WORK IN PROGRESS!!!!

Girl: ’Scuse me, aren’t you Ritchie Benaud?
Ritchie Benaud: From the body of the same name! How are you girls?
Girl: Oh, good thanks. We love you on TV.
Benaud: Thanks very much. So do I.

No, Cricket commentator and former Australian Cricket great Ritchie Benaud never actually said that. However, 1992’s Still the 12th Man saw fit to parody the man as such.

This is the work of Billy Birmingham, otherwise known as The 12th Man. In the 1980s, Birmingham – a huge sports fan, like any other Aussie bloke – noticed that many of the personalities providing the play-by-play for Australian sports possessed a multitude of idiosyncrasies just ripe for parody.

Birmingham was no stranger to the recording process, however. During the 1980s, he had been a jingle writer,* record company executive, television commercial producer, commercial creative consultant, and at one time, manager for Australian comedian Austen Tayshus. So it was that, armed with a page of scribbled notes and a gift for satire, Birmingham recorded his debut EP, It's Just Not Cricket -- a comedy record about Ritchie Benaud and his commentary team -- and adopted the artist name of The 12th Man.

This was quickly followed with Wired World of Sports, a parody of Australian television program “Wide World of Sports”. After the release of 1990's The 12th Man Again, Birmingham’s recordings had elevated him to a semi-mythical cult status. By this time, young sports fans across Australia talked often about the hilarity in these topical gems from Australian comedy history. But the best was yet to come...

A possible reason for The 12th Man’s success is that each recording very accurately emulates that which it parodies. Although using only the medium of sound, the listener is presented with something that sounds exactly like the cricket coverage, or an episode of “Wide World of Sports”, or indeed, “This is Your Life”. Although Birmingham provides nearly all the voices in the recordings, they are mixed perfectly, to best represent the critical comic timing of some jokes, yet still maintain a very ‘natural’ sound to them. The result is so strikingly familiar to their subject matter that, if not for the frequent coarse language and jokes, the listener could just about be forgiven for mistaking them as actual episodes/broadcasts.

Furthermore, although they are parodies, the recordings nevertheless make great snapshots of sports history, as seen through the eyes of Australia. Any one recording will give you a great perspective as to some of the highlights from the sporting world in the year it was released, and the year or two preceding it.

The Humour of The 12th Man

However, to fully appreciate the humour in The 12th Man’s singular style of entertainment, one must be familiar with the subject being parodied. In broad terms, this means that to get the most out of them, you would have had to be living in Australia in the 1980s and ’90s, and a keen sports fan.

It is a testament to Birmingham’s humour and style, however, that having little understanding of the subjects being parodied will not alienate you to what The 12th Man has to offer. It certainly helps to know what they’re on about, and being familiar with the sports in question is advisable, but there’s still plenty for the casual listener.

In fact, even if the listener is not familiar with the personalities, they will nevertheless come to know their counterparts in The 12th Man. As the story progresses, you grow more and more familiar with these somewhat-fictional characters.

Often subtle, Birmingham’s humour can provoke many varied responses at different times, from the slightest chuckle, right up to the heartiest belly laugh.

Some of the more subtle examples are difficult to pinpoint. It could be the spoof nomenclature given to some characters or sportspersons, such as umpire Les Beyan, or Pakistani cricketer Javed Miandad, retitled Javed Jimitefamiandad (pronounced “Jar Vegemite for me ’an dad”). Others are more ludicrous, such as Ahmed Imminigaybar, or Akeeb Matifinajarbesidabed. However, this leads to confusion when Ritchie says the name (completely un-parodied):

Ritchie: Aamer Sohail
Bill: Hail Ritchie! Hail the great one! Hail!
Ritchie: No, that’s his name, Bill, you d**khead.

Or there may be the example of when Ritchie’s wife asks, “Now what jacket do you want to wear: the cream, the bone, the white, the off-white, the ivory, or the beige?” To which Ritchie responds, “Yep. Sounds great, love, thanks.” (This joke is in reference to the fact that Ritchie, when on air, always wears jackets of hauntingly familiar shades of white – perhaps, in fact, the same jacket.)

Of course, some of the humour is far more blatant. Consider the following exchange following the coin-toss during Still the 12th Man:

Allan Border: We’ll run this way I think, Ian.
Ian Chapel: Okay, well, Allan Border’s elected to run with the wind, towards the Paddington end, so that means Pakistan will have the kick-off. Good luck fellas, and back to you, Ritch.
Ritchie: Thank you Ian. Ian Chapel there with the two captains. Well the players and umpires will be making their way out to the centre shortly, and we’ll come back here to the SCG in just a few moments.
[Pause]
Ritchie:[off air] “Pakistan are gonna kick-off”…? What f****n’ game are we playing here?

