h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We went through the usual with our darling only child:

-Why do I have to sit down and be quiet in Church? Because its God's house and you have to behave. (Sit down, be quiet, and behave never were in his vocabulary.)

-Why does Prommie (the cat) scratch my knee every time I pick her up? Because you're carrying her upside down.

- Why does Babe (the dog) always steal my cookies? Because she can.

Then there was the Chocolate Milk incident. He discovered milk comes from cows, at about 3. Thank goodness he didn't ask how. The process of milking would have taken days to explain. His Dad (darling man!) told him chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Junior was suspicious of this, and asked his Granddad when we got to his house. Sure enough, Granddad said chocolate milk came from brown cows. Junior asked me, and I backed up my Dad. I guess the boy figured we were all lying, because the minute my brother showed up, he ran to Uncle and asked. Uncle grew up on the same story. We still The Boy about it.

My Dad had a tale about building a herd, that he told often to tease us, and started on my son as well. First you get a cow. The next year you have a cow and a calf. The next year you have a cow and 2 calves, the next year 2 cows and 3 calves - and on - and on. And that's how you build a herd. It took Junior till he was about 12 to realize you must need a bull in all this. When he asked Granddad, he was ready. "Oh you just borrow the neighbour's."

We keep telling ourselves The Kid grew up normal!

The best, or possibly worst question I can remember my son asking me was when he was sitting on the loo.

"How do you get fresh air out of your bottom?"

I tried to explain about the digestive system and the gasses produced, and he seemed quite happy with the answer.

And I also remember a misunderstanding of something we were discussing with my daughter at the dinner table one day when we were having rice and she didn't really want it. I told her that some people live on rice, and she went very quiet for a while, and then asked, 'Do they have houses on wooden stilts then?"