h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I believe that everyone is born with a degree of confidence and self-esteem. If that were not true, we would never leave the womb, preferring the warmth and security that it offers. As a child grows this confidence needs to be built one. When the child reaches adulthood, they should be confident and bursting with self-esteem. However, self-esteem is one of those things that is very easy to lose and so hard to regain. The wrong word at the wrong time to a growing child can and destroy all self confidence in an instance. Domestic upheavals and similar problems can all have a devastating effect.

So how do you regain that which is lost? The first thing you need is a soul-mate. This can be a spouse, a relative or friend, any sex but probably female. Females tend to be better at this sort of thing. Any age is acceptable, and we are talking about a platonic relationship here, not a sexual one. However, speaking from a male perspective, females can be the most destructive where self esteem is involved, especially twin sisters.

This person needs to be perceptive, compassionate and to be able to recognise the problem without having to be told. A suitable soul-mate will help and guide you without pushing. A characteristic of people lacking in self-confidence is that they have a strong aversion to being pushed into something. There is a very fine line between being pushed and being guided. The right person will have mastered this skill to perfection.

How to help yourself? Pick yourself a task that is within your capabilities but not so easy that it does not require a bit of effort. Take a course of some kind or go and climb a mountain - not Everest to begin with, something small. When you have done that, climb another mountain a little bit harder than the last one. There is nothing like success, no matter how small, to breed self-confidence. With the help and encouragement of your soul-mate, you will, one day, suddenly realise that you are smarter than you think you are and there is nothing beyond you capability if you put your mind to it.

I use the mountain climbing analogy with good reason. Climbing out of the despair of low self-esteem is just like climbing a mountain. As you reach the crest of one hill, there is another in front of you, but each successive crest is a little bit higher than the last. Suddenly without warning, you will find yourself on the summit.

Stuart