Eurovision Song Contest
Created | Updated Apr 3, 2002
(note to the editors ; 'be gentle')
Sorry, it was bound to happen eventually. (This being an all-encompassing guide, it will inevitably touch on the seamier side of Earth life). That said there is much to recommend this fine festival.
Now, hold on a minute there. Just before you start to sneer and scoff, there are a few important things to know about this parade of potential pop prats.
First, in order to fully appreciate Eurovision, it's vital not to take the thing too seriously - the contest itself rarely ever does ! Those who enjoy the experience do so precisely because it's comical, faintly farcical, a bit naff. It fair rejoices in a grand delusion that the competition actually unites many peoples of diverse cultures, when in fact it serves to highlight just how dis-united everyone is. (Witness the curious partisan voting ritual).
And yes, sometimes the songs are a bit dire, the costumes mental. Isn't that the appeal?
And Eurovision does appeal. Last time around it was broadcast to almost 100 million folks in 30 countries !
It is the temple of tackiness and high camp, a conclave of kitsch. Of course, it wasn't always so, which rather makes you wonder what laws of evolution are driving this baby ...
The contest began way back in 1956 (which surprised those of us who thought it a relatively recent phenomenon), and was introduced by a bloody Frenchman to promote European unity post-Second World War. In fact, not SINCE the World Wars have countries been more evidently aligned as demonstarted by the blatant voting bias. You know the sort of thing ; Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Denmark (anywhere cold that knows its way around smorgasbord) will typically all vote for each other. Similarly, we could expect Greece to vote for Cyprus, Malta, FYR Macedonia, and so on. (By the time I write this, of couse, borders and voting allegiances might well have changed again).
Some poor sods might not get voted for at all. And here's another popular Eurovision myth ; Norway, bless them, seem to have become synonymous with 'nul points'. Mention Eurovision in a pub (a nice one with flock wallpaper and no pool cues, unless you're feeling daring), and someone is sure to cry "Neel pwan", and they'd be thinking about Norway. Only a dozen countries ever actually scored nuttin' at all, although poor Norvege racked up four of them.
Another of those cosy, familiar things about Eurovision is the completely reliable way it produces, year after year, bizzare band names, song titles and lyrics. We've had 'Pump Pump' and 'Boom Boom', 'Sing Sang Song' and 'Ding Dinge Dong', 'Diggi-Loo, Diggi-Ley' and 'La La La'. In 1982 alone, 12 out of 18 acts went bonkers mad with their monikers ; Neco, Kojo, Aska and Chips, to name but four. (sounds like an order in a Lebanese cafe).
And if many of these turns have suffered the inevitable fate of post Eurovision obscurity, it is timely to mention a few who done good, despite a spot of song contest 'previous'.
Olivia Newton John sang for Britain, as did Lulu, and our Cliff. Dana was so taken with the whole Euro thing that she's now standing for political office in Brussles. There was, some time ago, a bloke called Julio Iglesias (wonder what happened to him), and a Canadian bird who sang in French for Switzerland ; Celine Dione, golly ! More recently, an interval act in Ireland called itself 'Riverdance' and did strange things with lots of legs. And of course, ABBA. Perhaps the most famous Eurovision winners, with the most familiar winning song (it was 'Waterloo', you philistine!), and perhaps the act that best exemplifies the enigma that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
Even if you hate it, you'll love it.
++++UPDATE++++
On the twenty fifth anniversary of ABBAs win, it seems that Eurovision's 'going home' - Sweden win with a very ABBAesque disco number. Coincidence or what ?!!!
Sorry, it was bound to happen eventually. (This being an all-encompassing guide, it will inevitably touch on the seamier side of Earth life). That said there is much to recommend this fine festival.
Now, hold on a minute there. Just before you start to sneer and scoff, there are a few important things to know about this parade of potential pop prats.
First, in order to fully appreciate Eurovision, it's vital not to take the thing too seriously - the contest itself rarely ever does ! Those who enjoy the experience do so precisely because it's comical, faintly farcical, a bit naff. It fair rejoices in a grand delusion that the competition actually unites many peoples of diverse cultures, when in fact it serves to highlight just how dis-united everyone is. (Witness the curious partisan voting ritual).
And yes, sometimes the songs are a bit dire, the costumes mental. Isn't that the appeal?
And Eurovision does appeal. Last time around it was broadcast to almost 100 million folks in 30 countries !
It is the temple of tackiness and high camp, a conclave of kitsch. Of course, it wasn't always so, which rather makes you wonder what laws of evolution are driving this baby ...
The contest began way back in 1956 (which surprised those of us who thought it a relatively recent phenomenon), and was introduced by a bloody Frenchman to promote European unity post-Second World War. In fact, not SINCE the World Wars have countries been more evidently aligned as demonstarted by the blatant voting bias. You know the sort of thing ; Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Denmark (anywhere cold that knows its way around smorgasbord) will typically all vote for each other. Similarly, we could expect Greece to vote for Cyprus, Malta, FYR Macedonia, and so on. (By the time I write this, of couse, borders and voting allegiances might well have changed again).
Some poor sods might not get voted for at all. And here's another popular Eurovision myth ; Norway, bless them, seem to have become synonymous with 'nul points'. Mention Eurovision in a pub (a nice one with flock wallpaper and no pool cues, unless you're feeling daring), and someone is sure to cry "Neel pwan", and they'd be thinking about Norway. Only a dozen countries ever actually scored nuttin' at all, although poor Norvege racked up four of them.
Another of those cosy, familiar things about Eurovision is the completely reliable way it produces, year after year, bizzare band names, song titles and lyrics. We've had 'Pump Pump' and 'Boom Boom', 'Sing Sang Song' and 'Ding Dinge Dong', 'Diggi-Loo, Diggi-Ley' and 'La La La'. In 1982 alone, 12 out of 18 acts went bonkers mad with their monikers ; Neco, Kojo, Aska and Chips, to name but four. (sounds like an order in a Lebanese cafe).
And if many of these turns have suffered the inevitable fate of post Eurovision obscurity, it is timely to mention a few who done good, despite a spot of song contest 'previous'.
Olivia Newton John sang for Britain, as did Lulu, and our Cliff. Dana was so taken with the whole Euro thing that she's now standing for political office in Brussles. There was, some time ago, a bloke called Julio Iglesias (wonder what happened to him), and a Canadian bird who sang in French for Switzerland ; Celine Dione, golly ! More recently, an interval act in Ireland called itself 'Riverdance' and did strange things with lots of legs. And of course, ABBA. Perhaps the most famous Eurovision winners, with the most familiar winning song (it was 'Waterloo', you philistine!), and perhaps the act that best exemplifies the enigma that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
Even if you hate it, you'll love it.
++++UPDATE++++
On the twenty fifth anniversary of ABBAs win, it seems that Eurovision's 'going home' - Sweden win with a very ABBAesque disco number. Coincidence or what ?!!!
