The Eric Von Daniken Memorial Basketweaving exhibition and hysterical research bazaar
Created | Updated Feb 28, 2006
Who knows the unknowable?
Why, in this modern age of information, are there still so many mysteries to be explained?
Who are these people who hide the truth and where do I find them and beat them until they tell me?
Why did my school teachers not tell me about all this cool weird mystical stuff instead of filling my head with junk about the Tudor family and 1066?
Why is the Catholic Church still hiding all these wonderful toys and manuscripts and secrets about Jesus and the Twelve Stooges and his girlfriend Mary Madgalene de Laundrie when they could make so much more money selling plastic replicas and video tapes and t-shirts and... and... and...
Free! In this box of Blotto Laundry Suds Powder, the image of the Shroud of Turin (love them Winter Elympics!) on a tea cozie!
Anybody ever hear of the urban legend of the Juggernaut? Anybody know why a putative Hindu (or is it Jainist?) religious activity would have a German name without umlauts?
We are told that there are mysteries that are to be revealed only to the chosen few in the upper echelons of Masonry, Rosicrucianism, Druiditry, and the Druze. We are told that Scientology not only relieves post-partum depression without medication, but that it also makes your sheets and your teeth whiter for fewer pennies per load. We are told that a true Buddhist can reach nirvana for the price of a coach airplane ticket to Sri Lanka. We are told that meditation beats mediation every time and that a true Christian not only will hesitate to divorce his wife for any reason short of serial adultery or loving the wrong futbol team, but that he will null and void any prenup during the proceedings because charity begins at home and then goes on to seduce the pool boy. We are told that social engineers TRULY know what is wrong with the education system, the dole, and the self-segregation of poorly-educated immigrants of another religion, culture and attitude toward pre-pubescent female genitalia and chicken entrails and that all the truly well-meaning white person has to do is just get out of the way and let the socialist (oops!) social engineers do their jobs THE WAY GOD WOULD HAVE MEANT THEM TO if he existed in the form that they would like him to have....
