h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Phew - the first sensible piece of advice I've come across. Just had my first date with my spoken-for lover since reading it, it's a whole new mind-set. Drove home singing "I've got the power". Intead of feeling jealous about the new bathroom, new windows, and new wood-burner he's putting in at home, I just felt GOOOOD about it!

And I can choose - this or not this. And the article is spot-on: making him feel great does NOT feel like being a door-mat.

Glad you enjoyed the entry and, yeah, those guilt gifts are a compliment!

Have fun, but do take care that no-one gets hurt. The best advice there is the hardest to follow; it's the advice about finishing it too soon.



Ben

How do I know when it's "too soon" but not "way too soon"? Have been seeing my spoken-for (if not actually married fella for eighteen months; being very careful that no-one gets hurt. I will be hurt if/when it ends - but will hurt a lot more if I end it now; cried for a week just contemplating being without him.

He can't be part of my life, I can't be part of his. Distances are way more than the ideal 50 miles (more like 150) - only see him once every couple of months. Don't like this "end it too soon" rule...

>> How do I know when it's "too soon" but not "way too soon"?

That's the bitch of it - you don't. You're a grown-up woman though and you know that relationships have an arc - it may be a short arc or a long one, but they all change as time passes. (Some last 70 years and end when one person dies, but even a relationship as long as that changes over time).

I don't know about you obviously but I've always known instinctively where on that arc the relationship I'm in has been at the time, but I've not always had the strength to admit it to myself.

>> cried for a week just contemplating being without him.

Ah. Well. Then it's not "too soon" at all. It's "too late" in that you are in so deep you'll hurt badly whenever it ends. What you do with that knowledge is up to you, but it sounds to me as if you are past the time when you can use the "end it too soon" rule to save you hurt and pain.

Good luck, whatever you do and however it works out.

Ben