We write, therefore we are voluble. When gifted with a few hours' free time, I usually sit down to write something, if only for practice. If, however, my hands are otherwise occupied, such as with a loom knitting project and a looming deadline, I turn on Youtube and bingewatch the great Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek.

Why do I do this? Because I wish to become wise. And Socrates isn't around. But thanks to enthusiastic Youtubers, we can watch Slavoj Zizek all day. According to Wikipedia, Zizek is a 'fluent speaker of Slovene, Serbo-Croatian, French, German and English.' When it comes to English, this statement is true for a certain definition of fluency. Zizek is brilliant, and uses lots of big words. But in the middle of a discussion of the formalism of pornography, he'll forget a common term, like 'plumber'. After fishing around, he'll pronounce it 'plumb-er'. Or he'll put the accent on the wrong syllable, leaving your brain reeling, as when he launched into a discussion of the Bruce Willis film 'ar-MAHG-geh-don'. Oh, yeah, that one. And then there's the fact that Zizek is an expert on 'KHegel'. You know, the German philosopher, as encountered by a Slavic speaker.

There is also the mild distraction of watching Professor Zizek. Warning: he fidgets. He fidgets mightily. Cognoscenti have devised a drinking game: take a drink whenever he touches his face. Do not engage in this. After an hour, you will be sloshed, and Zizek will still be rubbing his nose, etc. He knows he does this. He also knows that he chases more rabbits than a hyperactive greyhound. In one discussion I watched, he told the interviewer, 'One more point, and then stop me, please. Otherwise, it will end badly.'

Nonetheless, I recommend your fingers run, do not walk, to Youtube and look up Slavoj Zizek. Why? You will laugh your head off. You will be fascinated. You will learn more than you ever believed possible. You will find yourself exclaiming, 'Wow! Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?' Of course, you could learn all this by reading Zizek's books and articles. Some are even on archive.org. Others, such as the masterwork I parodied in the title, are readily available through libraries and bookstores. But what's the fun in that? I'd rather listen to him talk.

As a professional thinking person, Zizek is literally without peer in today's world. He's rigorous, academically sound, and appears completely to lack self-importance, that bane of the sorcerer according to Carlos Castaneda – another philosopher I recommend, though it's probably a good thing the two were never in the same room. Castaneda, though, was reclusive, and he's gone Somewhere Else these days, so if you want to know what he thought, you'll have to read all those books about flying sombreros and talking lizards and suchlike. Zizek's around, and Youtube is practically free, depending on where you get your wifi, so he's the closest thing we've got to a Stoic philosopher.

No, I didn't say he was stoical: I meant that like the original philosophers of the stoa, he was peripatetic. You can find him on Youtube, talking at the Harvard Book Shop, being interviewed at his home in Ljubljana, schmoozing with the Occupy Wall Street crowd, haranguing students at Calvin College (wherever that is), etc, etc. It wouldn't surprise me if he showed up on the ISS, floating around, twitching, and saying, 'As Lacan would probably have said, the libidinal object of space travel is…'

So why this fan recommendation? What can Zizek do for you as a writer? For one thing, he can make you more aware of the ideological structure of what you're writing. He peeks behind a lot of curtains. For another, he can remind you that in any good form of communication, a combination of serious analysis and comedy can be extremely effective.

On the information sheet in a New York hotel, I recently read: 'Dear guest! To guarantee that you will fully enjoy your stay with us, this hotel is totally smoke-free. For any infringement of this regulation, you will be charged $200.' The beauty of this formulation, taken literally, is that you are to be punished for refusing to fully enjoy your stay.

Or this:

In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which s*** disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that s*** is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. s*** is supposed to disappear as quickly as possible. Finally, the American (Anglo-Saxon) toilet presents a synthesis, a mediation between these opposites: the toilet basin is full of water, so that the s*** floats in it, visible, but not to be inspected. [...] It is clear that none of these versions can be accounted for in purely utilitarian terms: each involves a certain ideological perception of how the subject should relate to excrement. Hegel was among the first to see in the geographical triad of Germany, France and England an expression of three different existential attitudes: reflective thoroughness (German), revolutionary hastiness (French), utilitarian pragmatism (English). In political terms, this triad can be read as German conservatism, French revolutionary radicalism and English liberalism. [...] The point about toilets is that they enable us not only to discern this triad in the most intimate domain, but also to identify its underlying mechanism in the three different attitudes towards excremental excess: an ambiguous contemplative fascination; a wish to get rid of it as fast as possible; a pragmatic decision to treat it as ordinary and dispose of it in an appropriate way. It is easy for an academic at a round table to claim that we live in a post-ideological universe, but the moment he visits the lavatory after the heated discussion, he is again knee-deep in ideology.
The Plague of Fantasies

Now, tell me you aren't smarter after reading those two quotations. I think Zizek is good for us. He helps us all to gain new perspectives, something we all need if we're going to fulfill our mission as writers. His particular brand of intellectual humour, which is both accessible and very, very funny, is contagious, which is a Good Thing. Now watch this clip and tell me if Zizek doesn't remind you of either your favourite professor or a beloved uncle from the Old Country, or perhaps a combination of both?

Take a moment, if you have the time, to share your favourite professional thinking persons with us. Who do you go to for inspiration or clarity?

Writing Right with Dmitri Archive

Dmitri Gheorgheni

26.09.16 Front Page

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