protestations of innocence, Celation is allowed to return to his home planet, but Chen is to remain here. As for Trantis, the Daleks decide to complete what they had planned to do with the time destructor - exterminate him. As this is done, Chen realizes - with very mixed emotions - that he is now the highest-ranking member of the Galactic Alliance. The highest one still alive, that is.

Steven continues to track the ship following the TARDIS. Sara is impatient and cranky, but the Doctor remains calm. When the pursuing ship starts to gain on them, the Doctor decides to confuse it by landing sooner than expected.

Speaking of confusion, the scene is again on the planet Earth, in the broadcast booth of the Oval. England v Australia for the Ashes. Although their voices seem to indicate otherwise, the announcers assure their listeners that this has been quite an exciting match indeed. However, the Australian Scott is not so sure the English batsmen will be able to reach the 78 runs they need to win in the 45 minutes remaining. His partner, Englishman Trevor, is dumbstruck when a police box materialises out of nowhere in the middle of the pitch. Neither of them, despite some hard thought, can ever remember anything like this happening before. Perhaps a look in the record books will turn up some precedent.

Scott is concerned about the time delay. Even if it takes just 10 minutes to remove the box, that leaves just 35 minutes for the English side to make their 78 runs. Trev agrees it is a very bad break indeed for the side. They banter about the weather and then turn to look at the scoreboard. Then, just as suddenly as it came, the police box fades away with "a funny noise". Just under 2 ½ minutes was the length of the delay, a lucky break for England. Back to business, Trev reports they have 42 ½ minutes in which to earn their 78 runs to win. Apparently, nothing can faze a veteran cricket presenter. Absolutely nothing at all.

The Doctor thinks they must have interrupted some sporting event, but Sara doesn't think that looked at all like a proper sport. Steven reports that whatever plan the Doctor had in mind has failed. They are still being followed, and at an ever decreasing distance.

On Kembel, the Dalek time machine arrives. The Dalek Supreme orders a task force assembled for the pursuit and location of the enemy time machine. The Daleks have examined the "core" retrieved from Mira and determined it to be fake. Chen is told that he is to accompany the task force and recover the real taranium core. If he does not succeed, he will be annihilated.

The TARDIS materialises on a rocky, dusty planet, and the travellers peer out the door. Its thin atmosphere is tinged with a hazy glow from its sun. The energy radiating from that sun seems unusually strong. On the horizon, volcanoes dot the landscape. Active volcanoes. This is not a pleasant place at all. They cannot stay long. The pursuing ship has ceased registering. The Doctor realizes this means the other ship has also landed, somewhere out there.

Indeed it has. A rocky outcrop sits alone in the midst of a dusty plain. It looks like the others in the distance, but it is not at all. A door opens in the rock and out steps the Doctor's pursuer - the Meddling Monk! He is still dressed as a monk, habit, skullcap and all. He chuckles to himself happily as he sees that his TARDIS' chameleon circuit has worked perfectly. No one will notice his ship among the outcrops of rock. Then he's off to find his nemesis the Doctor. He has a score to settle.

The Doctor, Steven, and Sara search the area for any sign of their pursuer, Sara complaining all the way. She cannot see the value in going after the Daleks here and she still wants to try to get to Kembel to end all of this. But the Doctor is more and more convinced it is not the Daleks following them at all, and the sooner they face their pursuer, the better. Steven touches a rock outcrop and recoils. It is very hot. The Doctor is not surprised; this is a young planet, still cooling off from its formation. That also accounts for the volcanoes, which continue to erupt in the distance. The Doctor is fascinated by this, but is still troubled by the question of who would take the trouble to pursue the TARDIS and why. He has an idea, far-fetched but still very possible.

Meanwhile, the Monk has had no trouble finding the Doctor's TARDIS, distinctive as it is. He approaches the ship, noting the dusty footprints leading away from it. The Doctor is not inside. Perfect. He produces a small device from his robe and aims it at the ship's lock. He fires and a strange noise erupts from around the TARDIS. There appears to be no damage to the ship, but the Monk seems quite satisfied. He pockets the device and heads off.

