Don't be like King George III. He threatened to abdicate when he lost the colonies, then comforted himself with the thought that George Washington would turn into a terrible dictator and the Americans would all want their king back. When Washington resigned his commission after winning the war, well, you could have knocked George III over with a feather.

How much did you know?

1. When was the Declaration of Independence signed?
   Whenever the signers got around to it. It was dangerous, sure, but they ponied up, all through August. The '4 July' date is a bogus piece of printer nonsense. The document was ratified on 2 July – the date John Adams always regarded as the true 'Independence Day'.
2. Which statement is true of North American colonists in the 1770s?
   They had the highest standard of living, and paid the least taxes, in the British Empire. The ingrates.
3. In 1770, there was an incident in Boston in which colonists were fired upon by the military. Who defended the soldiers at their court martial?
   John Adams. No lie. Adams did pretty well: all but two of the soldiers were acquitted. The two who were convicted of manslaughter pled 'benefit of clergy' and escaped execution. They had their thumbs branded, though. (Ouch.)
4. Who had the best spies during the war?
   The Americans. M might not have liked it, but George Washington was a really sneaky fellow. He sent out spies, including Ben Franklin and Nathan Hale (who wasn't so good, he got caught). They used codes and all that stuff. Of course, the British had successful spies, as well – particularly women. It seems American men were backward and chauvinistic, even then. They didn't think mere females understood all that military talk, you see. . .
5. Who did most Americans in the field follow?
   The British. Er, it was a revolution? Not everybody was in agreement? About a third of colonists were neutral. By 1779, Loyalists outnumbered Patriots in the field, at least two to one.
6. What military innovation first occurred during the US War of Independence?
   Submarine attack. It was called the Turtle. (How original.) In New York Harbour, in 1776, it was supposed to attach a barrel of gunpowder to HMS Eagle. It, er, didn't. Back to ye olde drawing board. (Psy Ops? Are you kidding? That's been going on since Biblical times.)
7. Which US general was considered the best, almost succeeding in conquering Canada?
   Benedict Arnold. That was before he felt dissed and changed sides. C'est la guerre.
8. Where was the Battle of Bunker Hill fought?
   Breed's Hill. They got confused, or something. Anyway, it was in Boston.
9. The final battle of the War of Independence was fought at Yorktown. Who had the most troops present?
   The French. They outnumbered their American allies three to one. Which is probably why the British surrendered. Be grateful, US citizens, and stop making jokes about the French. There was a reason why US soldiers in World War I landed in France shouting, 'Lafayette, we are here!' We owed them, big-time.
10. Where was the treaty signed that ended the War of Independence?
    Paris. The British delegation was so annoyed about the whole thing, they refused to sit for their official portrait. So the portrait only has the Americans in it. It was a nice treaty, but only the first Article is in force today – the one that says the British Crown has no claim on the territories of the US. The rest is just old parchment.

If you enjoyed this quiz, tell your friends, and be smug about your high score. If you didn't, print it out on paper or parchment and use it to light your 4 July barbecue.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

02.07.12 Front Page

Back Issue Page