Sometimes it seems that all we do is write – entries, work stuff, papers, emails, tweets and IMs, notes to the janitor. But are we communicating?

Recently, I received a particularly irksome tweet on my private wire. You know, not the ones the cardinals make outside my window, which mean 'Hey, Elektra, where are the noms?', but the electronic messages from Twitter. They pop up in my inbox as pieces of polyaccentuated spam. Fortunately, unlike the usual spam, they don't offer me hot Russian babes or overnight shipments of Canadian Viagra¹. Tweets are useful things, so why was I annoyed by a message from a stranger? Well, my friend, I'll tell you.

Most of the tweets I get are welcome but only mildly informative. Such as, 'So-and-so is now following you.' If they're following the Post, that's cool. We have lots to share. If they're following moi, lord love 'em. I seldom have anything interesting to tell about. I tend not to tweet about the fact that I'm brushing my teeth. 'I just finished another geography lesson, and it's got a cool interactive about UN peacekeepers' doesn't seem too exciting, either. The other kind of tweet, 'So-and-so just retweeted your tweet', is nice, too. Golly, our line has gone out into all the earth, as the scripture sayeth. Those tweets are thoughtful. It's the other communications that point out how incompetent the twittering class can be.

You see, tweeting is mostly about self-advertisement. You're making an assumption – to my mind, largely unwarranted – that the world and his brother are waiting with bated breath to learn your every move. Who are you, Beau Brummel²? These heavy tweeters, by and large, seem to be rather – dare I say it? I dare – self-involved. And it shows in the way they communicate. Or rather, don't. They've only got 140 characters, and they need most of them for their amour propre, you see.

The tweet in question went like this: 'You're losing out by doing things wrong. I can show you how to do it better.' Ahem.

Starting a communication out of the blue with a criticism isn't the most effective way to win an audience. The vague offer of instruction also fails to be inviting.

Another ineffective communication I observed recently was between two coworkers collaborating on a project. (I'm not really an internet voyeur. I'm on a lot of group email lists, and spend all day wondering what the discussion about the other department has to do with me.) One coworker emailed the other, 'My version of this document isn't very good because you sent me the wrong file.' Aha. Beginning by saying 'It's all your fault' is a surefire way to win friends and influence people, don't you think?

To begin with an offensive criticism: these are not good ways to communicate. To continue arrogantly: I'm a content professional. I can show you how to do it better. Observe these rules:

• Before communicating, put yourself in the recipient's place. Ask: what do they want to know? Not: what do I want to tell them?
• Begin positively. Try, 'Hey, I've learned a trick about X. Can I share it with you?' See? The person will be fooled into thinking you care.
• Don't assign blame. In fact, take it upon yourself. Swallow your pride. They'll love you for it. Try, 'I'm sorry, that didn't come out as well as I'd like. Could you help me by sending the other file?'
• Remember to express appreciation. 'Hey, I loved what you did with that. Keep 'em coming!' can make someone else's day. (See above for pretending you care.)

When you communicate, remember that most of these forms of information exchange are public. Don't do or say anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to find out about³. And remember: you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.

Now, to be positive about it all:

Dear Electronic Correspondents:

Yours of the 27th inst gratefully received. Your advice and general all-knowingness is much appreciated by this unworthy relic of the last millennium. Please continue to explain your most astounding insights. It might be good, however, to conceal your contempt for my apparent ignorance. I may have forgotten more than you've learned⁴.

Yours, DG

Visit the h2g2 Post (or send us friendly tweets) @h2g2_Post_Team.

We love Twitter. Really we do⁵.

Dmitri Gheorgheni

05.03.12 Front Page

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