h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think this is one of the most articulate, intelligent, impartial and well reasoned articles I've read. There are very few people who can take this kind of viewpoint - one of my best friends constantly bashes me over the head with her views on morality whenever the subject arises (no pun intended) of me and my married friend who I occasionally have sex with. The worst thing is when she says 'it has nothing to do with ME what you do', making it perfectly clear that she completely disapproves even more forcefully than actually saying so in plain English. The advice in this article is really good, the thing nobody ever mentions (except me and my married friend) is the lack of emotional involvement and how this is a really good thing if you have issues, for example over an ex who hurt you. I think of my friend as my sex therapist as he is the only person I have had sex with since my boyfriend left me and if I hadn't got it on with him I honestly don't know if I would be as comfortable with the thought of sleeping with somebody else as I am now. I think the main thing to be emphasised however is absolute blunt honesty between you and whoever you are embarking on the affair with (i.e. in my case, the married friend). We talked (as he does with anybody he wants a bit of fun with) about how it is solely a physical act - nothing is ever going to come of it and it is just a bit of fun without the dangers of say, one night stands with total strangers. As we are friends anyway, it also enables us to hold a conversation and have a laugh, although I will only ever love him as a mate - I wouldn't be In Love with him, and neither would he be with me. I think that without this honesty, would-be mistresses (or alternative shags, as I think of myself) can be fooled into thinking something else is going to transpire. The only advice I would addd to this fantastic article is to be totally flat out blunt tactlessly honest about what will happen and why you would embark on sleeping with somebody else's husband.

Thank you very much. It was fun to right and, as you would expect, even more fun to research. I re-read it after seeing your posting.

I understand the sex-therapist thing. My first two lovers after my marriage definitely came into that category. I desperately needed to find out what it was like to be in bed with a different naked body, and to be held by someone new after fifteen years or so. That was actually more important than the physical act of sex. It is a scary moment, especially after such a long time in one relationship. And then I needed to re-try being in a relationship, simply being out a date was scary for a while.

You are so right about setting the ground-rules and the expectations. It can of course all back-fire horribly, but honesty and the ability to not fall in love are the keys. Well, limited honesty, or honesty within the boundaries that you agree.

One thing I have discovered is that my morality has changed, I am much more understanding of human weakness and of infidelity that I used to be. I cannot admire it, even though I do enjoy the benefits of it.

Thanks again for posting - and good luck with your pleasure man.

Ben