But before he can reach his ship, he hears the voice of the Doctor echoing all round him. He congenially asks to talk. The odd atmosphere conducts his voice well. Turns out that the Doctor's hunch was right as the Monk comes into view. Sara draws her gun, ready to shoot, but the Doctor stops her. The two men chat like old friends and the Monk even has a friendly greeting for Steven as well. Sara is, of course, confused.

The Doctor congratulates the Monk on his escape from 1066. The Monk tells him it was a hard job bypassing the dimensional controller, but he managed it. The Doctor laughs him off as an amateur. Steven promises to tell the confused Sara all the details of their previous meeting with the Monk in order to silence her questions. They listen as the Monk admits he followed them with a plan in mind, and that he's already carried it out. He laughs uproariously as he tells them he's stranded them here on the desolate planet Tigus, incredibly pleased with himself. He says he may return some day to rescue them, then he's off toward his TARDIS. Steven starts to charge down the hill after him as the echoing laughter fades, but the Doctor stops him. It is more important now to see what damage the Monk has done to the TARDIS. They hurry off.

Arriving at the ship, the Doctor can tell immediately - despite the absence of any sign of damage - that the TARDIS' force field has been neutralized and that the lock has been broken. They cannot get into the ship! The Doctor fumes as the Monk's laughter - borne faintly by the strange atmosphere, reaches his ears.

Steven tries to physically break open the TARDIS door, but has no success. The Doctor assures him that brute force is not the answer. It will take brain, not brawn to solve this. Thinking hard, the Doctor finds his inspiration literally in the sky. He makes his companions stand back and cover their eyes. He is not certain this idea will work. He judges the position of Tigus' sun, then uses his dark-jewelled ring to focus and reflect the sun's rays onto the TARDIS lock. There is a palpable buzz of energy all round. The ring grows hot in the Doctor's hand. He holds it as long as he can and then is forced to drop it before he is burned. But a strange noise issues from the ship, indicating some reaction. Steven and Sara uncover their eyes to see no apparent change in the exterior of the ship. But the Doctor makes one final adjustment to the lock mechanism and Steven is able to open the door. Steven congratulates him on his genius and all three pile into the ship, the Doctor grabbing up his ring from the ground on the way. They are soon on their way again. But the Monk has crept forward and watched the whole scene from hiding. He has been cheated of victory this time, but his face darkens as he vows to get even. He shouts to the heavens that the Doctor has not heard the last of him. The vow echoes darkly all across the plain.

The Doctor and his friends know that the Monk will be back on their trail as soon as he can get going again, but this time they will be ready for him. Steven asks the Doctor to explain how he broke into the ship, but all he will say is that both the stone in the ring and the rays of that sun have certain "special properties". He refuses to elaborate further despite all the questions, but he does report that the lock mechanism is badly damaged. It will have to be repaired. Steven is again posted at the time curve indicator, looking for any signs of the Monk's renewed pursuit.

On Kembel, the last of the Daleks in the task force are aboard and the countdown to dematerialisation commences. The tracking device has located the enemy ship, about to land on Earth in 1966.

London. New Year's Day, 1966. Just after midnight. The bells of a nearby cathedral ring joyously, sparklers fizzle, and people laugh and chatter as they pass by. For once the TARDIS fits in on a London street corner. Inside, the Doctor and his friends watch the unfamiliar display.

Back on Kembel, the dematerialisation countdown continues from 20.

Sara and Steven are still baffled as they watch what are clearly celebrations going on outside. It is the middle of the night and it looks cold. None of this seems to deter the celebrants. The Doctor has only seen revels like this once before - the night the news of the relief of Mafeking reached England.

On Kembel, the countdown reaches zero and the Dalek time machine fades away with Mavic Chen and a task force of Daleks aboard. The Dalek Supreme watches it go and then prepares a report to Skaro - they are now in pursuit of the enemy time travellers. Nothing can stop Dalek technology and soon the universe will be theirs. The rest of the Daleks in the control room join him in a victory chant -- "Conquest! Conquest! Conquest!! CONQUEST!"...