This is the first time that the Knolly Estate has allowed the
great man's memoirs to be published. What follows is the twenty sixth chapter of
'The African Adventure'.

Anyone For Tennis Part 4

Alas, poor Elspeth! She really had no idea what had transpired during the night and I had a deuce of a job trying to think of things to tell her without giving away too many secrets.

She was able to recall arguing with her maid about her headache and telling her to get herself to bed and hidden away, as someone as young as her should not under any circumstances be permitted to observe such horrors. Other than that, she could not — or would not — remember anything until my waking her. While she sipped some water (into which I had slipped some of the elixir provided by the Countess), I asked her about the goings-on in the outbuilding, which I pointed out that I had unfortunately missed.

She acknowledged the use of the gas and the jolly japes that ensued from its inhalation, but had been assured by Dr Jim that Cecil and Colonel Nix both thought that it would improve team spirit and build espirt de corps. I smiled and nodded and then pushed home an observation.

'You are aware, Elspeth, that neither of the three men you have just mentioned took part in those jolly japes. Not much of a team-building exercise, was it, eh?'

At first she looked shocked, which was the reaction I had hoped for, but then she just smiled and said:

'Oh, Knolly, you're just upset because you obviously missed the fun.'

She did not even question me as to how I could have known or suspected that those rogues had not been present. I proceeded to concoct a story of how Bertie and I had gone to look for her, knowing how upset she had seemed after the Brussels sprouts debacle, and that we had found her wandering the corridors after getting ourselves somewhat lost. I hadn't the nerve to tell her the predicament in which Bertie had ended up, but I did allude to the fact that he had a bit of a hangover and suggested that the reason we rode out before breakfast was to clear the brain.

Her face lit up as if she remembered something. I hoped and prayed that she would pour out all of her sad tale of drug-taking, and then I — the perfect gentleman — would take her into my arms and comfort her as the tears rolled down her cheeks. But no.

'So tell me, do, what is the challenge that Bertie has accepted from Cecil? And more importantly, why am I in your room, sir?'

I had been dreading that question, but hurrah for Lady Luck! There came a knock on the door and Bertie peered in.

'Ah, Bertie. Perhaps you would be kind enough to tell Mrs DeVries why she is in my bedroom and not in her own?'

A mischievous grin appeared on Bertie's face.

I'd be delighted to.'

'BE CAREFUL STOP REMEMBER WE FOUND HER WANDERING THE CORRIDOR TOGETHER' I
blinked.

'... and then tell her about the stupid challenge you accepted from Mr Rhodes.'

The grin was quickly wiped of his face.

'Mrs DeVries, Elspeth, I ... um, that is, we — we thought it safer to have you close to us so we could keep an eye on you in your fragile, um... sleepwalking... um... state.'

Bertie looked across to me and I nodded to him to carry on.

'We searched for your maid, but couldn't reach the servants' quarters for fear of being attacked by... um... somewhat intoxicated members of your regiment. So... thought it best that you slept in my bed and we took it in turns to guard your door.'

'BRAVO BERTIE AND NOW THE TENNIS' I blinked quickly, lest he forgot.

Elspeth's mind was waking up to its full potential and we had to head it off before it asked the damning question, namely: 'Who undressed me and put me in bed ?'

... and Mr Rhodes' challenge is written here.'

Bertie proffered the card that he had received only the night before.

'Tennis. Doubles. Best of five sets. Losers leave Africa immediately.'

She read it aloud and then clapped her hands, at which point the bedclothes she had been holding slipped and revealed far too much. I shall say no more.

'What a wonderful idea! And to keep it unbiased I shall supply the umpire. After breakfast we shall see which staff have the day off and you can choose.'

I breathed a sigh of relief that the question and been avoided. Elspeth, suddenly noticing that both Bertie and I were staring at those portions of her good self that her blankets had been hitherto masking, pulled the bedcovers once more to her neck.

'Well, if you gentlemen would remove yourselves, I'd like to get dressed and back to my own room and change into something more appropriate for breakfast. Knolly, perhaps you and Bertie could look for my maid.'

We looked at each other for a moment, trying desperately to get ourselves out of a hole.

'Of course!' we said as one, and hastily removed ourselves to Bertie's room. And then it came: the question.

'Knolly... who undressed me?'

'?!' went Bertie and I as we quickly shut the door behind us.

'Knolly, how much does she know or remember?'

'Nothing at all, I'm sure. And she's made no mention of her cocaine injections, but I did manage to give her the contents of the vial given to us by the Countess. Oh yes, and you are suffering from a hangover, should anyone ask.'

'Ah! On the subject of HER... While you were with 'your Mrs DeVries' (he smiled at my discomfort) I've had a look about and asked what staff were on duty. There is no sign of Magda, or whatever she was known as here.'

