h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, you've been warned. In a novel, the hero says something like, "The first thing she did was ruin Emily Dickinson for me. 'Did you know every Emily Dickinson poem can be sung to the tune of 'Yellow Rose of Texas'?"

"HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all ..."

*be's glad she doesn't know the 'yellow rose of texas'*

I don't know, do you think maybe she wrote "The Yellow Rose of Texas" too? Is there not an Amherst in Texas? Perhaps the tunesmith accredited with The Yellow Rose was a big Emily fan who got this little tune in his head while he recited her quirky little rhymes to himself as he rode the range on his sensitive, new-age, poetry-loving horse, and because he was so in tune with her work and her thoughts and her loneliness, he just happened to get the inner tune right? Maybe his horse loved the little tune too. At any rate, the royalties from that little number sure would have paid the postage on her letter to the world! Even enough to send it overseas(The world has, in fact, been found to be bigger than Amherst—even Emily would have known that, as she sat behind her little screen in the hall, listening to her family's conversations with visitors in the front room, and drinking tea that came from halfway around the world, even after the Boston Tea-Party* and all that)!
One has to wonder what she could have written if her big fan had been JImi Hendrix, or Paul McCartney, or some rapper!!!



*Of course the Boston Tea-Party explains why most Americans don't like tea: they think the water in Boston Harbour is hot enough to make potable tea, while most people don't even find Boston Harbour water to their taste even without tea. But that's another matter.

Sure enough!

"AMHERST, TEXAS (Lamb County). Amherst, on U.S. Highway 84 and the Santa Fe tracks in west central Lamb County, began in 1913 as a Pecos and Northern Texas Railway station for William E. Halsell's Mashed O Ranch. A townsite was platted a mile from the Santa Fe depot in 1923 and named for Amherst College by a railroad official."

I don't know where that is, but its probably just down the road from Paris, TX.

Not sure about the horse in the desert, since it reportedly has no name, but it did inspire yet another song. A comedian said about the songwriter, "You're in the desert, there's nothing else to do, NAME THE FREAKIN' HORSE!"

A rap version of Emily Dickinson, mmm? The Reduced Shakespeare Company does a rap version of Othello, so why not?

Wow!
This is getting interesting: I didn't know about this stuff before. Maybe the horse's name is Emily, or maybe the rider's name is Emily. . . . Maybe Amherst is another word for 'Portal to the Center of the Earth'. Or maybe the whole New England connection is just a red herring (Did Emily have red herr?)! And while we're on the New England thing, let's consider Robert Frost: Is he from Texas too?

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a ranch house near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

It could be there is some mistake
He gives his harness bells a shake
There are no yellow roses here
He wants another road to take

The one less travelled, I should fear
With yellow roses far and near
(For all the difference that would make)
We must get home to hearth and cheer

We must move on, for Emily's sake
Well get the dickens if we take
That other road that is not dear
And we'll be late, and promise break.

So I guess it was roses that made the wood "yellow", and the editors just cleaned it up a little and sent it North to New England (in exchange for the Lizzy Borden Axe-murder story which the editors re-wrote as chainsaw-murders. Is there a conspiracy at work here?

I'd like to know more about the Squashed O. Is that the name The Reduced Shakespeare Company gave to it's abreviated Othello ? Or is that a reference to the Amherst Globe Theatre? Is the squashed O symbolic of life in Amherst? Will the rap version of Emily Dickinson be called "Squashed E"? or performed by Squashed E? Or will it still be O. . .

I think we're on to something Stevie Boy

Sounds like an airtight case to me for a conspiracy. I mean, there's that nameless horse again, and yellow foliage, and, to top it off, the real name of the "Yellow Rose" is ... Emily! (And she was from the East Coast):

__________________________________________________________

The Rose
To answer the questions, "Is there a Yellow Rose of Texas?" and if so "What is it?", the answer is there was a "Yellow Rose." But it was not a "what" it was a "who" - Emily West Morgan.

...

