Contrary to popular belief, when you call one of those 800 numbers asking for help with whatever it is you're having trouble with, the guy on the other side of the phone is not an incompetent buffoon who thinks digital watches are a pretty neat idea. It's not exactly as you think behind the scenes. The guy on the phone would love to help you, but he has a Vogon for a boss who insists he gets you off the phone in a certain amount of time, and is more interested in how the guy on the phone GREETS you and SAYS GOODBYE then in any of the more important stuff between all that. "Thank you for calling blah blah my name is blah blah can I please get your blah blah please?" Really. To the boss of the guy on the phone, that greeting is more important than actually fixing your problem. So the next time you call a phone number and you hear, "Thank you for calling blah blah my name is blah blah can I please get your blah blah please?" Immediately ask to speak to his supervisor and then call him an incompetent buffoon.

"For more information about Vogons, please press one. If you'd like to leave a noncritical message, please press two. If you would prefer to speak with one of our Dentrassi technical support specialists and caterers, please stay on the line. Your call will be transferred! And thank you for calling!"

The following is a list of user pages that struck my fancy as I searched for 'vogon' in h2g2.com in the middle of June 1999.

More Vogon Schtuff:

• Green Underpants
• Middle Aged Angst
• Industries
• Mountain Dew
• Constructor Fleets
• Galaxy Positioning System
• Stellar Geography
• Constructor Fleet Imagery
• Cults - Alien Getaway
• Wonko the Sensei
• Squished Toasties: Hoopy Frood Food