Perhaps one of the most iconic examples is the “Max-o-Phone”. During Wired World Of Sports, Volume Two, Max discovers, whilst blowing his nose in the shower, that he is able to play the opening four notes to the television show’s theme tune by making honking noises through his nose. Through some subterfuge, Walker is able to convince some people in the studio to have a camera and microphone turned on so that he can play along to the opening titles. Unsurprisingly, this prompts an expletive from Jeff in the control room.

Meet the Cast

No one is sacred in The 12th Man’s world. While each record comes back to cricket in some form or another, the net is cast out far and wide, to encompass as many people for the sake of parody. Some notables include Australian talkback DJ John Laws; owner of Australia’s Channel 9 Network, Kerry Packer; Australian television personality Mike Munroe; and Madonna (receiving a brief mention in the spoof title “Body Full of Evidence”).

Ritchie Benaud

As mentioned above, Mr Benaud is a former Cricket great who played for Australia. When the television coverage of cricket started in Australia, Benaud was recruited to head the commentary team. He has stayed in the CCP, or Chief Commentary Position, since then until present.

In The 12th Man, Ritchie is characterised by his curious method of speech. Where most people would say, “two” or “too”, the real Ritchie Benaud has a tendency to say “tchyoo” or “chew”. This is exploited for all it’s worth, as is his fondness for the word “marvellous”. He is a helpful person, but lightly self-absorbed and a little inconsiderate. Most of all, he has a strong dislike for Max Walker, for reasons that become apparent throughout the ongoing story.

Max Walker

Big Max, as he likes to call himself, is a colourful Australian personality who, once upon a time, had a place on the cricket commentary team. He made the move to Wide World of Sports and found a comfortable home there alongside Channel 9 personality Ken Sutcliffe until 1999. Walker has been known as an Aussie “larrikin”, a man whose personality is not far from that of a “yobbo”, which is a typical Australian, sports-loving slob.

The fact that Max is also a former cricket great is not lost on Birmingham, and in The 12th Man, Max is constantly trying to regain his place alongside Ritchie on the cricket commentary team. His level of success is always variable, and it seems that – as displayed in Still the 12th Man, Wired World of Sports, Volume Two and The Final Dig? – there are few depths that he will not plunge in order to reclaim this crown. Naturally, in true comic style, it is Max’s immoral ambition that is ultimately the seed of his undoing, such as the time he ran onto the cricket pitch of the Sydney Cricket Ground naked, carrying a placard with the legend, “Give me back my job you bastards!”

Bill Lawry and Tony Grieg

During an interview, Tony mentions that when it comes to Bill and himself, “it’s a case of opposites attract.” And you are such opposites, the interviewer says, aren’t you? “Yes, well, that’s right we certainly are,” Tony says. “Even outside the comm.-box too. I mean, during the off-season, I do all the normal things that normal people do, and Bill plays with pigeons.”

Bill Lawry is indeed a pigeon enthusiast, but it is not the only foible to be exploited by The 12th Man. The former captain for the Australian cricket side has a slightly comical appearance, punctuated by an extraordinarily large nose. He is also excitable as a commentator, his voice rising into bursts of exclamation whenever something exciting happens on the pitch. To parody the man, Mister Birmingham merely took these idiosyncrasies, turned the volume up a little and added some coarse language.

Tony Grieg is a former cricket great from South Africa, and as such, has an accent that is humorous to most other nations. So when he intends to say that a ball has been bowled “hard and fast”, it comes out as “hawd and fawst”. Grieg has lived in Australia for many years now. His generally gentlemanly conduct would otherwise make him a difficult parody, however his amusing accent and on-air relationship with Bill Lawry is rife with comic potential.

The 12th men

While Ritchie, Max, Bill and Tony appear to be the mainstays of The 12th Man’s ongoing story, other Australian sportsmen and personalities get the same treatment. Greg and Ian Chapel make regular appearances. Paul “Fatty” Vaughton, Ian “Sterlo” Sterling, Ray “Rabs” Warren and Steve “Blocker” Roach from Channel 9’s Rugby League coverage get their fair share, as does the multi-talented sports commentator Darryl Eastlake. Ken Sutcliffe is painted in a somewhat good light – in fact, as Birmingham had trouble doing a passable caricature of Ken’s voice, Sutcliffe himself stepped up to play himself.