By the afternoon of April 18, 1836, General Santa Anna had moved his men into position to attack the Texas rebels he knew to be nearby. On his approach was New Washington - now mostly deserted as its inhabitants fled before his marching army. One of those that remained behind, however, was Emily, and Santa Anna was immediately struck by her beauty.

The next morning, after his men helped themselves to the crops and cattle, Santa Anna set about securing one more "spoil of war" - Emily. He captured her and a young "yellow boy" named Turner loading yet another flatboat headed for Houston’s army. Santa Anna cajoled Turner to lead his Mexican scouts to the Houston encampment. But as they were departing, Emily convinced Turner to escape from Santa Anna’s men and rush to Houston’s camp to inform him of the Mexican general’s arrival.

General Santa Anna believed himself quite the ladies’ man. And although still married to a woman in Mexico, he remarried one of his teenaged captives from his Texas campaign. But he had been without his most recent bride for two weeks now. Emily looked like she would make a very suitable replacement.

Thus, he ordered the immediate setting up of his encampment on the plains of the San Jacinto despite protestations from his colonels who insisted the location violated all principles of wartime strategy. And they were right. Houston, upon hearing of Santa Anna’s location from Turner, moved his troops into the woods within a scant mile of the beguiled general’s headquarters.

On the morning of April 21, Houston climbed a tree to spy into the Mexican camp. There he saw Emily preparing a champagne breakfast for Santa Anna, and reportedly remarked, "I hope that slave girl makes him [Santa Anna] neglect his business and keeps him in bed all day." By afternoon, the great final battle for the independence of Texas was engaged. The Mexican army was caught completely by surprise, and Santa Anna was literally caught "with his pants down." (Reports at the time said he was caught running away from the battle with his studded silk shirt opened and concealed under a dead soldier’s blue smock - hurriedly put on during his attempted escape.)

There are some in recent history who have suggested Emily’s efforts were made because she was attracted to the opulence and good looks of the Mexican general. But the accounts from those who were there indicate she was a loyal "Texian" who did what she could for the independence of Texas.

Today, the heroic acts of the young woman from New York are still reverently commemorated by the members of the Knights of the Yellow Rose of Texas each April 21 at San Jacinto.

Good stuff!
This is high romance: a knightly order founded on the courageous exploits of a beautiful young heroine, all symbolized by a rose. There are many historical and mythological parallels, and allusions to medieval legends, the crusades (I guess the war for Texas independence was a kind of crusade), the Templar Knights, the Knights of the Rosey Cross (If your Texas rose is a hybrid it's a 'rosey cross as well—apparently Emily West Morgan was of mixed stock herself), and I suppose Hueston's Rangers could turn up in there as part of the on-going crusade in Texas.
Is Texas a microcosm of the world (I know, Texans will tell you that it's the other way around)?
And what became of Santa Ana? Is there any connection with the Californian hot wind off the desert?
And where does George www. fit in (buy in) to all of this? Would he like to be remembered for officially renaming the yellow rose? The state flower should be re-named 'Emily'. Did you know that, with the addition of the epithet "Uncle" (ie. Uncle George) you have an allusion to England's celebrated mad king?
If we are going to form a rap group to "sing" the poetry of Emily D, before Eminem steals our idea, should we call it "mc-squared"?
Hmm. . .

I wish Shakespeare were still around, he could work all this into a story, maybe like "The Tempest".

P.S. I forgot to mention, there's a town not too far from the San Jacinto battlefield named Dickinson.

Well that settles it: Amherst really is another word for 'Portal to the Center of the Earth'! Emily, no mere mortal, chose to make entrances in more places than one.
Hmm, there is an Amherst in . . . well, I'm sure there are a few. Should we check them out as well?

Steve:

I finally got to see the Reduced Shakespeare rap Othello. Wow! What a great show. I laughed a bunch. Thank you for the reference. I didn't forget, and eventually found it.

Cheers

Glad you liked it. I can still watch the video for the umpteenth time and laugh out loud. I think the Bard would enjoy it, too.