'Yes, well, I thought that would be the case. Her work for her real mistress is obviously done. I suggest we write a note. Get that pen and paper out of your portable writing desk and take a letter.'

Bertie rummaged around.

'Do you really think that the Countess has gone this time?'

'Truthfully, Bertie, I just don't know. My advice is to keep taking the tablets. What we need to do is to get touch with Biggfat as soon as we can and find out how he wants us to progress. I'm thinking that this game of tennis may just give us the way out.'

'What? You want us to lose?' thundered Bertie, clearly agitated by the merest hint of a thought of a suggestion that we throw the game.

'Possibly. I'm not sure yet. It will all depend on the umpire anyway. Now! The letter. Ready?

'My pen is poised.'

I began.

' "Dear Mrs Devries, I hope you are well. I'm sorry, but the events of last night have shocked me so much that I have had to run away." There. What about that?'

'Wonderful, Knolly! A six-year-old maid couldn't have put it better! Go and see what's for breakfast, and I'll come up with something a bit more creative. If you see Mrs DeVries before I come down, tell her that her maid has shut herself in her room and is too frightened to come out. It will help with our story, anyway.'

So I left Bertie to his creative writing and went off downstairs. I noticed in passing that the door to my room had been left ajar, so I peeked in. Elspeth had gone, presumably to her own room. As I made my way down the hall and to the main staircase I heard the raised, familiar voices of Rhodes and Jameson. They had returned from their sojourn and seemed to be very unhappy about something.

'Good morning to you both!' I called, with as much bonhomie as I could muster, as I came down the stairs. 'I trust you slept well after such wonderful entertainment put on by our hostess?'

The pair stopped their arguing and looked up at me as I descended. Rhodes spoke first.

'Good morning, Knolly. I hear that you and Mr Harrison-Harrison were out for an early morning ride?'

'See anything unusual?' piped up Jameson. He received a steely glare and an elbow in the ribs from his companion. Rhodes continued.

'Ha ha ha! What Dr Jim means is... did you enjoy the sunrise? Both of us decided to take the air as well, but we just sauntered around the grounds and checked on today's field of play.'

I smiled. 'You both appear very dusty for only having a walk around the grounds?'

'Mrs D's vulture does like a dirt bath dontchaknow, and there is just no way to avoid getting covered,' wheezed Dr Jim.

'Quite,' I said, and looked towards the cage. The bird seemed to be staring at me in a knowing way. 'I'm sure he needed some air after being covered over all night and with all the noise the chaps were making after your show... hmmm?'

Jameson looked at me, doing a passable impression of a vulture.

I knew that they knew that I knew something. To be honest, I wasn't at all sure what I knew. And I was even less sure that I knew what they thought that they knew about what I knew. As it happens, I now know that they knew nowt of my knowing, such as it was. I think.

Rhodes broke the ice. 'I believe that breakfast is about to be served! A hearty meal before our duel, what? Will Mr Harrison-Harrison be joining us, or is he saving himself?'

As if on cue, Bertie arrived at the top of the stairs, chatting to Elspeth.

'Good morning to you all,' trilled Elspeth. 'A lovely morning, marred only by the fact I have lost my maid. Bertie here has found a note that tells me she was so upset by last night's shenanigans that she has left my employ to seek a less lively household. I wish her well and despite warning her, I hold you, Cecil, responsible.'

By now she was as the foot of the stairs and nose to nose with Rhodes.

'Who in heaven's name let the boys in the house in that state, hmmm?' She turned to face Dr Jim. 'At least Colonel Nix had the foresight to get the sober troopers to tidy up. And what's all this about a tennis match? All because of a vegetable!'

Elspeth's dander was certainly up and I wasn't sure if this was post-cocaine withdrawal, the medication I had given her or just natural spleen. Still, it was fun to watch and she continued.

'I'm not at all happy about it, though Bertie assures me it is all about honour. To ensure fair play, I shall provide the umpire and any arbitrating will be down to me. Am I clear, boys?'

She gave as all a hard stare, willing us to come up with an excuse or question, much like our old English teacher. None of us dared break the silence.

'Well, that's settled that, then!' she said brightly. 'Come along! Let's see what Cook has provided. And I trust there will not be a Brussels sprout in sight!'

Fortunately for all, there were no hated vegetables and the conversation was pleasant, albeit a little stilted. It was not helped by the fact that Elspeth insisted that she sit at the head of the table, with Rhodes and Bertie together on one side and Dr Jim and myself on the other. The lady, however, seemed to be enjoying every minute of it and took great delight in having us pass salt, pepper, milk, etc around to each other. She was a masterful politician and I thought how much fun it would have been to have had her at the Congress of Berlin, where she would certainly have been a match for the Kronenburgs.

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