Also appearing with “himself” credit is Australian Rules football legend Robert “Dipper” Dominico, who is a guest on a segment about Australian Rules football shorts. The common joke is that the players of this sport wear worryingly tight shorts. The supposed article claims that there are three major methods of wearing said shorts: the “lunchpack”, “cut-lunch” and “meat-n-potatoes” methods.* The shorts lead to health problems, prompting “Dipper” (a cut-lunch man) to say, “Mate, I’m telling ya, I’m angry and disillusioned. I haven’t had a decent piss in five years.”

WARNING: This CD contains language which some people may find offensive

Yes, parental discretion is certainly advised. We may only know the public personalities of Ritchie Benaud and Max Walker, leaving their private lives a mystery, but The 12th Man doesn’t hold back. Nor, in fact, does it leave much to the imagination (surprisingly). The Ritchie Benaud and Max Walker of The 12th Man’s world are crude, crass, self-absorbed people.

The most extreme example occurs near the start of Wired World of Sports, Volume Two. When Max Walker discovers that he will be late for his plane, due to sleeping in, he says to his wife: “Oh f**k! Oh f**k f**k f**k! Oh, pardon my f*****g French, love, but oh f**k!”

Or in Still The 12th Man, when Ritchie Benaud – under the pretence of being an old mate – has just shaken Max Walker from his company, he then approaches the head of security and orders: “Security, if Max Walker comes within ten feet of this f*****g door, shoot him!”

Another example:

Ritchie: Max! What the hell are you doing? You’re not supposed to be in here.
Max: Yeah, well, I’ve got a big motherf****r of a cricket bat that says I am.

Despite these shortcomings, they are still endearing people, though. Ritchie and Max are still people that you can sympathise with. You come to learn their motivations and shortcomings. They are not desirable people, perhaps, but they become anti-heroes; people that the listener will come to like during their comedic misadventures.

The Discography: Brief Synopses

Unfortunately, getting your hands on some of The 12th Man's early recordings won't be easy, as they were originally released on vinyl and cassette. They have been re-released by way of being bundled into double- or triple-CD compilations.

It's Just Not Cricket (1987)

Wired World Of Sports

The 12th Man Again (1990)

Marvellous (1991)

Not a recording, rather a song sung by Ritchie Benaud, a.k.a. “MCG Hammer”. Seeming more like “Do the Bartman” both in sound and spirit, the song saw immense success on the Australian singles chart.

Still the 12th Man (1992)

Taking a different approach, Still the 12th Man is recorded with a ‘day in the life of Ritchie Benaud’ motif. The record opens with Ritchie’s snores before he wakes up, and takes you through a ‘typical’ day of Ritchie’s experience, highlighted by a one-day cricket match between Australia and Pakistan at the Sydney Cricket Ground. Trouble brews when Max Walker makes repeated attempts to force his way back onto the commentary team. The song “Marvellous” makes an appearance, with updated lyrics for the new cricket season.

Wired World of Sports, Volume Two (1994)

With the success of Still the 12th Man, this follow-up is a ‘typical’ day in the life of Max Walker. Again, you are welcomed with Max’s snores, and go through the motions of his showering and breakfast routines (during which we witness the advent of the “Max-o-phone”). In the story, Max is informed that the cricket commentary team will be recruiting one new person, and the selectors have narrowed the choice down to two people: Max and co-host Ken Sutcliffe. However, when it appears that Sutcliffe is easily the front-runner for the position, jealousy gets the better of Max, and he goes to irrational measures to try and secure his position in the coveted cricket commentary team.

Bill Lawry – This is Your Life (1997)

Rather than take the tried-and-tested approach of the previous albums, Bill Lawry – This is Your Life is presented as an episode of the Australian television program, “This is Your Life”. The show would choose a celebrity to honour every week, and then research facts and photographs about the celebrity, as well as dig up old friends for the occasion. Just imagine how this might apply to The 12th Man’s Bill Lawry.

The Final Dig? (2001)

Ritchie has made a decision: he intends to retire at the end of the 2001-2002 cricket season and live out a peaceful life at his vineyard, Chateau Verdaflore, in France. This leaves Channel 9 in something of a dilemma, in that they need a suitable replacement to take up the Chief Commentary Position, and at present they feel that no one is in a decent position to take on the role. Ritchie tries his best to put forward one of the members of his commentary team, but has little hope. While personalities such as Mike Munroe, Ray Martin, Ray “Rabs” Warren, Darryl Eastlake and more apply for the role, Ritchie has his hands full worrying about a character named Mike Walker constantly annoying him…

Yet to be finalised