h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'Chasing Amy' - the Film - A87965842
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Queuing?

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two talented comic book artists; Holden McNeil and Alyssa Jonea
-- change the semicolon to a colon. The piece after the colon is not a complete sentence. You can only use a semicolon when the pieces on either side of it stand on their own as complete sentences. The colon divides something that introduces something from the thing it introduces.

Holden McNeil and Alyssa Jones, who is gay -- remove the comma

Carmen Lee who was then Jason Lee's wife, who played Alyssa's initial girlfriend -- the two whos sound clumsy and it also suggests it was Jason Lee's wife rather than Carmen Lee that played Alyssa's girlfriend, which doesn't make much sense.

-->

Carmen Lee, Jason Lee's wife at the time, who played Alyssa's initial girlfriend

he had an unprivileged, humble upbringing and unable to compete with Adams -->
he had an unprivileged, humble upbringing and was unable to compete with Adams

who had enjoyed much greater range of experiences and privileges -->
who had enjoyed a much greater range of experiences and privileges

Smith himself, who is a bearded man who has written comics. -->
Smith himself, another bearded man who has written comics.

Incompatible sexualities is thus a metaphor -->
Incompatible sexualities are thus a metaphor

Kevin Smith and producer Scott Mosier had befriended Turner at the 1994 Sundance Festival where she was promoting her independent film Go Fish, which she had starred in and co-written with her then-partner Rose Troche.
-- too many clauses

-->
Kevin Smith and producer Scott Mosier had befriended Turner at the 1994 Sundance Festival. She was promoting her independent film Go Fish, which she had starred in and co-written with her then-partner Rose Troche.

there were few films out there for his older brother, who is gay, could relate to. -->
there were few films out there for his older brother, who is gay, to relate to.

This was by far the right decision -- you can't say "by the right". Either it is right or not, so there is no farness involved. You could say:

This was by far the best decision
or
This was undoubtedly the right decision

expecting members of the LGBTQ+ community to have the same reaction to a film

-- I think this would be clearer as:

expecting members of the LGBTQ+ community all to have the same reaction to a film


no room in-between --> no room in between

an uncharacteristically long speech Silent Bob discusses his regret -->
an uncharacteristically long speech in which Silent Bob discusses his regret

breaking up with his (unseen) ex-girlfriend Amy -->
breaking up with his (unseen) girlfriend Amy

in same way as shark injuries compared in Jaws -->
in the same way as shark injuries are compared in Jaws

The film can certainly be criticised for being a film with a lesbian main character that was written by a man
-->
The film can certainly be criticised for having a lesbian main character but being written by a man

there is only one recurring female character -- you can't have a recurring character in a single film. I think you mean main character. It would be better as:

Also, there is only one main female character.

dismay of her decision --> dismay at her decision

not even given with names --> not even given names

G

Thanks Gnomon - all those straight-forward changes have been made.

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Doing well

I see this Entry needs some h2g2 links eg Beards

"critical praise" - sounds strange - 'praise from film critics'?

"inspired by Jay and Silent Bob" - could you say a few words about who they are and what 'inspired' means?

"her attempts to find herself during her teenage years, a part of her life that ended over a decade ago as she had not been 'born with a road map pointing from A to B'." - "her attempts to find herself during her teenage years, as she had not been 'born with a road map pointing from A to B'. This part of her life ended over a decade ago ."?

Banky is the inker for Holden?

"Banky dated Brandi Svenning for six months." - he mentions Brandi but she doesn't appear?

"Joey Lauren Adams makes the film" - this sounds funny - maybe rephrase to something like 'the film wouldn't be the same without JLA because...' just to be clear.

I like Footnote 2

" shark injuries are compared in Jaws in a lesbian nightclub" - can you break the sentence up to clarify which clause goes with which?

You mention the women not being named characters twice - can you find a strong note to end the Entry with?

Thanks for the read through - I've made changes where appropriate.

"critical praise" - sounds strange - 'praise from film critics'?
Critical praise is a commonly used phrase to mean praise from critics – see: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/example/english/critical-praise for further examples

Banky is the inker for Holden?
Banky would very much argue that he and Holden co-write the comics which Holden then draws and he then inks and colours, adding depth and definition etc, as part of the artistic process. As co-author he is as much the inker for himself as he is for Holden. (It definitely isn't tracing.)

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Excellent updates

'critical' is a funny word now, as I've looked at it too much - has various meanings indeed I was expecting to read 'most criticism', but that makes sense

" he and Alyssa Holden" - 'Holden'?

Superb conclusion - spot on

Ah, he and Alyssa to have and to Holden, I see..

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