Worried about open flies or wandering décolletage? There are far worse things that can happen in your fancy clothes.

Here are the horrible fates of fashion victims. These are just the ones we know about, so if you have others, let us know.

What horrible consequence(s) resulted from. . .

1. Tin buttons in 1812? A lot of dead Napoleonic soldiers. Russian campaign, extremely cold weather, cheap tin buttons that shattered=exposed flesh. War is hell.
2. Corsets in the 19th/early 20th centuries? What didn't happen because of corsets? In 1874, a journal listed 97 different problems caused by corsets, including breathing difficulties, displaced internal organs, fainting, and death from impalement by corset stays. Use with caution, reenactors.
3. Crinolines? Fire, mostly. Quite a few women died when their huge dresses got too close to the open fires that were in almost every room of the house. Who thought walking around in a panto costume near all those open flames was a good idea?
4. Stiff (detachable) shirt collars? Choking. Particularly when drunk, Victorian men who fell asleep sitting up risked suffocation and death from the tight collars the Germans called Vatermörder.
5. Working as a milliner (hat-maker)? Tremors, mood disorders, neurological problems. Mad Hatter disease was caused by mercury poisoning. This is why we have occupational health agencies now.
6. Platform shoes? Broken ankles from falling off. This problem is not new: platform shoes go back quite a few centuries.
7. High heels? Well, there have been those people (not just women) who've had toes amputated to fit into their shoes. . . not just for Cinderella, and unfortunately not a myth. Less drastically, they can cause hammertoes and bunions. (Don't get us started on cobblestones. . . )
8. Shapewear? Compressed nerves, anyone?
9. Earrings? Believe it or not, there are people who have had to get reconstructive surgery on their earlobes. . .
10. Skinny jeans? Meralgia paresthetica, a neurological condition that causes tingling, numbness, or pain. Then there's compartment syndrome, which can lead to amputations. . . better to sacrifice the fashion.

See? All that high fashion can be hazardous to your health. Do like the Post Editor, and be slovenly, comfortable, and safe..

Dmitri Gheorgheni

16.01.17 Front Page

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