h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am not really very confident, although I am often perceived to be by others. Basically, I fake it. In fact by now i have been faking it for so long I have even begun to believe it myself!

Of course confidence is not the same as self esteem. This is much more difficult to fake, and the further I get from my teens the more I seem to have - I am growing into it as I realise that I am a worthwhile person. This came as a bit of a revelation but seems to be true

One tip: If somebody pays you a compliment, say thank you. Then shut up. Do not argue with them. If somebody says 'You look lovely tonight, or 'Well done for working that out' or 'This is a delicious meal' or whatever they say DO NOT say something along the lines of 'Oh this dress makes me look fat' or 'No, don't be silly, anyone could have done it', 'I put in too much salt' or any other negative statement. Revel in the fact that something was noticed and commented upon.

You might not believe they mean it, but why else would they say it? ACCEPT compliments. In time you will actually believe they are heartfelt.

k

I guess I didn't make the cut, hope my self-confidence can take the knock...

I really meant what I said about learning to accept compliments though.

k

Your distinction between "confidence" and "self-esteem" is spot on.
In my view, you don't build self-esteem only with confidence... although it may help sometimes.
My own definition of "self-esteem" is: the feeling that, whatever will be the results of your tries, whatever other people will think and say about you, either if you're alone or loved by the millions, you own sense of you being worthwhile doesn't change a bit. Many call this to be cynical, egocentric, uninterested, whatever... But I swear you can't possibly take care of anybody else if you are thinking of how he's perceiving you and your self-worthiness is at stake.

I'm a psychologist and psychoterapist, and I know what I'talking about.

Davide a.k.a. twinsouls

Naturally you are intelligent since you are a contributor to h2g2. It is highly illogical to prize confidence above intelligence. The original article suggests "You can read up on the theory for ever, but one day you're gonna have to get on the saddle and start peddling."
If indeed this were the case, one may well imagine the future as that of a community of pikeys, knackers, or whatever you will, ceaselessly trading scrap metal, caravans and horse brasses.
However, an intelligent person would realise that pedalling would more appropriately fit a bicycling metaphor than would peddling. Having done that, he/she would then realise that getting on to the saddle is done when you cease pedalling - for a rest. Proper pedalling is accomplished when standing off the saddle, and exercising.
In short - never listen to any kind of management counsellor, or motivational speaker. All these people are worthless, and their job proves that they cannot hold down a proper one. They are fully B Ark captains. You are better off eating snacks and watching Star Trek (though not DS9), and should simply stop putting yourself down - if you do that - or merely start enjoying the fact that we will all die in some stupidly unmemorable way.
Make the most of it, dafties.
Love
Wino

"Naturally you are intelligent since you are a contributor to h2g2."



"It is highly illogical to prize confidence above intelligence. "
In your opinion. I, personally, would prefer to be less intelligent and more confident than vice versa.

"In short - never listen to any kind of management counsellor, or motivational speaker. All these people are worthless, and their job proves that they cannot hold down a proper one."
Why? What's wrong with being confident and intelligent? And, by the way, no-one's worthless, and I'd prefer if you put the (unwitty) comments somewhere where I can't read them.

"simply stop putting yourself down - if you do that - or merely start enjoying the fact that we will all die in some stupidly unmemorable way."
Is the world /really/ that black and white to you?

Metaki