Prof's Weather Report
Created | Updated Apr 13, 2014
Rain! What rain?
Right! We've had the news, now here’s the latest weather report – it didn’t go BANG like a gun report does.
Now for the latest satellite information – Satellite dish? No! It’s very heavy, and thank you for your assistance in putting it up.(sarcasm)
Pitter Patter Pitter Patter the raindrops fell! 
they don’t know they’re going to be smashed to even smaller particles when they hit the ground – Aw!!! Poor things (must hurt)!
There’s a storm brewing in the North Atlantic! And the rain pours! So why don’t we see teapots in the sky and a Sargasso Sea of floating teabags ?
We have a cold front coming in from the East! Here we go! Another nudist activists "We want this beach segregated" march again. (err! BARE-faced humour)
Isobars are building over the Pacific! Ok, is this going to affect the drinks industry in Britain, with them soon opening in our towns/cities over here?
Clouds lowering and thickening, ceiling lowers!
But! I already live in a bungalow, come on! How low do you want me to live?
Clouds increasing in numbers, moving rapidly across the sky! Call out the National Guard and Civil Defence! (territorial army in britain ok 
)
Clouds moving from East or North East towards the South – better chance of a job and getting on the housing ladder could be the reason.
(yeah! North to South – as if! )
Steadily falling barometer! So! Bloody go catch it before it breaks, they ain't cheap you know.
Pale sunset! Needs more supplements and to get out more.
Cloud bases rise! What about the rest of the country? That’ll have the financial markets in turmoil and nothing about bonuses?
Major changes in the temperature! Someone already occupied his private cubicle, sauna or later someone would have worked it out.
There might be a mackerel sky tomorrow? But! I could be codding (Brit northern slang for joking)
Storm clouds looming, but can they weave an Argyll sweater, that is the question?
There’s a frost in the air – Hello, good evening and welcome.
(Respects to the late Sir David Frost-TV presenter)
Its overcast – then put a smaller weight on the line then. (anglers will understand this one)
There’s broken cloud to the West, huh! Vandals, can't leave anything alone and will destroy anything for so called fun.
Anticyclone due, she’s coming to visit without uncle cyclone, get the best crockery out.
Cloudburst! So why did you allow someone to overfill it, was the monitor asleep again?
Chinook Wind, WELL, that's only the downdraught of a big helicopter, so no bother there eh! Or! Unless someone has been eating baked beans en-flight
There could be dense fog around – Poor standards of education to blame again, THEY will keep changing the curriculum!
El Nino – oh! This poor man! This man gets the blame for everything in the Pacific area, even if he wasn’t there at the time.
Gale warning! Oh eck! She’s on the warpath again!
Mean Temperature – ok! So keep the sun on YOUR side of the fence, who cares?
Unstable Air – Sorry! It’s been at the drinks cabinet again and a few trips to the hypo-market.
(supermarket for brits
)
Warm Front! Basic bra removal involving MANual dexterity. (and by both party consent(covering the writer))
Air-stream, is that only for flying fish?
Anvil Rollover 
so the first draw in semicircular lips of clouds wasn’t won then?
Celsius? Now isn’t that what we had with our salad, along with the radish, spring onion etc?
Moving on! Now talking of Air Mass! Has anyone ever seen dozens of church pews flying overhead, or a priest/vicar with a parachute soaring mid-air? on any given Sunday?
Atmospheric Pressure no problem there! If the world STOPPED eating baked beans.
Cumulus Congestus! Medically, if the clouds take cough medicine and bronchial solutions regular, that should cure it.
Doppler radar! Don't Panic! It's just an evil version of Radar from the series called M.A.S.H. (still harmless)
Easterly Wave. If the West can, why not the East. Research will be done for the North and South in due course.
Whether this weather report cleared the air or not? Who cares
can the TV weather folk keep a straight face and predict the weather with the same accuracy as an idiot?
I think not!!!!!!!! (Humour
)
