The first Assam tea plantation was trampled by cows. Cows in India, who would have guessed?

Would you like to know how many cups of tea you crazy Brits have downed today? (Click the link, and yes, they have counters attached to all your teacups because you live in a surveillance state.) Good thing they've figured out that it doesn't give you a disease.

Here are the answers, and you can be Mother.

1. According to archaeologists, how far back do tea canisters go?
   Third Century BCE. They're finding them from the Han Dynasty. The Chinese claim some emperor discovered tea in the 3rd millennium BCE, when some tea leaves fell into his hot water. That's their story, and they're sticking to it.
2. If you study the Ch'a Ching, are you a martial artist?
   No, but you like tea. The Ch'a Ching includes instructions for the tea ceremony.
3. In 1606 the Dutch first imported some tea. What island did it come from?
   Java. So why is a cup of java that other beverage…?
4. What did Mercurius Politicus do in 1658 that changed the London scene?
   Advertised tea. At his coffee house. Go figure.
5. What was Catherine of Braganza's main vice?
   She was a tea fiend. Which is why her husband, Charles II, had to import it.
6. We know what the tea tax did to relations with the Colonies. But what unintended consequence did it have in the UK in the 18th Century?
   Organised crime. Yep, lots of tea smuggling, adulteration, dealing. Cement overcoats, the whole nine yards. We demand a movie about this with Bob Hoskins, Michael Caine, and Sean Bean (who gets killed).
7. What did William Pitt the Younger do that made him wildly unpopular with gangsters?
   Lowered the tea tax. Drastically. Which killed the smuggling trade. Why don't we have smart governments like that any more? And why does Blackadder make fun of him?
8. Why were tea races so popular in the 1860s?
   Because the prizes were so good. Also, they had really fast clipper ships, so being first meant you got all the girls before the other crews got there.
9. What did the British government do about tea during the two world wars?
   Controlled importation and regulated sales. Of course. Tea was vital for British Morale.
10. What did an American accidentally invent in 1908?
    The tea bag. Well, yeah, duh, it would have to be a Yank. What's that you say? Why was it 'accidental'? Well, Thomas Sullivan was mailing out these tea samples in little bags, you see, and the customers thought they were supposed to make the tea in them…they thought it was a pretty cool idea, actually…

So how much did you know about the cup that cheers? Pass this info on at your next tea party. As long as it's not in Boston.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

02.11.15 Front Page

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